A/N: Tricky Raven hosted an April Fool's Drabble Challenge. Seven prompts in seven days, 100 words each. These are my entries. Normal disclaimer, of course.
Title: My Little Cupcake
Pairing: Bella/Quil, OC
Rating: K
Genre: Family
Word Count: 100
Prompt: Cupcake ATM
She covered her mouth, stifling her giggles, as she listened to her husband.
"My little cupcake has the sweetest smile," he crooned. "Yes, you do. Dear little cupcake, won't you stay awhile? Forever and ever and ever. Come with me where moonbeams paint the sky. Right over La Push, baby. And you and I might linger in the sweet by and by, oh . . . Oh. Hey, Bells. Princess," he held up their daughter, who was cooing up at him, "was having a hard time getting back to sleep."
She shook her head. "You're so full of sh-tuffing, Ateara."
Title: Childish Games
Pairing: Bella/Embry, OCs
Rating: K
Genre: Family
Word Count: 100
Prompt: Robot Attach Pigeons
"Robo peons, attack! Pew-pew! Pew-pew!"
"It's pigdons, not peons, doofus."
"Don't call me doofus, dog breath!"
"Shut up! Jeez. Pigeons, not peons OR pigdons. Stupid boys."
"Ooh. I'm tellin'. Mom! Nessa called us stupid!"
"I said boys are stupid. Not you two."
Embry entered the kitchen to find Bella banging her head against the cabinet. Their 18-month old blew raspberries in greeting.
"Hey." He pulled her back against his chest.
"Several kids will be fun, Bells," she mocked, placing a hand on her burgeoning belly.
A loud thwap sounded from the living room. "Take that, Cullen! Poof. Nothing but ash."
Title: High Times
Pairing: 18 yr. old Charlie, Billy, Quil 4, Harry
Rating: T – for drug use
Genre: Humor
Word Count: 100
Prompt: High and Lazy by Bezt
"Just think about it," Charlie said, arms gesturing wide. "The Greco-Roman, Babylonian and Norse would be human. Totally human. But the Native American and Egyptian, they would have animal heads on human bodies."
"Whoa," Four said. "I wonder if Taha Aki would have a wolf head."
Billy pushed him over. "He was an ancestor, not a god."
"So just imagine," Charlie continued, "comin' down the stairs to find Horace with his big gator head, sittin' there, watchin' TV and drinkin' your beer."
Harry glanced at the joint in his hand. "Four, where the hell you get this from?"
"Josh. Why?"
**I am aware that Horace does not have an alligator/crocodile head. I purposely did it wrong for the story.
Title: Generation Gap
Pairing: Quil Sr and Jr.
Rating: K
Genre: Humor
Word Count: 100
Prompt: "Damn. It feels good to be a gangster" needlepoint
Quil checked himself in the mirror. "Daymn!" He put on his shades and struck a typical gangster pose. Throwing open his door, he yelled, "Let's roll, bitches!"
He paused in the living room doorway, taking in his grandfather's outfit. "Granddad, what's with the pin-stripe and funky hat?"
"It's a fedora."
"But the wedding party is supposed to dress like gangsters."
"I am; 1920s gangster. Complete with tommy gun." He gestured to his grandson. "And you?"
Quil smoothed down his wife beater and adjusted his pink headband. "Modern day gangster, with gun." He produced said gun.
"Jr., that's a water pistol."
Title: La Petit Mort
Pairing: Bella/Paul
Rating: M
Genre: Sexy Time?
Word Count: 100
Prompt: Take Me to Church by Hozier
"Swan? What're you doing here?" Paul glanced around to see if anyone else was around. Bella brushed past him to enter his house.
"I realize that we have preconceived notions of each other. I think that you're all talk and you think that I rode a discostick."
He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. "Didn't you?"
"The most he would do were little pecks he called kisses and held my hand." She untied her trench coat, revealing a white, lacey push-up bra with matching underwear.
"Symbolism much?"
She sauntered closer. "Offer me that deathless death, Paul."
Title: This Just In
Pairing: Bella, Embry, Jake, Quil, Charlie, Mike Newton, Tyler Crowley
Rating: T
Genre: Humor
Word Count: 100
Prompt: Cheeseburger Stabbing
"This just in," Quil announced in his best news anchor voice. "The diner in Forks witnessed a horrendous crime – a cheeseburger was viciously stabbed."
Charlie cut his eyes at the joking teenager, effectively shutting him up. "What happened here?" No one spoke. "Bells? Jake? Embry?"
"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" Quil raised his hand. Charlie sighed then nodded. "So marshmallow there," he pointed to Mike Newton, "was showing off his atrocious drumming skills and hit the edge of the knife. It goes up, does a coupla flips and ended up right through cupcake's burger." He motioned to Tyler. "It was very acrobatic."
Title: Outting
Pairing: Paul/Bella (from Prompt 5)
Rating: M
Genre: Family?
Word Count: 100
Prompt: You f*ckin' did it.
The bonfire was roaring to the heavens. Bella was soaking in the warmth as the springtime air became cooler with the setting of the sun. Emily and Kim lounged nearby; they waited for their wolves to come.
The thundering of feet announced their arrival. Paul emerged from the forest while the others appeared from the cliffs pass. The wind changed direction to where Paul and the fire were upwind. The pack paused and inhaled deeply. Jake began to growl and shake.
"You fuckin' did it," Jared said, surprise lacing his voice.
Paul shrugged. "Of course I did. She's my imprint."