Chapter Warnings: Trans/non-binary characters, misgendering, depictions of potential eating disorders, drug use, smoking.

Chapter Update: The story has been modified to include dates. The first chapter is edited to have dates as well.

A/N: You have to be patient when it comes to others.

Chapter 2: Guilt Trip

– July 7th, 8:30pm

Roxas felt a giggle bubble up from his chest. His eyes crinkled as he felt cold, slender fingers take the fourth joint of the night out of his own clammy hands. Axel says something to him, probably a continuation of the story they were telling, but it became warped and drowned out by their own laughing. Xion slurred a response filled with her own titters, which was muffled by the blanket pile she buried herself in. Roxas tugged at her blankets as Axel finished their hit, signalling that it was her turn.

The baked blonde began another fit of laughter when he saw the dark haired girl reach for the joint. "Remember that time you nearly burned your leg?"

She sputtered and coughed, laughing hysterically all the while. "I almost burned Axel's blanket!" Xion cried out. "I'm sorry Ax, but it was still really funny too."

"You kidding me? It was fucking hilarious. It was even funnier when you didn't realize and I had to yell." Axel exhales a chuckle. They shift their gaze to Roxas, emerald eyes twinkling with mischief. "Remember that time you exhaled into my pipe?"

Roxas barked out a mixture of a yell and a laugh. He remembered so vividly – the last the on his mind when he started laughing with the pipe in his mouth that time was a face full of fire. It was extremely dangerous, but since he came out unharmed the blonde always laughed about it.

The room filled with another moment of laughter, drowning out the worries and stresses they all gathered in the room with. After finishing the round, the dim lit room fell silent, allowing Roxas simply relax and enjoy the atmosphere of the room. His heavy eyes moved to cast a lazy glance to the posters on his friend's wall, then to the lights hastily stuck to the ceiling with duct tape. He felt the music in his body, the deep bass pounding into the very core of his being like a hammering heart. Roxas let his eyes fall shut as he laid on Axel's carpeted floor, his hazy mind wondering if he should even decide going home that night. The last thing he wanted was to get an earful from his parents while high, in case they really did call or confront him. He dragged his nails on the black interior, making a small pile of dog hair. 'Axel needs to clean their room,' the blonde thinks when he slowly opened his eyes again.

"Xion," the red head calls out in a jokingly whiny tone, which grounds Roxas to reality. "Are you good?"

Said girl in questioning shot her hand out of the blankets, offering the red head a thumbs up. Roxas sputtered a drug induced snicker.

"Cool, cool," Axel hums thoughtfully as their hands worked on their silver grinder. "I'm gonna smoke one more round. You want in?"

"Mm'good," Xion mumbled. Roxas could hear the doofy smile in her voice.

"What about you Rox, huh? You wanna go? Do you?" the older teen said to the blonde like he was their pet dog. Then, in a singing voice they said, "We'll do it on the rooftop this time."

"Okay yeah, yes," he tried to stifle his giggles from erupting out of his lips.

"Yeesss... you and me 'til the end Rox," Axel holds their fists up in the air in victory, then continues grinding. Roxas politely waits and watches his friend open the grinder and proceed to roll another. He was always so fascinated observing the taller teen as his bony fingers worked so smoothly and skillfully – as if they were dancing to the music in the background. Roxas exhaled through his nose. 'Axel has way too much fun rolling,' he thinks.

"Alright, come on you pothead." Axel jokes not long after they finishes their 'masterpiece,' earning a chuckle from Roxas. They both got up, dumping their belongings onto the bed before they headed to the other side of the room. They open the door to the roof, letting the obnoxious squeak take its toll on their eardrums before promptly shutting it. Roxas lets his eyes rest on the door before lazily turning around, only to be greeted with an already lit joint being placed between his fingers.

He looked up with fuzzy curiosity into green irises. The red head used their free hand to bring Roxas's own to his lips, signalling that they wanted the blonde to inhale. So he did.

"There you go," they said softly before shoving their hands in their pockets.

"Thanks," Roxas nodded, exhaling.

"You can have that," Axel grins as they slide down to sit. "I'm gonna smoke a cigarette. Hope that's okay."

Roxas nodded once more, adopting a thoughtful look as he made himself comfortable next to the other. "It's cool." The blonde watched them dig out their pack, fumbling for their favorite lighter soon after. Axel burned the end of one with a sour look on their face, and promptly inhaled.

He knew well enough that the red head only smoked those when they were distressed, which made him frown. He never fancied the thought of cigarettes, but always danced around having to share his two cents whenever Axel smoked them. (Besides, it was always Xion that said something whenever the red head muttered about trying to stop.)

He wondered the extent of what Axel was going through – maybe it was worse than his own situation – but the older teen never was one to voice his troubles. As much as it pained Roxas not to know and not be able to help, he respected Axel's decisions and said nothing. They'll tell when they're ready, just like always, he knew that much.

The evening's breeze was gentle and cooling, whisking away the smoke they both blew out every now and then. Roxas shifted himself, putting the joint to his mouth as he brought his legs to his chest. He took another hit before he mindlessly tapped it, watching the ashes fall and blend into the darkened ash tray Axel brought out with them.

"Thank you," he said softly, looking towards the moon that hung above and the stars that shimmered bleakly. He brought it back to his lips. "I needed this."

Needed time away. Needed friends. Needed time to think in a less tension filled environment.

"I know," Axel murmured. 'We both did,' was the message left unsaid.

– July 7th, 11:45pm

Roxas waved goodbye once Axel dropped him off in front of his apartment. The blonde watched the car drive away, the smile being quickly wiped off his face when he turned around to look back up at his home. He slowly made his way to the lobby door, keys in hand.

When he entered the elevator, he wondered about the possibilties of entering his home again. Would his parents make a snide remark? Would they greet him rudely? Did they give Ventus a hard time? They didn't interrogate him, did they? God, what if they interrogated Roxas instead and smelled the weed in his hair?

Ventus... the young blonde really needed to apologize for yelling at his older brother the other day. Roxas was probably making this all about himself. He was at fault in this situation too, and never considered how stressed someone could be in the position Ventus was forced into.

When he unlocked the door as gently as he could he was greeted with nothing – the low television hum in the living room, and his brother's door opened the slightest. He approached, looking at his brother's illuminated face. They lock gazes with each other for a moment before the younger twin began opening and closing his mouth.

"I'm sorry," Roxas finally said in a hushed whisper after some time.

"I know," Ventus smiled gently, knowingly. "you had that same look on your face before you left."

– July 9th

"I forgive you," his mother said sweetly when she got home from work that night. Roxas looked up from his screen, halting his progress on a piece of artwork. "I could never stay mad at you Namine, darling."

He wanted to say something – to yell because she always painted others to be the only ones at fault, every time something went wrong – but he didn't. As much as he wanted to tell her to apologize too, he bit his tongue. The blonde desperately wanted the ridiculous charade to end, so he just nodded.

"Yeah," Roxas replied lamely.

– July 15th

Roxas laughed, reading the text in front of him. The past few days he's done nothing but talk to Sora, which was currently what he was doing now.

They got each other into a new interest, constantly talking and joking all the while as they drew each other art relating to said topic. They were always talking about it – sometimes Roxas offered up stories and 'what if's,' in return getting excited responses from the brunet. Sora also typed away a few stories, but they both never posted them to the public. It was like they were little kids hiding a secret, which made it all the more fun.

'im going to send u the story i just finished up,' Roxas typed excitedly.

'IM READY PLEASE SEND IT!' Sora responded.

'dont pee ur diaper' the blonde laughed as he proceeded to share his new content. 'just tell me when ure done'

He really hoped Sora liked it. Roxas bit his lip, anticipating the brunet's response. He grabbed his iPod to play music while waiting, as well as check his email and social media sites. Within fifteen minutes, he received an ecstatic response from Sora, littered with exclamation points and other symbols that signified his genuine excitement.

'What a goof,' he chuckled to himself. That guy was too endearing.

– July 18th

"I'm so glad I have you to talk about this with," Roxas laughed as he video chatted with with his long distance friend. "you're the only friend I know into this, so I'm probably being a huge excited child about it."

"That's no problem!" Sora offered him a bright and silly smile. "I should be saying that! It's so fun being invested in things with you. I haven't had this much fun with a single person before!"

The blonde felt his heart flutter. He smiled back. "I'm really happy we could do these things together again." He smile became forlorn. "I can't believe we stopped talking at one point."

"Me too." the brunet's own smile turned into one of apology.

– July 29th

It was the middle of the day when Roxas began to think back to a question in the back of his mind – what happened during his fall out with Sora? He had always been curious as to how and why it happened. Sure, he was grateful to be talking to the sweet brunet again, especially since he spent days in and days out the entire month just talking to him, but he had to ponder – what if something intense took its course at that time that his long distance friend wasn't talking about? Roxas saw that look on his face when they video chatted days ago, and it was that specific detail that drove the blonde into his critical thoughts.

He scratched at his knuckles, his worried gaze lingering on his iPod that was currently playing music. He was probably thinking way too hard about it. He seemed fine... and Sora's bright, anyway. He could take care of himself. Nothing probably happened. He –

"Roxas," his brother's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He saw Ventus at his room's entryway with a curious gaze. "Mom called us."

"Oh, uh," Roxas must have looked ridiculous. "Did she?"

"Yeah. Come on." his older twin came in to help the younger up and out of his bed, leading him to the living room that his parents had occupied.

"We're going home!" Roxas's mother said happily as soon as they took a seat on the sofa.

The youngest quirked a brow. "But we're home right now."

"She means we're traveling to see the rest of my family for a reunion, and her sister." his father informed.

Roxas's stomach dropped. He shot an anxious look at Ventus, who mirrored his own expression.

That place was by far, not the younger twin's home. He was born in the north, grew up and lived in the same place all this time, so to be calling another place he so rarely visited his home was hurtful in the slightest. He could understand it being his parents' and his brother's home, sure, but he felt like an outcast in that moment, not sure whether he should voice such a thought. It could offend his parents, Roxas swallowed.

The two were already not so fond of their parents, and the stories their father told them about his side of the family left them anxious. Drinking and fighting... intense threats and unforgivable memories... Roxas hoped that at the very least, nothing dangerous would happen while they were visiting.

"...For how long?" Ventus asked in his usual gentle tone of voice, knowing it was the same question on his younger twin's mind.

"Two whole weeks, starting August twenty-sixth." their mother said, which only made Roxas feel worse. The young blonde felt his twin's hand on his own – a reassuring gesture. It was sweet, but Roxas still felt shitty. "We're hoping to pass by any open houses."

Two weeks reserved for travel meant a lot. For Roxas, it meant having to bear with questions of his future that he never planned out. It meant two weeks of misgendering – being called Namine. Roxas wanted to sleep so badly and pretend he didn't have to go next month, but he knew it was inevitable.

He bit his inner cheek in distress as he also weighed his thoughts on the fact they're looking for a new house. The troubled blonde thought sadly of moving away from the place he grew up, leaving his childhood friends, and being farther away from Sora. He wasn't so sure he could do that so soon, but he said nothing of it. He didn't have the right to impose. He swallowed thickly, forcing a smile.

"Great," Roxas said tightly. "sounds exciting."

– July 31st

"I wanted to send you the story I finished for you today but –" the brunet lets out a yawn as he sifts through papers. "I didn't finish it because I felt a little stinky."

"'Stinky?'" the blonde chuckles at his friend's choice of words.

"Yeah, I um..." Sora licked his lips. "I got really nauseous after lunch."

Roxas's brows creased in worry. "Are you alright?"

"I'm better than before but, well," the teen on the screen fixes his gaze back to his screen. "this sort of happens when I eat a real and properly portioned meal."

Roxas began to drum his fingers on the soft fabric of his pillow, leg bouncing repeatedly. "Have you... not been eating well?"

"Honestly? These past few months, probably not," Sora forces a laugh. "I mean I eat healthy foods and all, but whenever I eat, I just end up feeling sick."

Did he have a stomach problem? A condition? An eating disorder? He looked okay, so why couldn't he tell? Was it the brunet's choice of clothing? What about the room lighting? Roxas shifted his gaze to his wall of posters, his mind racing a mile a minute.

How come Sora never told him?

"Maybe you should look up your symptoms," he advised quietly. "You know... just in case."

"Yeah," the other offered him a smile. "I will."

"You have to promise me," Roxas looked at the brunet on his screen. "Like pretend I'm there and I'm making you pinky-promise me. Those are really serious promises, you know? And if you break it, then on the day we meet up I'm going to give you a wedgie."

Sora laughed loudly, practically snorting.

– August 3rd

It was three in the afternoon when Roxas went back to Axel's and situated himself on their rooftop.

"I'm worried about Sora," he mumbled out while stuffing his face with junk food.

"That's your friend up north, right?" the older teen says thoughtfully. "What's up?"

Roxas stopped his hand from shoveling more chips into his mouth. He didn't know if it was in his right to tell Axel – Sora trusted the blonde with that information, and he probably was expected to keep it to himself. However, he grew restless after having the thought plague his mind for days. He could trust his red haired friend to not say anything, surely. They don't really know Sora all too well, and it was their policy not to meddle too much on other people's affairs, unless absolutely needed. Yes, indeed, maybe he could say something. Nevertheless, he would definitely still feel guilty about spilling the details, so he had to mind what he said.

"I don't know what happened, or what's going on over there," Roxas slowly said as he tried to find the right words. "He told me something that could have several outcomes – but I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing."

"You always were the kid who got lost in his own thoughts," Axel reprimanded, and Roxas couldn't refute the statement. He frowned at the older teen, which they took notice of. "Oh man, I'm just teasing Rox," they chuckled as they took one last drag of their cigarette before putting it out on the black rooftop.

A brief silence.

"But." they said.

"'But?'" the younger repeated.

"If he told you something that worries you, and it's making you think this much about the possibilities," they said, a ghost of a smirk lingering on their face. "then there might be a bigger picture than the one he's showing you."

Roxas used a napkin to wipe the crumbs off his face. "...You think so?"

Axel snorts and reaches out to place their hand on the other teen's shoulder. "Rox, you might get lost in your thoughts but for as long as I've known you, your thoughts were always on the right track. You're a sharp kid – got it memorized?"

The blonde's face breaks out a small grin. He lets out a sigh, letting his head fall on his friend's shoulder. "You're a year older than me, don't call me a kid."

"I don't even get checked for ID when I go to The Glass Room," Axel said in mock offense. "unlike your tiny baby self."

"You look like twice your age," Roxas jested. "old coot."

"Yeah well, you look like your twelve," the older grumbled back, poking at the blonde's arm.

They both share a laugh, their backs pressed against the wall of the roof and their shoulders shaking. Roxas wipes a tear from his eye, his laughter dying down as Axel began to cough. The two sat closely together as they basked in the silence, their gazes fixated on the woods near the red head's home. The wind blew through the blonde's hair in the gentlest of ways and the sounds of leaves rustling filled his ears, letting him relax his shoulders.

"Listen." Axel nudged their shoulder ever so slightly after some time. "Whatever you think he's going through, there might be a possibility of it being true... but don't take my word for it. Don't go jumping to conclusions. If you're worried so much, just be there for him. He'll say what he wants to in time."

Roxas nods with a sigh, but it felt like he was just rubbing his hair against his friend's hoodie. 'Be there for him,' he repeated in his head. He shoved his used napkin in the mostly empty bag of chips, and crumpled it with his hands. 'Don't jump to conclusions. Be there for him.'