Secrets Kept

*Updated June 2014 – originally chapter 5, just tweaked a bit, not much of a difference.*Thanks to Defiant Vixen and Jsi-Spitz for their reviews!

Chapter Four

A sigh escaped Gary as he leaned back against the wooden wall behind him and tossed aside the textbook he had been working with. The last thing he felt like doing was homework; not when the weather was this nice. Granted, it was a bit too chilly to go to the beach like he and his friends usually did, but it was still a nice, crisp late-September afternoon. He felt like running around, playing with Umbreon or Arcanine or meeting his friends down at the school to play soccer in the field there; anything to keep him outside and active. Of course, he technically was currently outside, albeit eight feet off the ground in an old tree house that he and his friends had built as children. When he had first settled down with his book bag that afternoon, he hadn't been able to keep from wondering just how a group of seven-year-olds had managed to build such a large and sturdy fort so high above the ground. He remembered vaguely that they'd had help from older siblings, parents, and even his grandfather, but he was still a bit surprised that it was still in such good condition.

Being in a place with so many fond memories seemed to make the dull task of completing several hours' worth of homework far more bearable. Everything was finally done and Gary had to suppress a groan at the thought of being cooped up inside the town's school even more during the week, being bored to the point that he would spend half of the time either sleeping or absently doodling on spare sheets of paper. He missed the days of summer that were spent outside. He missed working with the aerodactyl back at Sayda Island. He even missed his days as a trainer. It seemed as though those times belonged to a different dimension now that he was busy with school – the repetitive and mind-numbing work expected of him simply seemed to drain him of life. Gary was definitely not the type of person to do the same thing every day for long periods of time.

As he began to shove the textbooks and notebooks back into his bag, he heard footsteps crunching over the fallen leaves on the ground below. Wondering if it was one of his friends hoping to copy his homework, he paused and carefully leaned forward to see out the door without the person below seeing him.

"Hey, are you up there?"

He smiled slightly, a bit relieved that it was just his grandfather. "No, I ran away and disappeared off the face of the planet," he replied dryly.

"Ah. One less mouth to feed." Gary laughed softly and moved so that he was sitting in the doorway of the tree house. "Can we talk?"

"What about?" Gary asked warily, wracking his brains for what he could have possibly done to get in trouble.

"School. You're not in trouble," the professor added hastily, as though he had read his thoughts.

Gary rolled his eyes. "There's a first," he muttered as he pulled his bag to him, zipped it up, and dropped it to the ground before jumping down.

The professor closed his eyes and shook his head, resisting the urge to smack his grandson in the back of the head. "Do you not remember breaking your ankle doing that when you were younger?"

"I do now," Gary replied, smirking at his grandfather as he hoisted the book bag onto one of his shoulders. "What about school?"

"I talked to your teachers," Professor Oak began and Gary wondered once more what he had done. He may have been bored in his classes, but he was well-behaved and had the highest grades in his classes. The professor gave him an almost sly smile before continuing. "You could have told me that you were bored out of your mind, you know; it's amazing that you can draw so much in class and still score so high on your exams –"

"I'm assuming there's a point to this."

Professor Oak shook his head, muttering something about impatience. No one could say that Gary had ever been a particularly patient person. "Fine, I'll get right to it; you can either stay in your science classes and be bored, or you can do an independent study in the lab."

"In other words, I can do whatever I want in the lab and skip class?" Gary asked suspiciously. There had to be a catch to this – getting out of the classes at school was far too simple.

"Actually, you would be working with Tracey." A particularly annoyed groan escaped Gary before he could suppress it at that. Of course, the catch would be spending more time with the boy that he had by now admitted that maybe he had a slight, very small crush on. Maybe. "I thought you and Tracey were good friends," the professor added, appearing to be a bit confused by the unexpected reaction.

"Yeah…"

The professor shook his head again with a small smile. "We both know what happens whenever you're alone the lab. Blood ends up all over, you get hurt – or poisoned somehow – and I end up short medical supplies. Hence, you are working with Tracey on this. Nonnegotiable."

Gary frowned; he didn't get injured that often in the lab. Either way, this was an interesting opportunity – even if he would have to work with Tracey, something he wasn't quite sure he wanted to do. The older boy was easy to get along with and they had developed a comfortable friendship between them, this was true. The issue, however, was that, quite simply, Tracey was attractive in several ways; physical being only one of them. Being around him for too long seemed to leave Gary feeling confused and frustrated; the feelings were only intensified by the fact that he couldn't freely speak to anyone about them.

Seeming to notice the amount of inner turmoil going through Gary's head, the professor spoke up once more. "You don't have to choose today. Think about it over the next few days, maybe talk to Tracey and your other friends –"

"I'll do it," Gary cut him off rather firmly, surprising himself with the sudden response. It was the mention of his friends that had done it. Seeing them chase after the girls at school had been driving him to the brink of insanity and seeing Mike with his new girlfriend everyday was not helping matters much. He only had two science classes but if he was able to escape seeing the other boys for even those two classes, maybe it would help a bit.

There's still Tracey though, he had to remind himself.

… … …

Tracey gazed at the half-open bedroom door next to his own room and shifted his weight uncomfortably. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous about working with Gary, but he was. It was a strange feeling – being such good friends with someone and, yet, wanting more. It was a simple crush, that was what Tracey had told himself, but this felt stronger than any other crush.

Perhaps he had just forgotten what it felt like to like someone, or maybe he just wished that he could find something that he liked enough to date. In the end, he had to admit that he wanted a boyfriend.

Over the past few weeks, he had noticed a shift in Gary's mood and suspected that it stemmed from the conversation they'd had in the lab before school had started for the younger teen. Gary seemed to be a bit withdrawn and quiet compared to his normal sarcastic and, on occasion, outspoken self. Tracey had seen him snap at friends more often than usual and had noticed an increase in the bickering that occurred between the two Oak siblings whenever May was around. What Tracey noticed even more than that, though, was a certain air between himself and Gary. Tracey was certain that there was a mutual attraction between him and Gary, and there were times when they were alone when Gary seemed as though he were simply dying to say something but always held back. He hoped that working with the younger researcher would cheer up a bit with being able to skip classes to work in the lab.

Finally, Tracey knocked on the door and pushed it open, expecting Gary to still be asleep; after all, it was still fairly early in the morning. He was surprised to find the other boy already awake and sitting on the floor in front of the television in his room, playing a video game. Gary barely glanced up from the game, even when Tracey entered the room and perched on the edge of the bed, noticing how eerily clean the room was for a teenager. Was it just him, or had the room been messier a mere month earlier? It seemed as if the room had become cleaner as Gary's mood had declined.

"Ready to start working in the lab?"

"Is it time to head down there already?" Gary replied, still wholly focused on the television.

Tracey blinked and resisted the urge to shake his head; there were times when he was forced to remember that Gary was related to the professor. "Yeah… How long have you been up?"

"Awhile."

"You're as bad as your grandfather," Tracey muttered, sighing softly. Gary cursed loudly as the character in the video game died and Tracey couldn't help but laugh when Gary tossed the controller aside and irritably turned off the television.

"Let's go downstairs," Gary suggested, heading out of the room with Tracey still laughing softly as he followed him.

"Do you have any idea what you want to work on?" Tracey asked when he had finally sobered.

"Not a clue."

Sometime later found the two teens in the lab, sitting across from each other at a table and trying to come up with any sort of research ideas. So far, they'd had little luck – Gary's mind seemed to be elsewhere and Tracey was finding it rather hard to keep the other boy from drifting off into his own thoughts. Finally, he opted for an approach other than silently brainstorming with the occasional spoken thoughts.

"You're always reading – what's your favorite book?" Tracey asked, thinking of how often he had stumbled across the teen sprawled out on the couch in the living room with a book in hand.

"Frankenstein," Gary replied flatly, barely glancing at Tracey.

Tracey sighed and idly twirled his pen between his fingers. "Hmm," he began thoughtfully, hoping to pull Gary's attention away from the windows that he was currently gazing out of. "The ethics could be a bit of an issue… Not to mention the possible God-complex that you could develop from that."

A small smile curved Gary's lips as he finally glanced over at him. "Not to mention trying to find body parts to use. Darren and Adrian are only so willing to help out around here."

Tracey laughed at that and shook his head in amusement. This was the reason he liked Gary so much – that dry sense of humor that allowed them to easily bounce retorts off of each other. Despite his amusement, his laugh faded quickly. They still needed to find a project for Gary to work on. "Ok, how about your favorite movie? And, please, don't say Jurassic Park; we don't have that type of equipment."

"Dawn of the Dead."

"Hate to break it to you, Gary, but we're fresh out of zombies around here."

"And I take it we're all out of the T-virus as well?" Gary asked amusedly. "Resident Evil," he explained at Tracey's confused expression.

Tracey laughed again, resisting the urge to groan in frustration – this was going nowhere. "I worry about you."

"Nice to know someone does," Gary sighed, all amusement suddenly fading as he turned somber.

Tracey's gaze turned critical while he glanced Gary over. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Gary simply shook his head. "Nothing."

Of course, Tracey doubted this but let it go anyway. Who was he to press the boy about something Gary obviously didn't want to talk about? Instead of questioning him further, something he felt compelled to do, Tracey pulled a scrap of paper to him and began doodling absently. Several moments passed in near-silence, the only sound being that of Tracey's pen scratching against the surface of the paper.

Though he was sitting silently, gazing out the lab window while appearing to be carefree, Gary was preoccupied. His confusing thoughts had become more and more frequent since school had started; the constant work did little to distract him and he was failing miserably at forcing himself to like girls. In the back of his mind, he knew that there was no way he could ever distract himself from his questionable sexuality, but he couldn't help but try and then try even harder when he caught his eyes lingering on Tracey or – even more embarrassing – Adrian or Darren. Or that last time they had played soccer together and Brandon had taken off his shirt… Or the time Wyatt wore his girlfriend's tight jeans to school…

Another sigh escaped Gary and he tiredly dropped his head on his arms that were folded on the table. He needed to get past this somehow before it became a bigger issue than it already was. Reason told him that talking to someone would help but pride held him back from letting his guard down and paranoia told him that no one would understand or accept it. He had considered casually bringing it up around Darren – after all, the boy was his best friend in the world; they had grown up together and Darren was likely to be the most open-minded in their group. But their close friendship was the exact thing that prevented him from mentioning it. The last thing he wanted was to harm the relationship on the off-chance that Darren would have an issue with it.

There was always Tracey, Gary supposed. They had become quite close since he had moved back in May, now nearly six months earlier, and he could almost consider Tracey to be as close to him as Wyatt or Adrian – which was startlingly close considering that those two were second only to Darren. It almost scared Gary when he thought about how quickly he had become close to the pokemon watcher, especially when one factored in the attraction he felt towards the older boy. Gary was certain he could trust Tracey, at the very least, he wouldn't tell anyone and he was more likely to understand than any of his other friends were.

"You alright?" Tracey asked, glancing up from his drawing.

Gary hesitated slightly, wondering whether or not to answer perfectly honestly. "Just tired," he lied.

"You were fine a few minutes ago," Tracey pointed out. Gary said nothing so Tracey returned to his doodling without another word.

Another few minutes passed in silence before it was broken by Gary. "When did you realize you were gay?" Why the fuck did you just do that? his brain screamed at him.

Tracey paused in the middle of his sketch and slowly laid down his pencil. This was unexpected – he had almost hoped that Gary would eventually talk to him about this but never expected it to be this soon or sudden. "I guess I always knew," he replied after a short moment of thought. He couldn't help noticing how uncomfortable Gary appeared after the question had slipped out of his mouth.

"Really?"

Gary sounded doubtful so Tracey elaborated. "I have a younger brother who's your age and I noticed pretty early on that he was interested in girls more than boys but I was the opposite. I realized that I was different from him and the other kids." He shrugged and glanced back down at his drawing, realizing that this was really the first time anyone had ever asked him that particular question. Now that he thought about it, Tracey realized that he had never actually had a friend that was gay, like himself.

"That's it?"

"That's when I noticed I was different… I didn't really hone in on what it was until I was around twelve. My brother was absolutely in love with this one girl in school so he started asking me for advice and it kind of hit me." Tracey shrugged again, not entirely knowing what to say. He had never struggled with it so he was unsure about what to say to someone that he suspected was struggling with the same thing that he had dealt with so easily. Gary gave him an inquiring look that Tracey took as a prompt to continue, which he did with a small, nervous laugh. "I was confused about it for awhile and I ended up talking to my father about it. I told him that I didn't really like girls and, when he asked if I was gay, I told him I didn't know… I'd never thought of it before. So he told me not to worry about it and that it would come to me with time and then, a few months later, I was out of the closet entirely."

While Tracey spoke, Gary felt an inexplicable mix of emotions – jealousy, helplessness, even a touch of anger. It wasn't fair: Tracey was the only one around that was like him, but they couldn't relate – the situation was obviously far easier for Tracey than it was for Gary. There was no way he could talk to anyone in his family, May was far too talkative and would quickly blurt it out to her friends and the entirety of Pallet would know by the next day. The professor was always busy and, with how absent-minded and forgetful he could be, Gary felt certain that any conversation with the man would leave him feeling even worse. And this was all if they were supportive of him. For that, he was jealous of Tracey – obviously his family had been supportive and understanding. That train of thought left him feeling helpless and thoroughly depressed.

"Your family didn't have any issues?" Gary asked. It took effort to keep his voice free of any annoyance that he felt.

Tracey shook his head. "My mother apparently suspected it for awhile, but, yeah, they were fine with it." He gave Gary a small smile, sensing that the younger boy wasn't particularly happy with his revelations. "Families are usually very supportive, and a lot of times, someone either suspects it or knows it," he pointed out, thinking about the conversation May had with one of her close friends while Tracey was in the kitchen over summer.

May suspected that her brother was gay and, given the fact that the young woman had a few very obviously gay friends, Tracey was sure she would be supportive. As for the professor, he adored his assistant even when he knew about Tracey; in Tracey's mind, there was no way they wouldn't be supportive if Gary chose to talk to them. While Tracey was thinking this, Gary sighed loudly and crossed his arms, appearing rather cross.

"What's wrong?" Tracey asked, feeling fairly certain that he already knew the answer. Gary simply shook his head in response and, just as Tracey was about to reply, the door opened and Professor Oak came into the lab from outside.

The professor mentioned something about Gary needing to get ready to head to school and Tracey watched the other boy roll his eyes and respond with an annoyed snap that was a bit uncharacteristic, even for someone so sarcastic and irritable. "I guess skipping calculus is out of the question," Gary muttered once the older man had left the room.

"He's still annoyed at you for skipping English last week. I wouldn't push your luck," Tracey suggested. The argument between the professor and Gary after that particular incident had been rather memorable and Tracey wasn't likely to forget about it too quickly. It was the first time he had seen Professor Oak truly angry and it was also the first time he had seen exactly how stubborn Gary could be, constantly insisting on getting in one final word to outdo whatever the professor had last said.

Gary groaned and rolled his eyes again. "Nothing pleases him," he muttered. Tracey knew that this was untrue but stayed quiet to humor Gary – he wasn't willing to start an argument, especially not when it was still technically morning.

Silence fell once more as Tracey returned to his sketch and Gary made no move to leave the lab, apparently intent on either pushing the limits of his grandfather's patience or miss his class – both if possible. The behavior confused Tracey as he had always seen Gary as a fiercely determined individual who was dead-set on being at the top of whatever field he ended up in, regardless of his young age. The boy had opted for a fast track out of school just to get back to research as quickly as possible and he had signed up for the hardest classes there were, though this didn't say much considering how small Pallet's high school was. School had started out fine, or so Tracey had thought, but the professor had caught onto problems swiftly, perhaps because of how close-knit the town was. The boredom hadn't seemed to surprise anyone and was passed off easily with harder work or, in the case of the science classes, the work in the lab. It was the skipping class that had surprised and annoyed the professor. What had surprised him even more was that it was just Gary doing it. It seemed as though the professor could better understand the situation if the other boys had been a bad influence in some way.

The lab door opened again and Professor Oak called for his grandson once again, being met with another irritated snap that caused Tracey to glance up from his drawing, wondering what was causing the small outbursts. Maybe he's just sick of being stuck in Pallet, he wondered. Suddenly, an idea for this elusive research project that Gary was supposed to be starting came to him.

"Did your grandfather tell you about the project that Professor Birch is starting on?" he asked as Gary stood up to leave.

"The sharpedo one?" Tracey nodded. "He mentioned it."

"Why don't you help out with that for your work here? He'll need background research," Tracey suggested.

Gary paused before leaving the lab, glancing back at Tracey with a curious expression. "How did you know that was something I would want to do?"

Tracey shrugged and gave him a small smile. "I'm psychic," he joked. Gary shook his head with a roll of the eyes, a faint smile curving his lips as he turned to leave. "Hey," he called after the younger boy when he made it to the door on the opposite side of the room. "Have fun with Adrian after school. You two always hang out on Wednesdays," Tracey added as an explanation when Gary gave him another inquiring look.

Gary smiled again and left the room, wondering how exactly Tracey always seemed to pick up on those things. Even his friends that saw him every day seemed to be unable to pick up on patterns, even his grandfather with his ways of observing him never seemed to hone in on what his interest was at a specific point in time, not even his sister seemed able to read his moods – at least, that was how it was in Gary's mind. Sometimes it felt as though he were invisible to everyone except Tracey, who had an uncanny ability to pick up on the smallest things about him.

Perhaps invisibility could be a good thing, at least until he was able to deal with the confusion over his sexuality and who he liked. On the other hand, not being noticed by those close to him was certain to sting harshly. Distancing himself, he figured, would help in the grand scheme of things – it would help when his family and friends inevitably figured out that he was gay and decided to abandon him, and it would help to alleviate the blooming feelings between him and Tracey.

It was a stupid idea, born purely out of paranoia, but it seemed to make sense at the time. Then again, nonsensical things often seemed to make sense in the mind of a teenager – especially in the mind of a stubborn sixteen-year-old.

… … …