A/N: Thanks for the reviews, lovely people! :) I finished this story today so once it's beta'd I'll be able to update more often. :) Let me know your thoughts!
Chapter 16:
The air was stale and empty. Not a single sound broke the silence. No snarls, no shrieking. And yet…and yet everything was far from peaceful…and yet everything was far from alright.
She could still feel its skin, icy and taut.
She could still feel her skin, soft and tender, newborn just like the strength she'd given her.
Something large and slimy seemed to inhibit her body, moving around in her stomach, climbing its way up to the surface. Carol shivered but the urge to vomit passed.
She could hear her blood pumping and coursing through her body, keeping her alive. A mistake, a terrible mistake. Surely she was dead by now? She felt dead.
"There'll be more, Carol."
The man, Daryl, was talking to her again. She could see his lips move, could see his outstretched hand that was covered in something dark. She shook her head. He wiped it on his pants, self-consciously, angrily. Then he held it out to her again.
"Come on."
Her eyes fell on the boy then. Still like the air around them but not peaceful. Not yet. His little mouth still formed a scream, something dark was oozing out of his skull.
And the tears returned anew, flowing down her face, dripping into her empty lap. Where her daughter had once lain, measuring the length of her thigh. So tiny, so defenseless.
"I've failed…" the woman sobbed, deeply, guttural.
She didn't sound like her, she was unrecognizable.
"Ya…ya didn't…" the man called Daryl sounded uncertain, fumbling to find the right words, "ya don't have a mean bone in ya body."
She fell apart then, snapped in two in front of her own eyes, as if she was watching someone else coming undone. Her body shook, pushed her forward on all fours until it wasn't just the saltiness of tears clinging to her chin. Panting…ragged, chased.
Then a hand on her shoulder that she tried shrugging off but that wouldn't budge. She wiped at her mouth and continued to stare at the floor, weeping, uttering indecipherable words. Something about forgiveness, pain, despair. They were more like sounds than words, a chaos of scrambled letters, whispers and sobs.
"Carol!"
He sounded determined now and pulled her back up to her feet where she managed to stand for all of two seconds before her knees buckled under her again and he was forced to catch her.
"Just lean on me…cmon…let's go…"
His arm was holding her in place, his crossbow was in his other, pointing at the empty air ahead of them. He made sure that she didn't pass out, made sure that she dragged one foot in front of the other.
"I can't leave him…"
Finally she had a voice again, finally there was language despite the tears that refused to dry.
Daryl stopped and she could see the questions in his eyes, as well as the shock when he considered the possible answers.
"We can't take him along."
"He's all alone…in the dark…please…"
A fresh sob broke from her throat and he nodded hurriedly.
"Hold on to the wall. Watch your step. I'll carry him."
He moved back and picked up the little boy, cradling him against his chest. She couldn't bring herself to watch anymore and began to walk again.
Everything about her shook with emotion.
And there were so many corpses in their path, too many.
Her knife was in her hand, she couldn't remember how it had got there, couldn't remember what to do with it. It had something to do with the sounds, she thought, with the icy hands that tried to grab her. Surely she should use that knife. But the corpses disappeared, fell to the ground or broke apart.
She didn't know how he could remember what to do, she didn't know how he could have the energy to continue.
The light that flooded in through the front doors was harsh and unnatural and she only reluctantly moved towards it, aware of his presence behind her, their presence.
If she turned to look at him, even one glance, it would be her undoing. She'd never leave this place.
Her fingertips pressed against the bloodied doors and pushed them open. Outside the air was cooling down, making her tear-stained face feel as icy as the little boy who had caused them.
"I'll bury him here, alright? In the sunshine?"
His question, the consideration he always showed for her decisions, made her chin tremble anew. She closed her eyes and released a shaky breath, willing the tears away that were forming yet again.
He'll be alone still. She wanted to tell him but there was no way either of them could prevent that. Her Sophia had been alone, too.
It was impossible to summon up enough strength to answer him, but she knew that he would register the small nod she gave. He jumped into action almost instantly and the moment she heard his footsteps fading away she began trudging towards the car.
Despite the tears that still came so readily she felt empty now, numb.
The car door creaked when she pulled it open and climbed inside where the heat enveloped her like a blanket. But she still felt cold, shivered, and drew her coat closer around her shoulders.
From the corner of her eye she saw his movements, saw him digging a grave for the boy. So small, too small.
Graves of that size shouldn't have to exist. She thought.
That was true for the world then as it was for the world now. Certain things were just too painful and too unjust.
Her head lolled to the right so that her forehead touched the window, too weak to hold its own weight, too weak to watch the burial taking place. Instead she focused on the building, although she wasn't really seeing that either.
Silently the seconds ticked by.
Then the car door on the other side opened and he jumped inside. He'd been carrying her gun and her backpack. She hadn't noticed that before. His eyes never left her face but she couldn't reciprocate. She was just too tired. Eventually he stopped, dropped all the items on the backseat and turned the key in ignition.
Slowly they drove out of the parking lot, past the fresh grave that a single flower adorned and away from the school. But no matter the distance, her thoughts lingered with the little boy that lay wrapped up in the warm earth now.
Were his parents still out there searching for him? Or were they waiting for him in a place better than this?
Like Mika and Lizzie's father? Surely he'd welcome them with open arms, a warm embrace of reassurance. But he'd never forgive her, she who had broken her promise, she who had failed to protect his girls from this fate.
And what about Sophia? Who had been waiting for her? Who had been there to reassure her little girl?
How could she feel empty and ache so terribly at the same time?
When had she started running out of answers?
It took a little while before their car stopped for the first time. Again, she felt his eyes on her, asking her silent questions.
"Gonna see if there's some gas," he informed her when she didn't react, waited yet another moment expectantly and then slipped outside.
The vehicle shook when his door fell shut and she closed her eyes. Her chest was heavy, her body tired but she knew that sleep would continue eluding her for another while longer.
Outside, she could hear the noises Daryl was creating. The clank of the canisters as he lifted them back onto the truck, the smash of breaking glass, then silence.
All the while she remained in the car, her thoughts chasing each other in the same lazy circle.
"Ya don't have a bad bone in ya body." That's what he had said. Oh how history repeated itself. Except she wasn't anything her Sophia had been. Except he didn't know the truth yet about Mika and Lizzie and their untimely end.
The door opened and he joined her, dropping more items on the backseat. By the sound of it they were energy bars or something of the like covered in a wrapper. His breathing sounded quick and rough, as if he'd been fighting again. She couldn't bring herself to ask for details, was glad for the hum of the motor that created some sound between them.
This time they drove until the sky turned dark. They didn't encounter any obstacles nor did Daryl make any sound that could've indicated trouble ahead, but she felt them all around her. Bodies standing watch on either side of the street, unseeing eyes that stared ahead and faces that lit up white and pale when they passed just like streetlights might have done. She didn't need to look up to see them, she just knew that they were there.
Eventually the car stuttered and they slowed down. Her body got gently tugged towards the left as he turned off the street and drove towards the edge of the forest where he parked.
His eyes didn't search hers this time; he exited the vehicle without a second look. Brief but blissful silence enveloped her, occasionally interrupted by odd sounds as something scraped across the back of the car, the roof and the hood. She was looking but she didn't really see. Then he opened a door, somewhere behind her. She heard him rummaging, shifting things.
Hers was next. She didn't move away from it and he seemed to have anticipated this. His left arm instantly steadied her, preventing her from falling while his right arm slipped beneath the hollow of her knees.
"Ya alright…" he said, his voice sounded uncertain as he lifted her out of the car.
Was he trying to convince her or himself?
Her head instinctively came to rest against his chest. His skin felt warm, sweaty, his heart was racing.
Wobbly steps transported her to the back of the car. His breath hit her face, heavy, strained.
But the fog that had numbed her, stopped her from reaching out to him as well. She didn't have it in her anymore to care openly, to voice concerns.
He managed to shift her onto the backseat, she didn't know how though she heard his body bumping against the car as he tried angling her as carefully as possible. The front door slammed, then he joined her on the backseat. She heard the click as he secured the doors.
"Ya not gonna eat…I know," he started, bending down to retrieve her backpack and pulling something out of it, "but ya gotta have some water at least."
Too tired to argue she accepted the bottle he pushed into her hand and took a couple of sips. She could see him nod before he stored it away again. Next, he fished out the clothes that they had found and bunched them up against the door of the car, creating a makeshift pillow.
"I'll go first," he then announced, carefully shifting her body so he could stretch out across the backseat, before pulling her down as well and into his arms.
She came to lie with her face pressed against his chest once more, his right arm wrapped around her to ensure she wouldn't slide off the edge of the seat.
"I've got you." He mumbled, his lips whispering across her forehead.
His hold on her strengthened and then loosened and a moment later his hand was caressing her back, up and down, uncertainly at first then with growing confidence. At the same time the light touch of his lips changed as he pressed kisses to her forehead now, to her temple, the tip of her nose. Any area within his reach, any area he could try and soothe like that.
She didn't register falling asleep but it must have happened just after she heard his "I've got you" for a second time.