The Day of Tobias's Choosing Ceremony
Tobias always thought that on the day of his choosing ceremony, he would finally feel like an adult. He would be welcomed into society as a full-fledged member and be absolutely sure where he belonged. None of that was true today though; he was scared and felt like an inexperienced kid. He needed the nerve to get through this day. And if he did chose Dauntless, like he was planning to, he needed to start being brave, or at least acting brave. He had been through a lot, much more than any kid his age had gone through so he knew that he could get through this. He just didn't want to get through it, because he knew he was going to hurt Tris in the process. He was going to hurt her so badly that she would probably hate him forever.
The aptitude test had certainly thrown a curveball into his life. He was Abnegation and Dauntless. So he was some sort of dangerous societal defect now, threatening everyone close to him. He had seen Tris right after the test. He tried to act normal. However, Tris could sense something was wrong. She tried to argue with him, but all he could think of was if someone might hear them. He could already be putting her in danger. How secure were those testing rooms? Did anyone else know about his divergence? He should already be trying to limit people seeing them together. He wanted to shield her from whatever danger he could put her in.
Tobias told Tris that he would see her after the ceremony to put her mind at ease. He had no intention of meeting her there. What he intended to do was give her some sort of explanation. If he told her what his decision was before the ceremony, she would try to talk him out of it. He knew that. And what scared him the most was: she might have been able to talk him into staying. Tobias reaffirmed his decision; he wasn't going to let her try; she couldn't know about his choice until it was too late to do anything about it. Instead of meeting her in the alley, he would leave her a letter, an explanation, his final goodbye.
Knowing that it was the last time they would talk to each other was tough on Tobias. He had to pretend things were still ok but he was dying inside. Tris had no idea that their goodbye kiss that day would be the last kiss they'd ever share, but Tobias knew. Tobias got lost in that kiss. At least he had that sweet memory to keep him going after he leaves Abnegation. He was grateful that he had met Tris. He would always have his memories of her and the time he spent with her. No one would ever take that away. And he would be content in the knowledge that she was safe, that he couldn't put her in danger anymore.
The ceremony itself was torture. He could tell his father was certain he would stay in abnegation. Marcus was not worried at all and he never asked Tobias about his choice. Marcus was banking on Tobias staying for Tris. Little did he know that the opposite was about to happen, Tobias was going to leave Abnegation for Tris, to protect her.
Finally they called his name and his resolve vanished. He got on stage and cut his hand like he was supposed to. This just seemed so final. He was never going to be able to come back to Abnegation. He wasn't going to see Tris again, and she was going to hate him for it. He was basically stomping on what they had together. Later that day, when Tris read his note, she'd be shattered. And he would be gone. It was then that he decided, no, he wasn't going to do this. He was going to live his life the way he wanted to. He wasn't going to let some sort of "Divergence" get in the way of his happiness. Tobias was hesitating too long. People wear starting to whisper. He just couldn't get himself to erase his life and start again in a new faction. He turned around and faced the audience. He had to see her. Life would make sense again if he could just see her face.
Then Tobias spotted her. Then he knew. He loved her and he wasn't going to take a chance to put her in any danger. He wasn't going to be selfish and stay. She gave him the courage he needed to seal his fate. He wished that he could tell her the truth. He wanted her to know that he loved her so much, that he was choosing another faction for her. But he knew that she couldn't know. She would believe the letter and forget him.
Tobias wasn't sure what his future would bring now. He didn't know how being Divergent would change his life. But he knew that he would handle anything that came. He belonged with his new faction. Even the test had told him that he was also dauntless. Tobias started feeling brave. He knew he had made the right choice. What he had just done took a lot of courage. He finally saw himself as worthy for his new position in life. He walked off the stage and took his rightful place with the Dauntless.