Survivors Folly Part 2

She laid in her cell that night, the heat surrounding her like a thick foreboding blanket. She could still hear Silas complaining to Bela about being stuck in a prison and she wanted to slap the shit out of him. She simply closed her eyes, her arms sprawled out above her head, as she tried to force herself to sleep. It had been a good night, though. She had gotten to know the others pretty well, and she got to spend some time with Rick and Carl. Judith, however, was a constant reminder. Had she started to hate Shane when he denied her child and then herself? Or had she still not begun to? Or was she just now feeling it, knowing how obsessed he had become with Lori? So much to the point that he tried to kill her brother. She never had liked Lori. She tolerated her. But she didn't think Lori would ever stoop to the level of screwing her husband's best friend. But it was obvious to her that there was no levels for Lori…or Shane. As much as it had killed Carl to have to put a bullet in Lori's head, as much as it had hurt Rick to lose her. So she kept these feelings to herself.

But Cecelia knew…She knew how it tore at Alexis. I guess that explained the sympathetic glances she continually got from the others from time to time. But none of Rick's group knew about Lynnie…None of them knew what she had had to do to make sure she and her child could live. Between college and raising an infant on her own. None of them knew the depth of the sadness she felt. All she had done…and she had lost her daughter, anyways. But there wasn't a moment in any day where she didn't remember her sweet face, her laugh, the way she always wanted to be in Alexis's arms. In a lot of ways, the day Lynnie died, Alexis died with her. But she knew she had to fight, to keep fighting, no matter how the pain skewered her insides up whenever she remembered that night.

Just as she started to doze off, Rick poked his head, smiling. He walked over and sat at the edge of the bed, taking her hand within his own.

"I thought I lost you, Cherry….You, mom, dad, Lynnie", he trailed off, looking up at the bars. "I am sorry you lost her, sis. I am sorry about a lot of things these days. But you were a good mama, Lex. Don't you ever blame yourself. This world now…no one can predict what will happen. None of us know. But that little girl…she loved you. She really loved you."

Alexis smiled at her brother, squeezing his hand, as she softly felt the tears roll down her cheeks. Rick had already been through so much. She believed he perished in the hospital. But here he was, alive, surviving with a group who were determined to never give up. She bit at her lower lip as she nodded.

"I get so angry sometimes", she whispered, "So angry that I want to just rage and scream and cut down hundreds and hundreds of those fuckers. Lynnie was my world. She was my life. Now… they stole her from me. And she was just a baby, Rick. Just a baby. She never harmed anyone or anything…but they still got her….and I was asleep!" Lowering her head, she pressed her face against her palms and sobbed, softly. She had learned to keep her breakdowns private, quiet. It wasn't easy with people always around.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead, pulling her into his arms. She simply looked up at him, and without even thinking, she blurted out everything…things she swore to never tell him. Things she swore that she would bury deep down inside, a solemn secret she would take with her through everything.

"Lynnie…..she was Shane's, Rick. She was our child. Shane and I had been seeing each other….since I was seventeen. We had planned to get married when I graduated but when he found out I was pregnant, he didn't want me anymore. He denied being her father….even through, he knew…he knew", she spoke through her tears. She had been carrying this weight for so long, she felt guilty for unloading it on him. Shane had been his best friend. "I just….when I see Judith…."

"Shhhh….Shhhh", he comforted her. "Its alright, Cherry. Its alright. I am not angry with you. You did all you could do for that sweet little girl. But that son of a bitch….I never knew…Never suspected. If I had, I would have kicked his ass and made sure he took care of that child ! He missed out on her…Hes dead now, Cherry. I killed him. And besides the fact that he tried to kill me, sleep with my wife, claim my children…. I wish I could kill him all over again for what he did to you. Its hard to believe someone I felt was a brother to me was….a piece of shit. You deserve better, Lex. You always did. If I could, I would bring her back to you. And with Judy, I am sorry it hurts you. I always wondered why you never wanted to hold her, especially since you and Carl are so close. Now, I know…."

Alexis nodded, her heart slamming against her chest as she felt the floodgates breaking within her. He pushed the hair back from her eyes and looked at his baby sister and whispered, "You are with us now. And right now, you are just with your big brother. Let it all out, Lex. Just let it all out, my sweet baby sister. Have a good cry and mourn. But don't forget to live…to fight…to survive. Let go of all the bitterness, because I can tell you from personal experience, if you don't, it will haunt you. Literally."

He tenderly reached down and kissed her forehead and stood. "Get some sleep, Cherry. Tomorrow is another day, and the fight isn't ending. I love you, Alexis. Cry for Lynnie…miss her. But let that help to fuel you to fight for every moment we all have left." He touched her hair as he stood from the bed, looking down at her, a kindness and softness within his eyes just like the big brother she remembered. As he walked from her cell, he whispered over his shoulder for her to "Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

She laid back on her bed, assuming the position she had been in when he had first walked in and again tried to close her eyes. She heard Rick say something remarkably condescending to Silas, and Silas grumbling. At least she knew she could depend on her brother to keep things in order around here. Then, just as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard her brother outside, trashing the courtyard, and screaming at the sky. Alexis could hear her brother having his own breakdown over the news she had shared. He had to work through his own ghosts, just as she did and in any way possible.

She fell asleep for a few hours, and when she awoke, she found Carl, snuggled up beside her, sound asleep. A small sad smile etched itself on her lips, as she kissed his forehead and laid back, allowing him to sleep beside her for as long as he could. Despite everything she had unloaded on Rick last night, Carl could sleep peacefully, completely ignorant to the truth. And that's how Alexis planned to keep it.