She ran all the way to the alley. Out of breath, she stopped right where Tobias and Tris first met. She put her hand on her thighs and bent over, trying to catch her breath. She looked around. He wasn't there. There was no one there. She waited and waited. The longer she waited, the more she knew that he wasn't going to show up. The Dauntless had left already to start their training. She saw them leave; she knew there almost no chance of Tobias showing up there.
Tears started to stream down her face. She was also very, very angry. No goodbye, no explanation. Just gone. She sat down against one of the buildings and wallowed. She was teetering between despair and anger. At one point, she was so angry that she kicked one of the rocks near her feet. It catapulted across the alley and hit a pile of rocks. The rocks scattered and there was something white beneath them. She got up and wiped her eyes. It was a letter. Was it too much to hope for that it was a message from Tobias? An explanation? She opened the letter and read it.
My Dear Tris,
I'm so sorry for everything. I didn't mean for you to find out the way you did. Please believe that there was no other way. I hope you can someday forgive me.
What we had was amazing, I'm so glad that I met you. But you need to forget me now, just like I'm going to forget you. I'm going into Dauntless, and I won't be coming back. Please don't follow me here. Be happy for me. I'm going to be somewhere that I need to be. I always knew I belonged here.
The last two months were wonderful, getting to know you and being with you. But they were just two months. We can't plan our life around something that just happened between us by chance. I appreciate everything that you did for me with my father. I can't thank you enough for that. Even if at the end, it didn't end up changing my decision to leave.
Please don't show anyone this letter. Destroy it as soon as you read it. I felt like you needed an explanation, and I hope that you have enough of one. I'm starting my new life today and I hope you do the same. Be yourself, Tris. Don't let anyone tell you who you are.
Tobias
She read the letter four times before she looked up. All she could think was: He's breaking up with me. We're over. It's done.
She didn't understand how he could have such a radical change of heart. Yesterday, granted, things were awkward. But that kiss, that was real. She felt it. That was not "something that happened between us by chance." It was much, much more.
Something was wrong yesterday. She had a bad feeling about how Tobias was acting. Her mother had said it was just nerves and he would make the right decision in the end. Well, he might have been the right decision for himself but he made the wrong decision for Tris! He left her for two whole years! And he told her not to follow him. He basically told her that it was over. And now, she would have to just accept that because there was no way to even argue with him. He had completely removed himself from her life with just a few drops of blood. All she had was a stupid letter that she couldn't even show anyone. What was she going to tell her mother? She could already see her father saying that she should never have gotten involved with Tobias Eaton.
Should she destroy it? Tobias had demanded it in his letter. Well, Tris decided that Tobias had already made too many decisions today affecting her without so much as a word beforehand. She would keep the letter whether he wanted her to or not. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of actually destroying it. It was a defiant act that made her feel more in control. But what she didn't think about was that he would never know either way.
And as for his feelings. So the two months with Tris meant nothing? Did she really believe that? She really wanted to dismiss that out of hand. She felt like she really got to know him. He wouldn't just do this. The time they spent together was "wonderful" and "amazing" and yet he didn't change his decision. Was she really a little fling that happened at an inconvenient time? There it was in the letter in black and white. Yet, somehow, she still felt some connection to him. For a break-up letter, it was really sweet. Maybe it was something else? Maybe something happened yesterday that made him think this was the only answer. But what happened? Why was he acting paranoid yesterday? And why did he decide that this was what had to happen?
She clung to the letter. It was the only thing that she had left of Tobias. She understood he would be gone for a long time. He had left her, without so much as a word. He didn't confide in her. He was gone. So many questions lingered in her mind. But one thing she knew for sure. She wasn't ready to give up on him just yet.