A/N: Thanks again, Yira, for the inspiration and encouragement to keep this story going!
Mulan had told Shang about her nightmares and panic attacks, but he never actually saw one until he was taking care of her after she was thrown off Khan.
It had been two days since Mulan had woken up. Zhou slept by his mama's side, ready to jump up if she needed anything and Shang slept out in the barn.
He'd been asleep for a couple hours when he heard Mulan screaming. "No, no, no, Get away from me, Get away from me, I hate you, No, no, no". He jumped up, threw on his clothes and ran into the house, thinking someone had broken in.
He found Mulan crouched at the head of her bed looking wild-eyed, sword in hand. When he approached her, she swung it at him. "I hate you! Get away from me, Get away from me!" He took several steps back and looked at Zhou, concerned.
Zhou shook his head at him and put a finger to his lips, but didn't seem alarmed as he lit lamps and fixed a cup of tea for his mama. Mulan continued to scream and wave her sword at Shang until he moved out of sight.
After giving the cup to his mother, Zhou finally spoke. "She does this almost every night. Don't go by her until she puts the sword down and don't talk to her until her eyes look more like mama's eyes. I always light lamps and make her tea and she gets better. She says it's from going to war. Those Huns must have been mean."
Shang knew somebody had been mean to Mulan, but it hadn't been the Huns. It was him. He was the reason for her nightmares and panic. In the army, he had repeatedly raped Mulan every night for 10 months. Now, over six years later, she was still reliving that nightmare she had been unable to escape from. Of course, Zhou did not know this and never would. He stayed out of her direct line of vision, knowing he was the trigger that could set her off again.
"Does she sleep much?"
"No, she doesn't. Too many nightmares."
"Does it scare you when she does this?"
"I used to get scared. But I'm used to it, now. She's been waking up like this for as long as I can remember. An uninterrupted night's sleep is rare in this house."
Shang looked at his son. Right now, it was difficult to believe he was only 6 years old. In so many ways he seemed like he'd grown up way too quickly. He sounded more like an adult as he talked about his mama's panic episodes and how he looked after her when she got them.
After Mulan had calmed down, Shang went back out to the barn, but didn't go back to sleep. Remembering how terrified she'd looked when he first came in, he sank down to his knees and wept. No matter how sorry he was or how much he did for her or how many things he bought her, he couldn't change the past. He couldn't change the terrible way he had used and discarded her as if she didn't matter.
He found himself wishing he had died on that snowy battlefield in the avalanche, before he had discovered Ping was Mulan and this ugliness in him had emerged.
Even if she never loved him back, he would spend the rest of his life looking after her and Zhou and doing what he could to make up for what he'd done. Even though she wouldn't believe him if he told her, he loved her and would never stop.
The next night, it happened again. This time, Shang knew what to do and not do. He didn't dare talk to her or approach her, instead letting Zhou look after his mother until she calmed down.
As Shang had predicted, Mulan's nightmares were indeed bad that night after they had told Fa Li the truth about Zhou's birth and their marriage. Three times, she woke up screaming. Zhou still came running whenever it happened, but now he just made her tea and let Baba comfort her until she calmed down.
She had stopped sleeping with weapons when they got married, so staying close to her during a panic episode was no longer dangerous. Sometimes she would allow Shang to comfort her, other times she screamed at him and shoved him away from her. More than once, she punched him.
Her mind thought it was back in the army outside the Imperial City while her regiment was guarding the palace. That was when Shang had been forcing her every single night. It always took her several minutes to calm down and realize she was safe and that he was never going to hurt her again.
The tension between Fa Li and Shang was strong enough that even Zhou felt it, even though he didn't understand it. Seeing Mulan's panic episodes, and now knowing the real reason for them, was enough to make Fa Li hate Shang even more. She refused to look at or speak to him or even acknowledge his presence.
She had taken to spending hours sitting on the stone bench again, just as she had after Fa Zhou and Grandma Fa had died.
Li Zhou tried his hardest to cheer her up, and sometimes succeeded. Only he could get her to come to meals and eat. Mulan spent hours sitting on the bench with her, sometimes talking with her and sometimes just sitting quietly next to her.
Shang knew not to try to approach her and wished he knew of a way to try to make things right with his mother-in-law. The opportunity came sooner than he thought.
Zhou was 9 now and did much of the care for the horses himself. Every night, before he went to bed, he took a lantern out to the barn to check on them.
One particular night, he did his nightly check and found Khan ill. In his hurry to get back to the house to get Shang, he tripped on some loose hay and fell face first. He hit his head on the side of the barn and went unconscious. The lamp had flown out of his hand and broken, starting a fire on the dry hay on the ground. Shang's horse, Zen, let out a loud scream, which got Shang's attention instantly. Since this was so unusual for Zen, he ran to the barn, finding it engulfed in flames.
Knowing Zhou was in there, he raced right in. He found Zhou unconscious by a wall that was covered with flames. As he bent over to pick him up and carry him out, the wall started to fall inward.
Shang threw his body over top of Zhou and the entire wall collapsed over him. With his back, head and legs on fire, he pushed himself up and grabbed Zhou and ran out of the barn. As he ran out, he yelled for Mulan. Moments later, she ran outside and found Zhou and Shang unconscious on the ground.
Shang's back was still on fire, so she grabbed a bucket and started throwing water on him. Fa Li ran outside also, and started throwing water on Zhou, until she realized he was only burned a little bit.
Shang's back, arms and legs were severely burned and most of his hair was burned off. As Mulan tried to wake him up, Fa Li was able to wake up Zhou. Other than a headache and a small burn on his hand and cheek, he was alright.
With some difficulty, the three of them got Shang into the house and onto his bed on his abdomen, since it was mostly the back side of him that was burned.
Mulan cut his clothes off while Fa Li and Zhou tore strips of cloth and soaked them in water. Then they put them over Shang's burns.
All this time, he stayed unconscious. Mulan stayed by him all night, keeping the bandages over his burns moist. When daylight came, he still hadn't woken up. Mulan stayed by his side all day, refusing to leave.
Late that night, after sitting with Shang for a whole day and night, Fa Li finally convinced her to let her take over and Zhou walked his mother to Fa Li's bed. Mulan told him to wake her if anything changed and went right to sleep. Zhou and Fa Li sat with Shang and kept his bandages moist all night.
Early in the morning, his eyes opened. "Mulan?"
Zhou stood up to go get his mother.
"She's coming."
"Is Zhou ok?"
"He's fine, Shang. He only got burned a little."
"The wall started to collapse, so I threw myself on top of him."
"You saved his life, Shang, by running into the barn when you did and taking the brunt of the burning wall instead of him."
Mulan came in and started sobbing when she saw Shang awake.
Fa Li told her about the burning wall and Shang saving Zhou's life.
"Thank you for saving our son. I love you so much." Mulan leaned forward and kissed his blistered lips.
"Thank you for saving my grandson." Fa Li felt her heart softening towards Shang.
Over the next many weeks, Fa Li and Mulan took turns taking care of Shang as he recovered from his burns. Zhou also helped take care of his father quite a bit, too.
The emperor had called for his military services, but they had sent a message back to him about Shang's burns and how he had saved his son's life.
Both horses had died in the barn fire. Both Zen and Khan had been beloved animals, and the family mourned their loss once the crisis of Shang's injuries was over.
Fa Li was slowly able to forgive Shang for what he had done to Mulan while she was in the army. Once again, she was able to love him like a son and, as he always had, he looked after her like his own mother. Their family had been through so much in just a few years, but they were stronger and the hard times made them love each other all the more and cherish each day they had together.
Maybe it's time for their family to grow?