Secrets Kept
*Updated June 2014 – originally chapter 7, just tweaked a bit, not much of a difference.*
Chapter Six
The next morning came without event, save for a fitful sleep that was accentuated by dreams that often bordered on nightmarish. It was early when Gary awoke to sunlight pouring in through the windows and he lay there for a long while, trying desperately to go back to sleep. The only thing Gary wanted to do now was sleep. His head was throbbing and the soft light filling the room was hurting his eyes while he still felt remnants from the previous night's nausea. The last time he had felt this sick was the last time May had tried to make chicken for dinner and had inadvertently given both Gary and Tracey food poisoning.
Finally realizing that there was no way he was going to be able to sleep any more, Gary groaned and sat up to peer around the room. Most of the boys were spread out, sound asleep; Darren was sprawled out next to him and Chase had somehow managed to curl up at the foot of the bed, almost like Umbreon would often do at home. Brandon was sprawled out on the floor across the room, head resting on Mike's legs; Gary smirked slightly at the sight – he could just imagine the panic the two would experience when they woke up like that. Heaven forbid two teenage boys touch even slightly when they were passed out after a long night of partying. Mike was by far the most homophobic of the group and it was more than likely that he wouldn't speak to Brandon for a week after this. Gary was almost tempted to wake up Brandon and warn him to move but in the end decided to let him deal with the consequences of their sleeping positions. After all, didn't he have to deal with the consequences of kissing Amanda?
Suddenly desperate to get out of the room, Gary stood and, in his haste to leave, nearly fell over Adrian, who was curled up on the floor next to the bed. Adrian stirred and opened his eyes long enough to glare sleepily at Gary before going back to sleep. Gary muttered a quick apology before stepping over his friend and heading towards the door. He couldn't be irritated at Adrian for sleeping in a place where Gary was certain to trip over him – a sleepy Adrian was too cute to be angry at. Gary shook his head at the thought and immediately regretted it.
This was definitely going to be a hellish day.
Though his intention was to get dressed and head straight home, it was quite awhile before Gary made it home that morning. A large part of the delay had to do with Wyatt being passed out in the bathroom and, of course, being the only one awake, Gary had been the one to make sure that he was still breathing and wasn't likely to choke on his own vomit. As far as cleaning up the semi-dried vomit all over the bathroom floor… Well, after encouraging him to kiss Amanda the night before, Gary figured that leaving Wyatt with the humiliation of waking up covered in his own vomit and then having to clean it up was an apt punishment for being a total idiot.
Once he entered his house, it only took May a moment to appear in the doorway of the kitchen with a plate of blackened squares that Gary could only assume were supposed to be toast.
"I made breakfast!" she exclaimed cheerfully. She glanced down at the plate and back up at her brother. "Well… Sort of. There's another batch in the toaster since this one is... I could've made scrambled eggs but I figured the smell would make you nauseous."
Gary rolled his eyes and stalked off towards the stairs, ignoring May as she looked back down at the plate.
"I knew I should have had Tracey make breakfast," May sighed and turned back towards the kitchen.
… … …
It hadn't been a surprise to Tracey when May approached him that morning and hinted that she would like him to speak with her brother. The girl had seemed mildly concerned over the past few weeks and that concern seemed to have evolved into full-blown worry overnight. She didn't make it obvious, in fact, she seemed to be attempting to cover it up while trying to act normally but Tracey wasn't about to fall for that. He could tell just by taking in May's subtle body language that something had happened; she was breathing faster than usual, her skin was paler than usual, and she was so restless that Tracey was certain if Gary had been acting like himself that he would have been teasing her with some nickname involving the word twitchy.
Of course, if Gary had been acting like himself, Tracey was sure that May wouldn't be quite so worked up.
Either way, he found himself once more standing in front of a closed bedroom door, wondering what to say. By now it was late afternoon and Gary's absence had been noted by the professor, only to be blamed on teenage laziness. A sound behind him made Tracey look up to see Umbreon meandering lazily towards Gary's room. She stopped next to Tracey and rubbed her head against his leg before nudging the door open with her nose; Tracey hadn't even noticed that the door was partially open.
Once inside the room, Umbreon sauntered over to the bed, grabbed the blanket in her teeth, and pulled with a growl that elicited a sleepy groan from Gary, who was curled beneath the thick comforter on the bed. Shaking his head, Tracey crossed the room and opened the curtains, causing Gary to groan again.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Tracey glanced back over at the bed and shook his head again; Gary had pulled one of the pillows over his head while Umbreon continued to tug on the blanket. He probably figured that it was May who had entered the bedroom.
"It's snowing again," Tracey observed, leaning against the wall next to the window and crossing his arms loosely. "It would be nice to go outside and enjoy it, don't you think?"
He heard the sheets on the bed rustle and glanced over to see Gary sitting up and rubbing his face tiredly. "I thought you were May," Gary muttered. Umbreon dropped the blanket and jumped up on the bed, happily rubbing her face against Gary's.
"I figured. Looks like someone missed you."
"She's probably the only one that even noticed I was gone."
Tracey raised his eyebrows slightly and was forced to suppress an uncharacteristic scoff. Did Gary really think that nobody in the house cared about him? The teenage angst was fast getting on his nerves but he kept his cool. "You'd be surprised how quiet the house is when you're not around; I can actually hear my radio without your music drowning it out. Forgive me, but I'm not a fan of music that sounds like someone who's demonically possessed wrote it all." Much to his surprise, a small smile curved Gary's lips.
"You'd think I'm a Cannibal Corpse fan with the way you're going on about it," he replied dryly.
Tracey shook his head again, unable to understand why anyone would like a band with a name like that. He picked up a CD case from the desk near him and examined the cover. "Instead you like… I have no idea how to pronounce that name."
"Amon Amarth."
"What language is that? German?" Tracey set aside the case and returned his attention to Gary, who was scratching Umbreon behind the ears.
"Sindarin, actually."
Tracey blinked and stared at him for a moment before laughing. "Seriously?" Gary nodded. "Elvish? Lord of the Rings?" Another nod and Tracey burst into laughter. "What do they sing about? How gorgeous Legolas is?" Tracey teased. Gary laughed softly and Tracey felt a surge of delight flood through him. Success! he thought cheerfully.
"Oh, Tracey's got a crush on Orlando Bloom? Tell that to May and you'll have a friend for life."
"Was I right?"
Gary rolled his eyes and shook his head, wincing at the dull ache that the movement caused. "The music's about Vikings."
Tracey raised his eyebrows again and managed not to laugh. "Never pictured you as the Viking type. From what I hear, they generally hold their alcohol better." Gary visibly tensed at the words and Tracey could tell that he had gotten his attention but he continued as though nothing had happened. "You can tell when they're really trashed because then they start fighting each other with swords. I guess that's kind of what straight teenage guys do when they drink though: do stupid things to show off to the girls. I would stick out like a sore thumb at one of those parties. Something wrong?" he added, noticing that Gary had stopped petting Umbreon and was watching him almost suspiciously.
"What did you hear about last night?"
Tracey shrugged. "Nothing." He was being almost honest; May had only mentioned that Gary had gotten sick and had seemed upset about something. The last part had been rather obvious, considering the way Gary had hidden out in his bedroom all day, even skipping lunch. "Why? What happened?"
"Who says anything happened?"
"No one. I was just assuming since you've been moping around up here all day that something must have happened. And now you're being defensive so that kind of confirms it." Gary said nothing. "Seriously, what happened?"
"Nothing happened. I got drunk and threw up. End of story."
"What did you do when you were drunk?" Tracey pressed.
"Nothing!"
By now Tracey was certain that something had happened just by the way Gary was avoiding the question. "Did you tell your friends?"
"Tell them what?" Gary asked defensively. Tracey calmly raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "Tell them what, Tracey?" Gary repeated, the defensiveness draining from him voice only to be replaced by worry.
"I think you know," Tracey replied softly. He uncrossed his arms and sat down in the desk chair, trying to get comfortable.
Gary hesitated, dropping his gaze to the dark blanket on the bed. "You know?" he asked after a moment. Tracey nodded. "How?"
Tracey gave a small shrug and sighed softly. "I've been through it; it's not that hard to recognize when someone else is going through the same thing."
"It's not the same thing."
"Not exactly the same – it wasn't so rough for me – but it's the same scenario. Getting confused about weird thoughts or dreams, wondering why you can't feel the same way as your friends, trying to figure out what it all means… Worrying what would happen if your friends knew how you felt – would they ditch you or would they stay by your side? Same with family; except with family it's even worse. They're supposed to love you unconditionally but –"
"Stop!" Tracey paused at the sudden outburst. "I hear it enough in my head; I don't need you saying it out loud."
Tracey nodded, now they were getting somewhere. "So… What happened?"
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Gary asked, sounding a bit put out.
"If it's bothering you enough to make you act like this, then no."
Gary sighed dramatically but finally met Tracey's eyes. "I kissed Darren's sister; happy now?"
Tracey smiled slightly at the revelation and fought to not look as surprised as he actually was. "Now was that so hard?" Gary simply glared at him, which caused Tracey to laugh softly. "I was joking," he explained, leaning back in his seat. "Well, how was your first kiss?"
"Who said it was my first kiss?"
"We're being defensive again," Tracey pointed out, causing Gary to groan loudly. "It was that bad, huh?"
"It's probably what caused me to puke in the first place." Tracey pulled a face at the comment. If that was the truth, then it was no wonder that Gary was so upset. "What?"
Tracey shrugged and forced his face back to neutral. "Remind me to never kiss you; I'm not particularly big on vomit as a fetish, just so you know."
"I'll bear that in mind should we ever decide to screw around," Gary retorted dryly.
"And I'll remember that you don't like kissing. Is that really what was bothering you so badly?" Tracey frowned when Gary's response was yet another sigh. "Stop sighing! If you don't want people to know that you're gay then you're going to have to stop being so dramatic," he chastised lightly.
Gary chose to ignore the last comment and answered Tracey's question instead. "It wasn't just that," he admitted after a moment of hesitation. For a moment he looked ready to say something but then suddenly frowned and shook his head. "Forget it."
"Not happening," Tracey replied firmly. It was obvious that he was starting to both get on Gary's nerves and get through to him. The way Gary glared at him and picked irritably at a lose string on the blanket showed the annoyance quite plainly but the fact that he seemed to be on the verge of talking about it showed that Tracey was getting to him. Maybe if I annoy him enough, he'll actually speak.
"You're stubborn," Gary observed in a clipped voice that served as another proof of annoyance.
"You're the stubborn one, Gary," Tracey pointed out. "I'm only being persistent because that's what it takes. It's what friends do." The glare that he received in return was not at all surprising. He shrugged it off and continued, unfazed by Gary's behavior. "Being stubborn is only going to make you more depressed. It does more harm than good." With that, he stood and started to leave the room, explaining that he needed to help May cook dinner. He was nearly at the door when Gary spoke up.
"It's just frustrating." Tracey turned to face him but said nothing. "Every day, it's something new; someone likes some new girl, someone has girlfriend issues, someone has some new issue."
"Gary –"
"I'm not stupid," Gary interrupted. "I know it's hard for anyone and I know everyone has their own problems – I mean, Wyatt has so many family issues, it's not even funny. That's why he's always getting trashed. I just wish it wasn't like this."
Tracey nodded slowly, thinking over what Gary had just said. "It is hard," he agreed. "But keeping it a secret and pushing people away will only make it harder." Gary kept his eyes on Umbreon, seeming to pay more attention to petting her than to listening to Tracey and Tracey had to wonder if he was even listening to him in the first place. With a slight shake of the head, Tracey opened the door and started to leave again. He had just stepped into the hallway when Gary called his name.
Gary didn't look up from Umbreon, even when Tracey stuck his head back into the room. "Thank you," he said softly.
Mildly surprised, Tracey smiled. "Any time," he replied lightly. He left the room and heard Gary groan and flop back against the pillows on his bed as he pulled the door closed behind him. Sighing softly, Tracey leaned against the wall behind him for a moment; he still needed to go downstairs and help May with dinner but after the conversation with Gary, he felt that he needed a few minutes to gather his thoughts.
It was surprising for Gary to be so open with him and he wondered if it was simply because the younger boy physically felt so lousy or if there was something else going on. Seeing Gary so down was difficult, Tracey had realized with a slight shock. Even in past weeks, when Gary had still been rather miserable, his eyes had always been brighter and it was rare that Tracey couldn't get at least a half smile out of him. Now that the smile - or even that mildly irritating smirk that was often present - was absent, he realized how much he enjoyed seeing them. Even Gary's voice was different: it was soft, almost hollow and it pained Tracey to hear a friend's voice sound like that.
Somehow, Tracey wasn't entirely surprised about the way he felt regarding Gary's behavior. He had felt a bit of a crush forming since the summer and he had certainly noticed the good looks and intelligence every time that they had met before Gary had moved back to Pallet. Now he realized that it was more than just a little bit of a crush forming: he was attracted to Gary – very much so. Part of him wanted to go back into the bedroom, give him a hug, maybe a small kiss on the cheek, and tell him that everything would be just fine with some time. Of course, he knew he couldn't do that.
This was Gary's problem, not his, and because of that, Tracey knew that he couldn't interfere. The most he could do was be a good friend and lend a sympathetic ear when necessary. This situation was already difficult enough without the added pressure of a relationship. There was no way this could go beyond a friendship. Besides, it would be quite awkward to date the grandson of his mentor and boss.
… … …