CHAPTER THREE

As the rain lashes down on the busy streets and the thunder rumbles in the distance, Ben sat in the bay window staring longingly out at the hustle and bustle of life outside. Prison had been tough but perhaps being free yet isolated from those you know and love is tougher.

Determined to sort his life out and put his troubled past behind him, Ben set out on his own after his release and had been ducking and diving around London checking in and out of whatever hostel would take him for nearly six weeks now. He remained in contact with person only – Jay.

Like a true brother Jay had stuck by him despite what he had put him through with Heather. Jay had been bringing him food, beer and most importantly money every week at about the same time, on the same day without out fail. But on this occasion Jay was late.

Ben had already started drinking without out him, sipping the finest value beer that the off license on the corner had to offer. He took the last slurp from the can grasped in his sweaty palms and then crushes it one strong squeeze. He glances at his watch and then at his mobile.

He swipes his fingers across the screen and opens up a new text message:

"Hey dude! Just wondering where you've got to? It's almost 9?"

Then he selects the 'send to' option before selecting Jay's name and then waits as the message sends.

From the other side of the hostel room door, he hears the familiar sound of an iPhone text alert. Turning his head to the door Ben waits for a moment before tiptoeing towards the door.

As he reaches out to grab the door handle, there is double knock against the door.

Ben thrusts the door open catching Jay, who is standing on the other side, by surprise.

"Hey!" Jay pipes up, dropping the hand he used to knock at the door by his side. "I'm not late am I?"

"Try nearly half an hour. I was getting worried!" Ben replies, stepping by to allow Jay to enter the room. "Thought you might not be coming."

"You kidding? I'm here every week you doughnut!" Jay jeers, putting the carrier bag carrying a six pack onto the bed. "The bus was obviously running late. Can't say I noticed though!"

"Well you're here now and that's all that matters." Ben responds, closing the door to the bedroom.

"Yeah." Jay says unsurely while taking a quick look around the room.

Both boys then stand in silence for a few moments, neither quite sure of what to say.

"How's"

"You been."

They say in tandem.

"What was that?" Ben questions before perching down on the bed.

"No, you go!" Jay insists.

"Oh, I was just gonna ask how things were back home!" Ben elaborates, pulling a can of beer out of the carrier bag.

"They're good. Sharon's named the new bar."

"What new bar?"

"The one she and Phil are opening!"

"He's bought her fucking bar?

"Yeah and get this, she's calling it The Albert! How unoriginal is that? She might as well have called it The Vic II!"

"He never did anything like that for Shirley. Never did anything like that us for that matter! What does he see in that jumped up bitch anyway?"

"Nah mate, she's alright. How would you know anyway, you've never even met her!?"

"I know a bitch when I see one." Ben scoffs, chucking Jay a can of beer before necking the rest of his. "He'll have forgotten about her by this time next year, you watch."

Jay screws up his face and nods unconvincingly. Ben could be a right judgemental twat at times, particularly for someone who claims not to care. He was always banging on about how much he still hates Phil but deep down, Jay knew Ben still just wanted his father's love and approval.

"What you been up to anyway?" Jay asks before taking a swig of his beer.

"Not much. Just bumming around, trying get some work but you know, not a lot really. What about you?"

"Well to be honest, Abi's doing my nut in. All she seems to do these days is study for those bloody exams. I just wish she'd give me some attention every now and then, you know?"

"I hear ya!"

There was silence again. Even though they had picked up their friendship like nothing had ever happened, every now and then there would be a silence between them. Not the type of silence when they had nothing to say to one another but the kind of silence when neither participant knew quite what to say.

In fact, since his release Ben had barely mentioned Heather, neither had Jay for that matter. But it still felt like there was a lot left unsaid. Ben wanted to put into words how sorry he was for putting Jay in that position but like his father, he was struggling to find the right words these days.

Jay however just wanted to forget. That whole period of time, from Heather's death right through until the end of the trial, was like a never ending nightmare. Still now he'd wake up in sweat, out of breath and occasionally even crying. Heather still haunted him in his sleep but he'd be damned if he was going to allow one stupid mistake to haunt his waking hours for the rest of his life!

Despite this, Jay had stopped blaming Ben. He knew that Ben never intended to hurt her. In fact, part of him blames Phil more – he was the one that forced them both to cover it up.

"So how's Ian?" Ben mutters, reaching for another can of beer. "Onto to wife number 5 yet?"

"He's good from what I hear, engaged to Denise now actually. Can't say I see much of him, tend to get involved with him much, not after the whole incident with Cindy stealing Phil's money last year!" Jay replies waltzing over to the bedroom window.

"He's doesn't hang around though does my brother." Ben replies. He goes to open his mouth again but he can't quite bring himself to say it. Clenching his eyes shut he finally says "I can't forgive myself for what I did to him..."

Jay turns to him, he can tell this is hard for Ben.

"Or to you...to Shirley...to Hev!"

"Let's not talk about that. The past is the past, yeah?" Jay interrupts, rushing to sit down next him. "Just forget about it!"

Jay puts his arm around Ben comfortingly. "Yeah?" He urges, stopping the conversation as much for his own sake than for Ben's.

Ben simply nods, looking down at the can clasped between his sweaty palms.

"Good! Now drink up." Jay orders, taking another large gulp of his beer, "We've got plenty to get through!"