One night while kneeling in the temple with baby Xia, Mulan started to realize how many loved ones had left her. Her father had died when Zhou was 7 and they had just come to stay two weeks before. Her Grandma Fa had died several months later. When Zhou was 12, she lost baby Zian. Zhou and Liu had lost twin boys.
Her mother had died two years before, and now her oldest daughter Mingzhu had died in childbirth, along with her baby. She petitioned the ancestors to not let any more of her loved ones be taken from her.
When Qiang was 17, he got to go work under Zhou and Ling at Wu Zhong for hands-on medic training. He had decided to follow his older brother's footsteps. The two brothers often spent the evenings sparring together and with others. It was imperative that medics also be able to fight, so the two senior medics kept their skills up while Qiang worked on sharpening his.
It was on one particularly warm evening that Qiang noticed something odd. He looked around and realized every other soldier removed their tunic for sparring, but Zhou never did. In fact, Qiang realized he had never seen Zhou without a tunic on.
Later, he asked his brother about why he never saw him bare chested.
"I'm bare chested around Liu."
"I'm sure you are, and I don't want to hear about that. But I'm talking about when you're sparring, or when it's really hot. You always have it on."
"I've just got a lot of scars, that's all."
"What's so shameful about scars? Plenty of these guys have scars. In fact, they're proud of them. You're not making any sense, Zhou."
"Qiang, let's go take a walk around the pond."
"Okay, then will you tell me what's up with you and tunics?"
"Probably"
When they were on the other side of the pond from the rest of the camp, Zhou removed his tunic. Across his entire chest was a silvery, jagged scar.
"Besides Liu, you're the first person to ever see this."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. Mama and Papa don't even know about it. The guys here all call me 'Tunic' because I'm never seen without it."
"So what is it from?"
Zhou looked at Qiang and took a deep breath. Then he shut his eyes for a minute. When he opened them, there were tears peeking out of the corners.
"You know the nightmares Mama gets?"
"Yeah. They used to really frighten me. So?"
"I know what you mean. Well, she used to sleep with swords and daggers, and when she had a nightmare she'd wake up either flailing a sword around or wielding daggers. Once, I got too close to her when I was about 5 and her sword nailed me across the chest. She was so out of it from her panic that she didn't see. It wasn't real deep and I quickly wrapped it up with some bandages we had, and have worn tops nearly constantly ever since. Mama never knew."
"You mean you've kept this scar covered for 26 years, and only myself and Liu have seen it?"
"Yup. When my arm was slashed rescuing Papa from the Mongols, I wrapped it up myself."
"Wait a minute. Where was Papa when this happened? Did she ever nail him with a sword? Didn't he know when you got cut?"
Zhou stared up at the stars, deciding what he should and shouldn't tell his younger brother. He didn't think his family's secrets would ever affect Qiang, so he didn't think this would ever come up. He was wrong.
Zhou took another deep breath, and decided to spill it.
"Qiang, what I'm about to tell you is something you can't tell another soul, and don't let on to Mama and Papa that you even know about this."
"Ok..." Now Qiang's curiosity was piqued. What other secrets did Zhou have?
"Seriously, Qiang. Don't tell them I told you, and don't tell anyone else."
"I won't, Zhou. Now what is it?"
"Do you know the story of how Mama snuck into the army to save Grandpa Fa and set off the avalanche that killed so many Huns?"
"Yeah, I've heard a little bit of that story, but not much."
"Well, she got cut by Shan Yu's sword right after she set it off. Then the medic treating her found out she was a girl, and told Papa, who was her captain at the time. He kept it a secret, and didn't kill her, even though by law he should have."
"That's good, isn't it?"
"That part is good, yes. But what wasn't good was what he did to Mama after he knew her secret."
"What do you mean, what he did to her?"
"He started raping her every day. That's why she has panic attacks and nightmares. She got pregnant and had me right after the war ended. Papa didn't live with us until I was 7. That's when they got married. Before that, for a long time, Mama didn't want much to do with him. So that's why he wasn't there when it happened."
Qiang's face turned red and his eyes narrowed as what Zhou was telling him sunk in. He rammed his fist into a tree and kicked it. What was it with Li sons and trees?
"So until you were 7, it was just you and Mama?"
"Yeah. Papa was around, but not all the time and not for most of her panic attacks."
"You should show them that scar, you know."
"Why? To give Papa another reason to hold a dagger to his chest until Mama talks him down? Give Mama another reason to cry in the temple all night?"
"Yeah, good point. Mama sure has been through a lot."
"Yeah, I know. Every night for years, it was just me when she had panic attacks and nightmares."
"Wow, I had no idea. I always thought you'd grown up with Mama and Papa together, just like I did. So it was up to you to calm her down every night and you were just a kid?"
"Yes"
"Papa must have changed a lot. He sure loves her now."
"Yes, he has changed a lot."
"Qiang, don't let on that you know. Mama was upset when Papa told me about what he did. When I was 20, I asked Papa why he didn't live with us when I was younger, and why we never visited Grandma and Grandpa Fa before I was seven. That's when he told me what he did. So don't let on."
"OK. I won't. So why did they stay away from Grandma and Grandpa Fa for so long?"
"Mama didn't want to come home from the war single and hugely pregnant, so she preferred for her parents to think her dead than for her to bring dishonor with an illegitimate pregnancy. Soon after they got married, she ran into a cousin who told her Grandpa Fa was ill, so we finally traveled to their home."
"Wow, Zhou. You were able to meet Grandpa Fa before he died? I studied him in school."
"So did I. He was an amazing man. That's where Mama got her courage from."
"Yes, you're right."
"Qiang, I miss Mingzhu."
"So do I. Does Ling ever talk about her?"
"Not very much. Once in awhile. He keeps her Lotus blossom hair comb with him by his cot and I see him looking at it every so often. I think he really loved her."
"I think so, too."
"Why Mingzhu? Why did she have to die?"
"I don't know, Qiang. I don't know."
Qiang turned and punched a tree multiple times, until most of the bark was missing from a large section of trunk and his knuckles were bloodied.
"So what did you do when Papa told you what happened and what he did to Mama?"
"I punched him and then punched a tree until my knuckles bled."
"What did he do?"
"That time he didn't do anything. Several months later, I talked to him about it all again,and lost my cool. I started to punch him, and he grabbed me and spun me around and shoved me away. Then he told me if I came at him like that again, I'd be flat on my back for a week. So I knocked the bark off another tree at home."
Qiang stopped and looked around at the trees around him. They all had bare patches.
"Zhou, do you punch trees a lot?"
"Yes. Nearly every tree here has bare patches because of me."
"And at home?"
"Yes. There, too."
"So what was it like when it was just you and Mama?"
"I hated going to sleep at night, because I knew she'd start screaming and wake me up. I was terrified of her when she was like that, wild-eyed and swinging weapons around. She'd start screaming at me to get away, that she hated me, that kind of thing."
"Probably because you look a lot like Papa."
"Or maybe just because I was near her in the first place, and male. I hid in the corner a lot."
Zhou reached into his robe and pulled out a flask and took several drinks of it.
"Zhou, when did you start drinking?"
"Years ago, after I discovered the truth about our family. The next night after he told me, one of the soldiers saw me punching a tree. I told him I'd gotten into an argument with Papa, which was not exactly the truth but close enough, and he offered me some rice liquor. After drinking it, I felt instantly better. So I've been secretly doing it for over 10 years."
"Does Liu know?"
"Nope."
"You're pretty good at keeping secrets, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am. I became good at it when I had to keep Mama's nightmares a secret so other people wouldn't think she was crazy."
He took several more large swigs from his flask, and his eyes began to glaze over.
"Zhou, you better hope you don't need to be on medic duty tonight."
"Ling is. Besides, I do fine as a medic when I'm drunk." He flashed a grin at the speechless Qiang and drank more from his flask, until it was empty. When he stood up, he walked straight into a tree.
"I usually only drink in my tent. Lead the way, little brother." He grinned again and stuck his arm out to Qiang so the younger man could help him back to his tent.
After depositing his drunk brother on his cot and covering him with a blanket, Qiang stood staring at his brother who had now passed out.
Zhou had to be strong for Mama for years, and this is where his strength had faltered. His brother had a secret penchant for strong drink.
Qiang was concerned for the safety of Zhou's patients. Now he had a dilemma. He could keep his brother's secret, putting injured and ill soldiers at risk. Or he could tell an officer so something could be done, which would lead to Zhou being dismissed from duty. He decided to talk to Ling.
Qiang walked over to the other medic's tent, and was thankful to find a lamp burning. He tapped on the entrance.
"Come in."
"Qiang? Everything all right?"
"Zhou's drunk. I mean, passed out drunk. Did you know he drinks a lot?"
"I knew he drinks some. I'd seen him with that flask more than once."
"I know it's because of what he went through with our mother for so many years. I can't say I blame him. But I'm worried about him, too."
"What he went through with your mother? You know about that?"
"Yes, he just told me what her panic attacks are really about. Can you leave this tent at all? I want to show you something."
"Right now, yes. I don't have any patients."
Qiang led the other medic to Zhou's tent, where his brother was still sleeping off his drunken stupor. He pulled up his tunic and held a lamp up so Ling could see the silvery scar on the man's chest.
"It's from when he was 5 and got too close to our mother after she had a nightmare and was swinging a sword around. No one else has ever seen it, other than his wife and myself, for 26 years. Even as a 5 year old kid, he kept it hidden."
"That's why he is never seen without at least a tunic on. He doesn't want to answer questions about where it came from. When did he tell you about it?"
"Tonight. I was giving him a hard time about not sparring bare chested, so he showed it to me and told me the truth about our parents."
"He told me a few years ago. I haven't told anyone, and neither will you, right Qiang?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"I agree that your mother shouldn't know about this scar, but you should tell your father."
"He gets suicidal when my mother's nightmares get bad, which I never understood until now. I think he'd be full of guilt and lapse into a bad spell again."
"Maybe not then."
"What should we do about Zhou, Ling?"
Ling studied his fellow medic, who was drunkenly snoring away, and turned to Qiang.
"We'll take all his liquor, and tell him he has to stop or we'll be forced to tell General Su Kang about it. That could help, or it might not. If we tell the General, he'll be dismissed, at least for the rest of this training period."
"He said he previously has treated patients when he's drunk."
"That's scary."
"I agree."
Ling and Qiang located and confiscated all of Zhou's hidden liquor and dumped it out, then buried the bottles.
It was well after dawn when Zhou woke up. Ling had been covering some of his medic hours because of Zhou being passed out.
When he was awake, Qiang and Ling confronted him. Ling did most of the talking.
"So, Zhou, how are you feeling this morning?"
"Fine, why?" He was eyeing up his brother, wondering what the two men were up to.
"Have a bit too much to drink last night, did you?"
"No, I didn't."
"Actually, Zhou, you did. I had to help you back to your tent and you passed out."
"You can't treat patients drunk. You know that."
"What is this, 'everybody pick on Zhou' day? I don't have a drinking problem."
"Good. Then it shouldn't be a problem that we dumped out all your liquor."
"You what?" Zhou frantically dug around under his cot, where he'd hidden his liquor, but found nothing. Seething, he turned to Ling.
"That's none of your business how much I drink!"
"It is when you pass out and I have to cover your hours. Or when you are awake and treating patients and I have to worry about you treating them drunk."
"Here's the scoop, Zhou." Qiang decided it was time to tell him what was happening. "Either you quit drinking, now, or we tell General Su you've been treating patients while drunk and he'll relieve you of duty. Do you want to go home and explain to Mama, Papa and Liu why you're home from training early?"
"I can't believe my brother and brother-in-law are ganging up on me."
"Qiang and I are doing this because we care about you. That's different than ganging up on you."
"And because we care about your patients."
With that, Qiang and Ling left Zhou's tent.
"Now we just have to wait and see how he does." Ling put a hand on Qiang's shoulder. "We did the right thing, even though it wasn't easy."
"Yes, I know. Thank you for your help. Our family thanks you, too."
"You're welcome."
"We still consider you family. Always will."
"Thank you."
"How are you holding up after losing Mingzhu, Ling?"
"I go to sleep every night thinking about her, and wake up every morning reaching for her. I dream about her and our baby every night. I'll never stop missing her or loving her."
"I'll never stop missing her, either."
The next few weeks passed uneventfully, until Ling came in to Zhou's tent one morning to wake him up for duty and found an empty bottle next to him. He wasn't able to wake him up. His loud snores echoed through the tent. His brother-in-law and fellow medic had relapsed.
Ling grabbed Qiang and told him what was going on. "He's passed out drunk. We're gonna be the only medics here. We have to tell General Su now. That was part of what we had told him would happen if he continued to drink."
"This isn't going to be easy to see him get dismissed."
"No, I agree. It's not."
Both men made their way to General Su's tent, and told him about Zhou's drinking problem. When they walked back to Zhou's tent with General Su, he was just waking up. His breath reeked of liquor and an empty bottle lay next to him. Seeing he had company, he tried to hide the evidence, but the General saw it.
"Zhou, drinking on duty is not permitted. I understand you've been treating patients while drunk. I'm relieving you of duty. Ling and Qiang will take over your responsibilities now. You have one hour to pack your belongings and leave. Before you will be allowed to return as medic again, you will need to prove you can perform your duties without partaking in any alcohol whatsoever."
After the General left the tent, Ling and Qiang stood watching Zhou. He looked shocked for a moment, then furious.
"We told you what would happen if you continued to drink. But you did, anyway. Now you have to face the consequences, Zhou."
Qiang offered to help his brother pack. He and Ling were told, amidst a stream of profanity, to leave his brother's tent. He found a clump of trees nearby and stripped them of bark with his punches. Less than an hour later, a red-eyed Zhou emerged from his tent and left for home.
After relieving a few more trees of their bark, Qiang looked up to see Ling and General Su standing in front of him.
"You did the right thing, both of you. I know that wasn't easy, particularly when he's family."
"If he quits drinking, will he be allowed back?"
"When and if he quits drinking completely, he will be. He's an excellent medic when he's sober. And Qiang?"
"Yes?"
"Take it easy on the trees. What is it with Li men and trees? Did you know your father was a tree puncher, too?"
"Yes, sir, I will. No, I didn't know that. I never see him do it at home."
"I think he just did it here or at war. How is he holding up these days?"
"Ok. He still rides horses and target shoots with one leg."
"Give him my regards, will you?"
"Yes, sir."
Back at home, Zhou was still steaming as he took care of his horse and walked in the house. Liu saw him and right away knew something was wrong.
"Zhou, what's the matter? And why are you home 4 months early?"
"I was relieved of duty, for drinking on the job."
"Drinking? Since when do you drink?"
"Since I was 20. I've been hiding it from everybody until a couple weeks ago. I took some drinks in front of Qiang, and made myself drunk. He and Ling dumped out all my liquor and threatened to alert General Su if I drank anymore. I made it two weeks, then traded to get a bottle when a patient under my care died after a cannon explosion went wrong. I drank the entire bottle in one night, and passed out. Ling couldn't wake me up in the morning when he came to get me for duty. He and Qiang brought the General to my tent, and I was dismissed. I have to prove I can be liquor-free completely before I can return."
Liu looked shocked, but gave her husband a hug. "I love you, Zhou. No matter what."
"I love you, too."
Later that evening, he told Mulan and Shang about his drinking leading to him being dismissed from duty at Wu Zhong. They looked surprised that he had successfully kept his drinking a secret for so many years. As Zhou thought might happen, Mulan looked guilty. Would he ever stop trying to protect her?
Later that night, Zhou went to the temple to pray and was joined by Shang.
"Papa, I have something I want to show you. In 26 years, only Liu and Qiang have seen it." He took off his tunic, so Shang could see the long, silvery scar across his chest.
"It happened when I was 5, and I got too close to Mama after one of her nightmares. She was swinging her sword around and cut me across the chest. It wasn't deep, and I wrapped it up myself and kept it covered ever since."
Shang stared at the scar in shock. If he hadn't caused the nightmares in the first place, Zhou would never have gotten cut.
"You've kept that covered all this time, and only your wife and brother know about it?"
"Yes. I decided all the secrets I've kept for so long were eating away at me and I was drinking to cure the ache inside. I wasn't sure if I should tell you because I was afraid you'd become suicidal again. You won't, will you, Papa?"
"Your Mama's nightmares are bad right now, so I've already been really depressed."
"Papa, when will you see that killing yourself won't help Mama?"
"Sometimes I know that, but other times I forget."
"What if you killed yourself and one of my children found you?"
"That would be terrible."
"You're damn right it would be. I'm going inside and you're coming with me."
Reluctantly, Shang grabbed his crutches and hopped up on his leg.
"You won't tell Mama, right? I mean, about the scar?"
"No, I don't think she could handle it."
"Neither do I."
Zhou headed to bed that night realizing that in many ways he was still the glue that held his family together. In his military absences, Fa Li and then Liu had taken his place.
He'd always had to be strong for everyone else. It was time to find the internal strength to be strong enough to face his life without depending on liquor.