A/N- Thanks, Yira, for the inspiration and ideas for this chapter!
"So what brought about the change in you, and why were you such a monster in the first place?" It was later the same day, after they had talked to Fa Li and told her the truth. She had walked away to the temple afterward.
Shang took a deep breath and shut his eyes. He knew that someday Mulan would ask him why. She had a right to know why he had brutalized her like he did.
"I grew up seeing my father beat, torture and rape his concubines. Every night he'd drag one or the other of them off to his chambers. Their cries and screams would fill the entire house. I'd run and hide in the horse barn so I couldn't hear it. I spent more nights with the horses than I did in my own bed.
I'd see the bruises and cuts on them in the morning. He beat two of his concubines to death.
The only time the house wasn't filled with violence was when he was away at war or training recruits at Wu Zhong.
My mother died when I was 6 as a result of his violence. She had been pregnant and he kicked her in the belly repeatedly after she protested him taking a fifth concubine. She went into early labor and both her and the baby died.
After she wasn't there to protect me, the other women took their anger towards my father out on me. Beating me, drowning my pet dog, locking me in the closet for days, sometimes not letting me eat meals, ridiculing me constantly... They made my life hell.
I grew up hating women. My father's terrible example showed me they were only sex objects, without any human needs or feelings. He treated women like they only existed to serve men.
When I discovered you were a girl, I saw you as an outlet for the anger and grief I felt. Grief at my father's death, and anger for the women who made my life hell. Before I knew it, I had turned into my father. I failed to recognize you were a living, breathing human being who didn't deserve any of that."
"So why and how did you change? How did you come to be knocking at my door only 3 weeks later saying you were sorry?"
"I realized you were human and that our child was human. I realized I had a chance to raise my son differently than how I had been raised. That I could make him into a better man who respected women.
Right before we killed the last of the Huns, we happened through a village that had been destroyed. We searched for survivors but only found one. A pregnant woman had hidden in a closet and hadn't been found by the Huns. She'd been hiding there for 3 days. After we gave her food and water, she asked to be taken to another village that she had family living in. It was nearly a day's journey away, but we took her there because she had no other family and only the clothes on her back.
About halfway there, she started getting labor pains. We quickened our pace, but so did her contractions. After just a few hours, she gave birth on a wagon in the mountains, surrounded by only a handful of soldiers. Luckily, one of them had been through childbirth with his wife 6 times, so he assisted her. Chien Po let her squeeze his hands through the entire birth, while he looked the other way chanting a soothing mantra.
Thankfully, her child was born safely. As I stood guard while she gave birth, I kept picturing you delivering alone somewhere. I remembered the scared look on your face I'd seen so often and imagined that look as you suffered through labor alone. This woman had two people to support her throughout the birth and family in a village not far away, while you had absolutely no one to turn to. I knew you couldn't go home to your family so heavily pregnant and single.
As we made the journey the rest of the way to her destination, I watched her with her child. I could see how much she loved him and she kept saying how he looked like her husband who had died serving with the Imperial army. She was grateful she had a part of him to hold on to even though he was gone. She couldn't wait to tell her son about his father when he got older.
I knew all you would think of when you looked at our child was what I had done and what I had stolen from you. I realized I had become exactly what I had hated in my father. I didn't want you to hate our child.
I deeply regretted everything I had done and I still do. I was glad our son never died from all the times I punched and kneed your belly before he was born. You deserved to have a child with a man who respected you and loved both of you. You both didn't deserve any of that.
After we returned, I knew I wouldn't touch you again. The next day, the last of the Huns were killed and I told you it was time for you to go. I followed you from a distance so I would know where you settled. Then I stayed at the Imperial City camp for another couple weeks. I knew our child would be born any day and I hoped you would have someone to help you through the delivery. I prayed to the ancestors that you would both make it through alive.
Finally, I was cleared to leave the Imperial City, so I moved to the same village. Mine had been destroyed and I wanted to stay nearby to you. I tried to keep an eye on you, hoping for a chance to talk. After talking to the neighbor next to you, I discovered you had given birth to a baby boy 4 days before.
I wanted to find a way to make it right, so that's when I came to your door and told you I wanted to marry you. But I underestimated the level of emotional damage I had inflicted on you and wasn't expecting the reaction you gave me. I should have known better.
You made it very clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. Because I still wanted to do *something* for you, I bought rice and hay and left them in your barn with some coins. I did that every couple weeks for years. When I needed to be away for military duties, I arranged with a merchant to continue it."
"The first time you left me rice and hay, I was completely out of food." Mulan shut her eyes as she remembered those first weeks after leaving the army. "I had been exhausted when I'd arrived at the village after barely eating and hardly sleeping for weeks. All I had to eat was my army rations I'd brought with me. Once I had a flat to call my own, I slept for 3 days straight. I managed to trade a little for more food and clothes, but not much."
She took a deep breath and continued. "I didn't give birth alone. When I felt the pains starting, I walked into the village and asked the merchants how to find the midwife. Luckily, they were all helpful and she agreed to assist me and I could pay her later. She brought two other women with her because I had no women family members with me. They stayed at my flat with me for 3 days until I gave birth, but then the midwife had to go deliver another baby. The two other women stayed with me one more day, then went home."
"Zhou was a large baby, despite my poor appetite during my pregnancy, and I tore badly. When you showed up at my door when he was 4 days old, I was terrified you were going to force me again. With the tears, that would have been excruciating and I probably wouldn't have recovered for a long time.
I hadn't ever wanted to see you again. When I slammed the door in your face I wanted nothing more than to get you as far away from me as possible. So I said the meanest things I could think of so you would leave.
When I found the rice and hay and coins the next morning, I was grateful. I was so hungry. But, I was also thankful that I didn't have to see you."
Both sat quietly as they remembered the events that began a turning point to soften the brick walls around Mulan's heart towards Shang.
It was a chilly evening and Zhou was 4 years old. Shang had just returned to the village after being gone for several months on military assignment. Mulan was working in the rice fields with her son at her side.
As was his custom, Shang brought over rice, hay and coins for them when Mulan wasn't home. She only wished to see him on her terms, so he respected that. After leaving, he went to get a drink at a local tavern, which he actually didn't do real often. The place always seemed so full of unsavory characters, but it had been 5 years to the day that he had found his father's entire army slain. He wanted to drink away the pain of losing his father, even though he hated him.
Halfway through his second drink, a nearby conversation caught his attention. What he heard made his blood boil.
"Hey, guys, you know that widow with the little boy who lives down the road? I was watching her in the rice fields this week. She is a beauty! So slender, yet strong. No man seems to be courting her, either. It's just her and the kid. What do you say we finish these drinks and go have some fun with her?"
"I heard she sleeps with a sword and daggers. The midwife found those when she helped deliver her brat and tried to move them, but the crazy woman wouldn't let her."
"So if she fights us, we'll just kill her and the kid and set the house on fire when we're all done with her." Shang knew from experience that these creeps would definitely have a fight on their hands, but that she couldn't fight off all three alone.
He quietly set down his drink, paid his bill and crept out of the tavern without the thugs noticing. He had to get to Mulan's home before they did. He crept quietly to her door and knocked. No answer. He knocked again.
She knew without looking that it was him and screamed at him to go. "Get the fuck out of here, Shang. I've got a dagger pointed right at the door and I'll throw it if you come in here."
"Mulan, listen to me. There are three guys headed toward your house planning to rape you and kill both of you. You have to get out of here."
"Do you think I'm fucking stupid, Shang? I'm not going anywhere with you!"
"Mulan, I'm serious. I just overheard them talking about it at the tavern and got here as quick as I could. They're probably headed this way right now. Let me in."
Mulan looked out the window. She saw Shang outside the door and walking up towards him were three very unfriendly-looking guys. Before she could warn him, one attempted to club him over the head. He grabbed the thug's arm and slammed him against the house wall and jerked his head to the side, breaking the guy's neck. A second thug tried to stab Shang in the back, but the young general quickly spun around and only took a slash to the arm. With a kick, he delivered a blow to the second guy's head, knocking him unconscious.
Mulan grabbed Zhou and told him to hide in a closet under blankets. She started quietly removing furniture from the door.
Only the third thug remained. He charged Shang with a dagger in each hand at the same time that he swung his leg to knock him off his feet, but Shang had anticipated his move and jumped. He landed a kick straight into the guy's chest just as a dagger flew out of his hand and landed in Shang's shoulder. Mulan ran outside and jabbed her sword into the third thug's neck.
Then she stood in shock, staring at Shang with the bloody sword dripping in her hand.
"You... You were serious. They really were coming here, weren't they?"
Shang nodded. "I couldn't let that happen. Not if I could stop it."
"Stay there. I'll grab some bandages and medicine and patch you up." Mulan had learned to keep basic medical supplies on hand to patch up Zhou's many scrapes and bumps.
There was no way she was going to let Shang into her house, even after he'd beaten those thugs away from her door. She cleaned, medicated and bandaged up his wounds outside the door.
"Thank you, for getting here before they did. But... You do realize that what they were going to do to me is the same thing you did to me for 10 months, right?"
Her hands were gentle taking care of the knife wounds, but her eyes blazed with anger. He couldn't erase the past. Not yet. Not ever. It was over four years later, but the wounds were still too fresh.
Shang stared at the ground. She was right. After thanking her, he left, but not before he told her he was sorry. Again. Mulan just stared at him.
Zhou calling them for supper brought them both back to the present. Mulan took Shang's hand. "I know I couldn't forgive you, then. Not yet, anyway. But I forgive you now."
After supper, Mulan took out Khan for a ride. As they cantered through the countryside, she thought about another time that Shang had a chance to prove himself worthy.
She had left 6 year old Zhou with his father so they could visit and, rather than stay around, she went for a run on Khan.
They had been galloping through the fields when Khan suddenly reared up as a Chinese cobra crossed his path. Mulan was a skilled rider, but was taken by surprise and thrown off his back. She landed on the ground, striking her head on a rock and going unconscious.
Khan stayed by her side at first, but then headed back home. Shang and Zhou waited for her to return, but after 4 hours she still hadn't arrived. They jumped on his horse's back and rode to Mulan's house. They saw Khan there but couldn't find her. Shang and Zhou got on Khan's back and Shang told him to take them to where Mulan was.
She was still unconscious when they found her, so he put her on Khan's back and had Zhou walk next to him. They went back to Mulan's home and he carried her in.
After laying her down and telling Zhou to sit by her, he left to get the village doctor. He was a retired army medic who knew Shang.
Along with a head injury, Mulan had broken her left arm in two places, and the bone poked through the skin. The doctor cleaned the wounds then set and splinted it the best he could. He gave Shang instructions for taking care of her.
Shang stayed with her all night, keeping cool rags on her head and keeping her arm elevated with clean bandages on it. He also made sure Zhou was fed and tended to Kahn and the chickens.
Mulan stayed unconscious for two days. Shang stayed by her side, leaving only to tend to Zhou or the animals.
When she finally woke up, she was sore and disoriented. She was alarmed when she first saw Shang in her house. But after realizing he had been caring for her and Zhou and the animals, she relaxed. She stayed in bed for several more days until she was able to stand without feeling dizzy.
Shang stayed the whole time, but after she had woken up he had started sleeping in the barn at night, knowing having him in the house with her at night made her nervous. If she needed him, Zhou came and got him.
Zhou had been learning about how to care for Khan from his mother and Shang taught him even more about horses. He also taught him other things around the house that he could do to help out his mama. He began to teach him what it meant to be a man and how to treat women with respect at all times. He was determined to raise Zhou to be a better man than Shang himself had been.
After Mulan was able to be up on her feet for more than a few minutes at a time, Shang went home and Zhou took over looking after the animals and the house. After several months, her arm healed enough to return to the rice fields.
Mulan thought about all of this while she rode back home. Shang had selflessly looked after her while she was unconscious and as she was recuperating from her accident. It was then that she began to see the clear changes in him. She saw how he was teaching Zhou to respect her and all women. Something he himself had never seen demonstrated as a child, he was somehow teaching to their son.
She saw how he'd never stopped looking out for her and Zhou, no matter how many times she screamed at him to "get the fuck away from her". He made sure they always had something to eat and were safe without expecting anything in return.
By the time Zhou was 7, Mulan felt herself falling in love with this man she had once hated. Not long after their son's 7th birthday, they had gotten married.