5... 7... 9... 10...
The train comes closer and closer to the main city and Clarke's heart beats faster and faster. The closer they come, the closer Katniss comes to her potential death. And that makes Clarke furious.
The moment she spent with that Lexa girl is over. The feeling is gone and the smile, so sweet and honest, has turned cold and cruel in her memory.
Now all Clarke can do is stand in front of one of the windows and wait for Polis to appear in her sight. She dearly hopes it won't. She hopes the train will just keep rolling and the city of her fears will not come in sight; like it never existed.
Other than the train moving there was no sound. It was silent. The two girls, being Octavia and Raven, haven't returned to the department yet. Heda has gone somewhere else a whole while back. That leaves Clarke to herself; with all her dark thoughts, her deep fears, her hate for the games, for the people in Polis who support them, for the game makers, for the Commander who suns herself in a not deserved love and popularity.
Pain stings through Clarke's bottom lip. Confused she runs her tongue over the painful lip and tastes blood. She must have bitten herself in anger without noticing. But she couldn't care less.
The train follows the train tracks and not long until the capitol comes in sight. It's huge. It's white. It's clean. It's beautiful. There's so much water surrounding Polis. Everything looks so much brighter than in Capitol 12; even the sky. Clarke is stunned.
Even though Clarke is super pissed off with everyone and everything Polis, she can't deny the beauty of the capitol. Everything's so big and clean. She is overwhelmed. It is a whole other world. It seems like she left all her problems behind and heaven was to open it's doors for her to enter.
But it wasn't. This town might look like heaven, but it's hell. What do they use to say? Devil hides in the beauty and tempting. Clarke sighs and concentrates on her mission: saving Katniss. I guess they're right. The dark side really does have cookies.
"It's stunning, isn't it?"
The voice startles Clarke and in her mind she notes to herself to be more aware of her surroundings and not be distracted that easily. So she puts on her Polis bitch role and a big fat smile. "Yes, Commander."
The brunette joins Clarke in front of the window. Her natural scent hits Clarke's nose unexpectedly; fresh grass, trees, spring breeze, freedom and power. She doesn't know what power smells like, but if there was a smell, it was this. Clarke can't describe what exactly it is, but it smells like pure leadership to her.
Nothing about Heda seems dangerous right now. Intimidating, yes. Her war paint is back on, but Clarke can't see a hint of evil in her face that usually comes with it. There is none of this cold attitude that Clarke associates with her character. Green eyes shine and sparkle as they lie on the rising city. In any other situation Clarke would have killed the Commander in her mind a thousand times. But right now, for some reason, she can't find any harm in that person.
Lexa is very aware of the blonde's blue eyes on her. Her skin feels hot, her stomach seems to tighten in a weirdly comfortable way, her mouth goes dry and her heart beat quickens. This is insane.
Clarke looks at the war paint, she tries to see Lexa as the cruel leader she is. But there's nothing that makes her feel uncomfortable right now. She thinks about all the people Lexa killed. But the perfect jawline, the green eyes, the smooth skin – all that makes it hard to believe she's a bad person. Clarke demands herself to hate the Commander, she thinks about Katniss. Katniss dying. Katniss leaving her alone. Katniss leaving her family alone. Primrose crying over the loss. Clarke's life over. All because of her; Commander... Heda... the death in person.
But whatever her brain tries to do to make her look dangerous again, it doesn't work. She's just a girl right now, next to Clarke, in a rolling train. The knives on her waist don't seem sharp. The war paint around her eyes and on her cheeks doesn't seem daring. Her warrior gear doesn't look cold and cruel. The sword on her back doesn't seem like a ray of blood and death. The thigh high boots don't speak of strength. The hard mimic on her beautiful face doesn't seem intimidating no more. The woman isn't war anymore.
Heda is not Heda anymore. The Commander is not a Commander right now. She is just a girl.
"Heda...", Clarke whispers.
The woman turns her head to the blonde. She gives her a small smile. It's a short moment and Clarke is almost sure she imagined it. "Clarke." Klark.
She's a woman. A human. She has feelings. She has pain. She has family. She has friends. She's real. Clarke is overwhelmed by the realization. Did she never think of the Commander as a human being? Probably not.
"Clarke?", Lexa looks worried for a second, but she wipes it off her face pretty quickly.
"Heda?" Clarke smiles. "I am sorry. Did I stare? It's just such an honor to be here and – I'm rambling, I'm sorry." Such an honor.. And she really means it for whatever reason.
"I was actually coming to check on you. We don't want any problems to approach. There'll be tons of people, cameras everywhere."
"I don't mean to be a burden, Commander."
"Don't interrupt me, Clarke." Klark. "What's that?"
"Mh? What's what?" Confused Clarke frowns. Did she miss any words the Commander said?
A hand rises to her lips and wipes the bottom lip. A shock goes through Clarke's body and she can't move. Nor can she think straight. Klark.
"Are you bleeding?"
Is she concerned?
"This won't look good on the cameras. I'll have Octavia fix it somehow."
Oh okay... I guess not.
"Are you listening to me?" Those lips move so smoothly when she talks. "Clarke!"
Clarke wakes up from her dreamy state and shakes her head. "Yes, yes. Sorry. Got it. Octavia fixes it. No problems approach."
Lexa smiles and this time it lingers and Clarke has no doubt it's real. She wishes the soft finger would wipe over her lip again.
But Lexa puts on her Commander face, she shuts all emotions out, her eyes turn cold and her mouth sharp. She straightens her back and walks out – probably to get Octavia – and leaves Clarke alone with her miserable confused self.
Octavia fixed Clarke's lip – it wasn't much of a challenge though, the wound wasn't big and it didn't began to swell yet. The girl also got Clarke to get into a costume of some sort of Grounder wear. But once Lexa saw her – Clarke's heart jumped and she thought she'd faint. Stupid. - she ordered Octavia to change Clarke into something more Clarke-like. Although Clarke didn't understand what exactly she told the make-up artist, she guessed it by the time she felt way more comfortable in her own skin.
Octavia put make up on Clarke, and much to Clarke's like it was decent and rather natural.
Raven wasn't seen again. Clarke wondered where she was at and if she did say anything to anyone about the toilet situation.
Now Clarke's heart was racing. It was about time to leave the train. She dearly hopes she gets a glimpse of Katniss. Or more, Katniss gets a glimpse of her. She wants her girlfriend to know she listened to her and was here to safe her. She wants Katniss to know she's not alone.
"Ready?", Octavia asks with a big smile. She's absolutely ready. Clarke on the other hand not so much.
She shakes her head. "I think I'm having a panic attack."
Octavia's hand rubs her back. "All the eyes will be on the Heda and tributes anyway. We will not be noticed. You can just slip through the crowd down the red carpet." But then Katniss wouldn't see her.
Clarke puts on a nervous smile. "I guess it's too late to go back now." Not that she would, though.
Octavia laughs from her lunges. She's seems like a very happy girl. Well, as long as Raven isn't around.
Only then Clarke notices something that's been feeling odd to her all the time. "Octavia?", she asks carefully.
"Yes, dear?", the woman responds. She clearly is more light-minded since Polis came in sight.
"You call the Commander the Heda? Isn't it just Heda?"
Octavia looks at her confused. She doesn't understand what Clarke is talking about. "Heda is Heda", she states.
"Yes, but you use to say the Heda. Like, the Octavia."
The woman breaks out into a long and loud laugh. Clarke feels stupid as the fashionable girl keeps on laughing with no stop in sight.
Eventually she wipes her teary eyes and looks at Clarke. "Heda is not a name." Before Clarke can embarrass herself any more, she continues. "Heda is a title. Like Commander. It basically means Commander in Trigedasleng."
"Wait what? Tree-what-again?"
Now Octavia looks very shocked and a bit insulted. "Trigedasleng? The language all Grounders speak?"
"Right. I've heard about it. I just didn't know what it was called. I apologize." Her cheeks turn red, even though she couldn't care less if she embarrasses herself in front of Octavia. Nevertheless she feels like a change of subject is needed. "What is Heda's name?" Oh yeah, great change of subject, Clarke. Stupid.
Octavia gives her a serious look. She has war paint on, just like the Commander. But her's is less huge and intimidating. Still she has something dangerous about herself. "Most people doesn't know and I assume she has her reasons for that." And that's the end of the conversation. Octavia turns towards the door, waiting for it to open so they can exit into the awaiting crowd. Clarke leaves the topic at that. Maybe she can ask Raven about it later. Where is she anyway?
Almost exactly 60 seconds later the door opens and Octavia smiles big and waves like a celebrity. The crowd cheers and scream her name. Many ask for Heda. Octavia ignores them all. She just waves and slowly moves over the red carpet. Clarke follows slowly. People scream at her, she can't make out sentences, just a few words here and there. A lot of Clarke is heard. She guesses the TV has informed everyone about her. She raises her hand to wave at a few people, she feels like she has to. It feels weird, it feels wrong and she wishes Katniss was by her side to make fun of those gasping people. She wishes Katniss could laugh at something stupid she said.
Clarke turns around to the train. She hopes to see Katniss exit. She hopes Katniss sees her on the red carpet. She hopes for a little smile from her lover. But there's nothing. Katniss isn't there.
Fear plays with her heart beat, makes it stop and then fasten just to stop again. Then anger takes over. Katniss will survive. If I have to kill the Commander myself, so be it. Rest in hell, Commander nameless. What are you hiding? She quickly makes her way over the carpet and into the building. She doesn't know where she is, she doesn't know where to go, she doesn't know what to think. She just wants to take Katniss arrows and shoot them all outside the building. She wants to take the arrow and let it fly straight into Heda's heart. She wants to hear that gasp of realization when she understands she's dying. She wants to look into the green eyes and see them lose their color. She wants to see the pleading look on the face, please save me Klark, and then the fear when she realizes she won't be saved. When the body gets heavy but there's no one to catch her. And Clarke will just watch. With no smile, no tear, no fear, no anger. Just relieved and ready to let go. And the Commander will die in front of her. Clarke will walk away and Heda will die.
Loud screams startle the blonde. So much to being more aware of my surroundings. She leans into the wall and peeks out of one of the windows. She is curious what the screams are for. Katniss maybe!? But it isn't. The Commander walks down the way. She looks gorgeous; cold and fierce, strong and confident. She doesn't look at anyone, she doesn't wave, she doesn't smile. She only walks and the crowd goes crazy. Some people actually pass out. Clarke rolls her eyes. She can't deal with this excitement about the woman and the games. So she pushes away from the window and walks down the hall. It's a big black and white hall and she can hear her every step.
Clarke quickly is forced to stop though. She doesn't know where to go. She looks around for a sign, or for Octavia. But there's no sign reading For Game Maker Crew and Octavia is no where to be seen.
She hears the door open and spins around. Heda closes the huge black door. "Clarke." Klark. "Lost I assume."
Bitch. She nods. "I feel idiotic."
"Follow." With no other words and no look at Clarke her black boots fly over the floor. Every step sounds loudly through the hall. She looks perfect even when only walking. Something about her is just making her look so good with everything she does.
Clarke follows the woman. She has a great view on her braids. The longer she watches her hair, the more she wants to run her fingers through it. Loosen the braids and see how it falls down her back. See how it flies around her neck and cheeks loosely.
Lexa leads Clarke to an elevator. There's no need to wait for it, it's already there. They both step inside and turn to face the doors. The Commander presses a bottom with the number 13. The elevator says Lobby and it changes to Floor 1 once they move. They move higher and the numbers go by. 5... 7... Nobody says a word. But the tension is in the air. 9... 10... Clarke's heart beats heavily. She wants to just reach out and touch the Commander's hand to make this awful tension go away. The air seems thick and she's about to get sick. 12... Her head moves and her eyes land on the woman next to her. It feels like a force, she can't handle not looking at her. As her eyes hit sight of the face, the jawline, the little ear of the Commander she feels better, she feels lighter, a heavy stone has been lifted off her chest, she doesn't feel trapped anymore. Clarke opens her mouth. What am I doing? 13.
Quickly Clarke rushes out of the elevator but is soon lost again. This time not lost in direction, but lost in awe. The elevator went directly into a huge apartment. There's couches, chairs, tables, an open kitchen, lots of bright lights and colorful food, a big TV and a sight that's unbelievable beautiful.
She thinks she hears a little giggle come from behind her but when she turns the Commander's face is hard and cold.
"Is this for us?"
"Us?", the Commander asks wanting a more specified question.
"Me and the others. I mean... Octavia? Raven?"
Lexa nods. "Octavia and Raven are the only ones to be with you. The others on the team have their own homes in town and you will meet them soon enough. Octavia will be thrilled to tell you all about them. Raven will give a look into the work and the techniques." She turns to leave.
"Where will you sleep?" Don't go too far, Clarke.
"I'm right over you", she says and leaves. Right over me... Clarke... She didn't say Clarke... Klark... Why does that bother her so much?