7. Pretty Little Soldiers

~Levi~

There was an Asian staring at me.

And it wasn't the drooling, dewy-eyed, damp-panties gawk of a girl queuing up to get humanity's finest to sign her tits. In fairness, I was more accustomed to getting the evil glares anyway. And this one was particularly murderous.

I almost cared enough to wonder what wrong I had done this girl, but in the end I was pretty bored waiting for the call to begin the journey to the Karanese district so I just straight up glowered right back at her. But the bitch didn't relent. In fact, she seemed to get all the furiouser, reaching out and grabbing another soldier's shoulder, digging her harpy claws in deep as her mouth formed words that I couldn't hear from across the courtyard.

Too late, it hit me: I had seen this scowl before. Back at the trial, I had turned after finishing with Eren to find her standing up and leaning out of her chair with clenched teeth and fists. A childhood friend, and comparable to me in terms of her desire to protect him. She couldn't still be mad about that stupid act, could she? Didn't she know that I was the one responsible for his wellbeing now? I thought of how things between me and Eren had progressed since then and almost burst out laughing. I had chained him to his cell bars. I had sucked his lips raw red. His mouth had almost touched my fucking dick.

Just what would she think if she knew?

My eyes widened. What if … she already did?

All that stuff I did with Eren, and I still didn't even recognise the back of his head. He shrugged the girl's grip off his shoulder but turned to see where her murderous stare was directed.

His eyes met mine for a moment, and then I found myself storming over, my mind filling with a muffled sort of screaming.

"Eren, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Three recruits gaped at me: a short blonde with wide eyes staring incredulously on the left; the Asian on the right still blowing steam out of her fucking ears; and Eren, in the middle, his lips parted in an adorable, innocent look of surprise. And, standing there boldly between his two friends, it hit me how incredibly young Eren was. Alone at HQ and among my squad, I had the chance to pretend he was just like any of us, that my feelings weren't really as perverted as they would appear on paper.

But now it was all too clear: he was a fucking child.

I breathed heavily as I trudged away, him following behind me. I couldn't rid my mind of these thoughts … he was only fifteen. Fifteen years ago, I was discovering my own sexuality, and he wasn't even fucking born! I felt sick. I led him into one of the empty stables, far enough away from the crowds to give us a little bit of privacy and prevent our conversation being overheard.

I had been so fucking careless, so idiotic in my impatience. I stopped abruptly. From now on I would be meticulous.

I turned, fists clench, and opened my mouth to rain fire and brimstone. But with one look at the big hopeful eyes in his stupid little face, I faltered. I glanced over his shoulder at his friends: the black- and blonde-haired girls who were closely watching us. I took a deep breath, and folded my arms across my chest. "Eren. Pretend I'm scolding you."

"Uh … what?" he asked.

I pointed at my face as I narrowed my eyebrows in my best impression of my intimidating self. "I'm gonna pretend I'm really angry at you for — I dunno — for leaving too many old glasses of water lying around your room, or something. That's what you'll go back and tell them, so nobody gets suspicious. So just don't let my face put you off, OK?"

"But — your face always looks angry, Heichou," he said, laughing lightly.

I glared at him. "Are you trying to make me actually mad so the act is more believable?" I growled.

"Um, what's this about, sir?" He clasped his hands behind his back, standing in the doorway with nervous posture. I looked him over, frowning.

"I just needed a moment to tell you …" I trailed off, and swallowed nervously. "You really can't tell anyone about us, understood? All that stuff I said about preserving the fate of humanity … that's all well and good, but the fact is I'd lose my job if we got caught. Not only that, I'd go to jail for statutory rape. You understand that, don't you?"

His mouth fell open, and it flapped for a moment in speechlessness. His stammering would have made me blush if I did that sort of thing. Instead, it just made me kind of hard. "I — I can't tell Mikasa and Armin?" He made to turn to glance over his shoulder, and in panic I shoved him. He staggered backwards and immediately turned back to me with a look of confusion.

"Don't look around, idiot!" I hissed. "Your friend Misaki is already staring daggers at me. You didn't … already tell them, did you?" I asked fiercely, lowering my voice.

"No — no! I wasn't going to right away, but—"

"No but. You can't tell them, not ever."

I watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat. "Her name's Mikasa, Heichou. And she's only glaring at you because she's still mad that you beat me up at the trial. But, I swear, I didn't tell her anything."

I sighed in relief, and then remembered my role-play and shouted, "You'd better not have, shitty brat!" His face quivered while gaping at me, and I lowered my voice again. "If she has a grudge against me already it's even more important that you don't tell her. She might leap at the chance to have me incarcerated."

He shook his head wildly. "Mikasa wouldn't do that! Not if I told her how I felt about you … She's like family to me, Heichou."

"Eren, don't you know anything about vengeful teenage girls?" I groaned, suddenly thinking of Hanje. "They'll do anything to bring you down if things don't go their way!"

He looked at me for a moment, his eyebrows all screwed up in concern. Then, his eyes dropped to the floor. "OK … If you wish, I won't tell her. But what about Armin? I know he wouldn't be judgemental—"

I shook my head. "Who's Armin?"

"My other friend — the blonde one. You met him before."

I stole another glance over Eren's shoulder. That was a guy? "I don't know …" I bit my lip, looking briefly into Eren's swimming green eyes. My stomach really felt like it was ready to chunder like a titan after a fucking feast.

The truth was, I didn't even know what I was doing yet. I had caved to my carnal side in a moment of weakness, and now I was desperately trying to cover the careless tracks I made in the process. Fuck, I didn't even know if Eren was trustworthy, let alone his friends.

I sighed, rubbing my neck. I looked up at him, to see him looking thoughtful.

And then he said, "But, Heichou, couldn't you just order me to keep my mouth shut?"

My breath caught sharply in my throat. I frowned. "As your superior … or something else?"

He grinned at me, his eyes shining. "I dunno — maybe both?"

I frowned more deeply, averting my gaze and wondering what the fuck I had got myself into. Not only was it bad to mix the worlds of reality and fantasy, but I wanted him to understand why he shouldn't tell them — not just blindly follow my orders. Because, then, what would happen if he ever decided that he didn't want to be my sub anymore?

This really was a shitty situation, but I had no time to dwell on it. Someone had called for the departure of the troops and I panicked. "I order you not to tell anyone about us, Eren!"

He grinned. "Yessir!"

I felt uneasy, and his creepy smile was not helping. Why did it seem like he was having so much fun, while I was here killing myself with anxiety?

Oh, yeah. Because I was the adult who was breaking the fucking law.

I saw the Mikasa girl in my peripherals and was ready to make a dignified exit, when Eren turned to me with gleaming eyes. "You're really cute when you're stressed, Heichou."

I hit him. "Not here, idiot!" That wiped the smile off his face, and I gave a sigh. "And don't call me cute," I added. "It's annoying."

He narrowed his eyes. "You mean annoying, or sweet?"

I grit my teeth against my smile. "I mean annoying."

He stared at me, and very slowly his eyes narrowed further. "How often do you say the opposite of what you mean, Heichou?"

I blenched. The kid knew me too well already. "Get to your fucking post, shitty brat!" I grumbled. "And I don't want to see any more stagnant glasses crowding your bedside tables, understood? I'm actually serious about that, it's fucking gross."

He stuck his tongue out at me, and turned running to return to his comrades. But he reversed back a moment later, and gave me another one of his smiles. "Last night was fun, sir … I really like you."

I stared at his vivid eyes for a moment as every cell in my body froze. Our gazes met for a long time, and then he simply waved and walked away.

He hadn't even blushed.

I traipsed out of the stable and began walking in the other direction, completely disoriented. I think my horse found me, rather than the other way around. I pressed my face into her neck, breathing in the wild scent. The smell of the boy's skin was still in my nose from last night and I couldn't get it out of my head.

I really had just gone down for a kiss. A kiss was all I could handle.

His skin so soft, and it took on such a cute pink tone when he was embarrassed or flustered or when he got too hot. Fuck. So clear and perfect … it was something I craved to ruddy up. So soft, like a peach … like a child.

Fuck. I gripped Remona's coarse mane, trying to rid my mind of the sensation. The excitement coursing through my veins at the sight of him struggling in chains before me, the sound of his frightened whimpering, the scent of his fresh boyish skin and the taste … the taste of our first fire.

My groin began to throb and heat swelled in my member. I was so close to falling over the edge. Actually, it was more like I had already fallen and I was holding on with just my fingertips, while he was dragging me down, down, down. The weight was almost too much and my grip was slipping. It wouldn't be long now until I lost my hold and tumbled into the flaming depths of some sort of pedophilic hell.

I groaned into the horse, and she gave a concerned whinny in response.

"You fucked him, didn't you?"

I leapt around, seeing Hanje drooling at me from up on her high horse. My eyes whizzed in their sockets to check for eavesdroppers, but somehow in my daze I had wandered into a private corner of the courtyard and most of the troops had already departed. Breathing tightly, I turned away from the shitty glasses and grumbled, "And here's the devil now."

"What was that, Levi-san?"

I shrugged her off and jumped onto Remona, giving her a kick and leading her out towards the road, following the last of the crowd away from the old castle.

I looked around as calmly as I could, quickly finding Eren once again near the front of the group. His face was set seriously as he rode behind his friends onto the dusty road that led away from the HQ. I relaxed a little. Of course he wasn't going to tell anyone. I mean, I did want to trust him. He was just so young and spontaneous — I hoped he wouldn't do something stupid.

I saw him adjust himself in his saddle, and with a slight smile I recalled the incident with the saddle sores and what came of it.

"… I will do anything you say, Levi Heichou."

His bow of reverence …

"When did you start calling me Heichou anyway?"

His hot blood on my cravat …

"Oh … I guess it was when I decided that I would devote myself to you."

His tongue tentatively exploring my mouth …

… I really like you.

I found myself smiling. He was a good kid, after all. Not that he was quite accustomed to following orders just yet, but that was something that would come with time. His eagerness might cause me some trouble in the meanwhile, but all I really had to do was teach him how to behave. When I thought about it, him being so young might actually have been a good thing. This way I could properly train him how to be a submissive, before things got too messed up.

Yeah, all I had to do was to have a crystal clear conversation with him next time about what our relationship was, besides a secret. What that was exactly, I would figure out between now and then.

"You sure are jumpy today, Levi," Hanje said with a carefree laugh, coming up beside me on her horse. I looked around, and saw her narrow her eyes and grin like a maniac. "You're as skittish as a superior who's been having steamy illicit sex with a certain submissive subordinate!"

I yanked Remona's reins and stared in horror at the soldiers a few metres ahead of us. But in some miracle it seemed like the clip-clop of their horses had blocked out the four-eyes's voice.

Nevertheless, I glared at her. She stayed by my side, grinning at me until I caved.

"I didn't fucking fuck him, OK?"

"Awwh, man, you're so boring," she groaned. We started the walk again, and she was quiet for a moment, but then her face lit up and she elbowed the air as if she was short-sighted enough to believe I was riding that close beside her. "Oh — but I forgot! You take that stuff at a sluggish pace. I bet you have kissed him, though, at least." She pouted and batted her eyelashes. "How could you resist those big green eyes?"

"I forgot something, too," I said icily. I whipped out my sword and held it out to her throat.

She gasped and stopped her horse abruptly. "Are you crazy? You could have beheaded me!"

"You might have deserved it," I said, withdrawing my blade. "You're the one who told Eren how to break me, aren't you?"

"Hey, he came to me, OK?" she yelled, hands on her hips. "And why are you complaining? Isn't this a good thing? I mean, you like him, don't you?"

I sat on my horse heavily. "Hanje … You know how I like being in control?"

"Yup, sure do," she replied cheerily. "Too well, actually."

I glared at her. "Well, a psychotic kid whose only knowledge of subbing is the dirty tactics he used to seduce me, not to mention the prospects of both losing my job and getting thrown in jail … it's not exactly what I call being in control of the situation!"

"Oooh," she sighed, bringing a thoughtful finger to her lip. "You think he'd blackmail you if you tried to break up with him?"

My eyelids fell. "Blackmail me?"

"Mm-hmm," she said, nodding vigorously. "I mean if I was a minor when you ended things with me, and I had the opportunity to fuck up your life in the worst way possible, there's no doubt in my mind that I would have taken it." I gaped at her, and she closed her eyes and shrugged. "That's not to say that in a calmer frame of mind I wouldn't have regretted it, but in the heat of the moment it's the kind of childishly careless decision a jilted teenager would make. And, suddenly, you get the firing squad — pew! pew! — and Eren's sobbing because all he really wanted was for you to stay with him forever — wahh! — so, then, he throws himself on his swords in a last ditch attempt to rejoin you! Wow — imagine that! Losing humanity's strongest and humanity's hope in one go. Is that what you were worried about, huh, Levi?"

I swallowed. "Well, now it is."

Hanje laughed loudly. Sometimes I thought she liked to torture me. At times like this, I was certain.

I guess in a sense, I was worried for the sake of humanity. But, still, I wasn't sure if I had just been making excuses. That was just the rules of the army: relationships were forbidden if they compromised a superior's authority or the chain of command. But my mission, first and foremost, was to protect him; and I was banking on that little loophole. Hopefully, since discovering the method of extracting Eren's body from his titan form without killing him, I thought that maybe if I grew overly attached to him it would only stand to intensify my reasons for ensuring his survival. In this way, I was selfishly hoping that maybe I could still be with him without sacrificing the integrity of my squad.

Today when I saw the fury of his friend, I realised that I hadn't put enough thought into what would happen if we got caught. He was still a minor, but since it was a mutual relationship, the situation could be alleviated slightly. It was certainly suspicious though: who would really believe I hadn't coerced him into it? All I had was his word to protect me from the accusations of being a rapist.

Fifteen, I reminded myself. He was a teenager, and a pretty dramatic one at that. How was I supposed to predict what would happen, what he would do if things didn't end up so happily ever after? I was putting my job and my freedom in the hands of a kid I barely knew. Hanje was right: she had been furious with me for a long time after we broke up. She wouldn't even speak to me without one hand on her blades and a psychotic look in her eyes. It was fucking terrifying.

I grit my teeth. "Eren's not crazy like you, Hanje."

She tapped her chin with one finger. "Really? I thought you said exactly that just two minutes ago."

I stared straight ahead, as a new memory resurfaced and reverberated in my head. "I'm gonna slaughter every last titan!" His eyes had been manic, his teeth bared like an animal. But … wasn't that the same look that intrigued me in the first place? I saw the titan in the boy and wanted to tame it.

But I hadn't considered the possibility that the titan would eat me first.

Hanje whipped her reins and trotted on ahead. "That reminds me, Erwin wants you to report in as soon as we reach the Karanese district."

I froze, but quickly followed after her. "Did he tell you what for?"

"How's the Eren situation?"

I shrugged. "Didn't I already write a report on this?"

Erwin leaned his elbows on the desk, leaning forwards and interlacing his fingers in front of him. "I'd like to hear a more personal briefing from you, Levi."

I rolled my eyes slightly. What exactly did he mean by personal? "Well, after the brat blew us all up with titan steam, he confided in us about how it feels to lose his dick and asshole and have to hold in his shits while being a titan. Then we all went around a circle telling our own deepest, darkest secrets and after that, we were all bestest friends forever. Thus we figured we should hold an initiation ceremony for the squad's newest member, and so Eren chugged a combination of whiskey and my special cleaning formula from Oluo's boot while we held him upside down by his ankles. He puked, but said it didn't taste so bad. Mostly lemony, with just a hint of athlete's foot. Then we stayed up all night playing hide and seek in the HQ, having a pillow fight in our underwear and braiding each other's hair." Erwin smirked slightly and I stared coldly at him. "Is that what you were looking for, Commander?"

Erwin sighed and got to his feet, moving to the window. "They're getting younger, aren't they? The new recruits."

"You know fully well that we're just getting older, Erwin."

He peered out of the window, watching the horses streaming the streets of the Karanese district. "What age would you say the youngest ones are? The ones who just came out of training?"

I was pretty sure Erwin, as commander, would know something like that. But I knew he was going somewhere with this, so I played along. It was always interesting to see his mind at work. "I dunno … fifteen?"

He sighed. "So young … But I have to say, there are some pretty faces out there. Don't you agree, Levi?"

I opened my mouth, but quickly shut it again. My mind had gone oddly blank.

Erwin wasn't watching me, but I could feel his attention suffocating me nonetheless. "There's a little blonde girl out there who is quite the angel. I don't have much time for that sort of thing—" he turned to smile at me, "—but I am a man, after all."

I swallowed, clearing my throat a little. "If that's Eren's little friend Armin you're talking about, I should warn you that he's actually a boy." He stared at me rather dubiously, and I shrugged. "Yeah, I was surprised too."

Erwin laughed a little and moved to the bookshelf. "I think I was talking about someone else. But it's little consequence. Do you remember being fifteen, Levi?"

I shrugged. "You know my childhood isn't exactly comparable to most."

He took a book from the shelf and opened a random page. "Well, it's a difficult age. Being recognised as a child but feeling inside like an adult. Growing into sexual maturity … and not to mention all the hormones."

He shook his head, a small sigh escaping his lips. I vaguely wondered what kind of shit Erwin Smith was getting up to at the age of fifteen, if thats how he recalled it. All I remembered was the dirt. But I had an overwhelming suspicion that Smith wasn't just reminiscing about first love and misspent youth right now.

"Nonetheless," he continued, "the age of consent is sixteen in this country for a reason."

My heart stopped. I stared at him, but his back was turned to me and his posture was as straight as ever. I rubbed my side as my stomach felt like it was beginning to force its way into my mouth.

"I wouldn't feel so bad about engaging with her if she was very willing herself. But even if I were to have genuine feelings for her … if the relationship got out to the public, who would believe me? Not only is she my subordinate, she's also a minor. I'd lose my position, and go to prison." He looked over at me, finally, but his hard stare gave nothing away. "But you knew all of that already, didn't you, Levi?"

I tried extremely hard to relax but I was finding it near impossible to breathe. Images flashed through my mind like a slideshow: Eren sitting in the grass, his eyes vivid viridian; my sullied cravat wiping blood from his blushing cheek; my shaking hands clutching his shirt as his chest heaved and his lips reddened before my eyes from the contact with mine … It was all spoiled, dirty, despicable. And it was all over now.

Why was I so weak? I was supposed to be humanity's strongest, and yet here I was: about to lose everything because I couldn't resist that one kiss.

My eyes scanned the room briefly and landed on my feet, wondering if Erwin would suspect something if I started picking the grime out from between the floorboards with my fingernails. I decided against it in the end. Instead, I stared solidly at him and nodded.

He met my eyes for a long time. Eventually, his eyes closed and he laughed quietly. "Then I trust you know what you're doing."

I inhaled sharply. "Sir?"

He looked at me with gentle blue eyes. What a fucking softie. "You're my friend, Levi. I know it's not everyday you meet someone who makes you feel this way. So I'm willing to turn a blind eye as long as you believe it won't jeopardise our mission. You can deal with keeping this a secret yourself."

I shook my head and smacked my hand to my forehead. "You absolute bastard. Why'd you torture me like that, only to tell me it's all fine with you?" I sighed, laughing darkly. "Well, I guess I deserve it. But to be honest, I'm starting to wonder if this is all worth the stress."

Erwin made a noise of agreement. "At our age, patience is not so hard. It's not the same at fifteen. But, still, it may be in your best interest to save the consummation until Eren comes of age."

The butterflies in my stomach lifted off in fluttering fashion at the mention of Eren's name in association with mine, and in such a context. I really was suckered. "Maybe you're right," I said slowly.

Maybe it wasn't too late for me. We had only kissed, after all. Maybe I could back my way out of this before too much damage was done. Maybe he would be reasonable.

I thought of Hanje once again, and wondered how Eren would feel about waiting. I had practically promised him that we'd do something after the mission, in some stupid irrational blunder. But the way his eyes had looked up at me so eagerly, so wantonly from his knees … I guess I couldn't help making the sort of promises I didn't know if I could keep.

My heart felt a little heavy. It's not that I wasn't excited about his eagerness, but moving so fast made me wonder what his real motives were. Was it me he truly desired, or was he just an animal that wanted to fuck? What if he refused to wait? What if the prospect of us being together in twelve months wasn't enough to keep him going?

I closed my eyes, heaving a heavy sigh. I really didn't know much about him, did I? Maybe waiting would best in that way, too. At least it would be some solid proof of his feelings for me. He claimed he was devoted to me, and I wished in my gut for it to be true, but what evidence was there? The things he had done for that one month at headquarters, were they really enough to put all my hope in?

And, anyway, how could I pretend I wasn't just after the same thing myself? How else could I know that I wasn't just a despicable pervert preying on a vulnerable kid?

"And what of the mission, Levi? You won't be too distracted to do your job, will you?"

I opened my eyes, and instantly narrowed them at Erwin's cocky smile. "Are you kidding?" I asked, gripping the handles of my gear. "The only thing that could distract me from him is getting my swords out and fucking some titans in the ass."

Erwin began laughing loudly and I dropped my hand.

"Yeah, that kinda came out wrong."