I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters
Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to have sex with Hotch? He's my boss! But he's so incredible, I think to myself as Hotch's lips are on mine outside the bar. We didn't even make it to the car once we got outside. We couldn't contain ourselves so he pushed me up against the wall of the bar in the parking lot and started kissing me again. We're like two teenagers or something. It's never been this way for me before. Usually I'm able to have an ounce of self-control when it comes to men, but not with Hotch.
If he stops touching me, I might explode. But if he keeps touching me, I might insist that we have sex right here against this wall. Where anyone could walk past us. Oh god. Even just the thought of that makes me even hotter. And I didn't think that was possible at this point. His hands are all over me and yet not where I need them to be. I moan against his mouth as his hand starts massaging my breast. We're finally starting to get somewhere.
My mouth breaks away from his as the need to breathe overtakes me. Hotch's mouth instantly moves to my neck as his hands continue to work their magic. However, as I'm less focused on what I'm doing than on what's being done to me, I start to think about who's doing it to me. This is my boss. Boss man. Hotch. Hotch who has a son and was married and signs my paycheck. This is so wrong. But so right. I've really never felt like this before. Like something is this right. Like it's this perfect.
I've honestly been so focused on Derek all this time that I didn't even really notice Hotch. How terrible is that? Here was this incredible man standing in front of me, but I never saw him. Why did I pay so much attention to Derek? He never really deserved it. I mean, I always thought that something would happen between me and Derek, but after enough time, I should have realized just how wrong I was. I mean, if he wanted to be with me, he would have made it happen by now. He would have been with me and not let other girls throw themselves at him every time we go out.
No, Derek doesn't feel the way about me that I do about him. So why spend any more time thinking about him. I've finally seen this incredible man before me. Now I need to start paying the attention to him that I should have been paying him all along. Better late than never, I guess. I look at his face as he pulls away from my neck, and our eye contact is electric. I know staying here against this wall is no longer safe as soon as I see the look in his eyes. He's looking at me like I'm the most desirable thing in the world. Like I'm the most beautiful and sexy person he's ever met and if he goes another second without tasting me, he'll die. That's what his eyes are telling me. And then his mouth is telling me the same thing.
I grab the back of his head and pull him back to me, smashing our mouths together in a manner that should be painful, but is so enjoyable that there's no pain whatsoever. I don't know what will happen for us, but for the first time in a while, I'm okay with not knowing. I feel that with Hotch, everything will work out and be okay in the end. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to us or between us. And now I can see how much he cares about me and wants to be with me, so he wouldn't let anything happen.
Hotch again removes himself from my mouth and refocuses on my neck which must be his new favorite spot. Oh, I'm going to be so bruised in the morning. It's a good thing it's the weekend and I have until Monday to recover from this night. I can tell that I'm going to need it. Oh boy am I going to need time to recover from this. Maybe forever. I can already tell that tonight is going to be the best I've ever had, I just never thought that the best I'd ever have would be with Hotch. I always reserved that idea and fantasy for Derek.
As my thoughts turn once again to Derek, I hear a noise off to my right, and I look over to see Derek leaving the bar. With some girl. One of the floozies who had been all over him tonight. He looks at first like he doesn't want to be with her, but he must want to, because he grabs her and pushes her against the wall, kissing her for all he's worth. I always wanted him to do that to me. But he never will. And it doesn't really matter, because I have someone doing that to me now, and the things he's making me feel are better than Derek has ever made me feel.
Seeing Derek with that girl would ordinarily upset me, and on some level it still does, but not as much as it used to. Maybe because seeing him with someone else is on some level like receiving permission to do this with Hotch. It's the universe's way of telling me that if Derek can go home with someone and not even think about me, then I can go home with Hotch and not think about Derek.
Looking away from Derek and back to Hotch, I grab his shirt and pull him to the car, ready to get away from this bar, away from Derek, and on with my life. A new life. A new Penelope.