Summary: Dan works at a small office doing coffee runs. His boss, Mr. Lester, needs Dan to do him a favor while his parents are in town for the next couple of weeks.

Genre/Tags: Fake relationship, getting together, alternate universe

Words: 3,044

Warnings: idk not much

A/N: Hi okay I know this is pretty late (yikes) but keep in mind that I'm a really busy person and the way I do things is like… I write a later chapter and then post the next chapter when I'm finished with that. So basically I just finished writing chapter 6 but I'm posting chapter 3 rn. Yeah idk I just don't like being behind and I know that sounds weird but pls be patient. Okay yeah. Here, enjoy this chapter ^^

The next day, Dan woke up late in the afternoon. He was exhausted from nothing, and he didn't know why. He hadn't done anything that was energy consuming. He shrugged it off and crawled out of bed while yawning. It was a little past one and he had slept at 3AM the night before. He was allowed to sleep in as it was his day off, and he decided that today would be a lazy Sunday for him.

Dan got up to check his phone and saw that he had seventeen unread messages from Louise.

"For god's sake, Louise," he said to no one in particular.

He opened up his messenger app and read through all of them.

From Louise

Rise and shine, my cupcake!

Received 9:26AM

From Louise

How's my little gay boy doing this fine morning?

Received 9:58AM

From Louise

If you don't reply, I'm going to spam you all day until you do.

Received 10:12AM

From Louise

Daaaaan! Please text back, I'm bored without you here at work.

Received 10:23AM

From Louise

I need you to get me a coffee

Received 11:41AM

Dan skimmed through the rest of the texts and finally read the latest one.

From Louise

So are you going to do it?

Received 12:50PM

Of course she had to ask him about that, he thought. He sent out a reply to her.

To Louise

ffs louise idk and jesus i was SLEEPING you know something that normal human beings do when they're tired and have the day off from work

Sent 1:21PM

He walked into the bathroom to wash up and brush his teeth. His phone immediately dinged and he opened it to reveal another text from Louise.

From Louise

Sorry! I was just really bored. It's quiet in the office without you.

Received 1:22PM

Dan quickly replied to her while he stuck his toothbrush in his mouth.

To Louise

oh boohoo you'll live.

Sent 1:22PM

Dan finished up brushing his teeth and after washing his mouth, his phone rang again. He assumed it was Louise, but almost had a heart attack when he saw that it was from Phil.

From Lester

Hey, Dan! I just wanted to send you a quick message to ask you how you're doing today?

Received 1:27PM

Dan raised his eyebrow in confusion. Why would Phil just randomly text him something like that right now? For goodness sakes, it was his off day. Did people not understand what that meant? Clearly they didn't, and Phil was no exception either. But Dan knew Phil was doing this on purpose, he wanted to keep his deal in mind for Dan so he would think about it more. What a prick, Dan thought. What a really smart prick.

Could Dan really blame him? The man was in need. Dan weighed out his options, should he reply back to Phil right away, or wait a while?

Ding.

From Louise

Why do you have to take days off, why can't you just stay here forever?

Received 1:30PM

Dan got an idea. Even though it sounded silly, he decided to ring up his best friend. She most likely had nothing important to do in the office anyway, a little phone call wouldn't hurt.

"Hello?" Louise said through the phone when she picked up.

"Hi Louise, what's up?" Dan asked her.

"Just nothing, really. I'm actually done with my work right now. I'm waiting for an email to be sent to me," she said.

"Oh that's good," Dan replied casually.

"Yeah so, what are you doing?" She asked.

"Well, you know. I just woke up ten minutes ago. I brushed my teeth, I'm walking around in my room now. I'm bored," Dan said, stretching out his words.

"Okay, Dan. Why did you call me? As much as you love me and want to spend every single second of the day talking to me, you normally don't call me unless you need something. So spit it out," she said bluntly.

It was true. Dan much preferred texting rather than talking on the phone, but for situations like these, he needed to make sure he was getting his point across and that people could understand him. He wanted a direct and specific answer and only did this through talking. It was absolutely serious business.

But Dan didn't know why he was stalling now. Maybe he felt a bit nervous or that Louise would just laugh at him. Phil did send him a simple text. No more, no less. Yet, he was feeling so strange about it.

He sighed deeply. "Phil sent me a message."

Dan had to pull the phone away from his ear as Louise let out a loud shriek. For god's sake, she was in an office building. Have she no shame? Dan thought.

Dan still kept the phone a safe distance away as he could still hear bubbly laughter from the other side of the line.

Once Louise quieted down, she said, "Okay, okay, okay. Sorry. I don't know why I did that. I don't know, I ship it, I guess."

Dan rolled his eyes. "There's nothing to ship."

"Oh, that's what you think! Anyway, what did he say?" She asked eagerly.

"He just said that he wanted to leave me a message to ask how I'm doing. Like, what? Who does that?" Dan asked in disbelief.

Louise laughed softly. "Aww, maybe he cares."

Dan scoffed. "No, he's definitely just trying to subtly remind me that he has a thing that he wants me to do. I give him kudos, though. It's a clever and secretive way to do so."

"You just have to ruin everything, don't you?" Louise accused him.

"I'm just being real here, Louise."

"Whatever. So, what did you say?" She asked.

"Well, that's the thing," Dan said quietly. "I don't know what to reply."

Louise let out a loud bark of laughter. "Are you kidding me right now, Dan?"

Dan only sighed while Louise cackled on some more. Eventually, she quieted down. "God, you're acting like a schoolgirl, Dan. This is so embarrassing."

Dan felt his cheeks warm up. "Would you shut up? It's not like that. I just meant that I didn't know how to reply professionally without being lame and all of that stuff. You know what I mean!"

Louise giggled. "Mhm, of course that's what it is, Dan."

Dan sighed. "You know what, I don't know why I called you for this. You're useless."

"Aww, Dan! Stop being like that, I'm only teasing," Louise said.

"Yeah, yeah. You just love doing that to me, don't you?" He asked.

"Well, duh. You're my best friend and that's my job. What type of best friend would I be if I didn't do that to you?" She asked.

"An even better best friend," he replied.

Louise laughed. "Shush you."

"Okay, but Louise, I still don't know what to say back to him. Help me here."

"I don't get what's the big deal, Dan. Just say that you're doing fine. There's nothing else to it," Louise said bluntly.

Dan groaned. "Ugh, you don't get it!"

"What's there for me not to get?"

"He's probably expecting some kind of specific answer and I don't know what it is!"

"Or maybe, just maybe, you're thinking way into this, just like you always do," Louise said.

Dan sighed again.

"You can literally send him a message that says, 'I'm doing fine today, thanks for asking, Phil!' And then you can ask how he's doing if you really want," Louise gasped. "Wow, that was so hard!"

"You make everything sound easy."

"That's because it is, Dan."

Dan stayed quiet for a moment. "Are you sure?"

Louise laughed at him. "Of course it is, I wouldn't tell you to do that if it wasn't."

"Okay. I'll text him back when I hang up with you."

"Aww, little Daniel actually wants to stay on the phone with me and talk? I'm touched." Louise fake sniffled through the line.

Dan rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Louise."

"Sorry! So, what's going on?" Louise asked him.

"I was just thinking-"

Louise interrupted him. "Uh oh, that can't be good."

"Louise, I will literally punch you."

"Kidding! Continue," she urged on.

Dan sighed. "Right, so. I was thinking about the thing, you know?"

"Right. The thing. What about the thing?" She asked.

"Should I," he hesitated. "Should I really do it? I mean like, he does need my help and all and I'm just a genuinely nice person and I need money and I think it may or may not be kind of fun, not that I like, think pretending to be a dude's husband is fun or anything. But you know, it'd probably be hard too-"

"Dan," Louise cut him off. "Please, take a deep 're rambling."

"Shit." Dan shut his eyes closed. He took a deep breath and started again. "Sorry. I'm just so freaked out over this thing."

"I can tell."

"I just don't know what to do!" Dan exclaimed.

"Listen to me, Dan. You don't have to do it. If you don't, it's not your problem to deal with," she said.

"I know, but then he'll have no one and I'll feel really bad because it could've been me," Dan whined.

Louise sighed. "Did you try talking to PJ about this yet?"

"Oh, uh no. I didn't want to mention it to him." Dan frowned.

"Why not?" Louise asked.

"I don't know. I didn't feel like explaining it and I was tired okay?" Dan rubbed his face with hands.

Louise paused and Dan heard shuffling sounds from the other side of the line.

"I just got that email back," Louise said. "So look, here's what I want you to do. After I hang up, text Phil back that you're fine, okay?" Dan nodded even though his friend couldn't see him. "And then after that, talk to PJ about it, and maybe he can help you. Got it?"

"I guess. I don't know if it'll help, but I'll try. But thanks, Louise. You're seriously the best," Dan said.

"I know. I have to go now. Bye, Dan!"

"Bye."

Dan pulled the phone away from his ear and let out a loud groan.

He looked down at the phone in his hand and reread the text that Phil had sent him. He sighed and replied to him, his thumbs shaking.

He began typing out a text that read, "hey phil i'm alright thanks for asking you?" He quickly back spaced all of it. He thought the message seemed too laid back and the lack of capitalization and punctuations made it seem too informal. He didn't normally text like he should anyway, but he decided to start a new message again to make it seem like he actually cared enough to make sense.

To Lester

Hey Phil. I'm doing fine, thank you for asking. How are you today?

Sent 1:59PM

He hoped that this message didn't read as too formal and rather as casual and cool. He threw his phone on his bed before walking out of his room. He rounded the living room and trudged through the kitchen and found PJ sitting at the table lazily eating a bowl of cereal.

"Good morning," Dan said as he opened a cabinet door to pour himself a bowl as well.

PJ looked up at him and raised his brow before glancing at the nearby clock.

"Dan, it is 2 in the afternoon," the man said.

"Oh, right." Dan fumbled with the milk carton and cereal box. "So, I was talking to Louise a while ago."

"Oh? What did she say?" PJ asked.

"We were just - uh, talking about... Stuff," Dan stalled. He knew he had to tell his friend now.

PJ gave him a stare. He's known Dan long enough to know that Dan is up to something right now.

"What kind of stuff, Dan?" PJ said in a tone way too similar to one used by an adult when speaking to a small child.

Dan rolled his eyes. He quickly poured himself some cereal and sat down next to his flatmate.

He sighed. "So there's this thing that happened yesterday that I didn't tell you about."

PJ looked at him. "So something bad did happen? I knew it. What happened?"

"No, nothing bad happened. Well, I don't know if it's bad or not. Eh. It's maybe." Dan shrugged. "You know my boss, Phil, right?"

"Of course I do. The only reason you have that job right now was because I knew Phil," PJ said.

Dan laughed to himself, remembering the memory of when Peej first introduced him to Phil. "Oh, yeah."

"How could you honestly forget that?" He asked.

Dan shrugged. "Right, so. Obviously you know Phil. And you know I work for him. And he's my boss-"

"Get to the point, Dan."

"Sorry! Yeah, sohewantsmetomarryhim," Dan said quickly while he shut his eyes tightly, scared of what Peej would say next. Louise freaked out when he told her, what would PJ say?

"What?" Dan heard PJ say slowly. "He wants to what now?"

"It's not what you think. I mean, like, he doesn't like me like that." Dan shook his head. "Oh, god no."

"What could this possibly mean, Dan? Please tell me," PJ said.

At this point, PJ had already stopped eating his cereal and gave Dan his full attention. Dan didn't know why he even bothered with the cereal in the first place. He only took a maximum of four bites before speaking about the whole subject.

"Look, his parents are in town and I guess he sort of told them that he's married? But he's kind of not, so he wants me to be his pretend husband during the time his parents are over," Dan said in one big breath.

PJ stared at him and processed the new information. "Okay, first off, breathe. Secondly, why you?"

"I don't know!" Dan flailed his arms around.

"Maybe he has a sort of liking towards you," PJ suggested before turning back to his cereal.

"PJ, please." Dan gave him a look.

"What? You don't ever know." PJ held his hands up defensively.

Dan buried his face into his hands and let out a groan. "Not you too."

"What?" PJ asked confusingly.

"Uh - nothing." Dan sat up. "Anyway, I'm conflicted."

"How so? Please do tell, Dan," PJ said in a sarcastic tone.

Dan rolled his eyes again. "Well, it's just basically this deal that he made with me. If I pretend to be his husband for as long as his parents are there, he'll pay me."

PJ widened his eyes. "Woah, wait what? How much?"

"I don't know. He said however much I wanted. But that sounds good right?" Dan asked him.

PJ nodded.

"Well, there's always a catch. For one, I have to pretend to be someone's husband, for god's sake! Secondly, I have to live in his house that I am completely unfamiliar with while his parents are there and basically lie and act in front of them. Not only that, we probably have to fake dates or tell imaginary moments that we shared with his parents. Oh, and not to forget, we have to pretend that we had a beautiful wedding that has never existed. Do you see my problem here?"

"No, not really." Dan glared at PJ. "I'm kidding."

"What do you think I should do? You're smart, PJ!" Dan said exasperatedly.

"I may be smart, but I'm not that smart. And also, this has nothing to do with the levels of intellect. This is just a decision that'd be best for you," PJ said.

"Okay, and what do you think that decision is, Almighty PJ?" Dan asked sarcastically.

PJ rolled his eyes. "You like challenges, don't you? I say take this challenge on."

"But this would be extremely hard! This isn't even a challenge anymore, it's like a life changing thing. This is critical. I don't know if I can do this," Dan said.

"Sure you can. You'll just stay at his house for two weeks or so or however long his parents are staying and you can tackle this. You and Phil should discuss what you're going to say beforehand, it shouldn't be that hard. And don't kid yourself, you're a very good liar when you want to be," PJ said.

Dan stared at his friend across the table for a long moment. "You just want the flat to yourself, don't you?"

PJ scoffed. "What? No!"

"Yeah, you do! Why would you be so encouraging? You want Chris to be here while I'm gone and you don't have to worry about me and everything's just perfect for you for two weeks while I'm in hell trying to lie my way through Phil's parents' hearts. That's exactly what you want. Don't you lie to me," Dan said accusingly.

PJ threw his hands up defensively. "I was not thinking that. I honestly believe that you can do this and that it'd be good for you. You said you wanted to move out, right?" Dan nodded. "With the way the economy is now, flat prices will stay high, but you can possibly find a rather decent place when Phil pays you a bit extra money if you just take the deal."

Dan thought about it for a while. "You really think this would be a good opportunity for me?" He asked quietly.

"Of course, I wouldn't tell you that if it was wasting your time. You know I just want the best for you." PJ reached across the table and rested his hand on Dan's shoulder.

"But the final decision is always yours. Either way, I'll support you in every way possible. I'll encourage you to go up to your fullest potential," PJ said.

"Peej, you're making this very motivational and all, but I think that's just unnecessary," Dan said.

"I'm just trying to help. So what will you do?" PJ asked.

Dan stayed quiet for a few moments and really thought to himself. His brows scrunched up and PJ could tell that Dan was in deep thought.

"I think I'm... I think I'll do it," Dan finally said.

A/N: Hi hello again I see that you have read this lame cliche trash chapter and survived. Alrighty! Thanks for that! I probably will not post the next chapter by next week. I have a lot going on so it will take a while for me to get back on track. Thank you for reading this though and I really do appreciate all of the positive feedback that I've been getting 3 Please leave favorites and comments because that's what gets me going in life 3 Also, please check out my tumblr (humhowellelujah) and send me stuff yeah? Thank you!