Chapter 8:
They kept walking away from the train tracks and after a good while turned northwards. A detour on their path to Terminus, they both knew, but a necessary one nonetheless. Their progress was slow but steady, allowing them to recover some of the energy they had lost the previous day.
They shared the remaining water bottle between them and every now and again Carol made sure that Daryl ate a handful of the nuts that they had left. He didn't force them onto her and she was silently grateful, knowing that she couldn't afford another episode that would cause her to be a liability again.
After an hour or so in which they'd largely been silent and lost in thoughts, Daryl spoke up.
"How far do ya think it is?"
Carol hummed and held out her hand so he would give her the map.
"I don't know," she finally surmised, "it's difficult to guess. I've never been good at estimating distances. With a car?" she tilted her head to look at him, "Half an hour maybe. On foot? I…." she narrowed her eyes, trying to study the map more closely, "no…I don't know. Ed always said I was useless at this kind of stuff."
"Yeah well…he ain't so useful either." Daryl muttered under his breath.
"While that's true," Carol replied, giving him a small smile, "this is at least one fact he got right. I'm not very good at it."
"Ain't a very useful skill either way…" Daryl said, determined not to let it go and Carol almost chuckled at his stubbornness.
"Unless there's a zombie apocalypse." She commented with a grin and then winked at him.
He felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, felt a dizzying sensation in his stomach that hurriedly made him avert his eyes. It had been too long.
After a moment he found it safe enough to look at her again but snatched the map out of her hands before she could ask any awkward questions.
"Reckon you're right…about half an hour by car…that's maybe 20…25 miles? So 7…8 hours on foot? Means we could get there tonight."
"If we keep moving, if you're well enough and if we don't have any further run-ins with Joe's group or a bunch of walkers."
"Unlikely…" he mumbled, scanning the map once more.
"Unless we're lucky," Carol offered but he snorted.
"Don't believe in luck."
"I do…sometimes…" she replied lightly, her gaze briefly sweeping over him.
"Looks like we'll be passing a lake," Daryl continued after a while.
"Oh?" Carol smiled.
"Yeah…" he tapped a spot with his finger, "looks like it anyway," he squinted, "can't make out a name though."
"Well, we'll see," she agreed, studying him carefully, "you said Merle and your dad took you for hunting trips?"
"Ya make it sound like a goddamn camp with marshmallows and whatnot."
"No…" she sighed, "I'd imagine a more "grown-up" version."
"Yeah," he nodded, "way more grown-up and way more serious. We weren't there for fun…it was a competition." His eyes shifted away again and focused on the trees instead. "And if ya ended up losing there were bitter consequences."
Carol nodded to herself but didn't pry any further. "Was just wondering if you can fish, too."
"Sure," he shrugged, "is no big deal. Any idiot can fish."
"I can't…" she chuckled.
"Ya gotta be patient," he explained, staring at the road ahead.
"Difficult to do when your stomach is rumbling."
"Mmh…" he acknowledged, "thing is…fish ain't stupid."
"I always thought they were," she chuckled, "with their empty eyes and big open mouths." She paused and imitated them but then sobered quickly. "Sophia asked for a fish tank once…miraculously Ed agreed. She was so excited…spent half the day after school glued to the glass, watching the fish make stupid faces back at her. Didn't last long though," she sighed, "Ed lost his temper and smashed it all…cutting his knuckles…drenching the carpet…fish and blood everywhere. Sophia was inconsolable. There were few times when I hated him more."
Daryl listened and nodded. The story didn't shock him, not after what he had witnessed or experienced himself. But it was rare that Carol offered information about her life with her husband and he wanted to make her feel comfortable enough to talk to him more often.
Once more, silence enveloped them as they continued on their path, crossing an interstate that had once been covered in smooth, silky tarmac but was now cracked and brittle due to neglect and just as deserted as any other streets they had encountered on their journey so far.
They didn't stick to the roads, however, but instead sought out the shelter of the trees once more. There, Carol dared to voice the question that had been playing on her mind ever since their previous conversation.
"Are you ever scared you'll forget them?"
He caught her eye and instantly understood.
"Nah, that's impossible." He replied quickly and firmly, his thoughts drifting back to Merle, Hershel, T-Dog.
She smiled sadly – a soft grimace – and shook her head.
"Sometimes when I think about Sophia…I don't see the lovely young girl that was so shy and affectionate. I only see that…that thing that came staggering out of the barn." She broke off, clearly struggling to share her thoughts. "I only see the horror…and not the innocence and I just wonder," she briefly squeezed her eyes shut, "I wonder if that's the last image I'll ever carry around with me."
"Mmh…" he hummed attentively, "I get it. When I found Merle it was a shock. My brother wasn't there anymore. Just an empty shell. I just lost it. And for a while I was mad at him…just mad. I reckon it's normal…thinking about that last image first. But it doesn't matter. It's only one snapshot of many."
"But what if they fade, too?" Carol asked hesitantly.
"They won't," he replied simply and then quickly added when she threatened to contradict, "and even if…it's only an image. That's not the person, ya know? When ya talked about Sophia just now you didn't mention her blonde hair or her smile. Ya talked about her personality, her behaviour. Appearance don't matter. They were more than that."
Immensely touched and more than a little lost for words, Carol reached out for his hand and squeezed it. He didn't acknowledge the gesture but didn't let go either. So they wandered through the woods together, making sure to support the other.
But when the sun reached its highest point and the rays began to mercilessly shine down on them – even through the thick branches of the trees – they were beginning to grow tired.
Daryl didn't have to say anything but she could feel him struggling to keep up with her pace that was the same as it had been before. He was still holding her hand but had started shifting his other one to his ribcage. She knew that he was trying to be subtle about it but the movement hadn't escaped her notice.
"I wish it would rain again," she sighed, finally deciding to broach the topic and stopped walking, "this heat is unbearable."
"I know." Daryl agreed a little breathlessly, letting go of her hand and using his palm to wipe away some perspiration that had accumulated at the back of his neck.
"Perhaps we should take a break," she carefully suggested, "we've been walking for quite some time now."
Perhaps it was just a trick of the light but he was starting to look paler again. But in this world there was only one kind of situation and that was loss-loss. If they didn't move it would take them longer to acquire food and water but if they pushed on without having eaten properly in days they might not even make it to the next town.
"Yeah…let's…" he nodded, carefully bending over in an effort to find a more comfortable position and ease some of the pain.
Carol watched him with growing concern but didn't comment and instead lowered herself onto the leafy ground. Even the earth had heated up from the sun but surprisingly enough it was also a little moist.
"The lake can't be that far away," she mumbled more to herself but Daryl noticed and eyed her curiously.
But before they could talk more a crackling sound silenced them both. Daryl startled up straight so quickly that his face turned a whole shade whiter and Carol pushed herself up from the ground, her dagger at the ready. For a moment nothing moved and it was as if the sound hadn't cut through the air, but then something dragged itself out of the shadow of a nearby tree. They could see its mouth opening and closing, but the moss that covered its face stifled any form of snarling it would've otherwise produced.
As it was, the only noise they could hear came from thick, dried up tree branches that had wrapped itself around the walker's torso and that were slowly breaking apart now as he was trying to free himself.
"Let's go," Daryl muttered, taking her hand once more and tugging her along.
He'd seen her start to move towards the walker but since he didn't pose an imminent threat it wouldn't be worth the wasted energy.
Nonetheless, the atmosphere changed between them after that encounter.
When they had first begun walking they had still been able to convince themselves that they weren't running, that they weren't desperately starving and that they would manage to push on until they found food and water.
But the moss-covered walker brought that reality crashing back down.
This wasn't a casual stroll that they could easily accomplish with lots of breaks and snacks to revitalise them. This was still a hunt and they were the victims, chasing around in mad circles while their predator slowly tightened the noose.
They stumbled through the forest for such a long time that Carol stopped feeling the heaviness in her feet which was the only relief she could find in the situation. When she had first been driven out of the prison and had to start fending for herself, every fibre of her body had ached with the unfamiliar strain.
Life at the prison and the luxury of some relaxation had made her soft and her body had instantly punished her for it.
Now it was beginning to adapt to this new old rhythm again.
Suddenly Daryl yanked her back, so hard that she almost fell to the ground. Her left arm ached in protest and she was about to snap at him when he explained: "Ya didn't watch where you were going. Damn near ended up in the lake."
He was right, she hadn't been paying any attention to where they were going and now she saw the edge of the earth where the sole of her boot was still imprinted and where clumps of soil were crumbling into the water.
Water.
She heaved a relieved sigh and swung her backpack around to reach for the bottle they had emptied along the way.
"What are you doing?" he asked, giving her an incredulous look.
"We're not going to make it without, Daryl, I know it's risky."
"It's stupid is what it is," he frowned.
Letting go of his hand she ignored him and proceeded to walk along the edge until she reached a lower point that would allow her to scoop up some of the water. It looked surprisingly clear and she eagerly lifted the bottle to her lips but before she could take a single sip, Daryl appeared by her side and pushed it away, sending water spilling all over her and onto the ground.
"There's always a risk nowadays!" she exclaimed angrily.
"Yes, and if we end up getting bitten so be it but I'm not gonna let yaself get killed by some goddamn ridiculous water!" he replied, matching her tone and volume.
"It's because of you that I'm going to Terminus. I didn't even want to go there in the first place."
"And I wasn't going to let ya wither away at that house."
"What I do or how I die is my own choice. You don't get to dictate that!"
"Yeah well…ya can't stop me from saving you…" he muttered and marched on, knowing that she would follow him.