Love is immediately falling into a trap – a trap that you cannot break free from.
But... do I want to be free?
At this moment, I am unsure but I know that I am bound – bound and struggling.
He holds me so tightly.
Pushing me down against the bed, he wraps his arms around me as he enters me; he kisses my throat and licks the salty sweat from my skin. I wrap my legs around him as he then leans back, pulling me on to him further as he goes deeper.
Deeper and deeper.
Leaning in he kisses me. I breathe out in his mouth and he sucks it in hungrily, as though it were nourishment. I can feel my body bend and break underneath him, as he possesses me.
I cry out but he just growls.
I tangle my fingers into his sweat drenches tresses as I feel my back smash against the headboard.
I don't mewl, I don't scream – I just moan and I beg him to go harder.
Harder and harder.
Deeper and deeper.
And I fall.
Deep inside, I go.
...
"I shall draw you a bath now my lord." Sebastian states as he slips on a fresh, pressed shirt over his broad shoulders.
"Must you stay so formal? Especially given what we just did?" I wonder aloud as I sit up in bed. I watch him, leeringly, with a wistful smile fighting its way onto my lips. I must admit, this is my favorite part. As much as I love to watch him undress, watching him dress is much more enjoyable.
He has his back to me, his toned muscles gleam with a slight sheen of sweat as he wraps the crisp white shirt over him and buttons it quickly. His nimble fingers are swift and graceful as he pushes each button through their respective holes. He tucks the shirt-tails into the waistband of his trousers neatly, flat down and not one crease as he fastens his belt across his waist. Taking his black tie, he tosses it around his neck and knots it – the movement was so fast that I barely had the chance to take it all in.
Sebastian then walks over to the foot of the bed, kneels over and picks up the waistcoat that he had carelessly tossed aside before this whole event began. The smooth silk presses against his body as he pulls it down, straightening it. Finally, he finishes with his coat, putting it on and pulling it down over his chest. Why does he still insist on dressing like a butler? I think silently to myself.
This has been a regular occurrence between Sebastian and myself for the last few months. It seems to have taken the place of the hatred and violence he had towards me. He still holds me down but now, he holds me down for another reason.
"Do you not want a bath?" His voice sounds surprised as he turns to me.
In truth, I couldn't think of anything I would prefer more. I would love to soak myself in a pool of hot water, my body aches, my muscles are tense and I am sore. I have been worked over in the best possible way.
As good as I felt I equally feel wretched.
Each and every time he lays me down; I hate myself more and more. I swear that it's the last time and each time after that. This isn't what I want; at least I think it's not. How can I be free of him if I keep getting sucked further and further in? Sebastian controls me, he owns me – he has taken over every facet of my mind and my thoughts. He has more control over me than a puppeteer, standing above me, pulling all of my strings and playing with me. Every inch of my body now belongs to him and I willing give it all away.
I realize that however much self-loathing I feel for giving into him so readily, I still cannot help myself - his caress, his taste, his body against mine. I need it. I need him.
I feel it, every time I'm with him; I feel I am losing myself to him.
Sebastian is destroying me from the inside out, I cannot control him and I don't want to stop him.
There is one thing I will not let myself do though, I refuse to love him. How can I love someone who wants nothing more than to keep me captive? To want nothing more than to possess me and own me? Although, if I was being honest – I know that I love him but I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that I do. Especially as I am trying so desperately not to love him and I equally try not to hate him, as I now know, they are one in the same.
I long to be free and if my emotions are getting in the way of that – then I must find a way to not feel them.
He catches me glaring at him and smiles. He slowly walks over to the foot of the bed and bends over, crawling on top of it and towards me. I lean back against the headboard and fold my arms.
"Young master, aren't you cold? You don't appear to be wearing anything."
"I'm fine; I'm waiting for you to draw my bath." I snort halfheartedly. He's hovering right above me now; I can feel the goose pimples start to rise on my skin as they always do whenever he's so close to me. I can feel his eyes bore into me but I refuse to meet his gaze, I just hold my arms closer to my chest and look to my left. The sun is out, it pours in through the glass and refracts against some of the white furniture in the room.
Sebastian hums cheerfully as he plants a soft kiss on my still dampened forehead and moves off of me.
"I'll draw you a bath now." He smiles as he starts to leave the room. He stops by the door and looks over his shoulder at me. "Would you like to go out today? There is a parade happening in the middle of town." He suggests.
"A parade? It's Tuesday. What an odd day for a parade."
"It's the towns' Mardi Gras parade my lord. They have been doing this every year since we've been here."
"All right, I'll go." It's actually a beautiful day today and I would much rather be out and about rather than cooped up here or sitting by my tree.
"Yes my lord." Sebastian grins as he leaves the room. I slouch down into the sheets and hide myself under the covers. I try not to let my thoughts run away with me, especially as whenever I'm alone with my thoughts, I think of Marie but I am trying not to think of her so often these days.
For the last five years since her death, my mind was occupied with thoughts of her. I wish I could thank her for all that she had done for me, especially with Alice and Alois. Ever since I've kept the gris-gris with me – not a peep, which means now I can focus my thoughts on how to break free from Sebastian. If she were still here I know that she would help me but I must do this alone now.
Although, these days... I'm not so sure that I do want to.
...
I have never seen anything like this.
The bight midday sun cast its light over everything, illuminating all that came into its path.
This is phenomenal.
There are participants dressed in all kinds of brightly colored costumes and large floats made out of papier-mâché. Some of these floats contain various animals, or Native Americans, and there are humans too, like the President of the United States and Napoléon Bonaparte. There are many brass bands playing raucously as they swing their instruments around and dance around in the light. A heavy rhythmic pulse of African drums beats out and crashes through the air like claps of thunder as drum lines march through, surrounded by people dressed as voodoo priests in long white robes.
I can't help but feel slightly out of place, as I have never really been to a parade before, let alone anything quite like this. Looking over at Sebastian, I can see that he was quite enjoying himself as he eyes the bevy of beautiful women dancing and behaving rather indecently, in my opinion.
Even though it was around two in the afternoon, everyone is drinking and partying – generally having such a good time. The air smells of mint and spice from freshly cooked jambalaya that is on offer in the various restaurants we pass.
We turn the corner down a narrow alleyway. I can hear bawdy people laughing and ragtime music bleeding out through the various bars we walk past.
Sebastian leans over my shoulder. "Well my lord, laissez les bon temp rouler."
"Tch, laissez les bon temp rouler." I snort.
"It means let the good times roll."
"I know what it means."
"Well then, shall we enjoy what this town has to offer?" I glance over to him, his eyes have changed over to carmine and I know he can't help it. New Orleans being the hot bed of depravity that it is, there are so many wonderful tainted souls ripe for the taking, especially today, it must be so enticing. I can almost see him salivate with hunger and anticipation – I was not that far off. If we were here at night and in the thick of it all, it would be fantastic in itself, but to do this in the middle of the day? Electrifying. At this moment, to be the predator and not the prey – absolutely scintillating.
We choose to go into a bar. It is packed with people celebrating, drinking and singing to whatever song was being belted out by the band. It must be a well-known tune, as everyone in the bar knows the words and are singing along. I cast my eyes across the bar to look for my lunch, and there, in the corner – she's mine.
She is beautiful. Blond hair in a loose bun, placed at the top of her head with loose strands that waft around her childlike face. Large brown eyes the color of melted Belgium milk chocolate and full pink lips, which she keeps biting on nervously. This isn't her type of place; it is obvious by the way she is sitting, constantly fidgeting and looking around – she must have been brought here by someone else, but I don't see them around.
I stride over to her; each move I make relaxes me as I ready myself to go in. I roll my shoulders and prepare myself like a boxer but instead of using my fists, I think about how I'm going to get her out of here.
I approach her, leaning over the booth she is sat in, and look straight into her eyes.
"Are you alone?" I ask. She blinks twice at me as she looks up.
"N-no. I'm with a friend." She points to a woman near the bar who is draped over a man who has his hand firmly on her backside. Disgraceful.
"Would you mind if I keep you company?" She shakes her head and I'm in, I slide into the booth opposite her. As I do so, I can see Sebastian staring at me from the corner of the room, watching everything I do with a deep scowl on his face. Is he jealous, I wonder?
I decide to make a show of it; of course he can hear me so why not make it something worth listening to? "What is your name?"
"Charlotte." She replies timidly. With each exhale of air she makes, I can smell the sweetness of her soul permeating out of her.
"Charlotte," I repeat languidly, "how beautiful. Tell me, what's someone like you doing in a place like this? You obviously don't belong here." I lean forward over the table a bit, keeping my eyes firmly on hers. She blushes, obviously not used to the attention.
"My friend made me come." She says meekly. "I am waiting for her to finish so we can leave and go home." She sighs as she looks away. She is so adorable; I simply cannot wait to devour her.
"Go home? But the evening is only starting." I feign disappointment. She smiles back and now I know how I can leave with her. "How about this, I'll walk you home." I suggest. "That way your friend can stay here and I will get to spend a little more time with you." I move to stand in front of her. I look around but I can't see Sebastian, he must have gone with somebody else, fine then. Charlotte hesitates slightly but I hold out my hand and offer it to her regardless. "Trust me Charlotte, you're safe with me."
She takes my hand and I help her to her feet. Putting my hand on the small of her back, I guide her out and towards the door. I let her exit first but as soon as I make my way through the threshold, a firm grip lands on my arm and pulls me back against the outside wall of the bar. I whip around to see Sebastian with that same annoyed scowl on his face, holding my arm as though he was about to rip it off.
He leans into me, "Why won't you ever speak that sweetly to me young master?" He purrs ever so slightly into my ear. Charlotte looks over at us curiously; I catch her eye and smile to reassure her.
"Because I don't want to." I curtly whisper back. Frustrated, Sebastian tightens his grip on my arm and drags me from my prey.
"Wait!" She calls after us.
"This does not concern you – go back to your tart of a friend." Sebastian hisses. She just stands there, dejected as we leave.
I am furious with him as he takes me down and back into a secluded alleyway.
He slams me against the wall, pinning my shoulders down with both hands and I know now we're going to fight.
"Why do you insist on infuriating me?" He snarls, bearing his teeth.
"I wasn't aware that I was." I respond casually.
"You know Ciel; you've never said that you loved me too, in all of these months."
"That's because I don't." I snort churlishly. That's a lie.
"Don't lie to me." He growls. I must admit, when he's angry like this, I'm tempted. I want nothing more than to take his scowling mouth and press it to mine.
"I'm not lying Sebastian." I lie again.
"All you ever do is lie to me."
"Is that all I do?" I coo softly, causing him to lean into me and to rest his elbows onto my shoulders. I lower my eye lids, wrap my left arm around his waist and draw him into me. I use my knee to push open his legs slightly as my upper thigh starts to grind into his groin.
"No, that's not all you do." He breathes out as he nuzzles the nape of my neck.
"Then tell me Sebastian, what is it that I do?"
"You infuriate me, you tempt me and you torment me."
"Torment you?" I smirk, knowing he can't see it.
"You torment me immensely as you make me want you, want all of you." Ah, his voice in my ear, so sweet and delicious.
"You have all of me."
"Then tell me that you love me." He whispers.
I give up – I walk this line of love and hate so often that I may as well teeter off of the edge and just cave in to him.
"I-" A sharp shiver runs up my spine, causing me to shudder with my whole body and stopping the words form leaving my mouth. I gasp as the pain takes over me and Sebastian stands back, staring at me.
"Young master, what's the matter?"
"What's that feeling?"
"Ah, you've never experienced that before."
"Experienced what?" I pant.
"We're being summoned."
"Summoned?"
"Someone has performed a ritual to summon a creature like us. You don't have to go, I'm sure we're not the only demons in New Orleans."
I think for a moment and then decide.
"No, I think – I think I want to go."
"Ciel, you can't be serious?" He implores as he holds me by my shoulders.
"Why not?"
"Because you have never done this before."
"There is a first time for everything." I chuckle as I leave, pushing past him.
...
As soon as I made the decision to answer the summons, I step away from Sebastian and suddenly arrive in a room. It is dark, save for the flicker of dimly lit candles.
As I approach the light, I can see that the candles have been arranged in the fashion of a pentagram enclosed in a circle. It is different though, the pentagram has the points of a star but two points are curved into the shape of a heart. There is a figure in the center, huddled in a pile on the ground. I step closer to see what it is but I can't tell.
"Hello, who is it?" It calls out to me, the voice is feeble but it's definitely female.
I don't know how to respond as I have never been summoned before but thinking back to how it happened for me, I know only four words to say.
"What is your wish?" I ask, thinking it would be best to stay in the shadows.
"I don't – I don't have a wish." She replies as she starts to sit up.
"Then why did you call me?"
"I didn't know it would work. What are you?"
"I am a demon."
"A demon?" She gulps aloud as she struggles to her feet in the middle of the display of candles. I can barely see her but she is tall and wrapped in a heavy seeming cloak, which she tosses over her shoulders. "I didn't mean to summon a demon."
"Well you have and I am here."
She's suddenly quiet and unresponsive - perhaps this is a mistake.
"Well then, if you don't need me then I shall leave." I hate disappointment but if she didn't call for me –
"Wait demon."
"Yes?"
"What I wanted, I mean, why I did this... I want revenge on my husband."
"Revenge?" This is a word I truly understand.
"Yes, I got this spell from a voodoo priest who said it would help me. Are you here to help me?"
I move forward but still stay in the shadows. With each click of the heel of my boots, I can see the outline of her body shudder and shake.
"What is your name?"
"Cybil."
"Well Cybil, I can help you. I can form a contract with you and exact your revenge in any way you see fit. However, that will come at a price."
"Name it and it's yours!" She demands. I can't help but smile, she sounds like I did when I first met Sebastian. If only I knew then what I know now...
"What did your husband do to warrant such revenge?" I really don't need to know but I'm curious.
"He betrayed me." She hisses.
I step out of the shadows and right in front of her. She stares at me blankly but I know it's because she's scared.
"Well then, I think your wish is clear." I smile as I walk over the first set of candles, moving ever closer towards her as she staggers back.
"I would give anything to have him suffer as I have."
"Anything?"
"Anything." She reiterates firmly.
"You sound sure." I reach out and lightly stroke her face with the back of my hand. She doesn't flinch, not for one second; she just holds my gaze and never wavers.
"I am sure." She says fiercely. "He was my love, my life – my whole existence and he never cared – not once."
"Then ask me. Ask to form a contract with me and I will make sure you get your revenge." I purr as I move a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
Cybil slaps my hand away and grabs me by my shoulders.
"Demon, form a contract with me. Help me punish my husband and those who ridicule me and make a fool of me!" She commands. I grab her by the waist and pull her into me, knocking over several of the candles.
"I will help you but in exchange, I want your soul."
"Fine! Take it, it's yours!"
The deal was struck.
I grab the fabric of her dress, which just covers her chest, and I tear a hole in it. I press my palm firmly against her breast bone as I hold her tightly in my other arm. She screams and it's like music, a blood curdling overture filling the air as I can feel the flesh beneath my palm start to burn. I can see the mark on the front of my hand start to form; it's in the shape of the pentagram she had laid out on the floor and I hold her tighter with each shriek she makes.
As soon as the mark appears vividly on my hand, I know it is done.