11. Safe

~Levi~

I cantered through the woods, halfway up in the saddle, twisting around to watch Eren's titan following at my heels. He was magnificent. Fifteen foot, all tight muscle and teeth.

It was odd seeing him like this. After all, I had missed most of the dramatics in Trost, and by the time I had come across him in the Forest of Giant trees he'd had his nape ripped out already. I was out-of-action in Stohess as well, of course. I had seen half a torso picking up a spoon, but I had never witnessed the feral eyes and the furious scream and the colossal size. He was in there, somewhere, I could even recognise him sometimes. Which was weird. I wasn't exactly into titans. But I was into Eren.

"OK, Eren," I called up, as we reached the corner of the makeshift arena, "It's time to sprint."

After witnessing the female titan's incredible skill for both long-distance and speed, Hanje had turned her experiments to building up Eren's abilities. We had him clear out a huge track spanning the circumference of a small forest near the cottage, and then took turns racing him on horseback.

At my word, Titan Eren gave a roar, and I spurred Remona on faster. The wind rushed through my hair as I surged forwards as fast as I could push her, as the earth-shaking pound of Eren's footsteps picked up in pace.

The sun was going down and lit the sky in violent streaks of pink and blue, dimming and cooling the forest, but I was having too much fun to wish for the end of the day. Usually experiments meant a lot of standing around while Hanje took charge, and standing by while Mikasa fawned over Eren at the slightest mishap. At lunch, all the kids sat together and sometimes Hanje insisted we join them. But all I wanted was to have Eren to myself.

Riding with him today was the only opportunity we'd had to be alone all week. I had insisted on keeping our interactions to a minimum, lest anyone get suspicious. But it was difficult. He had his friends to keep him company, he had training all day every day, and every night he fell into his own bed, exhausted. I couldn't make him exert himself any more than that.

These few laps in the woods were all I had, and I appreciated them to no end … even if he was a titan.

I let out a whoop, leaning forwards as Remona rocked beneath me. I glanced back at Eren, close on my tail, and would swear I saw him smile in there. Suddenly, his body bent over and his pace increased even further, his massive feet stomping easily over me and leaving me in his dust. I watched his titan butt tower over me and gain a lead, and a light burst of laughter escaped me.

I saw the others in the distance and slowed back to a canter. Armin was already on horse, waiting to take the next turn. Despite wishing I could go on running with Eren, I knew it wouldn't be wise to make any fuss. Besides, Remona was burning heat and near foaming at the mouth. The female titan had been as fast as a horse, and Eren was steadily catching up. I watched him reduce his speed back to a jog, as Armin kicked his heels into his mare's belly and set off behind him. I reined up, watching until Eren had disappeared into the trees. I stared after him, panting, before vaulting off Remona and walking her to a quiet spot to drink and rest.

I looked around the clearing as I caught my breath and felt my heart rate slow to normal. Once it did, I was bored again. Hanje was busy writing her notes and my new squad members were huddled together chatting. I stayed with Remona and the other horses.

When Eren returned sprinting again, he crossed the makeshift finish line right before tumbling to the ground and crashing into a line of trees. His titan went up in steam, and Hanje and Mikasa both rushed over to help him remove himself from the sinews. Armin jumped off his horse and made to do the same, but I put my hand out to stop him.

"Let's not crowd them," I said, stepping back into the stirrup and jumping onto Remona's back. The little blonde stared up at me, before shooting a nervous glance at Eren. His titan had been foaming at the mouth, but now everything was engulfed in steam. "He'll be fine," I said aloud.

"Yes, sir," Armin agreed. I looked down, having forgotten he was there, and nodded curtly. I care, too, I wanted to scream at him. You have no idea how much.

I allowed myself one look as they loaded Eren into the cart. He looked terrible, but no more than usual after experiments. I knew he would be fine … I just had to remind myself of the fact a couple more times.

I stared straight ahead of me all the way back, with the chatty brats behind me. Outside of meetings and mealtimes, I hadn't done much mingling. It was fucking hard. My previous squads had been composed of handpicked members, so I was able to get to know each one individually before having to deal with them as a group. But Eren's friends already knew each other. Plus, they were teenagers. Even if I could work up the mental strength to walk over and join the conversation, what the fuck did I have to contribute? They saw me as their Captain, their superior. Even Eren still called me sir automatically. Sometimes I was so sick of being a sir.

As usual, we held our post-experiment meeting at Eren's bedside, because he was always either too worn-out or too passed out to go anywhere else. Today it was the latter. They all stood around and I sat at the foot of his bed, wishing to be the one holding him, making sure he was OK, wiping sweat from his brow as he lay there unconscious. But instead I just had to sit scowling as Hanje went on and on and on and Mikasa held my lover's hand.

Today, she caught me on the way out the door. We two were always the last to leave.

"Corporal," she said. I stopped and turned, not before I saw Connie make an expression over his shoulder at us, elbowing Jean.

Let them talk, I thought. Anything to throw them off the scent.

I waited until the others were well down the hall. "What is it?" I asked, watching Eren sleeping from the corner of my eye.

The girl stood straight and tall. I hated tall people. "It's about the experiments—"

"Ask Hanje," I said, turning around and reaching for the doorknob.

"I'm asking you, sir," she insisted. "Miss Hanje is shortsighted in this topic."

"She's shortsighted anyway."

Mikasa blushed, in an insolent kind of a way. "She doesn't care what these experiments are doing to Eren, as long as she gets her results."

I grunted a little. "And what makes you think I care?"

"I know you do," she replied.

I glared her, my neck growing hot. She knows. She knows. She knows. I was about to blurt out my confession when she continued. "In the Forest of Giant Trees you believed me when I said Eren was alive. You risked everything on my hope."

I sighed in annoyance, and also a little in relief. So maybe she didn't know. Hopefully she didn't. "I told you not to make it personal," I said, rolling my eyes. "Eren's humanity's hope and I have to keep him alive. It doesn't mean I care."

"I also saw you afterwards," she continued, lowering her eyes and speaking quietly to the floor. "You removed a crest from the jacket of one of the dead."

I inhaled sharply, suddenly wanting to punch her. But I kept my voice level as I went on the berate her. "So? She was one of my squad. They were a good squad, unlike all you shitty brats. But they're gone now and all I have is you."

"You have Eren," she said, looking up and meeting my eyes fiercely. "He looks up to you. He trusts you. He'll never accept my help, but he needs it as much as he needs yours."

I eyed her closely. So … does she know, or not?

She turned and sat beside him, closing her hand over his limp one naturally. I clenched my fist. "Eren is strong, but he'll also never let himself look weak. He'll never give up, never want to let us down. But it's taking a toll."

I watched her stroke his face and I clicked my tongue with growing madness. It had been too long since I had been able to touch him like that. The experiments had been wiping him out so physically and mentally, and I was always waiting for things to slow down so that I could get him back in my bed. But even then … we were all cramped into that tiny log cabin, and after last time I knew we mustn't risk being so loud again. I wanted to be loud … so I just needed to find an opportunity to get away somehow.

"We'll take a day off tomorrow," I said suddenly. Mikasa turned and gaped at me. I shrugged, and then crossed my arms. "But you and your shitty friends will be cleaning. Got it?"

"Thank you, sir!" Her words were so heartfelt as she saluted me. I made a face, and stole a last look at Eren. Mikasa had taken the damp cloth and was wiping his head, delicately tracing his cheekbones and drawing it down to his chin. His lips were dry, slightly parted, and I clenched my fists as I left my love in another's hands.

I made sure that Hanje was the only one on guard duty as we left the next evening at sunset. Eren had only picked at his food at dinner. I still made him nervous, I knew, but I forgot to feel bad after Mikasa touched his knee and asked him if he was alright. I'd be touching more than that later on. I'd do things that Mikasa couldn't even imagine in her kinkiest daydreams. They'd make her blush, if they didn't first make her rush on me with her swords and attempt to murder me painfully.

I'd like to see her try.

The woods were the perfect location, I had decided. If we rode on horseback far and deep enough, we'd be dead to the world. There would only be me and him … and maybe Hanje to stand by somewhere in case anything went wrong. I knew all the general first aid, of course, but having an extra person present in case of emergencies seemed vital, since we were so secluded and far away from civilisation. I couldn't stop her from watching, either, but it was the only way to make sure we were covered if perhaps her theory was true and I could push him hard enough to trigger a titan shift. I really hoped it wouldn't, though. What a mood killer that would be. But even so, a number of things could go wrong and it wasn't safe for us, alone and distracted. Maybe I was being overcautious, but I felt there was no other choice. His safety was most important.

But not tonight. Tonight we wouldn't go too far. I had him all to myself; to plan, to tease, to fuck. I watched him riding with his head down, the glare of sunlight glowing off his chestnut hair, and felt my blood pump hotly with lust. He looked up and caught me staring, and smiled shyly. I smiled too, content, but close to bursting. Watching him with his friends all week had made me so stupidly jealous. I couldn't just walk with him, ride with him, touch him amiably like they could. Since there was a lot to be desired from our day-to-day interactions, I had to make these times last. Anticipation, done correctly, could make even our fleeting moments together so intense that they spilled out to keep us sated between dates.

That's what I hoped anyway. It was harder to guess what Eren needed to keep him satisfied.

The woods were beautiful as night fell slowly, the air filling with animal sounds and nature's music and the smells of earth and oak and green. I could imagine chasing him through the undergrowth. Maybe he'd be laughing. Maybe he'd be screaming. Maybe I'd catch him and we'd fall to the leafy ground, kissing wildly with giggling mouths. Or maybe I'd tackle him down and hold him there with all my strength as he sobbed and cried for help. I'd hear him whimper as I sucked and marked his neck, while tearing off his clothes and feeling him shivering beneath me. Maybe he'd pretend to start to like it after a time, or maybe he'd pretend to fight me right until the very end. Either way, I hoped he was a good actor.

Remona didn't appreciate my riding boners, so I tried to clear my mind and focus on the most important task first. We still hadn't talked properly and set up the hard limits. That was first, before we went any further. I would not let this become some sadistic frenzy without any rules. I wasn't Hanje.

When I decided we had gone far enough, we stopped. I got him to sit as I laid out the blanket, the teacups, the flask of tea I had prepared specially with mint leaves from the wild gardens behind the cabin. We hadn't much food to spare, especially thanks to Sasha, and nothing very fancy. But while all the kids were busy with the cleaning this afternoon, I had made a task of picking some fresh fruit.

"Shouldn't I be serving you, sir?" he asked, chuckling.

"Not unless I tell you to," I replied, sitting down with a smile. Sure, it'd be fun to have him dress up and serve me tea sometime, but really I was more comfortable giving. This was something I never fully understood, but I had always wanted to be the one providing. I wanted to have and to be everything he needed. "I just want to treat you well."

I got a strawberry and offered it to him, and he opened his mouth and bit it shyly. Juice pooled on his lips, red and wet, and my heartbeat pounded under my skin as I leaned in and kissed him.

He gave a small moan as I breathed him in, taking his face in both my hands. His hand moved up towards my chest, but instead it paused awkwardly and fell to my knee. I growled slightly, wishing to pull him close and push him down on the blanket and get inside him again. But not yet.

I pulled away from the kiss, gazing at his eyes as they glinted in the growing dark.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

He nodded. "Good. Tired, I guess."

"Hanje's pushing you hard in training."

"Yeah," he said, and then fearlessly added, "but I'd prefer to be training with you."

I smiled, chewing my tongue as he gazed back at me hungrily. I moved closer until our knees touched, and reached my hand up to brush the hair from his eyes. My eyelids lowered as I touched him, feeling drunk with my desire for him, and my voice was low when I spoke. "Tell me your favourite things from the other night."

I stared at him, watching his eyes widen a little and his mouth open and close for a moment as he searched for his words. We were talking about this, whether he liked it or not, or even whether he realised it or not. Maybe if I could make talking sexy, we would finally be able to get somewhere.

"Um — I liked — everything!" he laughed nervously, his chest rising and falling fast. "I liked when … when Heichou held my neck …"

My fingers trailed down his face and wrapped around his little throat. His mouth fell open as I squeezed slightly, immediately getting hard as hell. From the way his eyes fluttered down to my lips, I knew he had too. He breathed heavy, and I tightened my grip until he was close to squeaking. He pushed against my grip to try to kiss me, but I held him away. I loosened my hand, but kept my fingers on his neck nonetheless. "What else did you like, Eren?" I whispered.

"W-when you held my arms down …" he gasped. I swiftly grabbed him and threw him down onto the blanket, holding his upper arms firmly to his sides as I drew my knees up around his hips. He threw his head back into the leaves, gurgling softly, as he struggled against me. I was stronger, but it was cute of him to try.

"How would you like to be tied up with ropes next time?"

He gasped audibly, and nodded, scrunching his eyes up.

Why the fuck didn't I bring ropes?

I grabbed his wrists and pushed them above his head, holding them there with one hand while using the other to undo my belt. Eren writhed and whimpered as he heard the whipping sound of it being pulled quickly from my belt loops. His eyes opened, and widened as he looked up at me.

"I could tie your arms and legs to each corner of my bed, or tie you bent over my desk," I said, leaning close to his ear as I wrapped the belt around itself and crammed it over his hands. I tightened it so they couldn't slip out, but loose enough not to cause to discomfort. "I could tie your wrists to your ankles and tease your ass with toys. I could stand you up and tie your arms to the ceiling, and whip you 'til you're red. How does that sound?"

He nodded again. I smiled, and looked around for somewhere to fasten the other end of the belt. But soon he was talking again.

"I liked how — when um, when you had me in your mouth … it was like you had me so deep that … that your nose actually touched my stomach."

I felt his dick stiffen harder under my legs and I wet my lips eagerly. Smiling, I let myself grind against it, gently enough that his face twisted into an agonised groan.

"But — ah — when I tried, I couldn't get it very far — ah — at all …" He inhaled in a shudder, as my hand grabbed his cock. "So — big," he panted.

"It's not that big," I assured him, pushing my hand into the head and feeling its shape and the slight dampness he had already spilled. "I can teach you how to do it, if you like."

His eyes opened, blinking, and he looked up at me with sudden curiosity. "How did you learn, Heichou?"

"Me?" I asked. My mind buzzed, and for a moment I forgot where I was. I sat back, my hands returning to my knees. "Well, I was taught by my old Master."

Eren stopped still, and gazed up at me. "Your what?"

I frowned a little, my heartbeat suddenly erratic. Was I really getting into this right now? Oh, but it was too fucking late. How could I come back from that? I sat up, my arousal dissipating quickly. "Yeah … believe it or not, I was a submissive once."

I climbed off his lap and sat down heavily. He followed suit, struggling to sit up without the use of his hands. They landed in his lap as he crossed his legs. "But you're so …"

"Dominant?" I laughed. I sighed. "I was different then. Never innocent, really, but younger."

"How did it happen?" he insisted.

I looked around, biting my lip. I was nervous, to tell the truth, but I guess it was no harm for him to know. It just wasn't the most pleasant memory to have to share. But I had to open up at some point, right? I searched for the tea, and poured us each a very large cup. Only after the first sip did I begin. "You know how I grew up in the underground city? Well, down there people did a lot of things for a little money. Not me, though … those filthy men could have offered me all the king's gold and I still wouldn't have touched them with a sanitised stick. I was capable enough to fend them off, but not everyone was that lucky … And the most unlucky ones weren't getting paid for their services at all.

"I always had someone interested, however, because I looked so young." I gave a small shudder. The sick bastards, I almost said aloud, until I looked at Eren and saw his smooth, blushing cheeks. My heart picked up and my stomach turned. I'm not like them, though. I'm not. I went on quickly, sidestepping my shame. "I started seeing this man around, in a pristine white suit and hat. I could tell he had taken an interest in me but he was taking a long time to approach, which was both odd and annoying. Eventually, I went to him and told him I wasn't for rent. He replied, I don't want to rent you. I want to own you."

Eren's eyebrows raised up into his hair. I laughed nervously, a little embarrassed at revealing such personal information. I remembered it so very clearly, and all the emotions that went with it. My heart had suddenly started pounding, and my neck had grown hot as I realised what had happened. He had turned me on. Me. What's more he had done it with only words, and kind of creepy ones at that. It shouldn't have aroused me, and I didn't understand it, but I was undoubtedly flustered. Not many people were capable of intimidating me, even back then. But I didn't fear him. I respected him. I resented him.

"He told me that if I found the idea repulsive then he would never bother me again. But if I was interested, then I should have dinner with him."

"And you went?" Eren asked, shocked.

"I told myself I went for the food. We didn't have much of it on the streets. But honestly, I was curious. I was nineteen, a bit older than most to be only thinking about sex for the first time. But there was something different about what he was offering. We must have had two dozen dinners before I finally trusted myself to go home with him. He showed me what I had to do, he took control, and I felt relieved. I stayed at his house for days at a time, and he kept me clean and well fed and after a point even provided clothes for me. I asked if we might change roles, just for once, and he obliged of course. But I already knew that once I had tried standing in his shoes, mine would no longer suffice. And I was right. It ended after that."

Fifteen years ago it was. Eren had only just been born.

"Switching roles," Eren said, blushing fiercely. "Is that a common thing?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure, it's not really something that I can understand from a Dom's perspective. Hanje always wanted to, that's one of the reasons we ended. She said I was too rigid. But I just never wanted to be the sub again."

"Why not?" he asked quietly.

I looked around, and saw him frowning slightly. Afraid of making him feel bad about his own position, I began explaining quickly. "Different people have different preferences … I was always a control-freak, so at the time I figured that giving up control somehow appealed to me. But soon it wasn't enough. Really, I think it was just harder for me to understand that I wanted to be in his position. Back then, I had a bad view of sex from all that I had witnessed around me. It had become something horrid and violent in my mind, and I shunned it along with everyone who made advances on me. So when I met this person who was so courteous and clean and gentlemanly, who wanted to do these things to me … I didn't understand how it was any different to being bought on the streets. To accept gifts when my friends were thrown a few coins, to allow him to rough handle me when others came home bruised and sobbing and violated, to play at rape when my friends were attacked on the streets.

"And worse … that I fantasised about being the one attacking." I swallowed. "But he showed me the difference. I was safe, consenting, and he wouldn't do it unless I was. He taught me a lot about myself, about what I liked and what I wanted, and that's how I knew he wasn't like those perverts. So, then, I knew that I wasn't like them either."

Eren was looking at his hands, still fastened together, and I felt a lump in my throat. "This is why we need to talk about things, Eren. This is why we sign a contract and have a safe word. I don't want to be like those bastards on the streets, but there's things I want to do to you … I just need to know that you'll never feel abused by me. I couldn't stand myself if you did."

He nodded, and fell into my shoulder. I sighed, hugged him, and drained the rest of my cup in one go to try and drown my thumping heartbeat.

"So," I laughed as I pulled away, "what are your stories of sexual discovery?"

"I don't really think I have any," he admitted.

Of course you don't, I thought gravely. You're all mine.

Misleadingly, this chapter is called safe ... but Levi has STILL forgotten to give Eren a safeword. If anyone is worried about that, I'll deal with it in the next chapter. Levi's gonna feel REALLY bad about it, too. He has the best intentions, I swear.

Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks to all my lovely reviewers too :) I appreciate it lots.