CHAPTER ONE

Abi had just left following Ben's admission that Max had made him sign over the Arches – not quite what Jay meant when he said that she deserved to know.

"You should have told her!" Jay proclaims as Ben re-enters the room having seen Abi out. Jay spat his words through his teeth. He was upset with Ben as what he was putting Abi through wasn't fair. Despite their split, Jay stills cares about Abi and he wasn't happy sitting back and seeing Ben lie to her like that.

But Ben wasn't being honest with himself let alone her. "I can't." Ben mutters. "Not yet."

"But you can't keep doing this to her, Ben. It's not fair!" Jay protests, clicking open a can of cheap beer he had just purchased from the Minute Mart. It was supposed to be a peace offering of sorts. He felt bad about how he had reacted earlier as he knows what Ben is going through is tough.

"I know." Ben replies, sitting down at the dining table next to him.

"I stood back while you chased after flipping Johnny Carter, Ben, I should have told her about that but I didn't! That's not fair on me either Ben!" Jay pleads trying to make Ben see sense.

"I know, Jay!" Ben whines, pressing his fingers against his temples as if to somehow relax his frustrations. He knew what Jay was saying was true but it didn't mean he had to like it.

"How do you think that makes me feel? You're putting me in an awful position. I broke up with her because I didn't love her, not like I wanted to. And then you go string her along some more! Just because neither of us like her in that way doesn't mean we have to treat her like crap. She deserves better than that." Jay continues, as if completely disregarding Ben's admission.

"Jay, I know, alright!? I know I'm a shitty person but could you just give me a break!" Ben cries, throwing his head into his hands. "This isn't easy for me, alright? I don't want to hurt Abi. She's my friend. Or at least she was!" Ben whimpers, fighting back the tears. He swigs back a mouthful of the beer Jay had opened before taking a deep breath.

"You know how hard this has been for me. Prison wasn't easy and coming home was perhaps even harder. All I ever wanted to do was make my Dad proud!" Ben relents. It almost felt good to finally just admit that. He thinks everyone knows that anyway but to verbalise it like that for the first time, to the first person that wasn't a shrink at least, it felt good.

Jay jumps up and stands behind Ben massaging his shoulder comfortingly.

"I know that. And you're not a shitty person. You're just human like the rest of us!" Jay tells him gently, pressing his fingers into Ben's back and shoulders.

Ben tilts his head back to look up at Jay. "How do you do it?" Ben asks.

"Well, for starters, I've got you." Jay replies charmingly rubbing the sides of Ben's face.

"And that's enough?" Ben queries resting his hands on Jay's arms, looking up into his dark blue eyes.

"Of course it's enough!" Jay exclaims, leaning down and delicately placing a kiss on Ben's forehead. "You mean more to me then maybe you'll ever know!"