Chapter 10
Sorry for the delay! I've been really busy but I hope to continue so thanks for reading.
Lexa stared at Clarke's sleeping form, she looked peaceful. It took Octavia a while to reassure her she was safe and she could sleep. Lexa just wanted to crawl up next to the blonde hold her, she wanted to beg the girl to forgive her, and she wanted her to love her. She wanted to allow Clarke the relief for the pain she has. Her hands hadn't stopped trembling since their conversation. Looking down at them she stared as she clenched and unclenched them over and over. She missed Anya, she was the only person Lexa confided in. She feels a wave of guilt hit her as she thinks of Anya for the first time since Clarke was taken. She can't seem to control her emotions anymore, she used to be so good at covering things and protecting her mind from wondering into dark places. But now she lived in the dark places, she wishes for relief and to be pulled out. She wants to be the commander again, not some lost girl.
"Octavia" Lexa spoke calling the other girl over to her.
"Yes?"
"You are going with her?"
"Yes Heda"
Octavia frowned down at the commander, sitting next to the girl she nervously looked away.
"How are you?"
"I am fine" Lexa spoke cringing at her own words.
Should she trust Octavia? She had grown to like the girl. She was a strong and smart warrior. And a great friend to Clarke.
"Everything I do, I do for my people, for Clarke. But all it has done is destroy everything"
Lexa spoke, displaying no emotion in her voice. She would at least control that, breaking down would just make her look as weak as she felt on the inside.
"Lexa"
Octavia said sympathetically, she didn't use the commander's name often, but right now she wasn't the commander. She was her friend. She didn't know what advice to offer at the moment, she was confused herself.
"My first love was killed for just loving me, my parents were killed because they did not want me to be taken to be trained as Commander, Anya was killed, even Gusts died protecting me and now Clarke was almost killed. I told myself that if we could just find her I would promise to make it okay but it won't be okay I am cursed"
Octavia thought that she had it rough, she did. But the Commander has lost every person she has cared about. She understands why she doesn't get close to people then. You would feel like you were cursed if anyone you cared about died.
"Even Samuel betrayed me, coward"
Lexa looked up at Octavia trying to read the girl, she hated the look of sympathy in her eyes. She didn't want it.
"I am telling you because I want you to understand why I am making the choice that I am about to make"
"What choice?"
Octavia swallowed the lump in her throat, she hoped it wasn't bad.
"I will not allow Clarke to lose herself, even if it means she hates me more. I want to help her, so I am coming with you"
"What if she attacks you? Lexa it's not safe-"
Octavia was cut off by Lexa's glare.
"You are my guard, you will stop that if it happens, and because it is you I will know that you will not harm her if a situation occurs"
Octavia sighed
"Okay, but try to be Lexa not the commander"
Getting a nod from the Commander.
-
"Wake up!" Octavia yelled kicking awake the ice queen.
Katherine jumped feeling a boot hit her chest. Looking up she snarled at the brunette.
"Kill me already" Katherine spit at the girl.
"I would love too, but it is not me who will do the honours" Octavia smiled wide stepping off to the side watching the ice queen's ices go wide.
Clarke stood stoic, watching Katherine she felt her rage bubble up. This women needed to be gone, Clarke didn't want to have the annoying women around.
Lexa walked over to Clarke who stood there in her thoughts, slipping her dagger out she watched Clarke's eyes lock onto her quickly. Lexa halted, did Clarke think she would hurt her? She would never hurt Clarke. She seen fear flash through Clarke's eyes before she covered it up. Slowly she stepped forward again flipping the blade around to catch it she pushed the handle towards Clarke.
"It is your kill" Lexa spoke softly.
Clarke looked down at the dagger reaching out she stopped just before she took hold. Did she really want to kill her? Clarke wanted her gone but she couldn't miss the look of relief cross Katherine's face when she knew it was Clarke going to end her life.
Pulling her hand back she looked up into the curious green eyes of the commander.
"You do it" Clarke spoke before she walked past Lexa, stopped in front of Katherine. Clarke smirked at Katherine's face shoot up to look at Lexa.
"Bye Kathy" Clarke drawled out turning back around walking behind Octavia.
Lexa stood staring at the dagger. This all seems too easy for Katherine, sure she would get satisfaction from it but she wanted her to suffer. She wanted to her to pay for her choices but Lexa wouldn't feel satisfied by it being so simple.
Lexa's hand shock from the anger and drive she felt to just throw the dagger in between her eyes, holstering the knife she looked at Lincoln who stood with his hands behind his back. Lexa walked over and past him nodding her head to follow her.
Lincoln walked behind the commander, he stopped when Lexa stopped walking and turned to stare at him.
"Take her back to camp jaha and lock her in their cells, I will deal with her when I return" Lexa ordered.
She couldn't deal with her now. She was too concerned for Clarke, she needed to help her. Camp jaha had stronger cells then polis, and she couldn't risk Katherine getting away.
Lincoln nodded "And shall I return?"
"No, I want you to make sure she's locked away" Lexa replied.
"I will say goodbye to Octavia" Lincoln said before turning back heading over to Octavia.
Clarke stood staring at Lincoln and Octavia talking, she noticed Lexa standing off staring at Clarke. It was irritating having her eyes on her. Clarke flicked her eyes over to the commander who looked down straight away. Looking back when she watched as Lincoln punched Katherine unconscious, wide eyed she looked up at him confused when he dragged her away disappearing into the trees.
"Umm where is he going?" Clarke asked Octavia.
"Camp jaha" Lexa replied watching as Clarke pretended not to hear her.
Clarke gathered her things as well as Octavia. Lexa nodded to Octavia who turned to Clarke.
"Where we off too?" Octavia said smiling to Clarke.
Clarke looked at Lexa wondering what she was doing here then back to Octavia.
"What is she doing here?" Clarke said
Lexa stepped up deciding she should answer. She looked over to Octavia who dropped her bags and walked off to give them some space.
Lexa walked over to Clarke stopped when she seen the blonde tense.
"I know you hate me, but I want to help you and I know don't want me too but I am not leaving you Clarke. I love you" Lexa spoke looking Clarke in eye hoping she would understand.
Clarke didn't know what to say, she wanted to tell Lexa to get lost. But she couldn't seem to get herself to say the words. She groaned at herself for being conflicted. Instead she shot Lexa a deadly look before dropping into her butt putting her hands into her hands.
"I'm angry at you, and I have reasons to be. But I know that it stems from that women's stupid freaking plan so I will try to get past that, but I still don't see us working out with everything that has happened. I don't trust you to not try to control me" Clarke replied
She has time to think since being found, she was getting mad at everything and then her other emotions tried to push through sometimes. She felt herself start to ache for Lexa, she wandered if the girl was in pain like she was. But then she would get mad at herself for letting Lexa invade her thoughts.
Lexa stepped up to Clarke sitting down in front of the blonde. She felt compelled to explain herself, maybe she can help Clarke understand.
"I truly am sorry Clarke, I acted out of fear and the thought of losing you" Lexa shook her head clearing the thought. "I couldn't bear it, I told you love was weakness. It made me act weak"
Lexa sighed she knew she shouldn't have tried to control Clarke, no one can control Clarke.
"I should have had more faith in you Clarke, but it wasn't about you. It was about me I should have opened up and told you my fears, I will be open now"
Clarke looked up at Lexa, she was right but it still hurt. So she just nodded and stood up.
"Octavia!" Clarke yelled calling the girl back.
When Octavia stepped out from behind a tree in the distance Clarke smirked at her being so silent.
"We should go I want to find a place we can camp" Clarke said.
She wanted to find somewhere they could set up a camp and just be quiet for a while. Hopefully Clarke still had her hunting skills because she was starving.
"This way" she shouted before walking off.
Lexa and Octavia walked behind Clarke who seemed to be looking at everything like she hadn't seen it before.
"She's being strange" Octavia whispered.
"I heard you" Clarke smirked, she felt happier being in the forest. It was the best she has felt in a while.
"It's good to be outside instead of in a dark tent" Clarke said feeling her happiness dry down a little. Squinting a little she looked up seeing a perfect break in the trees to set up camp.
Sitting down her bag she stretched her arms before turning to Octavia.
"Let's hunt" Smirking as Octavia pulled off the bow and handed it to Clarke.
"Tree game?" Octavia smirked at Clarke hoping to get Clarke's competitive side showing.
"What is the tree game?" Lexa asked looking between the girls.
"Well when Clarke and I were learning how to move up in trees we decided to make a game of hunting, the first person to make a kill while in the trees wins, it is hard because we have to be fast and quiet without falling out" Octavia said "Clarke sucks" she added laughing.
"Umm I have more wins then you!" Clarke shot back pushing Octavia in the shoulder.
"You have two more wins!" Octavia shot back "And you threw a rock and if I didn't dodge it I would probably have been knocked out"
Clarke was smiling at the memory she threw the rock hoping to scare the girl and it worked but she almost lost as well because she almost laughed scaring off the deer. Luckily she killed it quickly then she fell out of the tree laughing at Octavia's ungraceful reaction.
"No rules" Clarke smirked.
"Deal" Octavia stuck out her hand for Clarke who shook it.
"You are welcome to play" Clarke looked to Lexa "I'll need you to hand me a dagger"
Lexa nodded pulling her dagger out handing it to Clarke.
Clarke looked at it, remembering that her initials were placed on it she ran her fingers over it looking back up to Lexa who stared at her reaction.
"Thanks" Clarke said before running off jumping up gripping the branch pulling herself up, she looked back at Octavia and Lexa who watched her before they both took off doing the same.
Clarke had been jumping from tree to tree for a few minutes, she has not seen any animals yet. She was being quiet, she could see Octavia off in the distance squaring down looking for any sign of an animal. She picked off a stick and flung it over near Octavia to get her attention, Octavia shot her head over looking at Clarke giving her the middle finger. Octavia looked over trying to stop the commander she didn't see her, she gestured to her eyes then pointed around hoping Clarke would understand. Clarke looked off trying to see any movement in the trees but just shrugged back to Octavia. Where was Lexa? Clarke figured she was just trying to be as stealthy as possible.
Clarke felt a small rock hit her chest then fall to the floor, looking from the direction it came from she didn't see anything. She looked back at Octavia who was moving again slowly she looked past her and her eyes widened in realisation that Octavia was following a deer. Jumping to the nearest tree she ran along the branch before flinging herself to the same one as Octavia. Octavia wanting to win so badly rushed and jumped but couldn't grip the branch in time and fell straight to the floor.
"Out!" Clarke said laughing at the girl "Go start the fire"
Octavia just huffed before giving Clarke the finger again. Picking herself up she spotted Lexa higher up in the same tree Clarke was in, Clarke was obviously oblivious to Lexa's presence. Octavia held back her smirk hoping not to give away Lexa's location. Lexa so had this, she was an expert at being a ghost, Walking back in the direction of the camp.
Clarke looked around again hoping to spot the commander, she was being too quiet. Hearing a crunch her attention was back on the deer, slowly walking she moved to the nearest tree. She stopped when she was about five meters from the deer, pulling at the dagger she lined up her arm ready to fling the blade at it. She stopped when the deer fell, confused she tried to move her head to see what happened when Lexa dropped onto the branch in front of her.
"Shit" Clarke jumped clutching her chest.
"I win" Lexa said smirking at Clarke.
Clarke looked at Lexa seeing the confident side to Lexa shine through she smiled a bit. She always liked Lexa's confidence and she always liked how the girl was an amazing warrior. Clarke always thought how hot the commander looked when she was in her element.
Coughing she tried to hide her expression when Lexa looked at her as if she was trying to read her.
"Well done" Clarke said jumping down and walking towards the deer, it had a dagger in its neck.
"Nice shot" Clarke said pulling the knife out.
"Thank you" Lexa said making Clarke jump again.
"My god! You should stop that now" Clarke said clutching her chest again. She felt a pain when she breathed.
Lexa stepped forward putting her hand on Clarke's arm.
"Are you okay?" She said worry in her eyes.
"You startled me is all" Clarke said shrugging off her hand, handing the blade back. Grabbing Lexa's other blade she handed it out for the girl to grab.
Lexa stared down at it, seeing her carvings of Clarke's initials she felt a pang of sadness hit her.
"It is yours now Clarke" Lexa said pushing the dagger back towards the girl.
"Lexa did you put my initials on this?" Clarke asked watching Lexa nod.
Lexa stepped around Clarke grabbing the deer she flung it over her shoulders and started walking back to camp.
Clarke started walking behind her and just watched the girl walk with the deer like it weighed nothing at all.
"Where you near me the whole time?" Clarke asked
"Yes" Lexa replied, she was waiting for Clarke to find an animal just so she could steal it and win.
"How did I not notice" Clarke said to herself.
"Because I made sure you did not" Lexa laughed "We should play again next hunt"
"Good I want a rematch, next time I'll be sure to watch you" Clarke replied, she wanted to watch Lexa and see how she was so quiet.
"Have you and Octavia made many other games?"
"A few" Clarke replied "I'm sure you'll get the chance to join them"
"Thank you" Lexa said looking over at the blonde, she smiled at Clarke seeing the girls happy mood.
-
Octavia stared at up the two girls coming through the trees
"Who won?" Octavia asked smirking
"I did" Lexa spoke up "Like you didn't know" laughing at Octavia's smirk.
"You have to show me how to be so stealthy Commander!" Octavia whined
"Never giving away my secrets"
Lexa dumped down the deer handing over the dagger for Octavia to prepare it.
"She scared the crap out of me" Clarke said frowning.
Clarke watched the girl prepare the deer, she felt Lexa's gaze on her. She tried to ignore it but it was powerful, feeling uneasy she got up quickly. She couldn't breathe with Lexa staring at her.
"I'm going for a walk, I'll be back soon" Clarke all but yelled before turning around and power walking away.
Octavia looked to Lexa who was staring off where Clarke disappeared and frowning.
"That was weird" she said shrugging.
-
Clarke was walking through the forest, almost tripping because she was stuck in her thoughts she decided to climb up a tree.
Looking at the biggest one she could see she started off in a run before jumping onto the base climbing and gripping onto a branch she pulled herself up and sitting with the tree branch between her legs she leaned back onto the wall of the tree.
Looking around she felt the cool breeze hit her, closing her eyes she breathed deep and leaned her head back onto the tree.
She felt happier being free. No obligations just living, how long would this last? Did she even want to go back? She shook her head clearing those thoughts, she will worry about that later. Thinking back to the game they played she smiled thinking how she beat Octavia again. The girl needed to step up her game, Lexa however was going to be hard to beat. Clarke needed to play from higher up and hopefully stay hidden from both girls next time. She had to beat Lexa, Clarke wanted to be the best. Lexa obviously being the commander was the best warrior she had come across, she used to hope to get Lexa to train her. Now she wanted to be the best by herself.
Clarke opened her eyes hearing crunches from leaves being stepped on realising it was now dark, she must have fell asleep for an hour or two. Looking down at the source of the noise she watched Lexa walking around looking from side to side slowly.
"See her yet?" Octavia shouted at Lexa.
Clarke looked further up seeing Octavia standing with her sword drawn.
"No, do you think she ran?" Lexa asked Octavia turning to face the girl.
"I'm not sure" Octavia replied.
Clarke watched as Lexa spotted her footprints end under her. Clarke smirked when she seen the girl frown at the end of the trail. Slowly standing she prepared to jump in front of the commander hoping to scare her. Lexa squatted down rubbing the mark, standing back up she was looking up slowly when Clarke jumped down landing right in front of the Commander who jumped and before Clarke could steady herself she was on her back with a sword pointing at her chest with Lexa's foot on her stomach holding her down.
Clarke seeing the sword pointed at her felt herself start to shake. Her mind started replaying when she was getting cut by Katherine. Fear shot up through her wanting the sword as far away as possible from her she grabbed the blade not feeling it cut through her palm and fingers as she clasped it pushing it to her right as she felt the foot leave her chest she crawled backwards hitting the tree.
Lexa stood wide eyed at Clarke grabbing her sword cutting herself with it, she pushed the sword into the holster on her back removing her foot from Clarke's stomach she felt Octavia run up stopping next to her. Clarke startled Lexa, She would never have pulled a sword on Clarke.
"Clarke" Lexa said watching the girl crawl backwards.
She had fear in her eyes and was shaking, mumbling something Lexa couldn't quite pick up on.
Octavia shot forward to help the girl but was stopped by Lexa's arm.
"No, she's stuck in her memories" Lexa said.
"CLARKE?!" Octavia yelled snapping her fingers trying to get her attention, she stopped when she got a glare from Lexa.
Lexa stepped forward kneeling in front of Clarke who had her hands clenched and her eyes shut tightly. Brushing the hair out of her face she seen tears spill from the blonde's eyes.
"Hey it's okay" Lexa said softly "Open your eyes Clarke"
Lexa moved her hand to Clarke's cheek, using her thumb to wipe away the tears she whispered to the blonde.
"Clarke shh, open your eyes" she tried again.
Clarke's eyes shot open blurry from the tears she blinked them away before her eyes locked onto bright green eyes filled with worry staring at her.
Gasping she brought her hand up to hold onto the Commanders hand on her cheek. Lexa wiped away the tears that kept falling, she did this until Clarke calmed down. Clarke coughed from almost choking on her own saliva, looking around she seen Octavia kneel down next to Lexa. Moving the hand off her face she pushed it away seeing the rejection flash in Lexa's eyes she pushed herself up from the ground. She was embarrassed that she let her mind lose itself.
"I'm fine" she spoke harshly
"Clarke-" Octavia started
"I said I'm fine" Clarke shot a glare at the girl.
"Your hand" Lexa spoke reaching out she grabbed Clarke's hand bringing it close to look.
Hissing Clarke pulled it from her grasped bringing it to her chest she clenched her first.
"What the hell" Clarke said looking at her hand then remembered how it happened and felt even more embarrassed.
"Come on we can wrap it up with the kit I have" Octavia said, turning she walked back to camp with Lexa and Clarke following closely behind.
-
Lexa watched as Octavia helped Clarke wrap her hand, she decided to call it a night. She was exhausted and she felt like she would collapse at any second.
She could not even be bothered setting up a tent, so instead she just laid on her side and drifted off almost right away.
"There all done" Octavia said smiling.
"Thanks" Clarke mumbled.
"You want to talk about it?"
Clarke looked at Octavia, she was going to turn her down. But she felt maybe she would feel better talking about it for once.
"I had a flashback of that bitch cutting me" Clarke said angry remembering the incident again.
"Well she can't do it anymore, because we got the bitch" Octavia said smirking at Clarke's laugh.
"Yeah I guess"
"We know you would kick her ass if it was an even fight" Octavia said
"Of course" Clarke said nudging the girl "No one can beat me"
"I'll get you one day princess" Octavia replied getting up "I'm going to keep watch, grab some sleep"
Clarke nodded watching Octavia walk over to the hill point near the camp, sitting down.
Clarke looked over at the commander. She looked cute, Clarke smiled softly thinking about how childlike she looked right now. Getting up she grabbed the girls coat and putting it over her like a blanket Clarke walked back over to her tent getting inside she laid down feeling relaxed finally she sighed closing her eyes.