Ok, ok I know it took me way too long to upload this. But ya know it's almost twice as long as the previous chapters so I hope that makes it up to you all :) Enjoy!

A gripping panic surged through her body "Castle?" she called out and reached out beside her in the bed. Tears sprung into her eyes. It was empty. The bed was empty. But she quickly noticed after fumbling with the sheet next to her that they were still warm so he couldn't be far away. Her rapid heartbeat slowed down and she let out a sigh of relieve knowing it was just a bad dream, he was still with her and she rubbed her watery eyes.

Waking up seemed to be the hardest thing lately because she still had that split second of doubt that caused her to panic whenever she opened her eyes from her slumber. Sleeping itself, however, could be equally as traumatic as dreams of his disappearance kept haunting her.

Kate brushed away the sticky strands of hair that had clung to her face. She knew she had to find him first, get him into bed with her and feel his body pressed against hers, before she could fall asleep again. So with a sigh she hoisted herself up, which had become increasingly harder to do as the size of her midsection kept expanding, and swung her legs over the edge of the mattress, placing her bare feet on the cold floor. Not even bothering to put her feet in her warm slippers as her sleep clouded brain just wanted to find him.

"Castle?" she called out again, shuffling through the rooms of the house. She knew exactly where to find him and so she did, in his office, he was sitting in his chair behind his desk. Clearly in deep thought, leaned over, his arms resting on his knees as his hands covered his face.

"Castle, hey" she said softly, knocking on the already opened door, standing still in the doorway.

He looked up at her, his eyes were red rimmed with exhaustion and dark circles had formed under his eyes but as soon as he saw her he couldn't help but smile. She looked so gorgeous standing there. There was a faint light coming from behind her, probably one of the lights she had turned on to find him. She was wearing this maxi-dress nightgown type of thing made from the softest cotton that with its grey and black horizontal stripes accentuated her ever-growing baby bump even more. Her hair was pulled to the side and the shiny strands of curly hair rested on her shoulder and he swore he never seen her look more beautiful. Which he knew if he said to her right now, she would smack him, or roll her eyes.

"Hi" he dryly answered. Just noticing how concerned she looked.

"Come back to bed please" Kate whispered.

"I'll be there later, ok" he answered her and smiled faintly before turning away from her.

Kate sighed. She wasn't satisfied with his answer and walked closer to his slumped down body. He was hiding his face behind his hands again. She went to stand in front of him and brushed her fingers through his unruly hair, gently tugging on it so he would look up at her without having to say anything. His blue eyes met her green ones.

Castle kept silent, he just looked at her. She kept on soothingly brushing her fingers through his hair. The way her fingers massaged his scalp send shivers down his spine.

She was standing so close to him that his face was only a few inches from her protruding belly. Castle softly caressed the left side of it, following the curve with his hand "he's asleep?" he softly asked, not feeling any movements.

Kate nodded, smiling softly "yes, and so should we"

Castle shook his head "Just go ahead, I'll be right there"

Kate smiled again "you know, I kind of like having you sleeping next to me in the bed, having you back and all…"

Castle didn't even crack a smile at her joke; it only made him feel guiltier than he had already been feeling. Kate instantly noticed and she pulled his face back up again "please tell me what's wrong"

Castle closed his eyes for a few seconds and sighed before opening them again "I don't get how you can forgive me Kate, I can't even forgive myself leaving you like that… on our wedding day for six whole months I just…" he shook his head "I don't even have clear answers for you, the evidence doesn't add up. How do you have this much faith in me?"

Kate could see his eyes glistening with tears that were highlighted by the dim city light outside the window as she herself felt her eyes water. She took a deep breath and swallowed her tears down.

"You know it was you who had taught me to look further than the evidence. So I did. I love you. And I love this little life we created together. I just always knew, always, that you would never leave me like that. Not like this. Not on our wedding day. So that's how I kept faith"

Her eyes didn't lie; they were watery with tears but so full of love that he needed to bow down his head. Not feeling like he deserved that kind of love from her "but how do we move on from this?" he eventually asked.

Kate took a few seconds to think but then smiled "baby steps Castle, let's just take one day at a time ok? Maybe focus on the baby and let life just fall into place"

Castle nodded slowly and grabbed her hand, spinning the engagement ring around her finger. "But we can't just pick where we left off right?"

Kate shook her head.

"When we're ready"

"Yes, when we're ready" she repeated him.

"I missed so much, Kate" as he placed his hands back on her stomach.

Kate placed her hands on his, gently squeezing them "I know, but there is so much more to look forward to. I'm just so happy you're back" she whispered.

Castle stood up, leaned in for a kiss and faintly smiled "let's go to bed"

Castle shuffled into the kitchen. The morning sun bathed the apartment in a warm delicate light. It was early, too early. But he knew he had to make up to her since last night. With his fingers he lazily brushed through his unruly hair that was peeking in different directions. He shook his head trying to get himself to wake up as flipped on the coffee machine that after already a few minutes filled up the loft with its familiar scent.

Castle started smiling, he wanted to surprise her with her favorite: pancakes. It was his go-to breakfast food for them. He wasn't actually sure she really loved his pancakes or that she just loved them because it was just their thing. Anyway it didn't even matter because he knew whatever happened she'd always love his pancakes. And god knows they needed some familiarity.

"God, I miss coffee so much"

Castle quickly turned around. Kate was standing next to the kitchen island. She was clothed in her bathrobe that was tied just above her bump in a neat bow. Her belly was protruding from the fabric causing it to flare open. Her right hand was supporting her back as she used her other hand to disguise her yawn by covering her mouth. Her curly strands of long hair gorgeously disheveled.

Castle pouted "I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed" pointing at the tray on the kitchen counter with already the morning newspaper on it accompanied by a tiny flower.

Kate smirked "well I'm glad I stopped you"

"Why?"

Kate smiled and walked towards him "the baby doesn't like pancakes" as she pointed at the pancake batter in his hand. Her nose scrunched in disgust even thinking about it.

"Oh, um, I didn't know" Castle stuttered a bit defeated. No pancakes then.

Kate could see the disappointment in his eyes "I'm sorry Castle, It's not that-"

Castle shook his head and silenced her with a quick peck on the lips "it's ok, I'll make you something different"

Suddenly things felt awkward. They were never awkward. Well not since a very long time.

He looked into her worried eyes. He didn't want her to worry about him on top of everything, especially not after last night; she shouldn't have to be the strong one. So he took a deep breath and forced his most charming smile.

"So what do you and this pancake hating baby want then?" he asked in a bit of a forced cheerful manner "I mean are you sure this baby is even mine… Not liking pancakes and all"

Kate ignored his joke, knowing how humor was his coping mechanism "um, some toast would be fine, but babe-"

"Well you're lucky! Because I am actually excellent at making toast!" interrupting her sentence and tossing the pancake batter in the sink.

Kate nodded. She knew her innocent remark hurt him. But before she could mention it again he was already busy preparing her breakfast. His back turned to her again. So she sighed and sat down at the kitchen table.

Kate looked around. They had decided to start on the nursery as a little project they could to together, hoping it would help them move on a little. So now they were standing in the paint isle of an enormous hardware store surrounded by every color of the rainbow and even beyond that. She knew they were being watched. The media had been trying to take Castle's picture since his return. He didn't care, already used to being 'famous' but she found it highly intrusive and it made her uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable than she already was with the baby resting so low on her bladder.

Castle was waving a fan with different paint colors in front of her face "So which of these blue's do you prefer? This one is a little more pastel and-"

Kate pushed the fan, which was irritatingly close to her face, away from her "Castle, isn't it a bit too soon to gender stereotype our child? Its not even born yet"

Castle's eyes flared open, not expecting her to answer like that. Her green eyes looked serious as her arms were crossed in front of her chest. Giving him the look, the look.

"I, um-" he muttered as he tried to come up with a response.

But Kate's annoyed facial expression quickly turned into a smirk and she put her hand on his cheek "it's ok, I am just kidding" trying to rid him of his panicked look.

"You can't play with me like that, Kate" Castle grunted, acting as if he was upset but secretly loving how she was joking around. Feeling like they were becoming a bit more them again.

"In all seriousness though, what if his favorite color is pink or purple?" Kate asked, as they were looking at all the color options in the paint shop. Her hand gently rubbing her sore lower ribs, which was the baby's favourite place to kick lately.

Castle shrugged "if he's old enough to actually express that his favorite color is anything other than blue, I'll personally go back here and pick up another bucket of paint and redo his room, I promise"

Kate smiled "I have no doubt in my mind you would"

Castle smiled and tugged her closer to him, putting his hand on her lower back. "So that means you're still on board with the whole 'blue-and-white-with-elephants-theme' for the nursery, right?"

Kate nodded "yes" immediately getting excited with the prospect of the nursery finally being done and flipped through the color fan she had snatched from his hands.

"Good, because I just ordered the hugest stuffed animal elephant on eBay and-"

Kate gasped "what?!"

Castle smirked "you're not the only one that can joke around"

Kate rolled her eyes and hit him with the heavy color fan in her hand "do not stress out a pregnant lady like that"

"I'm sorry" he answered, still a big smirk on his face as he leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips.

They hadn't even broken apart yet before they heard the sound of a camera taking their picture. Kate sighed and rolled her eyes. Castle just shook his head. "Alright we're done here, let's go".

Castle smiled at his fiancée. After they had done some shopping for the nursery she was so exhausted that the minute they had come home she had lied down on the couch and fell asleep. Castle had pulled a blanket over her sleeping body that she automatically curled herself into.

"Oh hello, Mother" Castle said as he walked into the kitchen "hadn't noticed you coming in"

Martha smiled at her son "yeah, you were pretty distracted" and gave him a knowing smirk.

Castle nodded and reached into the fridge, grabbing the box of orange juice and with a big gulp drank from the carton before putting it back.

Martha was sitting on one of the kitchen chairs, staring at Kate peacefully asleep on the couch "I'm so happy you're back, not just for me and Alexis, but for Katherine she was so-" as Martha shook her head thinking back on those dark times "she was so lonely"

Castle swallowed "I know, I just- wish I could do something you know. Relieve the pain I caused all of you" as they were now both looking at her.

"Oh we're just glad you're back" Martha answered him - squeezing his hand.

Castle smiled at his ever-forgiving mother "thank you for being there for her, and the baby, I'm sure it wasn't easy"

Martha shook her head "it wasn't. But she's family, including that new grandbaby she is carrying, so naturally I was there for her, she needed me."

Castle nodded "still, thank you" as he looked into her blue eyes "I mean it"

"It's alright kiddo, like I said, just glad you're back"

Martha suddenly noticed all the shopping bags in the corner of the house "you guys have been shopping?"

"Yeah, nursery stuff. The rest is being delivered"

"Oh really, the nursery?" Martha answered him. Castle could hear the surprised tone in her voice.

"Is that so surprising?"

"Well yeah, no, I mean… who suggested it?"

Castle raised his eyebrow "Kate actually, why?"

"It's just that… well we tried, Katherine and I, to set up the nursery when you were gone. And at first it went fine, we cleaned out the spare bedroom, put the stuff in the storage unit but then… whenever she came near that room she burst out into tears saying she couldn't do it, without you. So I am just glad that-"

Castle could feel his heart break into a million little pieces "she cried?" he whispered.

"I guess it was just too much to handle" Martha answered as she shook his head "so I'm glad she's over that"

Castle slowly nodded "yeah, I guess"

"She didn't tell you this?"

He shook his head "she hasn't been telling me a lot, really. She's never really been the one to talk about her feelings. We're just trying to get into a good place again, you know"

"I know, I know. Just give her time"

Castle sighed, his eyes back on his sleeping fiancée again "Thank you mother"

"Of course, now stop thanking me, and start on dinner instead, I'm starving"

Castle smirked "alright, will do" and slowly shook his head as his mother walked away from the kitchen leaving him alone with his thoughts. He sighed before pulling the ingredients for tonight's dinner from the fridge wondering if they'd ever truly be happy together again.

Thought this story could use a little Martha :) I hope you enjoyed it and i'd love some reviews. Also this story is without a beta, just because I prefer it that way. Like I've already said I am not English (I'm Dutch actually) but I feel like even though I probably make some grammar mistakes it's more my story if I don't use a beta (if that makes any sense) so i'm sorry if it bothers you but yeah. thank you for reading! x