Daryl had curled into himself after she had run off; every time someone tried speaking to him he just shrugged them off. He was still trying to wrap his brain around what was happening. First the world ends because the dead are rising and eating people and then he strolls into a camp and finds his first love that he abandoned over ten years ago. It really did feel like he was dreaming.
That was such a long time yet she looked almost the exact same as she did when she was a teenager. She hadn't aged at all really; he knew he couldn't say the same for himself. Years of smoking and drinking could do that to you. When she had ran off it had hurt like a slap to the face, but he supposed he deserved that. Of course she wasn't going to come running into his arms; she'd probably stay as far away as possible. She most likely hated his guts and he didn't blame her. Daryl knew he didn't deserve the privilege to speak to her or even look at her but god did he just want to hear her voice. The thought made him want to cry.
Everyone was confused by what was going on, but Dale had actually hugged him. He looked like he was conflicted and held a certain pain to his eyes but none the less hugged him, telling Daryl he was glad he was okay. Maggie had been a different story… Glenn had to actually drag her away because she was yelling so loud. She had screamed at him to leave and not even look in Beth's direction and threw in a few profanities as well. It's not like he could blame her, he totally deserved all of it. He wanted to wander off into the woods; they had always been his calm place but since Beth had ran off that way he didn't want to run into her. She deserved her space, though no one seemed to be concerned with the fact that she had ran off unarmed and alone in not a very stable state, which was totally his fault again.
He saw her arrive later that evening and she was mess. It was obvious she had been crying and her hair was disheveled and she had mud on her jeans. Then he hated himself even more because he was the one who had caused it. He didn't dare and try to go near her as she made her way to the tent, especially with Maggie's killer eyes on him. If looks could kill he'd definitely be dead five times by now. Daryl didn't sleep much that night or at all really.
Beth awoke feeling like she had ran ten miles and then been hit by a train. Her whole body hurt. It was already sweltering out and felt like afternoon, she hadn't meant to sleep in late, but obviously needed it. She got dressed slowly really not wanting to vacate her tent, but deep down she knew hiding would help nothing. Beth had just finished pulling on her boots when Maggie unzipped the tent.
"Oh, you're up? I was just coming to check and make sure you were still alive." Maggie came in and sat down on the cot next to her. Beth tried to give her a small smile but she didn't know how convincing it was.
"Are you hungry I can go-"
"Maggie I'm not hungry." Beth said curtly. It's not that she meant to snap at her sister, but food wasn't going to fix this. Not this time.
"Okay." Maggie pursed her lips and nodded.
"Look Beth I don't really know what to say…I mean I don't know how to help." Maggie had a sad look in her eyes that Beth hated it, it was almost the same scared and sad look she had after Beth had cut her wrist.
"Mags I'm fine. I mean I'm not but there's really nothing you can do to help me. I should just talk to him."
"What! No! Beth he needs to leave, what he did to you-"Maggie was franticly shaking her head.
"Maggie what are the chances that he'd show up here? I have to at least talk to him. I mean maybe talking to him will be a mistake but Maggie…" Beth trailed off. Beth was still unsure herself, she couldn't even trust herself to say his name yet.
"Beth I want to kill him for what he did to you. How can you even think about having a conversation with him? How aren't you furious!?"
"Maggie you don't get it. Of course I'm furious and I want to scream at him until my voice gives out, but it's so much more complicated than that!" Beth was trying to keep her emotions at bay; she didn't want to cry again.
"I already told him to stay away from you."
"Maggie I can't just ignore this. I am angry at him and trust me he knows I am. He knows what leaving did to me, even if he hadn't been there to witness it. He knows how much he meant-He knows. But Maggie…He's right outside. After ten years of not knowing and thinking I would never see him again and he's right outside somewhere. I deserve answers." Beth ground out the last part.
"I know…" Maggie actually had tears falling from her eyes. She had every right to be just as upset about his arrival as well. He had wrecked Beth, leaving Maggie to help put her back together.
Beth took a shaky breath and hugged her sister tightly before standing. She had to be strong. Beth Greene knew how to be strong. She could do this. At least that's what she kept telling herself as she left the confinements of the tent. A few people looked her way and smiled but no one stared and she was thankful for that. It was now or never.
Daryl saw her approaching he was pretty sure his heart was gonna give out at any minute. She looked nervous and he was too. She stood a good distance from him and just stared for a minute seemingly forgetting how to speak. Eventually building up the courage she spoke.
"Can we talk?" Beth fidgeted with her hands. She tried to sound confident but it came out quiet and timid.
Daryl cleared his throat awkwardly and sheathed the knife he was sharpening and nodded. Her voice was exactly the same and it made his chest feel tight. Beth turned and started to walk towards the quarry away from people, so Daryl grabbed his crossbow just in case and followed slowly behind her. Once they were a decent distance from camp she turned to face him but still not looking at him yet, she crossed her arms over herself.
"I really have no idea what to say right now." Beth shook her head as she looked to the ground.
"I got about a million things that I could say but I don't know if ya wanna hear any of em'…" Daryl finally spoke and Beth whipped her head up with a visible shudder. She couldn't help the small gasp that left her but came out more as a cry. She threw herself at him wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and couldn't help the silent tears that fell.
"You're here…" Beth couldn't tell if she was asking or just stating it. Was she dreaming? It still didn't feel like it could be real? He was here and alive. That was a miracle of some sort right? The world had ended and he was just here. Daryl grasped her tightly against himself. There was no hesitation.
"I'm here…" Daryl sounded shocked even at his own statement.
Suddenly Beth was releasing him and gave him a hard shove to the chest causing him to stumble back at the unexpected force. Daryl could see the anger in her eyes, he expected that too. He absolutely expected the anger that didn't even surprise him.
"I hate you." Beth ground out through gritted teeth. She shoved him again even harder and he just took it.
"I hate you!" Beth spoke louder her voice filled with rage with hot tears still streaming down her cheeks.
"I know…Ya should. Ya got every right to." Daryl quietly replied, but Beth only hiccupped at that and her cries increased.
"How could you? How- I can't –How could you even do that to me?! To us!" Beth's let out another broken cry.
"You just threw everything away! For your stupid brother! You just disappeared! Where have you been this whole time? While I was back home being whispered about and stared at by everyone and crying myself to sleep at night? Or is that what you wanted? I was in love with you and you got scared and saw a way out…" Beth was hysterical now; some of the stuff she was saying was true and some of it she didn't know where it was coming from. So many emotions were resurfacing and all the stuff she had shoved way down inside of herself was making an appearance again. She was having a hard time reeling it all in.
"Is that what you think Beth? I did love you. Fuck Beth I loved you so much, I was just too stupid to say it. Everything that could have gone wrong that night did, I never wanted to leave you. I was right about you needing someone more worthy Beth. You shouldn't have had to go through that, you deserved someone better."
"But I didn't want anyone else, I wanted you!" Beth almost screamed it, and she realized she needed to take it down a notch before she got them killed.
"Well look how that turned out for ya…" Daryl growled while throwing his hands in the air.
"Fuck you. You were my life! It had got to the point that after you left I didn't even know how to function. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, couldn't do anything. You ruined me! I didn't even get a goodbye like most people do! You were just- just gone…" Beth was almost mumbling now. She felt like she was shutting down.
Daryl's chest ached. He knew what he did was going to affect Beth, but now that she was actually laying it all out for him he almost couldn't handle it. Was he gonna cry? Fuck, he was crying. This isn't how he wanted this to go, but then again he didn't think this would ever happen.
"I didn't ever wanna put ya through that Beth. I know I made a stupid decision. I was an idiot to think the night I walked out that door everything would be okay. I had some stupid faith in my brother, like maybe for once I wouldn't get screwed over. I did what I did, but hurting you was never intentional. I know I fucked you up and I can never take that back… I would do anything for you, anything to take it back. Beth ya gotta believe that…"
"Did you know my mom and brother are dead?" Beth's voice cracked and at this point there was absolutely no control over anything she was saying. She was still furious and even though she knew it was wrong, she wanted him to hurt right now. She might regret it that later but her anger was too clouding to change her mind right now. He gave her an almost horrified expression.
"Yeah they died a few months after you left, in a car accident. I almost lost everything I ever loved in a half of a year. I wanted to die!"
Daryl was stunned at that. He didn't know what to say. He was crying along with her now. He didn't know what to do besides look at her sadly. Beth was trembling at this point.
"Do you see what you do to me? See what you've done to me Daryl?" Beth sobbed finally sinking down to the ground against the large rocks by the shore they were standing next to. She didn't even know how to function anymore. She felt crazy. Daryl's return had brought up so much buried emotion she just couldn't handle it. Her whole body was wracking with sobs as she closed her eyes letting her head fall back against the rock.
Daryl hesitantly made his way over to her and when she didn't protest he sunk down next to and enveloped her in his arms. She willingly let him hold her as she continued to shake with her cries. She was mumbling that she hated him and she was sorry. She couldn't even make sense anymore and Daryl heart continued to break all over again, because he had done this to her.
"I'm so sorry about yer brother and mom, Beth. M'so sorry…" Daryl whispered into her hair as he rocked her.
"I didn't know, I didn't know." Daryl just kept repeating it.
It felt like they were there for hours and eventually Beth cried herself to sleep, but even after she had Daryl sat there for a long while crying too. He knew he should get her back to camp, but even though he didn't deserve it he sat there and relished in holding her sleeping form. Smelling her hair that made him cry even harder, looking at her pale skin that was now red and blotchy from being so upset. It was almost dark now, but he continued to sit there never moving a muscle. He just sat letting his self-hatred eat him up. It almost felt as good as the weight of her in his arms. Daryl could never fix her, or himself. But maybe for just this second he could hold her one last time, a last time he never thought he'd get the chance to have again.
A/N So there's all that. I had a hard time writing this, but I imagine if it was me I would feel this way. I would most likely being having a breakdown as well. Even though it was all fighting and heavy I hope you'll still review.