I wanted to put a little acknowledgment up here... I want to thank my beloved friend who betas all this, and who makes life a whole lot better.

Thanks!

By the time Bella was fifteen, the stiff, cautious atmosphere of the family became something of a norm. The Blacks didn't want to cause explosions, so they… crusted. The air in the house seemed thicker, all their gestures turned to slow motion. Instead of causing explosions, they carefully and delicately gave Sirius daily little stabs. Because of that, he turned more and more anxious and wretched in relation to them.

Bellatrix suffered from those stabs, too.

She felt helpless and constantly mistreated. But then, she also felt like she was mistreating someone, somehow. She felt rough all over.

So she became rough all over.

It was painful to watch Sirius growing into a brilliant, courageous boy, and to be reminded every day that she was a part of his family. Family, to him, was the bunch of people he put together under the category of 'devestating,' and 'blaming.' She found herself wishing not to be his family. Maybe that was how it began.

Technically, it began the first time he was permitted to go to Hogsmeade.

It was Sirius's first time in the villiage. "Strange," she thought when she realized that, "being such a rule-breaker, it's a miracle he hadn't already sneaked out there without permission."

Sirius's smirk flashed her vision, and she shook her head to get rid of it.

"Bella?" Narcissa asked, "are you okay?"

It made her bounce. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she looked over at her sister. "What were you saying?"

Cissy blushed- well, not deeply, she couldn't- still her face was shiny and baby pink. "Lucius had asked me to go out with him when we visit Hogsmeade," her voice vibrated with pleasure. "Would you believe that?"

"Oh," Bella's shoulders sagged. "Then who's gonna come with me?"

"You can ask any of our friends-"

"Naaah…" Bella didn't like any of their friends. She just wasn't the friendly kind of person, and to her, all the "friends" she's got weren't alluring company. "I guess I can go alone," she said half-heartedly.

"Why won't you see about Sirius?" Narcissa suggested breezely. Bella froze.

"You kidding me? He probably has a herd of Gryffindors running there with him. First time, remember?"

"Oh, yeah…" Narcissa's voice faded away discreetedly, leaving Bella to face the paining heat in her stomach.

"Damnit…" She thought…

In the end, she went with a few mates who chattered happily all the way to the village, letting Bella walk along in comfortable silence. There was a herd of young Gryffindors pushing past them by the gates, including Sirius, companied by his tiny friends. Well, they weren't as tiny anymore, her cousin almost reached her height, he'll probably be very tall, like his dad…

She couldn't help feeling a little lonesome when she eyed her sister and young Malfoy entering some sort of a pink tea shop, or when her friends parted from her to have something to drink at 'The Three Broomsticks Inn.' She didn't want to spend her time in a busy, humming place. For a short second she was tempted to visit 'Honeydukes' for some comfort, but as she went near it she saw a bunch of Hufflepuffs taking over the shop. It started bothering her, to be seing by the people as a lonely, pathetic girl- God, she hated the word pathetic- so her steps became faster, and her chin pointed to the sky.

That was how she bumped into a short, chubby boy, rushing, hysterical, down the street. Bellatrix thought she never before saw someone who looked so much like a rat as he did. She stopped his run with a long arm, looking down at him, "What in Merlin's name are you doing?"

"N- nothing," he mumbled weakly, then something fixed in his eyes and he took one step back. "You're Sirius's cousin!"

She frowned. "And?"

He huffed, "Oh, that's not good."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing!" he blurted sharply, "I need to find someone-"

"Does it have to do with my cousin?" A wave went through her. She barley listened to him as he said, "N-no!"

He was clearly terrified, and lying. "Where is he?" she said, and when he kept shaking quietly she gazed at him, mimicking Gramwell's stare, very conscious of her stern expression. "Tell me where he is," she spoke softly, "or I'll take out my wand."

"You- you c- can't," he whispered, and she knew she was winning.

"Yes I can, I don't see anyone around to stop me." They stood at the end of a quiet, empty alley, and her back faced the rest of it. She moved her hand toward her pocket, and he folded. "I-I need Remus, "he said, "You-your cousin is trying to b-brake into the 'Shriek-'" breath- "'Shrieking Shack.'"

"Gosh," she elbowed him on her way past him, "The guy just can't leave anything in peace…" Not that the 'Shrieking Shack' was peaceful. Bella didn't hear about it untill her third year at Hogwarts. It was merely an abandoned house, left to its loneliness to the end of time. About two years ago a word started spreading around- that the place was haunted- no normal ghost dared to come near it. Bella never witnessed its horror, but she very much didn't want her little cousin to. She ran in the direction of the shack, wondering if it was of any use.

Merlin, what an idiot... He was surrounded by over excited third years, looking enthusiastically over at the glasses-wearing friend of his, what's his name, Potter. They both seemed way too pleased with themselves. They were about to cross the fence to the shack's grounds.

Bella was a lonely, black character in the hill. Sirius's noticed her very easily, and now he was pulling on Potter's sleave in a grim expression. "Jerk," Bella's inside shrinked, then went numb. "spoiled, vain, stupid jerk…"

He was starting to climb. Oh my God-

She finished her way with a few wide, hasty steps. "Really?" she said calmly, reaching for his arm, "you really going to do that now?"

"How's now any different from before?" He was arrogant enough to ask.

"Now I'm here. Get down, this place is dangerous."

"No it isn't!" He grinned as if he knew something she didn't. "Everyone just thinks it is."

"Whatever. They have reasons. Get down."

"What do you care?"

His question widened in her chest, emptying it suddenly. Because why did she care whether he put himself in a imaginary danger?

He was her cousin-

But did she care like that for his brother, Regulus? Or even for her own sister?

The vacuousness in her chest began giving her pain. But she thought she might have it for an answer.

Like the little fat boy, something fixed in his eyes. He probably got that answer, too.