Hi guys, first of all I wanna thank you all for following, favoriting and leaving reviews on this story! I've only gotten positive reviews and I love you for it! Also just a reminder before reading. I am actually Dutch so not English so if there are any grammar errors I am really sorry, I hope you enjoy it anyway. Reviews are appreciated (they keep me motivated). Enjoy! x

Castle looked at his fiancée. Pregnancy definitely suited her. Her face looked fuller, her body rounder and her hair was even shinier than it was before. Which Castle thought was actually impossible.

She was lying on her side next to him in their bed entangled in various pillows and blankets just so she was comfortable. Her hand was resting just below the curve of her belly as if she was protecting it.

After a day or two of spending in the hospital they finally let him return home. But even though to him home felt like he had been there yesterday, there had been this undeniable huge 6-month gap that didn't look the part but it was tangible in the air. Mother and Alexis were happy he had come home but they were politely laughing at his jokes, constantly asking if he was doing fine and basically walking on eggshells around him. It got tiresome very quick. But he knew he deserved it, he left them with no explanation, no warning and the guilt started to eat away at him.

The worst though, by far, was the hurt he had caused his fiancée. There was this aura of pain and confusion surrounding her and even though she kept assuring him it was 'ok' and that it wasn't 'his fault' he could just feel it. It was that wall. That wall he had been trying to break brick by brick over the last couple of years before she could finally let him in. That same wall that was shattered as soon as she had burst through his door, soaking wet by the rain, and she had kissed him. And the fact that he was actually the one that brought back that wall… He couldn't forgive himself for that. Ever.

She hadn't kissed him, well not on the lips, yet. She hadn't really hugged him either and her touches were reserved.

Castle stared back at her; he didn't even really care why and how he disappeared anymore. He now wanted to be there for her – and their baby. God their baby it was still so surreal. But she needed to know she wasn't alone anymore that he was with her every step of the way.

Castle carefully reached out his arm and gently touched her belly, slowly flattening the palm of his hand against the t-shirt clad surface. It was his shirt - stretched tight around the ever-growing bump and a faint smile appeared on his face as he felt his eyes water. He wasn't really a crier but the thought of all the things he missed broke his heart.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered both referring to the woman lying next to him as the actual baby she was carrying. His tone was soft, careful not to disturb her so she would wake up. But he had no such luck as he suddenly felt his hand being touched by hers, her slim fingers entangling with his. Feeling the cold metal of her engagement ring against his skin. Goosebumps spread over his body.

"You need to stop apologizing" she voiced as she gently squeezed his hand. Her eyes were still closed but a small, slightly forced, smile formed on her face.

"I don't know if I can" he answered her after a long pause.

Kate opened her eyes "let's- let's just focus on the future ok" before closing them again.

"Kate-"

"Hmmhmm" she answered sleepily.

"Why haven't you kissed me yet? I mean really kissed me?"

Kate's eyes shot open and she looked into his baby blues. She opened her mouth but no words came out.

"Is it because-"

"I'm scared Castle" she interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

"Scared?"

Kate nodded nervously. A bit surprised at herself that she blurted it out like that. She blamed the pregnancy hormones.

"What if it isn't there anymore? What if the thing we had. The electricity, the chemistry. What if it's gone?"

Castle smiled as he had shimmied himself closer to her, his stomach slightly pressed against hers. Secretly missing how he could just hold her tight in his arms without the 'barrier' in between.

"Kate, I know it's been hell and I can't even imagine what you've been through. I don't even know what I would do if you went missing for all those months but I know one thing"

"What?"

"Six months can't break us"

Castle's nose was now brushing against hers. Their hands still entangled as he could feel her warm breath tickling against his skin. Kate slightly wetted her lips and tilted her head. Giving him the softest, most gentle kiss he'd ever gotten from her. It almost reminded him of his actual first kiss he had as a young boy from his first little girlfriend. So hesitant and innocent. But even though it was gentle and soft he could feel the sparks rush through his body. Just like it did the first time and all those times after that. And he knew she could feel it too. He didn't deepen the kiss though. No it was actually perfect. He could feel the corners of her mouth curl as her lips were still pressed against his.

"You're right" she said relieved after she had broken the kiss "-it is still there"

Castle brushed some loose strands from her face and smiled at her "don't ever doubt that, Kate"

"I just can't loose you again Castle. If it wasn't for Martha, Alexis or this baby I don't know what I would have done. If I'd-"

"Don't think like that. I'm here now, I promise I won't leave you again"

Kate slowly shook her head "don't promise me things you can't possibly know"

Castle nodded "Ok, let me rephrase that." Pursing his lips in thought. "Kate, I'm here to stay. For you, mother and Alexis, this baby and the ones that'll follow after you squeeze them out" he said as he wiggled with his eyebrows. Lightening the mood like only he could.

Kate huffed and smiled "let's just focus on this one before we talk about adding any more, ok?"

Castle nodded "sure, I just needed to see you smile again"

Kate's unforced smile soon turned into a frown again and she took a deep breath "we're gonna be ok right?"

"We're gonna be amazing. Whatever happens."

"Always?" she said, biting her bottom lip as she finished his sentence.

Castle nodded "always".

The pair of them took a moment to just look at each other. Kate almost couldn't believe after all those lonely nights curled up in his old shirts, just so she could have his smell around him. That now, he was actually there, right in front of her. And all she wanted was to kiss him, hold him, and make love to him. But she couldn't. Not yet anyway. She wasn't ready.

"You know, It's just a shame I knocked you up before we got married" Castle said, breaking the silence as he pulled her closer. Kate grunted. She was still very uncomfortable with her belly, which always seemed to get in the way and she turned around. Her back pressed against his chest. Castle let out a sigh in relieve, knowing that this way her way of giving him more access to her. He wrapped his arms around her torso and rested his arm on her stomach his hand rubbing soothing circles on her belly.

Kate shrugged "it's ok Castle, we've never been the conventional types anyway".

thanks for reading! I'm trying to keep chapters smaller so I can upload more frequently :) x