"I think we should have a ball." Cybil announces.
"A ball?" I repeat.
"Yes, to welcome you both to New Orleans."
It's been a month since I made my contract with Cybil and nothing has happened, although, I'm not really sure what I expect. Especially, as I remember once, Sebastian told me that not all contracts were like ours, but this wait is ridiculous. I'm beginning to wonder exactly what she wants of me.
As I kill time waiting for her command, she has me follow her on various excursions through the town like a lap dog. A fact that hasn't gone unnoticed by Sebastian, who likes to accompany me on these excursions as well. Each time I'm sent out to fetch and carry, he's obviously tickled, seeing the irony with each shopping trip.
Currently, the three of us are sat in the drawing room of her opulent plantation. It definitely has Cybils' touches all over it, vibrant plush green couches and chaise lounges with gilded gold leaf vases and lamps. The drapes that hang from the ceiling to the mahogany flooring are a creamy color with a gold brocade 'fleur de lis' pattern stitched into them.
Her servants, of which there are many, rush around us – offering us afternoon tea and cakes to which Sebastian and I politely decline. He is completely relaxed as he sits next to Cybil on the chaise lounge, wearing a broad grin on his face as he observes the swift movements of the servants. I suspect that he is glad to be on the receiving end of the service for a change.
I sit back in the chair and cross my legs and massage my temple with my index finger. If I were capable of getting a headache, I most certainly would have one by now out of sheer frustration.
"We've been in New Orleans for over five years now, a ball is completely redundant." I sigh.
"Well that doesn't matter, it's about time you made your social debuts." She chortles, totally ignoring my discomfort.
"We are not debutants Cybil, this isn't necessary." I try to maintain my composure.
"Well I know it's not but it's something I want to do for you by way of saying thank you."
I furrow my brow at her, what does she mean by saying thanks? I don't want a ball; I want her soul – but I'm beginning to wonder if it's even worth it.
"My lord, don't you think a ball would lift your mood?" Sebastian pipes in.
"That's the spirit Sebastian!" She claps her hands together excitedly. "See, he wants to have a ball."
Even though there is no air in my lungs, I exhale loudly. This is the last thing I want – how frivolous and bourgeois. Of course Sebastian would want a ball, from what I understand of his previously life before me, he was a frequent guest at many a social gathering, especially with kings and queens – he even told me as such when he taught me how to dance all of those years ago. This is the lifestyle he is accustomed to and, as far as I'm concerned, he can keep it.
"I didn't like balls when I was an Earl in my human life, why would I want one now?"
"Well, if we have a ball, then you can meet my Gideon." She slides in.
How sly she is, she knows exactly what to say to get me to concede to attending this ball.
Since our contract began, I have yet to meet the illustrious husband whom I'm meant to punish on her behalf. He doesn't attend any of the small gatherings she throws, and he makes himself scarce whenever we're around. It's almost as though she plans on me not meeting him, which she knows will mark the beginning of the end of the contract. I just want to meet the man I'm supposed to exact her revenge upon – it's simply a matter of courtesy.
"About that, at what point to do you want to obtain your revenge? We can't just be here at your beck and call whenever you feel like shopping." I decide it's time we get this contract back on track.
"But don't you like spending time with me?" She pouts.
"It's not that," Yes, it's that. "I'm just wondering when you'll let me know what it is you want."
"What I want?"
"When we made our contract, you made it quite clear – you have to have a wish and yours was revenge on your husband and those who humiliated you."
"Oh, it still is, I just haven't thought about how I wish you to go about it yet."
She smiles as she picks up her teacup and daintily takes a sip from it. I feel like she's toying with me, although, to what end?
"My lord, don't rush her, she'll figure it out when the time is right." Sebastian interjects.
"Exactly Sebastian. I'm just not ready yet." She sits her teacup back down on the saucer and places it down on the table in front of her, lightly tapping Sebastians' knee in the process.
Ever since that night at Mardi Gras, Sebastian and Cybil have been as thick as thieves. I can't say that I approve of this at all. They talk, they whisper and they confer with one another. Most of the time, from what I can gather, it's about me.
I don't know why Sebastian would have so much to say about me to her but he does. They mention voodoo a lot, and I try not to be paranoid as I still have the various items Marie gave me in my possession, along with books and other associated things I have squirreled away on my own. They help me and make me feel that she is still with me even though she is long gone from this world.
I still have to keep it all hidden from Sebastian who seems to have this unnatural hatred of it, perhaps he knows that once I figure out the hidden messages Marie has left for me, I will finally be free of him and, of course, he certainly doesn't want that.
"So, it's settled, a week from tomorrow, we shall have a ball."
...
It is the night of the ball and I am not looking forward to this at all.
Cybil has sent us two excellently tailored suits as an additional thank you for accompanying her on most recent shopping excursion. Honestly, that woman has more money than she has sense. There is something about the nouveau riche that I find abhorrent – there is absolutely no class about them, they know the cost of everything and the value of nothing, and she embodies that. Constantly throwing her money around as though her wealthy status will impress, however, it does nothing for me.
I button my shirt half way and I slide on my trousers, fastening them together and smoothing down the pleat in the front. I spot my gris-gris amongst my accoutrements, and slip it into my pocket. I never leave without it. If I go too far from it, then the voices start to come back and I can't have that. Besides, when I have it around me, it feels like Marie is still with me and that thought alone gives me a sense of warmth.
I sigh heavily as I let my thoughts travel to Marie but before I can ruminate on them, there is a slight knock on the door and Sebastian enters. It's funny, even though we live together, hunt together and even sleep together – he still allows me this small sense of privacy by letting me have my own room and knocking before entering. Typically, he would have just entered but these days, he seems to be more polite.
I pick up my tie and flick it behind my neck as I attempt to tie it. I'll admit, tying a bowtie is a lot harder than my usual bow and so I fumble over it a few times.
Sebastian comes up behind me; his chest just rests on my shoulders as his long arms reach around my neck. As I continue to fumble, he fastens the remaining buttons as he watches my frustration. His hands slip in between mine as he takes the loose ends of my tie. I drop my hands down to my side as I let him tie my bowtie.
"Are you excited about going to this ball?" He wonders.
"No." I reply flatly.
"Oh?"
"It's just another garish party that she throws, I can't imagine it being any different than the others. Just perhaps with more people."
He brings the two ends of the fabric together. "I don't know, I kind of feel bad for her."
"I can't imagine that you have any feelings at all." I reply coolly, which causes him to grin as he stops for a moment and leans further over on top of me.
"I have feelings for you." He purrs into my ear.
"Leave off." I move my head from his lips and he chuckles lightly.
"Well, in any case, she seems bored and lonely." He loops the fabric.
"What should we care if she is?" I snort. He stops again and stares at me in our reflection.
"Are you telling me that you have no compassion for her at all?" He asks me spuriously.
"Are you telling me that you do?"
"No."
"Then no." I reply.
"You are truly becoming a demon." He smiles as he continues to tie my bowtie into a knot at the base of my throat.
My eyes switch over to the lustrous carmine color as I gaze at them in my reflection.
"Becoming a demon." I repeat softly to myself. It's been over five years since I've turned and I've felt no different dead then I did alive. I can see that I have physically changed, I'm no longer weak, feeble or sickly – I'm much stronger then I have ever been I can even take Sebastian in a fight, not that he has challenged me recently, but I know I can. I seem to have aged as I'm a little taller now and my childish face has matured. What would old acquaintances say if they saw me, now that I am no longer helpless? They would probably say that I look more and more like my father everyday. My father, my mother, what would they say if they knew me now? I'm no longer the innocent child that they once knew; I'm no longer anything human.
"Well, I can't wait for the ball, I can't wait to mingle." Sebastian interrupts my thoughts as he finishes with the tie, straightening it out.
I turn my head to him sharply.
"Sebastian, are you insane? We can't mingle with these people."
"What do you mean? We've done this before." He shrugs.
"Well, yes, when we were hunting but not in a social way."
"What does it matter? Hunting or social? I'm bored and we're going."
"You're not bored, just hungry."
"Aren't you? Come now my lord, you can't tell me that this isn't exciting?"
"What is?"
"Hunting prey in such a social arena. It's electrifying, isn't it?"
"I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little enticed by it all but no, it's too risky."
"What's life without risk?" He grins as he completes straightening out my bowtie, resting his forearms on my shoulders. "It'll be like old times, do you remember being at the Viscounts party and on the hunt for truly delicious souls?"
Sebastian looks at me in the reflection of the mirror. He smiles as he grabs the knot of the tie in one hand with the other he places it over my chest.
His hand trails down from my chest to my side and down onto my waist. He grips it firmly, causing me to shiver. Hands continue to travel to my front as they grip and pull at my shirts and explore the concealed skin underneath. I say nothing as he uses his thumbs to push me forwards, causing me to bend over – my own hands land palms down on the dresser tabletop.
"What do you want?" He growls as he bends over and nips at my earlobe. I smile as he fondles the latch of my belt, tugging and unraveling it from its loops. I watch him in the reflection of the mirror. His nibble fingers unbuttoning, undressing and freeing me, sticky hot breath, breathing onto my neck.
I know exactly what I want Sebastian, I want you and I hate myself for it. I wish I had the resolve to say no to you, to make you stop, to push you off of me but I don't.
Instead, I want you to take me, to penetrate me and control me. This is wrong – I know it's so very wrong but I need you. Fill me to the brim and make me cry out your name, I beg of you – although I still say nothing at all.
Before my lips can even part, his hands go down my hips and to the sides of my thighs and he lands on the small talisman in my pocket.
"What is this in your pocket?"
I don't want to tell him that it's the gris-gris Marie gave me so long ago. If I'm without it, then the voices come back – Alice and Alois – they will come crashing back. I need this to keep them quiet and to keep me safe. So far, it's worked.
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothing – especially when it's quite obviously something."
I have to distract him.
Using all of my strength, I fight him and turn over onto my back, facing him. Pushing myself up, I sit on the tabletop; I stretch out and wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him into me.
"I'm telling you not to worry about it, it's nothing, so don't worry about it." I coo sweetly. He seems to be buying it, at least for the time being as he starts to relax. Sebastian bends over and starts to nuzzle my neck.
"All right, if you insist, I won't worry about it - for now." He pauses as he starts to lick the side of my throat, causing my skin to break out into goose pimples. "I'll let you have your secret for the time being, but, I will find out eventually." He assures me and I don't doubt it. That was close, I have to keep the gris-gris with me at all times but now I need to think of a better place of hiding it.
"We have to get going." I exhale as his tongue makes light work of my neck and I can't help but moan as his hand finds it's way onto my lap, his palm massaging me.
With his other hand, he moves my collar down and trails his tongue down to the free space. I grip the edge of the dresser as I push my hips into his hand, beckoning him to squeeze harder. He doesn't, instead he bites down hard on the base of my neck.
"Ahhh…" I cry out. "W-what are y-you doing?" I exasperatedly pant as a wave of pleasure and pain crashes through me.
"I'm marking you." He mumbles into my flesh as he bites down harder.
"M-marking me?" I whimper as his massage turns into rubbing and I buck against his hand.
"You belong to me, so I'm marking you."
For now I belong to you. For now, I submit to your will. For now, I can't help myself and I give in to you but mark my words Sebastian, I will be free of you soon.
As soon as he's satisfied with the mark on my neck, he abruptly stops biting me, and steps back to admire his handiwork, leaving me panting and wanting more of his touch.
"Come now my lord, we must be off." He flashes a devilish smile as he starts to walk out of the door, leaving me wanting.
The bastard.
…
Dressed to the nines, Sebastian and I are ready for the ball.
Stepping outside, he delicately drapes my cloak over my shoulders and I attach the clasps together and adjust it around my neck as he hails a hansom cab. Finding one quickly, Sebastian escorts me in and takes a seat opposite me.
As we ride through the streets of New Orleans, a veil of anxiousness descends upon me. This ball is not something I care to go to, and I try to ignore Sebastians' enthusiasm as I avert my eyes from him and stare vacantly out of the carriage window, watching the town streets fly past us.
I keep my hand in my pocket as I run my thumb over the gris-gris. I can't help but exhale as I recognize the scenery around us and I know we're getting close. Suddenly, everything feels tight, my throat and my chest – I feel like I'm suffocating, which is ridiculous as I have no need to breathe. I realize it now, my existence is not my own. They control me, Sebastian and Cybil – everything is always on their terms – they are the ones who are suffocating me. I didn't want to go to this ball in the first place and yet, here I am, almost there and dreading it.
More fool me.
I was thinking earlier that I had changed, that I had become powerful and it turns out that it is nothing more than an illusion. Sebastian still owns me, Cybil rules our contract, if I travel too far away from the gris-gris, the voices come back to haunt me. Everything is out of my control.
"Is something wrong my lord?"
"Hm?"
"It's just that you seem distracted." Sebastian tilts his head to the side and stares directly at me.
"Why won't you let me go Sebastian?" I know I must sound frustrated but he just smiles at me.
"Why would I?"
"You've had your fun."
"Have you not?" He asks.
I snort lightly at the notion. Of course, there have been times when I have been taken over by immense pleasure but to say it's been fun? What is fun about our torturous relationship? I don't know the answer to that, but the truth is there is something about him that keeps me coming back. I know I can't leave any time and that I'm his captive prey, and I've stopped actively trying to not love him.
"No, I have not been having fun." I lie but I so wish it were the truth.
"Why must you continue to lie?" He sees straight through me but instead of coming up with another lie, I just shrug. He looks at me curiously as he moves towards me, crouching down in front of my knees.
"What do you talk to Cybil about?" I wonder aloud.
"Love."
"Love?"
"Yes, she tells me that she can help me get you to love me. A silly notion but I allow her to entertain the thought."
"Why is it a silly notion?"
"Because I know you already love me."
"Yes, I love you Sebastian." I admit, the words spilling from my lips before I even had the chance to stop them.
Sebastian takes my left hand into his and kneels over, gently touching his lips to my knuckles.
"Now, was that so hard to say?"
"In more ways than one." I grumble.
"What do you mean?" He arches an eyebrow at me.
"I mean that I love you Sebastian but I don't want to."
"Surely you don't mean that?"
"Don't I? Look at your version of love, how can I want that?"
"It's not about what you want, it's about what you have."
"If this is it, then you can keep it. I don't want this."
"You'll change your mind, in time."
Before I can respond, the carriage comes to a halt and we both look over towards the window.
We've arrived.