I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters
I really don't want to do this. He needs to know, but I don't want to have to tell him. I should have had Derek come with me. No. Bad idea. This is for the best, I think to myself as I walk into the coffee shop Hotch and I had agreed on to have a chat. I see him across the room and head over to him, trying to not make eye contact. This is hard enough, I don't think I'll be able to take the look in his eyes when I tell him.
Sitting down, the only thing I'm thinking about is Derek. I need to remember that the pain of everything that's about to happen is going to be worth it. Because at the end of this, I get to go home and be with Derek. Spend the rest of my life with Derek. I can get through this. I can get through anything as long as Derek's on the other side.
"Penelope," Aaron begins as I sit down. "It's so good to see you. I was a little worried that I hadn't heard from you in a while and then yesterday with you leaving work in such a rush."
"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that Aaron. There was just some stuff going on that I needed to deal with."
"Oh. Is everything alright?"
"Yes, actually. Everything is pretty great."
"Care to share?"
"Well, I don't really know how to go about telling you this."
"What do you mean?"
"Just, let me start from the beginning and get all of this out."
"Okay."
"When I started at the BAU, I never expected to love my job and find a family and be truly happy for the first time in a very long time, but I did. Everything was so great when I started. Everyone was welcoming and loving and really cared about me. I was so unused to that. But more than anything, what surprised me was meeting Derek. Here was this gorgeous man who was so kind to me and we flirted constantly and our sexual tension could have set several rooms on fire. I fell in love with him. I didn't want to and I didn't mean to, but it happened. But I pretty quickly convinced myself that nothing would ever happen between the two of us. So, I started seeing other people. First was Kevin, but when push came to shove, I just couldn't be with him. He wasn't Derek. Then there was Sam and being with Sam was so easy, but I just couldn't love him. I wasn't capable of it. So I was back to daydreaming about Derek when you came along. And honestly, I had never thought of you in a romantic way before that night, but you came and you saved me when Derek didn't even notice me. And that night, I didn't think about Derek once. It was so incredible. Being with you was so incredible. Please believe me when I say that. It was truly an amazing weekend. Spending time with you and Jack, being a family. But, on Monday, after the time in my office, I saw Derek looking at us when you were leaving. So I went to talk to him and he was crying and then he left the office. I followed him to his house and he told me that he loved me. I thought that after all this time, if he were to ever tell me that he loved me, I'd be able to not react to it, or pretend to be not in love with him, but I couldn't. Because I'm in love with him too. No matter what he does and no matter how much time passes, I still love him. I just can't help myself. So, we talked about it and decided to give it a try. I'm really sorry, Aaron. I need you to know how sorry I am," I finish and finally look into his eyes. There I find sorrow and love, but no surprise. "You knew?"
"Yeah. After you left work, I went after you a few hours later because I was really worried about what had happened. I went to your apartment, but you weren't there, and the only other place I could think of was Derek's house. I saw your car out front, and something came over me. I don't really know how to describe it. I guess it was a combination of fear and jealousy, but whatever it was took over me and I went to the door, which was open, went upstairs and didn't have to look long to figure out exactly what was going on. And what it meant for us."
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you saw that."
"Penelope, I forgive you. I want what's best for you, and if that's Derek, then it's Derek. I'm just sorry that it wasn't me."
"I know, and I'm sorry that I'm not actually capable of getting over Derek. I wish that I was. Because this past weekend – it was beautiful."
"It really was. We really were," he says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it before letting go and sitting back in his seat. "Now then, do you want to get something to eat?"
"No, thank you, I should get home. Derek's waiting."
"Right, then I'll see you at work."
I head out from the coffee shop, back to my car, thinking only of Derek. Even though talking to Hotch was painful, I know it was the right thing. And it means that Derek and I can be together guilt-free. I still can't believe all of this. That Derek's with me. That I'm with Derek. That I get to go home and he'll be there waiting with open arms and we can spend the rest of our lives together. We can start our own family, and have as many mocha babies as possible. I can't wait.