Thank you Yira for encouraging me and being my cheering section!

(A lot of choice words in this one.)

When Mingzhu turned 16, she was old enough to go to the Matchmaker's. Mulan, however, was reluctant to make her go. Her own experience with the Matchmaker 28 years prior had been a disaster.

But Mingzhu decided to face the Matchmaker head on, figuring that if she'd beaten the horse merchant she could get through this, too. After all, a Li never runs from a threat and a Fa never backs down.

The day came and the village women helped Mulan, Liu and Fa Li prepare Mingzhu for her Matchmaker test. Mulan made certain no lucky crickets tagged along to cause trouble.

Seeing her daughter all made up like a bride made Mulan's throat tighten. Hadn't this beautiful young lady just been born last week? She worried about the man Mingzhu would marry, hoping whoever it would be would never mistreat her. But she also knew deep inside that not only would Shang, Zhou and Qiang never stand for that, Mingzhu herself would not tolerate being mistreated.

It was a different Matchmaker than the one Mulan had faced, but to her she was no less unpleasant. Tall, obese, cranky and single. Single! How did an unmarried woman claim to know what a man would want in a wife?

"Li Mingzhu"

The sound of her daughter's name made Mulan jump. Her daughter stood up without answering "present" as she had done and calmly walked inside the Matchmaker's house.

Several minutes later, however, Mingzhu could be heard screaming at the Matchmaker.

"I don't care if a man doesn't like that I can defend myself and whip his ass if I need to. If my family hadn't taught me how to fight, that horse merchant would have raped me. So it's a damn good thing I knew what to do. If you say one more word about my mother being a failure or my father being crippled, I'll whip YOUR ass."

Mulan's first reaction was to laugh, but she stifled it as her outspoken 16 year old daughter flew through the doors and stomped out to the road. The Matchmaker was close on her heels.

"Li Mingzhu, you are a disgrace!"

Mulan's eyes narrowed. How dare she?

"No, I am not a disgrace. I just don't put up with bullshit from bitches like you!"

Then she turned to her family. Fa Li looked shocked and Mulan and Liu were still stifling laughs.

"Mama, I don't care if I ever get married. She's not gonna talk about my family that way."

Mulan put her arm around her. "It's alright. Let's go home."

As they turned to head back home, the horse merchant of all people approached them with a marriage offer. The words were barely out of his mouth when he found himself face to face with Zhou, Shang and Qiang. He hadn't seen Mingzhu's male family members standing nearby. He had only seen Fa Li, Mulan, Liu and Mingzhu, along with the two grandchildren.

Zhou spoke first. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing? Didn't we tell you to stay away from our family, especially Mingzhu?"

"I... I thought since her Matchmaker's test was such a failure, that you'd reconsider my offer to marry her."

Shang leaned on one of his crutches to free up his hand and grabbed the horse merchant by the collar. "Don't think I couldn't kill you just because I have one leg. We told you in no uncertain terms to stay the hell away from her. I would never in a million years let her marry you."

He leaned on his other crutch, freeing up both arms, and punched the cowardly horse merchant several times and threw him on the ground. "He's obviously slow to learn a lesson, boys. Maybe you should remind him why he shouldn't fuck with us."

Zhou and Qiang kicked and punched him until he was once again unconscious, then kept on beating him. Then they dragged his limp body to his house and dumped him on the doorstep as the rest of the family walked home.

As he walked away, Shang heard one village man talking to another. "Wow, don't cross the Li's!" He turned towards them. "Damn right!" Then he joined the rest of the family heading home.

Being the father of a teenage girl had brought out a special protectiveness in Shang. Mingzhu was the same age now that Mulan had been when he'd started raping her in the army. The thought of any man touching his daughter made him want to fly into a rage. Thinking about what he had done to her mother made him physically ill now.

Walking slightly behind the rest of his family, he watched Mingzhu. She was so beautiful, so innocent. Just like Mulan had once been, until he'd stolen it.

When he got home, he went right to the temple and knelt down on his good leg and stump, lighting some incense and staying there well past dark. When Qiang came out to tell him supper was ready, he said he wasn't hungry. He knew he had unfinished business in the temple.

"Fa Zhou, I am so sorry for what I put your daughter through. After you died and would have learned what I did to her, I'm surprised you didn't come from beyond the grave and kill me. Now that I'm the father of a 16 year old girl, I see even more just how sick I was and how wrongfully I acted. I hope you believe that I truly do love Mulan."

A sudden cold blast of air struck him and nearly knocked him over. He recognized it right away. A father's anger. Icy cold wrath. Years ago, Mulan had told him she thought her father had forgiven him. But he had never come into the temple alone in 20 years, knowing he would have to confront Fa Zhou's anger towards him.

But now he felt like he shouldn't put it off any longer. He had confronted his own father twice, when he had visited the valley where his army had been defeated. He had known all along he would eventually need to do this, to make it right with Mulan's father and grandmother.

"I'm sorry." Tears were running down his cheeks now, as he remembered the tortured look in Mulan's eyes that had appeared the first time he had raped her, and how it had constantly lingered for years.

He remembered her pale, frightened face, more often than not bruised by his fists, always staring at the tent ceiling as he forced himself on her. Every night for ten months he'd hit her, punched her, dug his knee into her and stolen her innocence. Never once had he stopped to realize she was a human being, and someone's daughter.

How had she ever forgiven him and fallen in love with him?

He found himself wishing he had a sword to fall on. He didn't deserve to live. Suddenly, he found a dagger in his sash that he had forgotten about. It was later at night, now. No one would be awake to stop him. He pulled it out and looked at it. Then pointed it towards his chest and took a deep breath.

"Don't do it."

He looked up. It was Mulan.

"I fell asleep and my father came to me in a dream and told me to come out here, that you were about to kill yourself."

"Mingzhu is the same age you were. Every time I see her, I remember the hell I put you through. When I think about any man treating our daughter like that, I get so angry and then I remember for a time I was that man."

"27 years ago, Shang. That's how long it's been now." She held out her hand. "Give me the dagger, Shang."

He placed it in Mulan's open hand. How many times had she stopped him from killing himself?

"Any other weapons on you?"

"No, there's not."

She pulled his sash away then put it back, satisfied he wasn't hiding any more daggers there. But then she checked under the top of his robe and found another hidden dagger and confiscated it.

"I know. You're a military man and you carry daggers. But not when you're suicidal."

"Thank you, Mulan, for coming out here. I love you. And I'm sorry."

"I know you are. And I love you, too, Shang. Stop beating yourself up for the past and focus on who you need to be now. You're a father and a grandfather now, not to mention a husband and son-in-law."

"But you were so young, so innocent."

"Shang, just who are you helping with this self-hate party you're throwing yourself?"

"Nobody?"

"That's right. Nobody. Enough, ok?"

"Ok"

Mulan held her hand out to him to help him back up on his leg and handed him his crutches. Then they walked back to the house and fell asleep snuggled up together.

Twenty years they'd been married now. Mulan had long ago lost count of how many times she'd stopped Shang from killing himself.

She remembered the first time she'd seen him holding a sword towards his own heart.

Zhou was 5 and Shang was supposed to come over to take him riding on his horse, Zen. When he didn't show, she and Zhou rode over to his house. His horse was in the stall. Not getting an answer when she knocked, she told Zhou to wait by Khan.

Taking a deep breath and fearing the worst, she pushed open the door. Shang was kneeling on the floor away from her, and she could see the empty scabbard next to him. Running into the house, she attempted to yank the sword out of his hands.

"No. Let me be."

"Give me the sword. Now!"

"I don't deserve to live. Let me!"

"No, Shang. You're a father now. Zhou needs you."

"Nobody needs me. I'm a monster and a rapist. The world would be better off without me."

"That's not who you are anymore. Now give me the damn sword."

"Why do you care if I kill myself after what I did to you?"

"Because you're Zhou's father, that's why."

Just at that moment, Zhou came in, disobeying Mulan's instruction to stay by Khan.

"Baba? What are you doing? You were supposed to take me riding."

Shang stood up and took Zhou's hand. "Ok, Zhou, let's go saddle up and take a ride on Zen."

Before he walked out with his son, he turned to Mulan.

"Thank you. I'll bring him home later."

"You're welcome. Have fun."

Another time Mulan had to talk Shang down from killing himself was when Zhou was 6.

It was a few months after her horse accident. While he had been staying at her house and taking care of her and Zhou, Shang had seen several of her panic attacks. He knew he was the reason she had them. She'd noticed him growing more despondent and quiet after he'd gone back home.

Fearing he'd become suicidal again, she checked on him frequently. One particular time, she didn't find him in his house, so she walked around to the back yard. He was up in a tree hanging up a rope to hang himself with. As she ran up to the base of the tree, he was tying the rope around his neck and preparing to jump.

"Shang, no! Stop!"

"Leave me alone, Mulan! You're better off without me. So is Zhou."

"Zhou needs you."

"Where is he? I don't want him to see me like this."

"He's at home. Shang, you're drunk. Get down off that tree now. Did you go to the tavern again last night to drink away the anniversary of your father's death? You must have drank a lot to still be drunk !"

"Yes, I did. 7 years. The only thing my father ever said that was true is that I'm worthless. All I've ever done is hurt you."

"Did you forget you took care of me and Zhou and Khan after my accident, plus your own home and Zen? And looked after my chickens? That doesn't sound worthless to me. Now get down before you fall. But get that rope off your neck, first."

"Ok, I will."

Shang dropped the rope from around his neck and climbed down.

"Now go sleep it off. I'm gonna cut this down so you don't get any ideas again."

As he went in the house, Mulan climbed up the tree and cut the rope down and burned it.

Now laying next to Shang and watching him sleep, Mulan was very glad she'd been able to stop him again. She whispered a quiet "thank you" to her father for warning her in her sleep that Shang was in the temple about to kill himself.

She'd come so close to losing him five years ago when infection had taken his leg and nearly his life. She knew she didn't want to live without him.

Mulan kissed his lips and whispered "I love you" in his ear. He smiled in his sleep and pulled her closer to him. "Good night." Then she, too, fell asleep, snuggled up to the man she'd been in love with for 20 years.

Not really feeling like he resolved anything, Shang returned to the temple the following night, but not until Mulan had performed a dagger check on him first.

After lighting the incense and kneeling down, Shang felt a cold breeze again. Not like the cold, harsh wind that had nearly knocked him over the night before, but not friendly and gentle, either.

"I'm sorry, Fa Zhou. I'm sorry, Grandma Fa." Shang whispered. He stayed there for several minutes.

"I thought I'd forgiven myself. But, I guess not. Maybe I never will."

A gentler, warmer breeze blew through the temple. He felt like Fa Zhou and Grandma Fa truly had forgiven him.

"Thank you!"

He stayed there several more minutes, until the moon and stars were bright in the sky. He hadn't completely found peace, but he did feel like his soul was more peaceful than it had ever been before.