As soon as they began to speed away, the sharks immediately began to cluster around the new 2016 Cadillac Escalade, with four wheel drive and 22 miles per gallon highway. A burst of lasers was fired from all the sharks simultaneously. Luckily, their aim was bad enough for Soos to dodge their attacks of fiery death. When he came to Gopher Place, he made a sharp left turn. The Pines screamed. A piece of concrete exploded in front of them, which Soos expertly dodged. A couple of laser shots managed to hit the back of the car and the rear windshield exploded into a thousand tiny pieces. Dipper picked up a submachine gun off the floor of the car and began returning fire at the sharks, along with his great uncle Ford. Dipper managed to hit one shark with a barrage of machine gun fire, and it crashed into another shark, both of them covering a small area with pieces of circuitry and shark. Unfortunately for Ford, the sharks had adapted to his laser gun, which was now bouncing harmlessly off of them. One blast bounced off of a shark and hit a car, which flipped into a nearby house, both of which blew up and set on fire.
"Ha, I guess your nerdy gun wasn't rad enough to beat those sharks, Mr. Ford dude." Soos remarked, laughing.
"Could we go three chapters without you or the narrator calling me a nerd?!" Ford yelled.
But as Soos was distracted, the car was hit on the side, completely destorying the driver's side doors and causing Soos to swerve off course, straight into someone's house.
The Cadillac Escalade-which comes in several awesome colors such as red, silver, blue, and many more-crashed through the houses living room wall, where the family that clearly had no knowledge of events outside were being a good family watching tv together. Luckily, Soos and the Pines saved them from having terrible taste in TV for their whole lives by crashing into the tv, which was in the middle of a Jesse marathon, thus sparing them from the abject horror of watching a plain awful Disney Channel sitcom. Unfortunately, before the family could do anything useful with this, they were immediately vaporized by several laser sharks.
The car burst through the wall into a nice dining room, with a mahogany table laid with a lace tablecloth and fine silverware. The Escalade rolled through that, shattering the table into several hundred pieces of wood. It then drove through the glass back door, knocking down the screen door with it.
As the Cadillac Escalade burst into the backyard, Soos swerved in order to dodge the large pool the family had. Several laser shots caused the pool to evaporate.
The Escalade somehow survived all of that and driving through the wooden fence. The Cadillac Escalade can also drive through your tough every day conditions like snow sleet and rain.
With an audible and cartoony tire screech, Soos made a sharp left turn and sped down the road. His house was close by. So were the laser sharks. There were now at least 29 of them following the car, absolutely battering it with lasers. One shark dipped down and began to viciously swing it's head, trying to hit the car. Mabel threw a hatchet at it, which caused it to fly away.
Soos pulled another grenade out of his pocket, pulled the pin out with his teeth. He threw it into the wide open mouth of a low flying shark.
The explosion was spectacular. You really had to be there.
Soon, the group came to Soos's house. He quickly stopped the car and he and the Pines all got out. Soos pulled a crossbow out and fired a volley of arrows at the sharks. Several sharks were hit squarely, and they crashed into each other. The result was basically an enourmous firework, but with more sharks involved.
Soos and the Pines retreated inside the house and locked the doors behind them.
"Dudes, I think we're safe. For now."