{Kerai's P.O.V}

It was about four in the morning, Eld had gone to bed and I remained in my office. My cries had become hiccups and my eyes were dry and burning. Outside, the rain had turned into a light snow fall. Only now did I realize that it was freezing in here, so I lit a small fire in the fireplace. I sat down on the floor with my back leaning against the couch, giving me a good two feet between the fire. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on them. Somehow, I think this is my fault. I had replayed everything that happened and the only common factor was me. It's my fault, everything that has happened is my fault. I must have pushed Levi away, that can be the only logical explanation to this...Maybe if I had been more attentive to my family in Mitras then I could have done something to save both of them.

My thoughts went over the years I had spent with Levi, trying to find how I had pushed him away. Maybe I was too pushy, too bossy, too clingy. I had to of done something wrong but I couldn't quite find it, until now I thought I had been doing a great job at being the perfect wife for him. Nothing was making any sense, everything was out of place. The warm fire tried to heat up my cold body, but it didn't matter. I could be engulfed by the flames and still be ice cold. All I could feel now was hurt, sorrow, betrayal and strongest of all, hate. I hated feeling like this, I had some hate for Levi and most of my hate was directed towards that bitch Petra.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the picture I kept in my pocket. It was Levi and I, I was standing on a stool so I was slightly taller than him. My right arm on his head and his arm was wrapped around my waist. We were smiling and laughing, the picture was from our first year together, together. Small tears fell from my eyes and a few landed on the photo. Without so much as a second thought I threw the photo into the fire and watched it burn.

A few hours later, I went to the mess hall grabbed a cup of Jasmine tea and returned to my office. I sat in the open windowsill with my tea in hand and watched the snowflakes fall to the ground. A half hour later everyone was up and moving. Some headed out to do chores, to train, but I can tell a majority were in the mess hall. There was a knock on the door which opened shortly after. I turned my head and saw it was Hanji and Eld. I gave them a nodded and went back to looking outside. The two of them moved closer and sat down at/on my desk.

"Hey Rai, how you feeling?" Hanji asked, staying an unusual calm.

I shrugged my shoulders, I didn't trust myself to speak without crying again.

"Feeling any better?" I shook my head no. "I thought as much."

"Well, what did you expect Hanji? It's not easy to feel better after something like that." Eld said.

"I know, but normally Kerai bounces back from anything."

The two became quiet, trying to find something that could ease the situation. The morning air was nipping at my skin and a few goosebumps formed on my skin. I couldn't really care about it, I didn't feel like moving. A few minutes later I felt something warm wrap around my shoulders. Eld had removed his jacket and draped it over me. I mouthed a silent thank you, but had a questioning look in my eyes.

"We can't have you getting sick, Corporal." He smiled. "Why don't you go get some rest, it would help you feel better."

"It's fine." I whispered. "I don't want to rest."

"Eld's right. In your situation, it's best to rest." Hanji smiled.

"I don't have time to rest." I turned to them and gave them a reassuring fake smile. "I'm alright, really."

"You say that but are you really?" Eld asked.

"Yeah." I whispered and sipped my tea.

Eventually the two left, each giving me a hug before going. I didn't want their pity, nor did I need it. Once my tea was finished, I rushed upstairs to my room making sure to avoid Levi and changed into a clean uniform. I left the room just as quickly as I had entered and headed down to the sparring area. One by one my squad joined me outside, each had a distinct look of concern in there eyes.

"Alright, today we are going to have a sparring match. Olou, Gunther you two are up first." The two went up and sparred.

I had no real care about how they were fighting, it was really just a ploy so that I'd be able to beat the whore Ral to a pulp. After those two went I sent up Ral against Gunther, then against Eld followed by Olou. By now every cadet and captain was out and watching. Perfect. After the match against Olou I walked into the area and stood in front of her.

"For your last match you are going to go against me." The words alone terrified her but she readied her stance. "One more thing Ral."

"Y-yes, ma'am?"

"If you want to even get close to hitting me, you'll have to attack with the intention to kill." With that I ran towards her and landed the first blow to her chest.

She tumbled backwards but regained her footing. I went for another punch this time to her head, Ral just barely dodged but I could feel my fist brush against her ear and hair. Ral took this time as an opportunity to attack. She swung her left fist towards my neck and her right knee towards my stomach. I left myself fall towards my back to get under both of her attacks. Just before I would hit the ground I placed my arm on the ground and shifted my weight to my hands. I then proceeded to kick Ral in the jaw which sent her flying backwards. She hit the ground with a loud thud and scrambled to her feet. The look of sheer terror in her eyes added to my agression. She went for another blow to my shoulder which I let her land. I was quick to grab her arm and flipped her over my body. To my distaste she landed and pulled away. Ral retreated a few feet, a mistake on her part. I ran at her with the intention to sock her in the jaw with my right fist. Once again she barely dodged it, my fist instead landed on the ground creating a crater and cracks in the ground.

I realised I wasn't holding back, nor wanted too. I wanted to hear her bones break, to cripple her, to make her pay. I went for another blow to the side of her head and landed it. Ral was sent flying a good few feet, but I wasn't close to being done. Before she could hit the ground I had caught up to her, crouched and kicked her in the back creating a loud crack sound a gag from her. Ral was up in the air for a few minutes and instead of letting her hit the ground I jumped up slightly and kicked into the ground. My leg came in contact with her upper thigh and a loud cracking sound emerged from it. I smiled in delight, her pain was well deserved and felt good to deal to her. Stupidly of her she tried to get up and run, I picked her up by her collar of her shirt and socked her with all my might just above her heart. She coughed up some blood and I let her fall to the ground. Again she tried to run so I kicked her in the side which sent her away a few feet.

My evil smile grew bigger, I knew with one more hit I could easily kill her and have no regrets. I went to run at her but someone had caught me, pinned my arms to my side and picked me up off the ground. I started kicking and trying to get free, some of the cadets had started rushing over to Ral to help her. I looked behind me to see who dared to interfere and it was none other than Erwin.

"Let me go, Erwin. The bitch needs to be taught a lesson." I hissed.

"That doesn't mean you beat the shit out of her." He barked. "You are a corporal, act that way."

"I will once she is six feet underground." I continued to struggle against his grasp.

I could have easily broken it, but that would mean hurting him. He of all people didn't deserve me breaking his arms. Restraining my strength I wrangled an arm free and started to pry his arms off of me. Just before I could get the one arm off a hand came down and slapped me across the face. I froze for a second in surprise and then looked to whom it was, Levi. He had a mix of horror and anger in his eyes, something he had never looked at me like before.

"Stop acting like a child, brat." He snapped.

I looked at him with shock, which was quickly covered by hurt. He had never been the one to be physical with me when I was out of line. I felt what was left of my heart break and the tears made their way back to my eyes. I lowered my head and tried not to let them fall.

"You would defend her." I muttered and let the tears fall.

Erwin placed me back down on my feet which was a mistake on his part. As soon as my feet hit the dirt I pushed out of his grip and began running. It wasn't so much as my choice, it was more on instinct. I felt humiliated, I couldn't show my face to anyone right now. I found a quiet spot far away from everyone at the back of H.Q and stopped running. The tears had long since blurred my vision, so not being able to see I slid down to the floor and held my knees to my chest. In between sobs I could hear some cadets looking for me, but I was well hidden with this shadowy corner. I hoped they would never find me, I wanted to die and never be found. I had no point in living anymore, my reasons were gone and I doubt anything could change that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ღ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Levi's P.O.V}

"You would defend her." Kerai muttered.

She had started crying again and I deeply regretted my actions. Before I could say anything she took off running. I wanted to go after her, but I knew there was no dealing with her right now. My hands balled up into fists, I was angry with myself. It seemed as though nothing was going to let me explain things to her. I let out a angry/annoyed/sad sigh and walked back to the H.Q building.

"You five, go look for her." I ordered some random five cadets, they saluted without a word and went off after her.

That stupid cadet was rushed to the medical center. I went back to my office and blocked the door. I sat behind my desk and placed my right elbow on my desk and rested my head in my head. This entire situation was giving me a major headache. Everything was falling apart and at this I point I can't tell if we'll be able to put them back together. I tapped my fingers to my forehead and tried to think of someway to mend things. Of course I needed to explain what exactly happened, but she won't listen to me at this point. A thought crept into my mind that worried me, What if she never forgives me? In all the time I've known Kerai, she has never been one for forgiving someone. Not even Eyebrows, Sniffer and Shit-glasses. Kerai never forgave them for something, which she never exactly told me, that happened way before she ever joined. I sighed in frustration and laid my head down on my desk. As if shit wasn't bad enough, there was that possibility that even after all this she would still remain cold and distant like when we first met.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TimeღSkip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a few weeks since all this shit started, for the most part things were evening out. Kerai won't talk to anyone besides Shit-glasses, Sniffer, Eyebrows and that cadet Eld. Ral was still temporarily off our squad and being punished. As the days passed Kerai built up her walls to everyone again and I still had no idea of how to apologize. Eyebrows told me to wait a while but no matter how long I wait she never lets me be near her or talk to her. Shit-glasses told me that this was her way a dealing with her emotions, bottling them up and closing everyone out. This was more stressful than going against titans. Time was ticking and every second it felt like I was getting closer to losing her. I can't wait for things to settle down.

I won't lose her without a fight. I got up from my desk and made my way to Kerai's office. Without knocking I opened her door and walked over to her. She turned and looked at me with those once warm violet eyes turned cold. Her eyebrows slightly knitted together, and her eyes filled with hurt. I walked up to her and grabbed her by her shoulders. She tried to shrug out of my grip which tightened on her.

"Go away, Ackerman." She said dropping her eyes to the left ground area.

"No. I made that mistake already." She looked at me from the corner of her eyes.

"I said go the fuck away." She hissed.

"No. I won't leave you alone anymore. I promised you eight years ago that I wouldn't leave you alone. I made a mistake and left you alone this entire time." I took a deep breath before continuing. "Eight years ago I vowed to never leave you, to love, to cherish you even after death and to never hurt you. I know that I've hurt you and I regret it every day. It pains me to see you broken like this, to not be able to comfort you."

Her gaze softened as did mine. "Then why did you-?"

"Will you let me explained what you saw that day?" I asked.

She was biting her inner lip and nodded her head. "Before you came in cadet Ral had entered even though I had already told her to fuck off." I began.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FlashღBack~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting at my desk going over paperwork and counting the hours till Kerai would return. She wasn't going to be back till tomorrow but something wasn't sitting right with me. I had a feeling that something has happened in Matris which was causing me to worry if Kerai was alright. I heard the door open and close quietly, I looked up from my work and saw it was the brat Ral. She had a shy smile on her face and it disgusted me.

"I already told you to fuck off and go do your shit Ral." I snapped and went back to the papers.

"I know and I'm done."

"Then go away, I have no time nor desire to have your presence." I snapped.

She didn't say anything though I knew she was still there. I realized that I needed the report book from Eyebrows and got up to go get it. Cadet Ral moved in front of me blocking the door. I glared daggers at her but she remained where she was.

"Move it brat." I barked.

"No."

"Excuse me? I gave you an order." My words were being coded in venom.

"I know Levi, but I won't leave." She took a step closer to me. "I won't go until I get the same amount of attention you give to that bitch Kerai."

"The hell did you call her?" I growled.

"I called her what she is. She flirts with every guy, it's disgusting. You know I could be better for you, so how about you stop chasing after that slut?" She pressed up against me and I shoved her away.

"No one will ever replace Kerai, especially a shit like you." I shoved her to the side and went to reach for the door.

Before my hand could grab the knob Ral had grabbed my hand. Out of nowhere she turned me around and pulled me into her. I went to push her away but she was quick to press her lips to mine. She wrapped her arms around my neck and back and held me there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PresentღTime~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"After that I quickly pushed her away and threw her out of my office." I finished explaining everything that happened.

Kerai said nothing and stared at the floor. My grip on her shoulders loosened a bit and I slightly bent down to try and see her eyes. She moved to hide her eyes more. I placed my right index finger under her chin and grabbed it gently with my thumb and forced her to look at me. She was still processing what I had told her and a thin layer of water had built up on her beautiful eyes.

"Kerai, I am deeply sorry. Even if you never forgive me, there is something you need to know." God I hope I don't butcher this. I took a deep breath. "Watashi wa subete no watashi no kokoro de anata o aishiteimasu."

Her eyes flashed to mine in shock. A few seconds later the tears that had built up in here eyes finally fell down. She wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face into my chest. I was stunned but wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close to me. She cried into my chest for a few minutes before pulling away slightly.

"Watashi wa, anata ga imamade shitte iru yo yori, amarini mo anata o aishiteimasu." She muttered in a broken whisper.

She pulled herself closer to me again and I smiled. I may have only really understood half of what she had said but it was more than enough. I pressed my lips to the top of her head and held her tightly. Kerai cried into my chest for a while but I didn't mind. I was glad she still loved me. I was far from being done apologizing for what happened. Honestly I will never be done, nothing could make up for that hurt that was inflicted. Somehow I felt as if a war of some sorts had just been won and things began to warm up like they were before all this shit happened.