Twelve Days Before Christmas
Pairing: Paul/Bella
Rating: M
Genre: Humor
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Written for Tricky Raven's Twelve Days of Christmas contest.
Twelve days before Christmas, my mother gave to me . . . a headache.
"So Phil and I will be there on the 20th. Can you pick us up from Sea-Tac? Our flight gets in at 3pm," Renee said.
Bella gritted her teeth. "Why can't you fly into Port Angeles? I can get off of work to come get you."
"And get on a smaller plane? You know how I feel about that, Bella."
"Then I'll have to send Paul and Quil to pick you up."
"Bella, I don't know these people. I want you to pick me up."
"Mom, Emily and I have a party that night. I can't leave her to cook for over 100 people and set up. If you guys fly into Port Angeles, I can come get you, then be able to drop you off the hotel and be back to finish setting up."
"Oh. Didn't I tell you? We're staying with you and Charlie."
She was speechless. "On the air mattress in the living room? That won't be enough room with the tree and gifts."
"No, in your room, silly. You can sleep on the sofa."
Bella began to bang her head against the cabinet. "Have you talked to Dad about that?"
"I figured you could. Now, about picking us up."
"Right now, Paul and Quil are the only ones available."
Renee sniffed. "I guess we'll rent a car then."
"Mom, I need to get back to work. Love you. See you next week."
"You're gonna give yourself a headache," Emily advised.
"Too late. Hurricane Renee already did."
"Surely it's not that bad."
Bella leveled her with a look. "I'm supposed to pick them up from Sea-Tac at 3pm on the 20th. Not Paul and Quil, me."
"That's the day of PACC's Christmas party."
"Yeah. And they're staying with me and Charlie."
"Does she know that Sue moved in?"
"She would have if she asked Dad. That honor goes to me, who has been kicked out of my room and relegated to the couch."
"Ouch."
"Yeah. So I'll be stuck in the house with my barely civil parents, a step-dad and my dad's live-in girlfriend, who is his best friend's widow and can't stand my mom." She sighed. "Is it wrong to wish the holiday season was already over?"
Eleven days before Christmas, my "older brother" gave to me . . . a fall through the ceiling. And a broken bed.
"Thanks for doing this, Sam," Bella said. "Charlie's on nights this week and Sue's been after him to the decorations down."
"No problem." He gave her a side-ways hug.
"Hands off my girl, Uley." Sam was pushed aside and two arms wrapped around her from behind. "Hey, babe."
She tilted her head back to find her boyfriend smiling down at her. "Hey." She puckered up for a kiss. "You gonna help Sam?"
"You sure as hell ain't carrying anything down those stairs. You'll be in the ER with a broken leg."
"Ha ha. Get your ass up there, Lahote."
"Yes, ma'am." He pulled her closer. "I love it when you get bossy." He tapped her ass on the way up the stairs.
Bella set to cleaning the bathroom. She was scrubbing the bathtub when the ceiling shook, followed by a crash in her room. Standing quickly, she caught herself before she fell back into the tub. After banging her shoulder on the door jam, she stared into her room, her mouth hanging open.
Sam was sprawled on her bed, which was on the floor, surrounded by plaster. She looked up to see a Sam-sized hole in the ceiling, Paul peeking down at them.
"Are you okay, babe?" Paul asked her.
She nodded. "Sam?" He just held up a finger.
"You landed on a bed. How the hell can be out of breath?" The finger switched to a salute. "Not my type, Uley. Get your ass back up here. There's at least 10 boxes to bring down."
"What are we going to do about my bed?" she asked.
"I'll make some calls, Bells," Sam answered, dusting out his hair. "You'll have a bed by tonight." He kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry, little sister."
Ten days before Christmas, my father gave to me . . . Christmas lights, and a sprained wrist.
Banging on the roof caused Bella to sit straight up in bed. She glared up through the still hole-y ceiling as if she could incinerate the person with her mind. When the banging continued, she grumbled as she kicked off the covers and stood up. With one step, she was on the floor with the covers around her feet.
She stomped down the stairs and out the door. When she reached the road, she looked up to find her father and Seth on the roof.
"Dad, what the hell?" she yelled.
"Morning, Bells." His smiled fell when he noticed what she wasn't wearing. "Where's your jacket and shoes?"
"What are you doing at 7am on a Monday morning?"
"Hanging Christmas lights. Seth's helping."
"Don't you have school?" She turned to the young wolf.
"Council business." He waggled his eyebrows.
She sighed. "Guess I'll get dressed since I was rudely woken up."
"Careful about the ice, Bells," Charlie called out just as her foot hit a patch of it. Her feet went up as her body went back and down. Her hands went to catch her fall.
"Bella!" Charlie yelled.
"Bells, you okay? Shit! Paul's gonna fucking kill me," Seth muttered as he picked her up.
"Did you just jump off the roof?" she queried.
"Yeah. Let's get you in to see Mom."
Sue choked on her coffee when she saw her son carrying Bella into the kitchen. "What happened?"
"Bella slipped on the ice," Seth said the same time Bella replied, "Seth jumped off the roof."
"Let me see your wrist. I can see you hiding it." With a sigh, Bella surrendered her hand. She winced at the poking and prodding. "I think it's just sprained. Come by and see Dr. Gerandy when you get dressed. And you," Sue rounded on Seth, "jumping off the roof where people can see."
Charlie barreled into the kitchen. "What's the diagnosis?"
Nine days before Christmas, I got tangled in the stupid garland.
Bella glared at her boyfriend and friends. "It's not funny," she growled.
"Actually, Bells, it is," Embry snickered.
"How the hell did you manage to get tangled in the garland?" Leah asked.
"I was trying to untangle it. It turned into a creeping vine and I ended up like this." She wiggled around then huffed. "Can someone please get me out of this?"
"Hold on, babe," Paul said as he knelt next to her. He started pulling, but the garland held. "Hey, Emb. Get me some scissors."
Eight days before Christmas, my uncle gave me spiked eggnog.
"Here you go, sweetheart," Old Quil said as he handed Bella a cup.
She took a sniff. "What is it?"
"Eggnog. You drink it, not sniff it."
A few hours later, Bella stumbled her way to Paul. He winced at her breath. "What've you been drinking?"
"Unca Quil been givin' me eggnog."
"Babe, he put his moonshine in it. How many've you had?"
She shrugged. "M'be five. Or was it six?"
Seven days before Christmas, the hangover from Hell came a-visiting.
"Morning, babe!" Bella's hand reached out from the cover and felt around. When she found his cheek, she smacked it. "Fuck! What the hell, Bella?"
"Shh," came her muffled reply. "No talking."
"I fixed you bacon and sausages, fried eggs and pancakes."
She lurched to the side of the bed and fell out of it. Stumbling, she made her way to the bathroom sink in time to empty her stomach. She cracked an eye open to see him standing in the bathroom doorway. "You're an ass."
Six days before Christmas, three bitching wolves, I mean wise men, were fitted for costumes.
"Why are we wearing dresses again?" Brady whined.
"It's not a dress," Angela said, slapping at his leg. "It's a robe. The three of you are the Wise Men."
"Bitching Wolves, you mean," Leah said as she pinned the hem of Collin's robe. He growled at her. She narrowed her eyes and growled right back. "Keep it up, mutt, and you'll be neutered before you get laid."
"His cherry got popped on Halloween," Seth said.
"By who?" Bella said in shock.
"Layla Mallory," Brady replied. Bella and Angela shared a look before letting the laughter out. "What's so funny?"
"Sh-she's playing the V-virgin M-Mary," Angela cackled.
"That girl hasn't been a virgin since Bella moved here," Embry said.
"How do you know that?" Bella asked, still giggling.
"Who do you think popped her cherry?" He waggled his eyebrows.
"She does take after her sister," Jake said.
Leah groaned. "How many of you idiots took a turn on Forks' bicycles?" Jake, Embry, Quil, Seth, Collin and Brady raised their hands. She quirked an eyebrow at Sam, Jared and Paul.
"Rachel Black," Paul smirked.
"Same here," Jared said.
"Sam?" Emily asked.
"Rebecca Black." He winced at Leah's glare. "It was a year before we began dating."
Five days before Christmas, my boyfriend caught me under the mistletoe. Mmmm.
Bella was exiting the hallway at Paul's when he caged her in his arms. His head dipped to hers. "Look up," he said against her lips. Mistletoe hung from the entrance.
"I guess I have to give into tradition." She pressed her lips against his. His tongue begged for entrance to deepen the kiss. Her lips parted for him. Soon they both caught fire.
"Oh fuck, Belle," he groaned. He pushed her yoga pants down as far as he could without detaching his mouth from hers. He stepped on the crotch and lifted her at the same time. Her legs wrapped around his waist.
"Now," she said. He pushed his shorts low enough to free his erection. With one thrust, he was seated to the hilt. They both moaned at the sensations.
Paul began to raise and lower Bella on his cock. "Lean back a little," he told her. "Yeah, right there."
"Ohmygod. Paul, oh God." He increased his pace, pistoning his hips up to meet hers. Moans, groans and the slapping of flesh echoed through the house.
"Now, babe. Cum on my cock." He leaned down to lightly bite her nipple. She shrieked when her orgasm hit her. He grunted as her pussy clamped down on him. His knees hit the floor, his own orgasm locking up his muscles.
"Damn," Jared said, impressed. "Think you can do that, Marks?" He threw a bottle cap at Leah's imprint.
"Dude," Austin looked over at the wolf, "my girl can bench press me. What makes you think I can hold her up like that? No, against the wall is fine for us."
"And all I could do was hang on for the ride," they heard Bella say. Soon six faces appeared in the window.
"Time to go," the girls said at the same time.
Four days before Christmas, my friends proved they were perverts with "naughty Santa".
"Okay," Emily began. "As we told you at Thanksgiving, whoever got a couples' name bought them a gift that they both could enjoy." She cut a look at Quil. "Who goes first?"
Leah smirked. "The Alpha pair of course." She pulled a present out from under the tree. "It's from me and Austin."
Sam wore a wary look on his face. He opened it to reveal several candles. "'Massage candles'," he read. "Chocolate dipped strawberries, silent night, love spell and sex on the beach."
"Thanks, you guys," Emily said as she reached for her and Sam's gift. "Here you go, Collin."
The teenager tore into the package. "Twenty-four count of Christmas condoms."
"Yeah, after what I heard the other day, I figured that you needed it," Sam explained. "Your mom's scary when she's mad, and I don't want her to come after me if you have an 'oops' nine months later."
"Thanks, man. Alright. To my favorite cousin and his imprint." He tossed a gift to Jake and Star.
Star eagerly tore into the paper. She squealed then held up the box. "Sex position of the day playing cards! Thank you so much, Collin!" She got up to hug the boy. "It will come in handy." She waggled her eyebrows at her wolf.
Jake just laughed and pulled a package out and handed it to Quil. "Here you go, man."
Quil ripped it open to find a vibrating cock ring. "Alright. Hey, babe," he turned to show Angela, "we got another one."
"Another one?" Kim asked.
"Yeah. The last one died. Couldn't get the damn thing to work again." He growled when he noticed his imprint's ass in the air as she dug out their present from the back of the pile.
"Hush, you." She pushed up her glasses as she handed Embry and Nadia their gift.
Nadia took her time unwrapping the paper. Inside was a book. "'Naughty and Nice Christmas Kama Sutra'," she read. She immediately opened it to read.
Embry handed Seth his gift. "Enjoy," he said.
Seth smirked as he opened the present. "Bondage kit. Cool." He held up his fist to Embry.
Leah narrowed her eyes. "Do I want to know?"
"Nope," her brother replied as he got Jared and Kim's gift.
Kim began laughing as she opened the present. "His and Hers Oral Kit. Lovely, Seth." Jared just handed a bag to Brady.
"Lube and condoms." He peeked into the bag.
"Needed since you like to take rides on bicycles," Jared said.
"Here you go, Bells," Brady said, giving her his gift.
Paul put his chin on her shoulder as she opened the bag. He smiled at the title, 365 Naughty Nights. "Think we need help, pup?"
Bella smacked her wolf. "Thank you, Brady. Here's yours, Leah."
Leah opened the present. Austin's eyebrows rose. "Wireless vibrator? Yes!" he exclaimed.
Three days before Christmas, the curtains ate the Christmas tree.
Bella was trudging up Nana Lahote's walkway when she noticed something different. "Nana," she called back to Paul's grandmother. "I thought we helped you put up your tree."
"You did, dear." The older lady looked over at her from the car door. "Why?"
"Where is it?"
Ashley glanced at her front window, where her Christmas tree should have been. Instead, there was darkness. They quickly entered the house to hear a whirring sound.
"Ah, shit," Ashley said. "Bella, unplug the tree. I told Greg I didn't want the damn thing."
"What, Nana?"
"A spinning tree stand." She gestured to a cream and blue mass. "The tree was too close to the curtains."
"So the curtains are wrapped around the tree?"
"Damn things ate the Christmas tree."
Two days before Christmas, the stockings caught on fire.
"I think the fire is high enough, Charlie," Sue said from the couch.
"Just one more log." He tossed said log on the fire and faced the room. "There. It'll be toasty in no time."
"Holy shit!" Renee exclaimed.
Charlie turned around to see sparks flying up from the fireplace. A few landed on the stockings that were hanging down, catching them on fire. Seth and Paul quickly tore them down and threw them into the fire.
"I told you the fire was high enough," Sue said, taking a sip of her cocktail.
One day before Christmas, I needed brain bleach . . . and witnessed a fight in the manger.
Bella stumbled up the stairs to the bathroom. After emptying her bladder, she shuffled into her room, yawning. At her dresser, she pulled out her underwear and cracked open her eyes.
"Oh sweet Jesus," she muttered, slapping a hand over her eyes. "You know, you could have said something," she told her mother.
"You could have knocked," Renee countered.
"Hey, Bells," Charlie said from the hallway. "Have you seen - oops! There you are."
Bella peeked through her fingers. Yep, her mother was still in her position on top of Phil, covers below her ass. Her hands were covering her breasts. Phil's hands were flexing and squeezing Renee's hips.
"Are-are you still going?" she screeched.
Renee shrugged. "We're exhibitionists, Bella. Phil's about to cum so why stop."
"You are so wrong," she grumbled as she bypassed her father.
"Still looking good, Renee," she heard Charlie comment.
"Brain bleach, a couple of gallons worth. That's what you can get me for Christmas," she called out.
"So they kept fucking!" Kim whisper-shouted.
"Shh. Yes, with me and Dad standing right there."
"Wow. Okay, so whose Joseph, the innkeeper, the shepherd and the angel. We all know that Layla Mallory's Mary."
"My brother, Avery, is Joseph," Austin said.
"I remember him," Bella commented. "He's the one who helped me load the bikes."
"The angel is Katie Logan, the shepherd is my cousin, Lacey," Angela continued, "and the innkeeper is Tyler's brother, Nick."
"Here come our wise men," Kim squealed. Seth led Collin and Brady to the front, presenting their gifts to Mary and Joseph. Collin and Brady sent a wink and a kiss to Mary. Joseph scowled.
"Of course they would flirt during the nativity," Sam grumbled.
"Hey, look at Seth," Jared said. The pack's eyes found the oldest of the trio, whose gaze was locked with the angel.
"Another one bites the dust," Embry said.
"Why's Nick frowning?" Emily asked.
"Because Brady just imprinted on the shepherd," Jake answered.
"Avery's getting pissed," Austin observed. "Collin needs to cool it with the flirting."
"That's it!" Avery Marks yelled, standing up. "Keep your lips to yourself, asshole. My girl's not interested in you."
"Really? That's not what she was screaming last night," Collin fired back.
"You don't know jack shit."
The wolf smirked. "She's got a tattoo on the inside of her thigh. Black widow spider. Got it two days ago, so of course missionary was out of the question."
Avery let out a strangled scream and lunged for Collin. In the process, he knocked into Lacey. Brady growled, reaching for Avery. Nick stepped in and pushed Brady back. Seth sighed, helped Lacey up and reached up for Katie. His back was turned to the fight briefly as he lowered Katie to the ground. Nick was pushed into Seth and blindly reached for the collar of the robe as he fell. The rip could be heard throughout the square. Seth's bare ass was on display to all of Forks and La Push.
"Does the boy not know what underwear is?" Charlie queried.
"Nice," Renee commented. "Bet you could bounce a quarter off it."
"Mom!" Bella exclaimed, horrified.
"Best nativity ever," Nana Ashely said to Old Quil.
On Christmas Day, I received the best Christmas present ever.
Bella was finally able to relax. It seemed as if the last two weeks were one mishap after another. Except for the time under the mistletoe. That was a yummy moment. She leaned back into Leah's couch, remembering.
Paul captured her attention by pulling her to her feet. They stood in the middle of the room, all conversations tapering off. "Twenty months ago, this spitfire stood up for a friend who she thought was being bullied. I looked into her eyes and knew this was the girl for me. I admit that I didn't have the best reputation, but eventually she tamed the beast inside." Those in the know of the pack snickered. He dropped to one knee. "Isabella, will you marry me?" He pulled out a white gold ring topped with a sapphire.
Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes captured by the ring. Several minutes passed by. He began to get nervous. "Babe?"
"Jesus, Swan," Leah called out. "This is where you answer the man."
Bella raised her gaze to Paul's. "Yes," she breathed.
He whooped and pulled her into a kiss. "Can't get rid of me now, pale face."
"I think it's the other way around, wolf man." She removed a stick from her pocket. She turned it where he could see the two pink line. "Can't get rid of us now."
Paul dropped to the ground, Bella on his chest. She slapped his cheeks to get him to wake up.
"Told ya," Embry gloated. "Pay up, suckers." The other wolves groaned and handed over their money.