Chapter 9

Don't hate me! Happy ending I assure you.

Yes! Just a bit more Clarke thought, she almost had the ropes loose enough to slip out her hand. She was almost there! She smiled a bit but stopped when she heard footsteps, freezing she stopped moving her hands and tried to look as if she had not been planning an escape. Katherine entered walking straight to the table grabbing more of the herbs, walking to Clarke she shoved her head back smiling when Clarke didn't even bother closing her mouth. In fact Clarke couldn't deny the craving she got upon seeing Katherine grab it. She knew she had become addicted, she needed it. She would get pounding headaches when it would wear off. She felt stronger today, and when the herbs hit her she knew she needed to act today she could feel herself at her strongest in her worn down body. "I thought we would try something a little different" Katherine spoke turning to the table, Clarke used this opportunity to pull at the ropes again, Katherine pulled out Lexa's dagger from a bag turning back around just as Clarke stopped. She walked up the beaten girl and lowered the dagger to her leg, sitting the tip of the blade on her upper thigh not piercing the skin just resting it there. "Lexa provided us with this so let's thank her" she smiled and sharply shoved the blade down letting it hang out of her leg, Clarke screamed and almost choked on the air when she sucked in harshly. Breathing through gritted teeth she tried to block out the pain but not succeeding too well. "I thought we would have been found by now, it's shocking really" Where was Lexa? Why had she not come yet? "She doesn't love you Clarke or she would have saved you long ago"
'She's right' Clarke thought to herself but her mouth said "She loves me"
Katherine grabbed the dagger again and still imbedded in Clarke's thigh she dragged it down, Clarke was screaming again. Stopping when she cut two inches down her leg, she then removed it and wiped the blood from the blade on Clarke's cheek.
"She doesn't love you" Katherine purred, Clarke couldn't stop the tears from coming down her face 'How can you be so stupid? She betrayed you once and she's done it again' Clarke thought.
"It's okay now Clarke, we are both on the same side" Katherine pushed on
'She probably hasn't even looked for me, she's the commander she could look in every place she wanted!' Clarke thoughts were flooding her 'She's a liar!' Clarke begin to shake with anger, it's all she felt but this time she welcomed it in. Letting it consume her. She can control the anger, that's all she wanted. Just to control something, just to feel like she wasn't sinking with every other emotion inside of her. She couldn't love without feeling like it was taking a part of her soul and freedom. But now she welcomed it and felt herself breathe again, like she was coming up for oxygen after being under water for as long as she could remember. Closing her eyes she saw herself ending her life. Hating Katherine, she was going to pay. It was time to end this women.
"You can end the pain Clarke, you just have to end the source of it" Katherine said with sympathy lacing her voice "You could be happy again" Hiding her smirk when Clarke looked up at her smiling. Bringing her hand she brushed back the blonde hair that was hanging down in front of Clarke's eyes, moving forward she lowered her head and connected their lips. Clarke did not respond at first but then moved into the kiss using this opportunity she slipped out her right hand. Swinging it around she connected it with the side of the queen's face, as she stumbled back she dropped the dagger. Rocking the chair back Clarke pushed all of her weight forward tipping the chair and landing face first on the ground. Grabbing the dagger with her right hand she bent her upper body towards her legs and cut the rope freeing her legs, standing up she was about to cut her other hand free when she looked over and saw the queen getting up, grabbing the chair with her right hand she picked it up swinging it around as hard as she could. It connected with the queen's head knocking her unconscious. Reaching around she cut her hand free and looked down at them, they were red and raw, and blood was streaming down her palms and dripping off of her finger tips. Limping towards the table she found a long cloth which was one used to blindfold her, tying it around her wound on her leg. Getting side-tracked by this she forgot about the body on the floor, she needed the herbs. They would help her feel better. Grabbing the remaining supply she limped out of the tent with the dagger in her hand. Looking around she thought maybe she was hallucinating 'Tunnels?' Where was she? Then it clicked.

Lexa lost it, Octavia and Lincoln just stared at the commander who was crying hysterically and growling in anger as she was throwing tree branches and punching trees. Anything she could get her hands on, Lincoln stepped forward, and he needed to stop the commander before she hurt herself. Wrapping his arms around her pinning her arms to her side he yelled "STOP" but only making the commander angrier. He lifted her off the ground, Lexa was kicking her legs back and forth knocking them onto the ground. Octavia pulled out the map they had been using to mark off the areas they looked in. Drawing a line over the area they just searched her eyes widened in realisation "Oh my god" she gasped "We are so stupid"
She was so stupid! They all were. How could this slip so easily passed their minds? It would have been the smartest place to take someone. Quiet and lonely, perfect for keeping someone captive.
Lexa paused and looked to the girl, Lincoln let her go and they both sat up and looked to Octavia who was staring wide eyed at the map. "WHAT IS IT?" Lexa screamed startling the girl. "Mount weather!" Octavia yelled back "We haven't looked around mount weather! Everyone is so used to avoiding the area no one thought to look there!" Octavia smiled down at the commander who jumped up and started towards the mountain, Octavia was right no one even thought to look there. Growling at herself for being stupid. "Come!" Yelling behind her.

She was seething, dagger gripped so tight in her hand she felt her hand cramp. But she didn't care, she doesn't care. She was lightheaded and felt herself fading. She closed her eyes and breathed deep, fresh air. She pushed her anger down just a bit, she needed to be smart. She needed to clean her leg wound, walking until she could hear water streaming she stopped and listened. Paying attention to the sound and following the direction she came across a river, without even thinking she jumped straight in. Washing off the blood that she felt herself soaked in, untying her leg she wiped it clean. She sat on the edge of the river just embracing the feel of not being tied up. Looking down at her wound again, she felt her rage bubbling up again, she came down to earth for survival and she has been challenged every step of the way. She has turned into something she once feared when she first stepped onto the earth's surface, she was ruthless and killed. She laughed at the thought of jaha and the council members, they acted as if they had to kill, and they killed her father for trying to help. When down here it was just survival, she hated the council for what they did. They were all fools and no matter how hard she tried to help them they treated her like a child when she was the only one that actually made the smartest decisions. Sad decisions, that took bits of her soul but she made them so they didn't have too. She doesn't want to go back and she can't help the resentment she had for the people at camp jaha for making her make those choices.

Lexa stopped, her heart was pounding in her chest. Blood, there was a trail of blood coming from a tunnel and disappearing into the forest. Looking towards the tunnel she ran into it followed by Octavia and Lincoln. Stopping at Octavia's whisper "Heda" she pointed at a small tent in the distance. Lexa nodded towards her and Lincoln, they all silently walking forward pulled out their weapons. Stopping on either side of the tents entrance Lexa listened to any noise but could not hear a thing, eying Octavia she moved forward pulling back the flap and entering with her sword raised. She stood still, no one was here. She locked her gaze onto the blood covered chair and floor turning around she wasted no time running out of the tunnel shouting behind her "Look around" and started following the blood trail.

Her raging moment was cut off when she heard a crunch in the ground. Slowly she stood up and just as she was about to turn she was tackled to the floor again "Thought you killed me?" Katherine chuckled as she slammed her fist down onto Clarke's face, Clarke would have felt it if she wasn't so focused on anger, gripping the dagger in hand she used it to stab at Katherine's arm causing the women to pull back, pushing her off and quickly standing up. She paused waiting for Katherine to get up, smiling she threw the dagger into a nearby tree. Away from them both "Let's make this fun" Clarke smiled raising her hands and bending down in a fight stance. "Fun it will be" Katherine replied getting into her own stance. Clarke just watched her eyes waiting for her move, Katherine did the same. Clarke knew she would have to make the first move, she was waiting for her to make the first move. Jabbing her fist forward Katherine easily dodged it and swung her arm around to hit Clarke in the side of the face, Clarke dodged it swung her whole body around dropping onto the floor and kicking Katherine's feet up from under her causing her to fall onto the floor with a thud. Not wasting time she straddled the women and gripped her throat as hard as she could, squeezing the life out of her. Katherine dug her thumb into Clarke's leg wound and Clarke screamed in pain and crawled back, Katherine got up and made her way over to Clarke, slowly smiling ready to finish her. When Katherine was tackled from the side, Clarke used this opportunity to run and collect her dagger. When he returned she paused at the sight, Lexa had the women on her knees and her dagger to her throat. Quietly slipping behind Lexa she brought her own dagger to the commanders a throat "Let her go" Clarke spat, "Clarke what are you doing?" Lexa replied "It's me-" she was cut off when she was pulled back from Katherine and dragged away. Clarke kicked the commander onto her knees and stepped back smiling at her two targets in front of her. "Clarke it's me" Lexa said getting up and backing away from both women. "She doesn't care Lexa" Katherine laughed "She hates you, she's going to kill you" laughing even harder. "Shut up!" Clarke spat to her "Come on Clarke end her" Katherine said again 'They will both pay' Clarke thought, "Clarke calm down" Lexa said again. "Shut up" Clarke screamed at the commander ignoring her feelings trying to surface, she didn't want to care. Running at the brunette Lexa was prepared and dodged the tackle, spinning on her heels she jumped at the angry blonde. Kicking the knife from her hand she brought her arm around the girl's neck and applied pressure until Clarke passed out. Dropping the girl gently "Heda?" Lincoln said staring at her with wide eyes "What happened?" He said "That's not Clarke! Something is wrong she tried to kill me" Lexa replied noticing the ice queen's absence "NO!" She kicked the ground "Where is Octavia?" She glared at Lincoln. He turned to look behind himself and then around them "She was here" He said brows furrowed. Lexa getting her dagger off the floor looking at it she wanted to throw it and never look at it again, Clarke wanted to kill her with it and she gave it to her as a sign of her love. Slipping it into her boot she looked to Lincoln "What did you find in the tent?" Lexa said commander mask slipped back firmly. "Just a lot of the sleep herbs" he frowned "You said she tried to kill you?" Looking down at Clarke's passed out form, looking back up wide eyes "She was manipulating her with them" Lincoln nearly shouted.

She waited for the second this women stopped running, then she would surprise her, when she did. She jumped down from her branch making the women jump. "Think you can get away?" Octavia said quickly before smashing her fish into the women as hard as she can causing her grunt and lose consciousness. Tying her hands and feet Octavia dragged the women back to where she left Lincoln. She resisted the urge to end her right now, but she deserved a painful death for everything she has done to Clarke. Clarke deserved the kill, she wondered if she would even want to kill her. Clarke wasn't someone who killed unless it was necessary. No matter the person she could see it in Clarke's eyes that she hated to kill. Maybe she wouldn't, maybe Octavia would have to kill her. Maybe Lexa would, she was surprised when Lexa asked her and Lincoln to be her guards but she knew Lexa wouldn't trust easy after Samuels's betrayal. Lexa trusted Clarke and if Clarke trusted Lincoln and Octavia then that extended to Lexa. She was surprised when she saw Lexa open up to them and she felt like she could understand her more. She did truly love Clarke and for that Octavia knew she would protect Lexa just as much as she would with Clarke.

Waking up she gasped for air feeling like it was deprived from her she jumped up spinning around glaring at the Commander and Lincoln, they just stared at her before Lincoln said "Clarke we are just trying to help you " He said holding his hands up in surrender. "I don't want your help!" She spat "Every time someone tries to help me it just makes everything worse!" She wanted to be alone. She couldn't stand to be in her presence after everything she has done. Walking up to the Commander she stopped when Lincoln stepping in front of her blocking her view of the brunette "Clarke you will not hurt her, you will not feel better I assure you" He said. She knew she could hurt Lexa she knew she would feel for a few minutes but that always ended. And she knew she wouldn't get away with hurting her anyway, she would be hunted down for harming the Commander. Glaring at Lincoln she nodded and stepped around him standing in front of Lexa, the commander nodded to Lincoln before he walked away giving them some privacy. Clarke didn't take her eyes off of her, Lexa didn't look Clarke in the eye until Lincoln left. Looking up she couldn't help the tears come to her eyes at the dead look in Clarke's eyes. Clearing her throat she croaked out "I'm sorry" she felt stupid for saying something so uncomforting but that's all she could think to say. Clarke didn't want her apology she didn't care for it "I'm not coming back with you" she replied feeling satisfaction at the hurt in Lexa's eyes. Stepping forward she grabbed Clarke's hand feeling Clarke stiffen at her touch made her heart ache chocking out a sob.

"Please I just got you back" Lexa said desperation in her voice

"No you didn't, do I look like the same person? The same idiot who let people use me?" Clarke spat back "This is who I am now thanks to you and I know what she did to me. I know she made me hate you. I don't want to hate anyone and I don't want to kill anyone, so I am going to deal with that alone. It's not just you I resent Lexa but make no mistake we are done" Clarke jerked her hand back and turned around walking over to her things she made to leave when Octavia appeared from behind the trees dragging a unconscious Katherine behind her. Octavia? Clarke felt herself happy to see her, she did miss her and she was the only person Clarke felt herself trusting at the moment. "Octavia?" She blurted out before she could stop herself, she felt herself getting embarrassed at the show of emotion. 'Stop' she reminded herself, her emotions were the cause of her pain to begin with. She needed to contain them 'Love is weakness' she told herself having Lexa to thank for that lesson.

"Look who I found" Octavia said proud "So how do we go about this?" looking from Clarke then to Lexa looking at the commander confused at the commanders deflated form.

"She's mine" Lexa snarled with her commander mask back on and pulling out her dagger.

"Stop! Wait till she's conscious" Clarke said rolling her eyes.

"Fine" the Commander scoffed.

Octavia was confused at the sudden switch of personalities. Clarke was acting like the emotionless commander while Lexa stood there with tear tracks she didn't even bother to wipe away yet. Without dwelling on it she tied the women to the closest tree before walking over to Clarke who seemed to be keeping a big distance between herself and Lexa. Lincoln stepped up behind the tree the ice queen was tied too and sat by it.

"Hey" she smiled at Clarke "I am glad we found you"

Clarke couldn't help but the small smile gracing her lips, she liked that she didn't say something along the lines 'Good to see you're okay'

"Hey O" she replied, tensing when the brunette jumped at her wrapping her up in a big hug. She relaxed a little and awkwardly patted her back.

"Thanks for getting the ice bitch" Clarke said

"Wasn't going to let her get away" Octavia said sitting down "I figured you would want revenge" She said looking to Clarke curiously "Because I think if it was me I would" shrugging.

"Tempting but I think I have enough blood on my hands" Clarke said "I just want to laugh in her face before I leave, Lexa can handle it" Clarke said.

"Leave? Where? Why not come back to polis?" Octavia said

Clarke didn't answer, she looked at Octavia and before sitting down beside her she lowered her voice "I can't stand to be around our people and the commander" looking at Octavia trying to make her understand with just a look "I look at her and get angry, and the part of me that hates her wants to hate her and hurt her, but a little bit of me is telling me to leave because I don't want to have her see me hate her which would hurt her"

"Okay" Octavia just shrugged "I'm coming" before Clarke could protest "I am not going to try to be your therapist, just don't want you out here by yourself"

Clarke just nodded.

Thanks for reading! :)