The emptiness in the house left by Grandma Fa's death was overwhelming. She had died less than a year after Fa Zhou. Everyone missed her sassy attitude and sense of humor.
Fa Li had taken to sitting on Fa Zhou's favorite stone bench under the Mudan tree after his death, often holding his crutch. She would sit for hours sometimes, not eating unless Mulan insisted on it. Now that her mother-in-law had also died, she continued to grow more despondent.
It seemed only Li Zhou could snap her out of it. He would sit by his grandma on the stone bench and put his arm around her. When it was time to eat, he would take her by the hand and lead her to the table.
His closeness to his grandma reminded Mulan of how much she had loved her own grandma as she grew up.
Gradually Fa Li came back to life. She began to tell Zhou funny stories about his mother's childhood. They would sit on the stone bench and laugh for hours as she relayed Mulan's antics. It seemed she had been quite accident prone as a child.
She had been 12 when she learned to ride a horse. Fa Zhou had just obtained Khan as a payoff for a loan he had given someone, and he wanted Mulan to claim the horse as her own. So she spent several days learning to ride and had many falls.
"I learned to ride on Khan, too. I was 7. But I didn't fall very much. Then Mama let me ride over to Baba's house by myself a few times before they got married and Baba came to live in Mama's and my house."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Zhou clapped his hand over his mouth. He remembered what Mama and Baba had told him on the way there. About not talking about how Baba had lived in a different house for so long or how they had just got married or about how Mama cried and yelled at Baba so much when Zhou was younger.
He didn't know why he wasn't supposed to talk about it. But now he had. He ran and hid behind the temple and cried. Grandma had looked so mad.
Fa Li sat on the bench, shocked. Shang had lived in a different house for years? Mulan and Shang had just gotten married when Zhou was 7?
She had never gotten much explanation as to why Mulan had not returned home after the war. Or why she stayed away for 8 long years. Fa Li had assumed they had been living at Shang's family home. But that didn't explain why they had not received any word from Mulan about her marriage or her son's birth. Suddenly, nothing was adding up.
Mulan happened to come outside looking for Zhou. She had heard the laughter outside when her mother was telling funny stories about her. But then it had abruptly stopped and he was nowhere to be seen. Her mother was sitting on the stone bench with a stunned look on her face.
"He ran off. I'm not sure, but I think he's by the temple."
As Mulan approached the family temple, she heard Zhou crying. He rarely cried.
"What's wrong, Zhou?"
"I accidentally told Grandma that Baba lived in a different house for a lot of years and that you just got married when I was 7. I didn't mean to, Mama, I'm sorry. I was telling her about how you taught me to ride on Khan and started letting me go to Baba's house by myself until you guys got married. I forgot I wasn't supposed to talk about it."
Mulan took a deep breath. Her mother was sure to demand an explanation. Fa Li and Shang had a good relationship. He looked after her like he would his own mother, had she not died when he was a boy. If she were to know the truth, what would be her reaction?
It crossed Mulan's mind to tell her that she had been married to someone else and then widowed. But that would mean expecting Zhou to also lie. Then he would have to remember even more things to say or not say.
"It's ok, Zhou. I will talk to Grandma, ok? Why don't you go take care of Khan? I'm going to go find Baba." Being with the horses was always soothing to Zhou, just like it always had been to Mulan.
She found Shang in the garden practicing his martial arts.
"We need to talk. Now."
Something in her expression made Shang stop in his tracks. He hadn't seen that angry, determined look on Mulan's face in a very long time.
She led him to the opposite side of the Fa estate from where Fa Li still sat at the stone bench, baffled.
"What's going on, Mulan?"
"Zhou accidentally let it slip that you had lived in a different house and that we got married when he was 7. He realized it as soon as he said it and ran and hid behind the temple. I found him there crying and sent him to take care of Khan. I told him I would talk to Mama, but I have no idea what to say. She looked really shocked and angry when I saw her."
Shang took a deep breathe in and let it out slowly. "We knew this could happen, but we'd never come up with a battle plan if it did. We can't ask Zhou to lie. What would that be teaching him?"
"We need to tell her the truth, somehow, and then hope she doesn't hate you for the rest of her life. And probably the sooner we talk to her, the better."
They started walking towards the stone bench, but first stopped at the barn to tell Zhou to go in the house when he was done with the horses. He didn't need to overhear the conversation that was about to happen.
Seeing both of them approaching her, Fa Li looked curiously at them. Mulan sat next to her on the bench.
"Mama, Zhou told me what he said to you about Shang living in a different house and us getting married when he was 7."
"Yes, he did. Then he acted like he had done something wrong and ran off. Like he knew he wasn't supposed to say that."
Mulan looked at her mother, then at Shang, then at her mother again. How does one tell her mother that the son-in-law she had grown to love and trust had once brutally raped her daughter repeatedly? It had been years ago now, nearly a decade, and Shang had completely changed from the man he had been in the army.
Not only was Mulan scared of her mother's reaction, the prospect of having to talk about it out loud was daunting. She had barely spoken of it, except to Shang and once to her Grandma Fa before she died. She felt the old panic returning, but determinedly opened her mouth to start talking, but no sound came out.
Fa Li looked at her and Shang and raised her eyebrows. She tried again to speak, but still no sound came out. Suddenly, she felt her insides churn and ran several feet away to vomit on the dirt. After wiping her mouth off with some nearby tall grass, she returned, shaking. While she knew the subject was upsetting, she didn't know it would still have this effect on her.
"When we were fighting the Huns, I got slashed by Shan Yu's sword after setting off a cannon to trigger an avalanche to bury the Hun army. After the avalanche, I passed out and got treated by the medic, who discovered I was actually female. He told Shang, but no one else knew."
Mulan paused as her insides churned again. Once again, she had to turn away and vomit in the dirt several feet away. Fa Li watched her daughter retching and turned to Shang, her eyes filled with rage.
"You raped her, didn't you? Forced her to give payment for keeping her secret, then got her pregnant!" Shang stared at the ground and silently nodded his head.
Suddenly, Fa Li jumped up from the bench and slapped him. Then, slapping him a second time, she exclaimed "and that one is for Fa Zhou, who would have killed you if he'd known."
"Mama! It was a long time ago. I've forgiven him. He's not the same man he was then and I love him." Mulan was back by the bench again, pale and shaking, but standing next to Shang, determined as always.
"Why did you just get married when Zhou was 7 and why didn't you come home sooner?"
"When the war ended, I was 8 months pregnant and single. I didn't want to come home and bring more dishonor to the family. So I went to the first village I could find and told them I was widowed and my village destroyed. Shang went to the same village, but I didn't know it until Zhou was two because I had told him to stay away from me and the baby and he did. He left me alone completely but left hay, rice and coins for me every month. After I discovered he was living nearby, I started letting him see Zhou sometimes. Gradually, over the years, he was able to see him more because I realized he had changed. Mama, he's not the same man he was while I was in the army. When Zhou was 7, I realized I could trust him and had fallen in love with him, so we got married, finally. Then, when I saw my cousin Ling in the market and he told me Baba was ill, we decided it was time to come home."
Fa Li stood up and hugged her daughter tightly, then turned and looked Shang coldly in the eye for a moment and silently walked to the temple to pray.
He put his arms around Mulan and held her close to him. Her nightmares were sure to be bad tonight.
"Are you alright? I haven't seen you this upset in ages."
"I've never had to talk about it out loud to anyone else before."
Shang kissed the top of her head as he hugged her and whispered "I'm so sorry, Mulan. I'd give anything to take it back and change the past."
"I know. I love you, Shang."
" I love you, too, Mulan."