Since I have a lot of spare time left at my internship (because it's boring lol) I decided to just start writing some instead of just hanging around haha. So here you go! Enjoy! x (I don't own Castle of course etc. etc.)

As if on cue she felt a nudge from her baby from inside her womb. Stretching out his little limbs and rolling around in his protected bubble distracted Kate from forming a coherent sentence. She groaned as the innocent little taps quickly changed into heavier kicks against her lower ribs.

"Is he awake?" Castle asked with a big smile on his face, almost forgetting the important question he had just asked her. He could always sense the change in Kate's posture whenever their little one would act out and it made him giddy to touch her stomach as he put her hands on her still exposed bare bump and tried to find a spot where his unborn son made his presence known.

"He's getting so big that I'm convinced he is just trying to create more space for himself" Kate said with a faint smile "-not caring about his mother's comfort". She leaned backwards, resting her weight on her hands, which always helped to move her baby in a way so that he wouldn't kick her sore ribs anymore.

Kate took a deep breath, as Castle was still moving around his hands on her belly to feel a kick "look, babe, I-"

Castle looked up, still a smile plastered on his face "I know, I know you're not ready"

Kate smiled back at him and sat up again as she cupped his face with her hands "I love you so much Richard Castle and there is nothing more I want than to be married to you but… it's too soon"

Castle slowly nodded

"And it still feels somehow-"

"Tainted?" Castle said as he finished her sentence.

"Yeah tainted…"

Castle shook his head as guilt struck him but then somehow managed to keep smiling "Kate, look, I am not talking about tomorrow, next week or even next month. The truth is that I love you, we were so close, and I am not willing to give that up, amnesia or not…"

Kate let out a relieved breath.

"-Plus it would be also kind of nice to be married before this little kicker arrives" Castle added.

"I didn't think you were this traditional, Richard Castle" she joked.

Castle shrugged "I think we are far from traditional, Beckett, so a little bit of tradition might do us good" he smiled again "-and I think it would be nice, and also practical, because we'd have little time to organize a wedding when we have a newborn"

Kate laughed, "That's what a girl wants to hear about her wedding day, that it's practical"

Castle groaned, "You know what I mean"

Kate was still laughing as she shook her head "I do Castle, and you are right"

Castle nodded "ok, but… you do wanna marry me, right?"

Kate sighed and shrugged "well I have already said yes so there is no way of getting out of it anyway" as a smile crept up on her face.

Castle scuffed "you are so romantic"

"So did you guys talk?" Lanie asked giddy, twirling the straw of her milkshake between her thumb and middle finger. They decided to have lunch at Remy's where Lanie was sitting on the edge of her seat trying to squeeze out every little detail she could get from her best friend.

Kate smiled and bit her lower lip as she leaned over a bit, their heads now close together as they were sitting on opposite ends of the table, feeling as if she was a teenager again discussing boys with her BFF.

"We did more than that" Kate whispered and hid her smile with her hand.

Lanie gasped and shot back in her seat "you guys actually-"

Kate shushed her friend by making loud hand gestures "yes, we found back our… um, rhythm" as she glanced at a group of small children sitting only a few table away from them

"I need details!" Lanie exclaimed.

Kate laughed and waved at her friend "forget it" but her smile soon turned into a frown.

"What's wrong, honey?" Lanie asked concerned, noticing the sudden shift of her friend's mood.

"Well, so we talked and he asked me to marry him, again"

Lanie slowly nodded "what did you answer?"

Kate shrugged "the truth"

Lanie tilted her head "the truth?"

"That I'm not ready, we're both not ready"

"you still don't trust him?"

Kate shook her head "honestly, it's not that anymore, just the thought of us getting married brings up so many confusing thoughts, memories and emotions. Part of me wants to marry him right here, right now, but another part of me can't handle the thought of planning a whole new wedding, getting a new dress-"

Kate sighed and buried her face in her hands "-my mom's wedding dress, it's ruined" she mourned and looked up again "-not to mention all the people looking at me with sympathy…I just feel like the whole thing has been tainted and I am never getting that back"

Lanie nodded "I get it honey, what did Castle say?"

"He agreed, he was amazing about it actually, he just said he liked the idea of being married before the baby arrives and I agree" Kate answered as she absentmindedly rubbed her stomach.

Lanie frowned and shook her head.

"What?" Kate asked

"Honey, I get that you are not ready yet, but planning the whole wedding on your own? Where do you think you have a best friend for? You don't have to have a big wedding again, it's just about you guys right?"

"Lanie, I can't ask you to do that!"

"Nonsense, of course you can, let me do this for you as your wedding present"

"Lanie, I-"

"Oh shush, it's ideal, now I don't have to go and look for a wedding present"

Kate laughed "yeah because you hate shopping so much right?"

"Right!" Lanie could still see her friend doubting and gently grabbed her free hand that was splayed on the table "look, you deserve this, Castle deserves this, that little baby of yours deserves it, let's just wrap up this mess and give it a happy ending"

Kate sighed "a small wedding does sound really nice"

Lanie smiled "see!"

Kate let out a relieved breath "thank you, you are amazing Lanie"

"I know, I know"

She hadn't been at her apartment in ages; it didn't even feel like hers anymore. Most of her stuff was at the loft anyway. But she was there with a goal; her talk with Lanie made her think of her wedding day and knowing she didn't have to organize everything again was a huge relief. Kate walked to the bedroom area, even feeling uncomfortable to call it 'her bedroom' as nothing here felt like a home anymore.

Kate took a few seconds to look around and walked up to the closet and opened the creaky doors. Only a few old sweaters were left with some worn-out shoes that were kicked in a corner but besides that and the big box in front of her feet the closet was completely empty

With a sigh she kneeled down, grunting as her belly got in the way, and sat on her knees. She carefully opened it and closed her eyes for a second. It was her dress, her wedding dress. She had felt so honored knowing her mom had worn it on her own special day but now it was covered in mud and ruined by the water. Tears escaped her eyes as she pulled it from the box. The white fabric still felt luxurious between her fingers as she lovingly caressed it.

She shuddered thinking back to the day when she wore it for the last time, falling down; crying out for him as she presumed the love of her life had died. She didn't want to look at it again. When Lanie had carefully asked her what she wanted to do with it, she just shrugged and told her to put it in a box somewhere. The dress was the last of her concern back then. But now she mourned about what could have been, or what should have been.

When Castle was still missing her mind was haunted by images of what should have been. They'd be married, had their honeymoon, they would have found out she was pregnant and joked about the fact that they had no idea when it was conceived. He would have been so happy when she showed him the little white stick in her hand that said 'positive', he would have been there for the first sonogram, the thrill of finding out they were expecting a son…

She knew Martha and Alexis were doing their best to be there for her all those months but they were mourning too. Martha even started talking about maybe hosting a funeral as she had given up hope of ever seeing her son back alive.

Kate shuddered and let go of the dress, which fell back into the cardboard box.

Suddenly the loud ringing of her phone interrupted her thoughts. She expected it to be Castle asking when she was getting home, but instead it was Lanie. Kate raised her eyebrow not knowing why her friend would call her so soon after they had just seen each other and pushed the green button.

"Girl, I found out this famous Dutch wedding dress designer is coming to New York next week and guess who scored an appointment with him?"

Kate groaned "you?" she could almost hear the ME smile over the phone

"That's right!"

Kate looked at the slumped down wedding dress in front of her and shook her head as she kept listening to the excited rambling from her friend over the phone and sighed. What did I agree to?

Thank you so much for reading! It's not been beta'd but I hope you enjoyed it anyway x