Thank you for being so patient. Here is your final installment; the years leading up to The Workings of Fate.
Take good note of the dates - otherwise you might be a wee bit confused ;)
Chapter twenty-six.
Edward
5th March 2005
We had been on tenterhooks for the entire week that followed after Tan reached her due date. Doctors warned her that the longer she went the more pressure the baby would put on her heart. Tanya knew the danger she put herself and the baby in, but even still she refused to listen to the vital advice. That evening I received a phone call from the hospital to say that Tanya had gone into labour and she was asking for me. I dropped everything to be by her side.
What I saw, on entering the room, was not what I had imagined. I envisioned her curled over in pain as she screamed every word under the sun. Instead, she was lying peacefully on the bed with both hands rubbing her giant stomach. A doctor was taking her vitals.
"I can only stress how dangerous this risk could be," he started, "you are putting your life and your baby's life in jeopardy."
"I want to do this." she responded stubbornly. I couldn't understand what Tanya got out of it.
"But why?"
Tanya turned her tired eyes to me. She smiled sadly. "A C-section is just as dangerous, Ed; I'm putting myself at risk either way."
"But it's the safer option! What about him, huh? What about Cooper?"
"My boy is a fighter; I can feel it. He's going to be fine." Tanya held out her hand which I took without question. "But if I'm not, you need to promise me that you'll do what is right for him."
"I already said I would, Tan."
"Yes, but I need to be reassured. And your name goes on his birth certificate, right? From now on you are his father - I don't want Garrett's name anywhere near that paper."
A weighting force landed upon me. "Tan, I can't take that role."
"Yes you can, Ed. You'd adopt him anyway."
We had discussed that and I had agreed, but not without pressure. I didn't know how to look after a child, let alone a newborn baby! I didn't know how to change a diaper, make a bottle or bathe them. All I could do was pray that everything would turn out okay.
From then on it was all very vivid. I remembered snapshots of moments; Tanya reaching the peak of labour, when the midwife announced to start pushing and the immense fear that filled me. I didn't know what was about to happen, and I had no idea how much my life would change in such a short period of time. My clearest moment was when the baby was born - staff cooed around the brand new baby boy and were concerned for Tanya's health. She convinced us all that she felt absolutely fine. The baby was checked - a little on the small side but other than that we had nothing to worry about.
Tanya cradled her son with tears streaming her cheeks. "Little Cooper,"she whispered and stroked his puffy cheeks delicately. "Mommy loves you, Little Man. Mommy loves you." His crying seized and he looked up at his mother with large, hazy eyes. "Hello, my little Cooper Trooper."
It all happened so quickly after that. I remember a heavy beeping, alarm bells and a screaming cry. I was shown to a room nearby. It wasn't until I was alone, trapped in four white walls, that I realized what was happening. Doctors where trying to save Tanya's life - I don't know where the baby went but I wasn't thinking about him. I was scared. So so scared.
I wanted to be with Tanya, but I knew that wasn't allowed. Not at that time anyway.
Shortly before I completely lost my shit, the doctor came in with a sorrowful look on his face. I'm no idiot; I knew what that meant.
My head fell into my hands. "I'm so sorry, Edward," he sympathized, "there was nothing we could do."
Something must have been wrong with me, because as much as I wanted to throw a fit and cry... I couldn't. Of course I was heartbroken and it destroyed me to know that Tanya had died, but she had had other options - we were practically forcing them down her throat. But she chose not to listen. And now that little boy was going to grow up without his mother... it didn't have to be that way.
I was angry, I was devastated, I was scared.
"Can I see her?"
I was led down a hallway to a different room than before. The doctor assured me that I could take as much time as I needed. My hands shook uncontrollably, my eyes moistened with tears that finally decided to form. The room was cast in a somber light - there was absolutely nothing colorful to it.
I had only witnessed one death in my life before then - and that was my grandmother when I was eight.
I stood back by the door, scared to take those few steps to where Tanya laid on the bed. But knowing that was my last chance to speak to her properly, I swallowed my fear and moved my feet.
"I'm so sorry, Tan." I whispered to my best friend. "You're too young, too kind and too important." My hand reached out, but like a coward I snapped it back to my body.
"I don't understand why you did it. But everybody has their reasons I suppose." An awkward laugh burst from me, "I guess this is the time you say something like 'at least you're not in pain anymore', right? Maybe that was why you didn't take our help. Maybe you wanted to end your suffering. But you love your son, Tanya, I can't believe you wished for him to suffer."
Those words and that realization brought me back to the baby who hadn't a single clue what just happened. A vulnerable baby boy who lost everything not even an hour after he was born. But I had to change that. I promised my closest friend that he would be taken care of, and I wasn't one to break a promise.
"Cooper will have the best life, Tanya - just like what you would have given him yourself. He will be fit and active; I won't allow him to spend sunny days inside. I will give him the best education I can and he will grow up being smart and knowledgable. He will understand who you are and that you love him very much. I promise you, Tan."
My hand cupped her cold shoulder.
"I can't promise you much. But I promise you that."
With my final goodbye I left the room and saw the doctor had never left. He offered to take me to the nursery to see the baby, I accepted with a tired sigh. So much had happened in such a short space of time. I could barely get my head around it.
"Baby Denali" (as Cooper had been labelled) was screaming up a storm - perhaps he did know what was going on? A nurse did everything that she could to quieten him, but nothing worked.
"Would you like a go?" She smiled and offered him to me.
"O-oh... I d-don't know how."
"It's easy. C'mon, I'll show you."
She taught me where to place my arms and which parts of Cooper I had to support, then passed him over. I was scared ridged at the thought of dropping him, but the moment he laid in my arms the crying stopped and he just stared at me. I was completely drawn in by him.
"Wow, you are a natural, Dad."
Dad... is that who I was to him? I suppose it was. That tiny, tiny, little boy would grow up calling me Dad. He was my son. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't put a name on the feeling that ran through my entire body at that realization.
But it was a good feeling. A very good feeling.
"Have you thought of a name for him?" The nurse asked.
"Cooper." I replied with a beaming smile. "Cooper Michael Cullen."
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10th May 2006
"C'mon, Coop; I know you can do it." I bent down on my knees a couple feet away from my son who rose to stand on shaky legs. But with a whinge, he dropped back to his padded butt. "Aw, baby boy." I scooped him up from the ground; his arms instantly wrapped around my neck. I stroked one hand down the white-blonde hair that covered his head. It took me two days after he was born to work out that the intense feeling I felt was in fact love.
At first it scared the hell out of me that I could feel so strongly over someone, but I never looked back. Cooper brought out the best in me and seriously brightened up my life - I changed myself for him in more ways than one. My confidence around new people grew because my son would need a confident father, not one that was scared of his own shadow and could barely string a sentence together. He helped me tighten the bond I had with my own parents. We had always been close, but never this close. I moved back to Forks to live with them because I knew of no-one else who could help me raise Coop.
They accepted him without any hesitance. Before he was born I had confided with my parents about the option that Tanya gave me and they were unsure of how I would cope, but they are such compassionate people that there was no way they could turn their backs on me and the baby I now call my son.
"You'll be walking in no time, Buddy; I promise you that." With one finger I tickled his chest, Cooper giggled and squirmed in my arms.
"Daddd-a." He smiled, blue eyes glistening with shine.
"That's right. I'm dada." For a few minutes I held him gently. It was almost time for his nap, so he had reached the cuddly staged; I never complained. "Okay, shall we try it again?" I sat him down on his original spot and I stepped back to mine.
But once again, he stood up, wobbled about, then sat back down.
"Edward." With a startle I turned to see my mother standing at the door to the living room. "Try holding his hands and have him walk with you."
Cooper giggled at the sight of his Nanny. "But isn't it best if he learns himself?" I asked.
"Yes, however we all need guidance and if he needs some to progress there is nothing wrong with that."
"Oh." I felt stupid for not thinking about that.
"Don't beat yourself up," Esme came over to crouch beside me, "you're not going to know everything about parenting in one short year. Your father and I are learning new things even now."
I took my mother's guidance and held Cooper's hands when he stood up. I took a tiny step back and soon he learned to take one forward. We repeated that until he became confused over which foot to move - he fussed around and refused to try anymore. We tried a little bit every day, and by the end of the week he was standing on his own and taking two steps completely by himself before falling on his knees.
Within two weeks he could walk unaided from one side of the room to the other.
"You are such a clever boy!" I praised, kissing his cheeks loudly. "You make me so proud."
"Daddd."
"Yes." I beamed. "You're Daddy's boy, and Daddy loves you so much."
"Daddd-a."
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21st November 2010
"Daddy! Daddy!" I was emptying the car of shopping items when Cooper screamed my name. Before I reached the house he came racing out and wrapped his tiny arms around my legs. My little man was dressed in the Batman onesie that Auntie Alice and Uncle Jasper had bought him.
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy." He cried.
"What's up, buddy? What happened?" I stroked his back soothingly. He had barely been in the house two minutes, I couldn't work out what would have scared him in such a short space of time.
"A big spider. Real scary..." He rubbed his snotty nose on my jeans. The joys of children...
"Ooh, let me sort it out. Can you show me where it is?"
With a brave nod, Coop grabbed my hand and led me towards the living room, and pointed to the bottom corner of one wall where the creature was spotted . "See! Real scary." I instantly could tell it was a Hobo spider; a light brown in color with dark brown Vs on his thin abdomen and thick, rounded palpi. It's rare for a Hobo to be spotted as easily as this; his lack of isolation probably meant he was looking to mate. It wasn't a big spider, but can be very dangerous, so I was glad Cooper had spotted him.
I picked up the plastic cup that had been left from Coop's morning milk, with a coaster in one hand and the cup in the other, I captured the little creature. I didn't want Cooper to grow up afraid of them, and wanted him to see spiders and other creatures as a visitor, not a pest, however, in time, I did want him to be able to tell when they were dangerous and not.
I transferred our visitor into a clear pyrex bowl, then turned it upside down and onto a plate.
When Cooper saw that he was no longer in danger and that the spider couldn't bite him, he took timid steps over to the bowl and peered inside.
"What do you notice about him, Coop?"
"His legs are real long..."
"That's very true, well done. What about the color?"
"Brown!"
"And why do you think he's brown?"
"Um... 'cause he likes it? Like my favorite color is green?"
I bit back my laugh - he was so cute. "It's more to do with hiding. He could curl up into a ball in a dark area and hide from what scares him. There's a fish that looks like sand so it can hide in the sea."
"Really?" His eyes grew wide with excitement.
"Really. Animals are amazing creatures, Coop."
"I like snakes 'cause they look like real big worms!" He giggled.
"Snakes are fun, but they can be dangerous."
"This spider d'gerous?" With a finger he pointed to the bowl.
"If you try and pick him up he will be, but if you leave him alone he'll leave you alone. That's the same with lots of animals."
Together we went through a ton of books that I had about animals. I could see his little mind tick over with new information. Every day following I would sit him down and teach him something new. It soon became one of his main obsessions. Whenever it came to learning about snakes or learning about spiders Cooper giggled with excitement.
"Can I get one, Daddy?"
"What? A snake?"
"Yeah! A python!"
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Sigh... finished the way it started - with a python. LOL.
I'm going to miss wee Coop, but I have a plan up my sleeve, so keep your eyes peeled over on my Facebook group - RosieRathbone FanFiction.
A major thank you for your support, it means everything to me :)
Final thoughts?
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