Dean and Cas sat in front of laptops on opposite ends of a large wooden table in the bunker's library. Dean browsed through online newspapers, searching for strange headlines, bookmarking pages to show Sam later. The world seemed unusually calm. Good for the world, but it was making Dean restless.
He occasionally would look across to Cas and see him staring intensely at his screen, or typing painfully slow with one finger. Dean had taught Cas how to use Google a few years ago, after getting tired of answering his abstract questions about bees and flowers and a hundred other things he didn't care about. Ever since then, Cas would get caught up in some meaning of life question and spend hours online going down the rabbit hole of information.
"What are you working on?" Dean asked after closing his laptop.
Cas jumped slightly in his chair at the sound of Dean's voice. "Research," he answered.
Dean was instantly suspicious. "Care to elaborate?"
Cas shrugged. "Relationship research."
Dean got up and walked over to stand behind Cas. He was logged into some forum site Dean hadn't seen before. He read the title of the first post out loud. "Advice for entering into a gay romantic relationship with a previously closeted partner prone to anxiety attacks." Dean looked at Cas incredulously. "That's really fucking specific."
"It's a very popular thread. There are many couples struggling under circumstances similar to ours. It's been a very interesting read. Very helpful." Cas smiled up at Dean, looking very proud of himself.
Dean shook his head as uncontrolled rage pulsed through his body. He slammed a hand down on the table in front of him. The sound echoed in the large room. "None of those people know what our circumstances are, Cas. None of them are hunters. None of them have to save the world every fucking week. None of them spent decades being tortured in hell. None of them know what's going on in my head!" Dean stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to talk about this right now."
Cas tried to keep his voice calm as he spoke. "Open communication is the most important element of a successful relationship, Dean. The forum says…"
"Not now, Cas!" Dean barked and walked off to his bedroom. A minute later he came back into the library, now wearing his jacket, and walked past Cas towards the main entrance. "I'm going for a drive."
Nearly an hour later Dean was sitting in the Impala, parked on a dead end road, drinking a terrible cup of coffee. He had only driven a few miles away from the bunker, but it was enough to give himself some space to think.
He didn't know why he yelled at Cas. Dean knew he was only trying to help. He didn't even ask about what suggestions the forum made. Just acknowledging the fact that he had issues to work out put him on edge. He was fiddling with the radio when he heard his phone beep.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw a notification for a text from Cas. He took a deep breath and tapped the messenger icon.
Cas: Are you coming back?
He waited until he finished his coffee before typing back a reply.
Dean: Yes.
Cas: I love you.
Dean should have happy to read those words, but instead he felt like shit. He didn't know how Cas could put up with him after Dean consistently let him down. He didn't want to leave Cas waiting for a reply, so he hastily typed one out.
Dean: On my way.
He started the Impala and started driving back in the direction of the bunker. He knew a long conversation about wants and needs and feelings was ahead of him. He knew he wouldn't have any good answers to give. But he was determined to try. He hoped that was enough.
Dean entered the bunker and tossed his jacket onto the nearest chair. He didn't see Cas or Sam anywhere. He walked quietly through the building, looking around. He walked into the living area and found Cas sitting on the sofa, laptop open on the coffee table in front of him.
Cas turned his head slightly as Dean stepped closer, but didn't say anything. Dean sat down next to him, close enough so their knees were touching. "I'm sorry," he grumbled.
Cas stared straight ahead at the computer. "You can't just leave every time you get upset."
Dean nodded in agreement. "Are you still researching?"
"Yes."
Dean leaned closer and rested his head on Cas's shoulder. "Go over it with me? If you think it'll help. I'm ready to listen."
They sat together and discussed everything Cas had learned. Dean asked questions here and there, but Cas did most of the talking. They did need better communication. They did need to argue without either one of them walking out. They agreed on which points were the most important, and which ones didn't apply to them.
When Dean had enough talk he pulled Cas close and kissed him. Cas tried to speak again but Dean wouldn't allow him. Cas quickly gave in and they lay down on the sofa together, hands exploring each others bodies. Dean pulled back a bit and tried to sound sexy as he spoke. "We have too many clothes on."
Dean tried to pull up Cas's shirt, but his hands were swatted away. "Your brother might walk in." Cas got up and walked towards their bedroom, and Dean eagerly followed behind him.