WRITERS NOTE: So after a SMUT heavy few scenes we take a step back and explore how the characters are feeling about their recent encounter. This next chapter follows Jay while the next will follow Ben so you can see things from both perspectives. However, as always there is still graphic scenes and "bad" language so you have been forewarned!

CHAPTER SIX

Those words played on Jay's mind in the last few days.

Neither of them were the most experienced, not in the sexual sense anyway but he couldn't believe in the three years since Ben had come out that he hadn't certified his sexuality with a sexual act with another guy.

For him, he was only just coming to terms with what he actually was, whatever he actually was. But Ben, surely Ben was comfortable with who he was by now?

The last week had not been easy. Jay had spent most of them either locked in his room or throwing himself into his work. Normal stuff really. It was fair to say he had been avoiding Abi, not that she appeared to notice but someone who had noticed his attempts to ignore the issue was Ben. Jay had received endless texts and missed calls from him begging Jay just to acknowledge what had happened.

But he wasn't ready.

He wasn't even sure how to deal with it.

Jay had never suspected he was anything but straight. Sure he could appreciate how another guy could be seen as attractive but he himself had never really had desire to act on those thoughts. Not really. But then Ben was different. Reuniting with him since his release, the pair had become as thick as thieves and it was far to say that Jay had thought about him once or twice. Not in a sexual way, not really but more in romantic way. Regardless of in what way it was, he had worked hard to repress those thoughts and feelings.

He didn't want to feel this way. He didn't want to be gay, bi or whatever.

Jay had seen how difficult it had been for Ben. Did he really want to choose that life? But was it really something he had any say in? Aren't we all pre-set to feel a certain way, think a certain way, love a certain way.

He wasn't sure. He certainly didn't want to be if he did have any choice in the matter.

What they did, was it just a drunken mistake? Was it teenage curiosity?

"Jay!?" A familiar voice calls out as Jay strolls down Turpin Road in a daze.

Immediately snapping out of his trance, almost happy to have his thought redirected, he turns to see who is jogging towards him and he smiles.

"Alright Lo?" He replies, stopping as the young mother dashes towards him.

"Yeah, you coming to this party later on?" She asks, grabbing him the arm as they continue to walk down the street.

Jay was in two minds. He could go and risk being asked awkward questions that he couldn't answer or he could stay home and avoid everyone. He decided to play dumb, maybe she'd assume he wasn't invited – Abi hadn't been after all.

"What party?" He murmurs, feeling the vibrations of his phone in his pocket against his leg.

"Lauren's 20th. You know, the one I text you about last night?" Lola reiterates, Jay continues to look confused hoping she'd just drop it. "The one at the Albert!?" She adds.

Jay pulls his phone out of his pocket. It was another message from Ben.

It read: "Are you ignoring me? You can't pretend it didn't happen!? Please just call me Jay."

"No sorry, Lo. I think I got it!" Jay lies, swiping his finger across the screen to hide Ben's message.

"No-uh, I definitely did. You replied to it, you muppet, I'm sure of it!" Lola insists, "Here, let me have a look..." She adds reaching to grab Jay's phone from his grasp.

"No!" Jay spits, strengthening his grip and trying to pull it away from Lola's hand. But she'd already made contact and pair struggle before the phone flies out of Jay's hand and smashes against the road, face down.

"Now look what you did!"

Lola sniggers and places her hand over her mouth. "No way, that was all you!"

Jay kneels and picks up his phone. The screen is smashed.

"Oh bloody hell!" Jay curses, putting his hand to his head. "Phil is gonna kill me."

"Don't worry about it. I got a feeling Johnny Carter fixes iPhone screens!" Lola replies. "I think Pete got him to do his last month. Don't think he charges all that much either."

"Good! Cause you're paying." Jay jokes, strolling off away from her.

"Oi! You coming to this party or not?" Lola shouts as Jay walks away.

Jay turns but continues to walk backwards away from Lola. "Nah, think I'll give it a miss. Have fun though!" Jay shouts back, heading straight to the Vic to get his phone repaired.

In all honesty, despite what had happened with Ben, he really wasn't in the mood to pretend he liked half of those people. He got on okay with Peter but other than him and Lola, he didn't have much in common with the rest – least of all Abi's sister Lauren and her friend Lucy.

As he heads towards the Vic he couldn't help but feel like people were looking at him, talking about him. It felt as though he was looking over his shoulder and he had felt like that ever since that night with Ben.

It was just like when Heather died.

The paranoia was unbearable. Everything anyone would say he would somehow misinterpret. He knew deep down no one knew but subconsciously he felt like everyone knew. It was even worse when he was around Phil.

Reaching the Vic he pushes through the double doors and walks up to the bar. Mick Carter stood behind, he was such a physical presence it didn't matter who you were, as soon as you walked into that place the first person you clocked eyes on was the landlord himself.

"Alright Mick!? Is Johnny about? Managed to smash my phone up didn't I?" Jay jests, holding up his mobile for Mick to see.

"You nutter! You hammered or something?" Mick replies, trying to stifle is laughter.

"Nah mate, Lo knocked it out my hand didn't she?"

"She giving you grief?"

"Something like that."

"Well he's up stairs in the khazi, I think. Go on up if you like!"

"Cheers Mick." Jay calls as he pushes through into the back.

Jay sprints up the stairs with his phone in hand but he wasn't quite prepared for what he saw when he reached the top.

Having just come out of the bathroom, Johnny was walking along the landing drying his hair with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

Getting to the top Jay just froze. He hadn't expected to see Johnny in a state of undress.

It was strange. It was as if what happened with Ben had suddenly triggered something with in him. Before last week he'd have taken no issue to seeing another man half dressed but all of sudden he felt as if he was coming over all queer. Just the slight sight of flesh of a vaguely attractive bloke was getting him aroused.

"Sorry Johnny, your Dad said to come up." Jay said trying to redirect his gaze.

"No problem, what can I do for you?" Johnny asks walking past Jay towards his bedroom.

"Lola says you fix iPhone screens." Jay replies, following him but trying not to look.

Johnny enters into his bedroom and sits down at the edge of his bed.

"Yeah, if they're broken!" He jests, holding out his hand.

Following after Johnny, he quite obviously looks away as Johnny sits down. He only caught a glance before quickly looking away but with the way Johnny was sat, he could see straight up his towel.

"You alright?" Johnny asks, still holding his hand out waiting for Jay's phone.

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine!" Jay says while still look in the other direction.

"I need your phone, Jay?" Johnny replies, hoisting up his towel a little further and unbeknownst to him revealing even more.

"Right, of course." Jay utters, turning to him and placing the phone in his outstretched hand. This time he couldn't help but look. Johnny's penis was literally hanging out from the underneath his towel.

It was so long. Far bigger than his was when flaccid, probably the biggest unerect penis he had ever seen.

"Thanks. I'll pay you later!" Jay rambles before quickly exiting the room and rushing down the stairs leaving Johnny perplexed.

Reaching the bottom, Jay took a sigh of relief. He couldn't bare standing there any longer. He didn't know where to look and the thoughts he was having was making the whole experience incredibly uncomfortable.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Jay exclaims.