i'm so sorry this update has taken so long! i was in california for 3 weeks and i thought i would get the chance to update whilst i was there, but time just ran away from me. i'm back home now so i'll be back to updating on a much more regular basis.
thank you all so much for continuing to read and review this story - i hope this latest update is worth the wait!
In the end Enjolras found the letter himself.
Not used to sharing a room with another human caused Eponine to slip up; she forgot that co-habitation meant that her drawers were Enjolras's drawers too, and so it didn't take him long to discover the crumpled page shoved in at the back of the third drawer in their shared dresser.
Initially Eponine hadn't even planned on opening the thing; she had all the best intentions of throwing it in the trash and never letting it cross her mind again. But curiosity had gotten the better of her. She hadn't heard from her father in what felt like a lifetime, and she knew there was a part of her that, despite everything, did want to know what he had to say.
Her father never did have a way with words, and his hastily-written letter was no exception. It was blunt and to the point, which was really nothing more than she should have expected. All he had to say was that he had heard she was pregnant and that he wanted to meet his grandchild when it was born. No apology, not even an acknowledgment of his shitty actions; nothing.
At first Eponine had been infuriated that he even had the audacity to ask to see her baby, but the more she thought about it the more she realized that that was exactly how her father's mind worked; he had spent the best part of twenty years not giving a fuck about anyone but himself, he wasn't likely to change now.
She was in the shower when Enjolras made his discovery. When she came back into the /bedroom he was sitting on the bed with the letter in his hands.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?"
"About what?" Eponine replied, concentrating on towel drying her hair and paying little attention to what Enjolras was holding
"About this letter from your father?" He said, holding up the mangled page.
Eponine abruptly stopped pulling the towel through her wet hair. He was so obviously pissed, and she had absolutely no idea what to say. She knew she shouldn't have kept it a secret from him, of course she knew she should have told him. Why hadn't she told him? Why hadn't she just told him that night in the kitchen?
Because she was embarrassed; embarrassed by her fucked up family, embarrassed by the messy past she was constantly running from. The truth was she couldn't help but feel that the less Enjolras was reminded that his kid was half Thénardier the better.
"Why didn't you tell me he had written to you Eponine?"
"I'm sorry," she stammered, slightly mortified that her deceit had been rumbled. "I just... I just didn't want to worry you."
"This is my baby too," Enjolras said, standing up, still grasping the letter. "If your father is writing you letters demanding to see our baby I should know. This isn't just about you anymore Eponine, this isn't something you should be keeping from me, not when he is making noise about wanting to see our baby, acting as though he has some right to just to waltz into our lives and start playing happy families."
"I didn't keep it from you deliberately..."
"Well you sure as hell didn't tell me," Enjolras snapped back.
Back before she had fallen in love with him she would have told him to go fuck himself if he had snapped at her, but now she just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole so she didn't have to deal with the look he was throwing her anymore. She had never been particularly fond of Enjolras when he was angry, he had this glare that looked like it could cut through glass, and she was far from enjoying her first experience of being on the receiving end of it.
"Did he send this here?" Enjolras asked, the thought clearly just crossing his mind. "Does he know where we live?"
"No," Eponine replied quickly. "It was with the mail Cosette brought round. He doesn't know I..." she stopped and corrected herself. "We. He doesn't know we live here."
"See that's your problem right there Eponine," Enjolras said, his tone getting harsher with every word. "It's not about us as far as you're concerned, it's about you, it's all about you."
"It's not like that at all Enjolras, now you're just talking shit."
"Well it seems a lot like that to me," he replied.
"You know what," Eponine said, throwing her wet towel onto the bed, "I really don't need this from you right now."
"Need what from me?" he said, slamming the letter down onto the nightstand.
"I don't need you having a go at me." Eponine couldn't believe that he was accusing her of not caring about their relationship, she had been more than willing to accept the blame for the whole sorry letter incident, but now he had decided to turn it into an entirely different argument. "I'm sorry about the letter OK. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the letter, but now you're blowing this whole thing into something completely unnecessary."
"Hang on a minute Eponine, don't try to turn his round and make it my fault."
"Oh, so it's all my fault is it?" She snapped. "Of course it couldn't be your fault, God forbid anything would be your fault, I forgot that you're a flawless human being who never makes any mistakes."
Enjolras sighed. "You're actually being ridiculous now."
"I'm actually not," she retorted.
"I didn't say anything was was your fault..." Enjolras began, but Eponine cut him off before he could even really get started.
"Seriously Enjolras, for once in your life just stop fucking talking."
"Why?" He asked, the annoyance clearly evident in his voice. "Because you don't want to hear what I have to say?"
"Because I don't want to stand here and listen to you tell me why I'm shit a relationships, I know I'm shit at relationships," she said, becoming more and more agitated. "I know I'm hard to stick Enjolras, and I know that I come with a fuck load of baggage. I don't need to hear you tell me things I already know."
"Stop being so defensive Eponine, I'm not trying to have a go at you."
"Yes you are," she said, storming past him, back towards the bathroom.
"Eponine!" he called, following her out of the room.
"I really am fucking trying here Enjolras," she said, spinning round to face him, causing him to stop so quickly that he almost lost his balance. "I want to be with you, I want to make this work. I really fucking love you and I don't need you throwing shit like this back in my face."
Enjolras waited for her to continue her stampede into the bathroom, but instead she didn't move; she just stood there in front of him, staring at him, waiting for him to make his move. After a few moments he tentatively placed his hands gently on her waist, fully expecting her to push him away; but she didn't.
"Eponine," he said, his voice softening, "I don't want you hiding letters at the back of drawers, I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me. I love you, and I just want to be there for you, that's all," he took a step forward, so their bodies were almost touching. "All I want is you."
"Can I ask you something?" she said, suddenly sounding completely calm.
"Eh, yeah," Enjolras replied, entirely unsure as to where she was going with this.
"If I wasn't pregnant, would we have ever been anything more than just a one night thing?"
Enjolras didn't know how to answer that question. If she wasn't pregnant they probably would have never discussed that night again, they probably would have just continued on their merry dance of ignorance; she would have continued pining after Pontmercy and he would have continued to pretend like the whole thing had meant nothing to him. If she wasn't pregnant would he ever actually have had the guts to try and make a go of things with her? No, probably not. The irony of the whole situation was that Eponine had just called herself out for being shit at relationships, when in reality there was no-one shitter at them than Enjolras. He had never really had much of a interest, sure he had had a few dalliances along the way, but he had always been too focused on school and then his career, and from what he could see relationships were just massive distractions, which turned out to be completely un-worthwhile most of the time.
And then Eponine came crashing into his world and everything changed. From the moment he met her he knew she was different; she was wild and feisty, opinionated and fiercely independent. She engulfed him like a wave, and he had been drowning in her ever since.
Looking back he couldn't pinpoint when exactly he had realized that he was in love with her, but he knew it was light years before he had ever felt his skin against hers. It had almost killed him to have to stand by and watch Montparnasse try to crush her spirit time and time again, in the same way that it had almost killed him to watch her practically throw herself at the unbelievable oblivious Marius. But what ripped him apart the most was the fact that he had never imagined himself trying to build a future with anyone until he met her. But she didn't see him like that, he had been convinced that she didn't see him like that. The first time he kissed her he had fully expected her to start laughing in his face; instead she had kissed him back and in that moment he knew that he would never want anyone else except for her.
"I..." he began to answer, but then she silenced him, reaching up and putting her finger against his mouth.
"Grantaire has this theory," she said, "that you had feelings for me before anything had even happened between us."
Enjolras was pretty sure he might punch Grantaire the next time he saw him.
"You should have told me," she said, not even giving Enjolras the chance to dispute Grantaire's theory.
"You would have told me to fuck off."
"Not necessarily," she said, smiling as she felt the tension between then begin to dissipate.
Enjolras pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her waist, closing the space between them.
"I really am sorry for hiding the letter," Eponine said, "it was a shitty thing to do."
"Let's just forget about it."
"That," Eponine replied, "sounds like a great plan to me."