Note: Okay, just a quick note to tell you readers this song is absolutely one of the best in the world. "Brilliant Disguise" is just, I don't know, I think I would describe it as a super haunting song, I can listen to it over and over again. So, well, just search for it if you haven't heard it before. It's definitely in my top 3 Springsteen songs, which is like quite a big thing since I love so many of his songs! x

4. Brilliant Disguise

He fucking did it. Again. And he knew she was aware of it. Waking up in another woman's bed was always a bad idea. It had happened way too often these years. But falling asleep in another woman's bed when there was an important appointment the morning after was quite a big fail. It hadn't happened often to him; not when it were appointments concerning the kids anyway.

Ray threw on his clothes in seconds while listening to his voicemail. Abby was pissed. Her accent got thicker and thicker and the amount of curse words was going up with each voicemail. He knew he reeked of the young woman in the bed but figured it was more important to get to the school in time then it was to change his shirt. Fuck, he screwed up.

When Ray raced into Bridget's school he was relieved to see her and Abby still standing in front of the door. Abby looked at him but didn't say a word as he approached them.

He kissed Bridget's head as he said: "Hey honey. I'm sorry I'm late."

Bridget looked up to her dad, a feign smile forming on her face. "It's okay." She looked back to her phone after that as Ray approached Abby, trying to give her a kiss.

"Hey Abs."

She let him kiss her, her eyes cold as ice as she whispered: "You stink."

Ray decided to go home that night despite knowing Abby was going to be pissed. Perhaps they needed to get into a fight again. It usually ended with them being horny as fuck anyway.

She wasn't in the living room though, something which surprised him since it wasn't even ten in the evening yet. He walked up the stairs, eventually finding Abby with a cigarette in their bed.

"Abs…"

"Don't." She kept staring into nowhere as Ray approached her, knowing she was upset. He sat down on the bed next to her, searching for her hand. The moment he touched hers she flinched. He didn't let go though.

"I'm sorry I was late this morning."

"Is that the only thing you're sorry for?"

"Abs…" He searched for her eyes but she was doing a very good job of not looking at him.

"You promised, Ray." Abby finally dared to look at him and continued. "You promised you'd stop fucking those girls and start focusing on us. Me. I'm not telling you to quit your job, to quit being you… I'm just asking you for dedication. Why can't you act like a fucking man and do what you're supposed to do?"

Ray sighed. His actions always spoke louder than his words. Then again, that wasn't exactly too hard since he really didn't say that much anyway.

"Abs… You know how much I love you. And the kids. You're the love of my life."

"For fuck's sake, Ray…. Do you know how hard that is to believe? You're constantly fucking other women, yet always claim you love me. You realize that doesn't make any sense right?"

Her eyes were on fire and Ray knew there wasn't really anything he could say. Yes, he loved her. Yes, he was screwing around. He wished he had a sensible explanation for it all, but he hadn't.

Ray sighed. He moved a bit closer to her as he said: "I don't know what to say, Abby… I'm trying."

Abby bit her lip, looking away from Ray again. She knew he tried. He always did. Somehow he never managed to succeed though. The pain it caused seemed to make little cuts in her heart. Each cut made it harder to heal.

"Abs…. Hey." Ray pulled her closer to him as Abby murmured: "Ray, don't… I'm angry with you… Ray."

He didn't let her go, pulling her even closer to him as he tried to cup her cheeks with his hands. "Ray…" He could tell she was trying to fight him, but knew she really didn't even want to.

"Abs, look at me." As much as it seemed a question, it really wasn't as he made her face him gently.

"I eh…." Fuck, he was bad with words. Extremely bad. "I'm sorry Abs. I… I have no excuse. I'm sorry… Hey…"

He kissed her, hoping she'd kiss him back and forget about their argument. The little effort Abby put in kissing him back though revealed she really wasn't going to do that though.

"Why do we keep doing this, Ray? It's not normal…"

Ray couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "Honey, we aren't normal."

"You know what I mean."

Ray looked in the eyes of his wife, knowing there wasn't any other woman in the whole freakin' world he would want to spend his life with. "I know…"

For minutes they sat the way they did, their bodies touching, their fingers entwined in each other's. Ray could tell Abby was getting tired when she started snuggling, moving even closer to Ray then she already had been. "Come on honey, let's get some sleep…"

"I'm still upset…" Abby looked up as she spoke those words and Ray nodded. "I know Abs.." He kissed her temple before moving away, throwing off his shirt and trousers quickly. His spot on the bed was still warm when he got back to bed. Abby was still awake, looking at him without saying anything.

Ray settled in the bed and was surprised to find Abby moving closer to him. He raised his eyebrow, questioning her without any words. "For fuck's sake, Ray" his beautiful redhead murmured, "just hold me, okay? I'll be angry with you again in the morning."

Ray did what she told him immediately, making room so Abby could lay upon his chest. He kissed her hair while stroking the bare skin on her arm. Her breaths got steadier within seconds; Ray knew she was falling asleep. It took him a long time to catch some sleep though. He wondered why his life was always such a struggle. Why couldn't he simply be happy and satisfied with all the wealth –on multiple levels,- he had?

Now look at me baby,
struggling to do everything right.
And then it all falls apart,
when out go the lights.
I'm just a lonely pilgrim,
I walk this world in wealth.
I want to know if it's you I don't trust,
'cause I damn sure don't trust myself.

Tonight our bed is cold,
lost in the darkness of our love.
God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of.