Damon's gaze is deliberate as it meets his, icy blue eyes willing him to remember himself—a side of him he believes died when he lost her. Stefan' jaw clenches as he stares down his older brother, unwaveringly defiant against all that Damon's elixir suggestion is implying.

Damon swallows, and Stefan gives his shoulder a firm squeeze.

He blinks away the image of her ashen corpse in the corner of the Coven and trains his eyes on his brother, adamant that Damon understands what Stefan can't bring himself to say.

She's dead, and she may not be coming back.

He nods, and Stefan allows the corner of his lip to slightly pull upwards, believing he's learned his lesson—killing Enzo won't solve anything

"Yes, brother."

Stefan pats his shoulder and exits the study.

He makes sure that Damon or Caroline is not coming after him before making his way to pack, the travelers are hot on their heels. He retrieves his sketchbook from his dresser and thumbs through the pages until he reaches what he's aching to see.

Her.

Even now, decadesafter their romance ended, he can still remember every curve of her face, every contour of her body, how she smelled, the way her fingers skimmed so easily across his skin in a way that never failed to make him smile.

He runs his fingers over the drawing, allowing himself to reminisce on memories that he'd kept buried underneath the deepest crevices of his mind with the intent to never revisit.

Now he understands that just because Caroline has the same olive skin and the same sultry smile as Ju—as she did, it won't do anything for him. It won't bring her back, it won't make him feel again. No, that was a privilege that only shecould claim.

He doesn't think twice before crumbling up the paper and tossing it into the fireplace. He watches the flames lick at the paper, disintegrating the portrait of a woman who defined who he was as a man, a woman he made sure didn't define who he was as a monster.

Stefan pulls at his hair; it's not like the flames will burn away the memory of her, or her kisses, or her touch, or her love—pure, genuine, untainted, just like his was towards her.

He closes his eyes tightly before he does something moronic like cry.

"What is gonna make you happy, Stef?" She would always say

"We both know everything will be fine. In the end it always is."

But everything is not fine, and it will never be fine again. he thought

His heart, not wanting to face the harsh reality of the situation, is still clinging on to a tiny ray of hope. That she'll walk through the door one day. With the same gorgeous smile and deep brown eyes. Her voice, taunting him, teasing, yet loving at the same time.

He walks to his closet and pulls out hidden suit case pulls out various items.

It was little things like this he did that were inconspicuous and helped him to mourn her privately. He couldn't tell anyone that he special ordered 100 boxes of a her perfume that was sold in the 50s and 60s then sprayed it every morning on his left hand so now whenever he lifted his hand to rub his forehead he would smell her perfume. lavander. He couldn't tell anyone that he woke up in the morning feeling so lost because he went to bed without hearing her voice or touching her skin or holding her in his arms even one time.

She had saved him so many times and she didn't even know it. And He saved her so many times he didn't know it either

"I'm not a hero, Jules," Stefan said holding Juliet's hand, his thumb circling her palm, tracing hearts.

"But you save people's lives. You've saved mine a couple of times," She said.

"Well, a couple of those times, And if I am one It's only because people expect it of me." He counters.

"Well, I disagree. is it so hard for you to admit that you're good? That you're a hero?" She trys to convince him.

"Well that's because when you do something good, people expect it of you. I hate it. everyday. And you know I'm not cut out to be a hero because I don't wanna be one. I like doing things on my own... terms. No expectations, no disappointments."

"Wow… a hero with his own terms," She says "Well I think that those are the best kind."

end of chapter