A/N Things get a little dark. Trigger for self-harm.
It had been 6 months. That's half a year. Half a year.
Half a year of feeling like she couldn't breathe, half a year of feeling like she had lost a part of herself, because she had. He was gone, he had been gone. It never got easier, the not knowing. Why?God, that word would never go away. Why? It's what she thought about when she woke up in the morning, when she was driving in the car, when she was showering, right before she went to sleep. If she could sleep at all that is, easier said than done. She knew why he had left, everyone knew that of course. He was wanted, just like his brother. Of course she knew why he had split town without a trace. She just couldn't understand why he would do that, do this to her. He had a choice, and he left her. He left her the second he walked out that door that night. Months of what felt like physical torture, a cold blackness inside her eating her up. She put on a brave face though, got up every day and went to work and smiled and said she was doing great when people asked, because lying was easier than explaining how she was constantly on the verge of falling to pieces. Put the cold blackness on the back shelf until she was alone and would let it continue to eat way at her then. She was managing, barely, but she was.
Until her mom and brother died. After that the cold blackness swallowed her up and completely consumed everything she once was. She didn't feel like Beth anymore, she was just a shell of the person. That was the day she picked up the shard of broken glass from her bathroom mirror and dug deep into the flesh of her left wrist. Cold blackness. It felt nice; she didn't remember much after that. She wasn't dead though, she woke up alive and in a bright lit room with the sound of monitors beeping and shoes shuffling. And crying, loud crying. That was when she realized she was glad she hadn't died, that she had made a mistake. Maggie had bout lost it herself, she was a wreck for months after that, always watching her making sure she wasn't going to try anything again. No matter how many times Beth explained to her that she knew it was a mistake and that she wouldn't leave her. That she wanted to live, that she had to believe there was more for her left. But she would forever be treated as the girl who tried to end her life, who couldn't be strong enough to push through. Always being treating like a china doll, she knew she would spend the rest of her life trying to prove that she was strong enough. That she could make it. Not that saying that, made it any easier. Her mom and brother were still dead, and he was still gone…
XXXXX
He was a fucking idiot. He told himself that every morning when he woke up. He was a worthless fucking idiot. Most of his mornings were a drunken hazy blur, okay most of them… That only lasted so long though, and then he was sober again and had too much to think about and would want to forget all over again. He had actually cried himself to sleep the first week after. Alone of course and all out of anger for himself, but didn't deserve to even fucking cry, he didn't even deserve to think about her anymore.
Everything that could've possibly gone wrong that night had. Daryl should've never trusted Merle, and he knew he shouldn't have from the beginning. That's what made everything worse, he fucking knew better. The money had already been moved and there were guys waiting for Merle, someone had tipped them off. Daryl told him it was his so called 'buddies' he had been working for in the first place, probably wanted retaliation for losing the cash in the first place, they probably knew they weren't gonna get the cash back in the anyway. There were shots fired… and blood. Daryl knew he hadn't killed anyone; he had shot some guy in the leg trying to get out but he didn't know if he could say the same for Merle. They were both wanted though, nationwide. That one decision and he managed to fuck up everything.
They weren't that far from home though. Some city in Alabama, Merle claimed the closer they were the harder they'd be to find. A crime like that and they figure, you'll flee as far as possible. It made sense.
A second didn't go by that he didn't think about her though. Daryl had never realized how much he actually loved her until he couldn't have her anymore, but guess that's how it works. He was depressed for months. Merle would tell him that she was better off without him that look what he had done to her. He had disappointed her just like he should've known he was going to do. She was better off for it. That's what Daryl kept trying to tell himself too, he always had told her that. She deserved someone more worthy and he had been fucking right. But the thought of her alone after it, the embarrassment and betrayal she had to have been feeling. He promised her that he would never leave her. God does he remember that night well, because it had been their first kiss. He would've punched himself for being so god damned sentimental a couple of months ago, but now it's all he ever thought about. Was her, and how she'd never be his again.
Daryl hoped where ever she was now; she was doing far better than him. God knows he deserves how he's felt for the past year. He wanted her to be happy though and he knows she loved him and that he probably wrecked her. It's not because he arrogant, but she told him so. She showed him, every second they had ever been together. She was in love with him; he just wished he would've realized that he was in love with her before he blew everything to shit. He was, he would always be in love with Beth Greene. That was something he'd get to live with for the rest of his life.
A/N Okay a brief glance into life after the incident. Its short but I don't want to go into a super long dragged out version of it. The next chapter there will have been a significant time jump and some other things… Hope you guys are ready… please review even though it's not much.