I Put a Tack on Wilson's Chair
Author's Note: Dragged hither and yon constantly by crazy mortals gets tiring after a while. Of all the months I could have been banished here, why December?
"JC Penny's first," said Cap briskly. "Follow me, Loki." He, Clint, and Sam had decided that we needed to do some Christmas shopping.
"Why do I have to go shopping?" I humphed. "You guys aren't giving me presents, I shouldn't get you any."
"It's your duty as a resident," said Clint. "And besides, we're not just shopping for presents. You need some new outfits!"
I looked down at my shirt. It was a little last year.
"I suppose I could do with a few new outfits," I said, flipping my hair.
"Right," said Steve, looking up at the Apple Blossom Mall and putting his hands on his hips. "Like I said: JC Penny's."
We headed toward that crowded zoo of puny peasants but were stopped at the door by a skinny man in a santa suit. He was ringing a bell, which was annoying. He must have known about my bell mishap yesterday...
Steve stopped and dug into his pockets. He pulled out several dollars and dropped them in the man's bucket. Clint dug in his pockets. All he found was a folding arrow. He shrugged and dropped it in.
"Don't look at me," I said grumpily. "I don't have pockets."
"You definitely need some new clothes," Steve sighed.
This place that bears the name of JC Penny's is beyond description. It's full of pre-made clothes! Who ever heard of such a thing? I really wish I had my tailor with me.
"Not that," I said, sniffing, as Steve held up a polo shirt. "It's got stripes."
In the end, I didn't get anything from that store.
"You have to pick something, Loki," said Sam. "I have a meeting I got to be at by five."
"I think I should enroll Bucky in one of your classes," said Steve. "He probably has PTSD."
"You don't even know where Bucky is," said Clint the practical.
"What other clothing stores are there here?" asked Steve, stopping and looking at a map in the mall. "Charlotte Russe. That one sounds good. Let's go there."
So we headed there. But when we found it, we were rather shocked.
"Um..." said Clint. "You should have guessed, Steve, that a store called Charlotte Russe woudl be women's clothes."
"Well, I was thinking it was along the lines of Vera Wang," he protested. "They make great suits."
We backed away quickly and headed to the other end of the mall.
On the way, though, something caught my eye.
"Wilson," I said shrewdly. "No one has ever seen the Santa Claus before, have they?"
"No," said Sam absent-mindedly.
"I have been the first!" I said triumphantly, pointing to a very fat man that sat with a little boy on his lap.
"That's a fake Santa," said Steve.
"Do you want a picture with him?" Clint snorted.
"Yes," I said.
Clint may or may not have guffawed. If he did, it was disguised as a cough.
"Why not?" said Steve, shrugging. "He'll ask if you've been bad or good, so I hope you have a lie prepared."
I always have a lie prepared.
"What do you want for Christmas this year?" asked the fake Santa.
"Your heart with a sprig of holly through it," I said affably.
Santa looked taken aback.
"You are an impostor," I declared loudly. "Children, do not listen to this crazy old man and his claims to be Santa Claus!"
"Um, Loki, let's go," said Steve urgently, dragging me away. Apparently the mall security people were starting to show up.
"Hey, there are shirts in here," said Steve, pointing to a dark room that said Hot Topic in bold letters. I think he was really just trying to hide from security.
"What is this?" I said, holding up a black shirt with gold lettering. "'Always be Yourself. Unless you can be Loki. Then, always be Loki.' I like it."
"It costs twenty bucks, Loki," said Steve.
"So?" I said.
Steve sighed. "Well, if you like it..."
The Avengers are nicer than I thought.
We left Hot Topic, pulling Clint by his ear (he had gotten distracted by a Hawkeye bobblehead). Then we went to Journey to get some shoes.
"Converse are cool," said Clint.
"No, they're ugly," said Sam.
"At least they won't fall off," said Steve.
I thought they were cool, too, so I bought a fifty dollar pair of red high top Chuck Taylors.
"How about Hollister?" said Sam. "Are your pants leather?"
"What of it?" I said roughly.
"That is so eighties," he said, shrugging. "You should get some skinny jeans."
"Do they come in black?" I asked.
So I bought some jeans at Hollister's.
"Aeropostale has some nice plaid shirts," said Steve. "That's good ol' American style."
"I don't like Amer-"
I couldn't finish because Sam and Cint both slammed their hands over my mouth.
"He doesn't like it when people talk bad about America," Clint warned me.
So I bought a plaid shirt from Aeropostale.
"Are we done yet?" I asked boredly, dragging my bags along the floor as we left the shop.
"No," said Steve, glancing at his watch. "We have an hour left for you to buy us all Christmas presents, and buy lunch."
"Chick-Fil-A?" I said eagerly. Thor had taken me there once on a date with Jane when he couldn't get a babysitter for me.
"Chick-Fil-A discriminates against birds," said Clint. "Ooooh..."
He had gotten distracted again by Claire's.
"That's a girl store," said Sam. "A tween girl's store. What on earth, bird bro?"
"It's an earing," said Clint. "An arrow earing."
"For girls," Sam said again.
"It's got a cuff," said Clint.
"IT'S FOR GIRLS," said Sam.
"It's perfect," said Clint, and bought it.
"I hope that's a present for Tasha," said Sam.
"I don't know. I'm getting attached to it already."
Sam rolled his eyes.
"Loki," said Steve, "we're all parting ways to buy presents. You will behave yourself and not do anything bad, or you will be in huge trouble and have to spend Christmas in a cage."
"Okay," I said innocently. I knew exactly what I would be spending my time doing.
We met up again for lunch in the food part of the mall.
"I want Chick-Fil-A," I said, but no one listened.
"Pizza," said Steve.
"Ice cream," said Clint.
"Kabobs," said Sam.
"Cinnabuns," said Steve.
"Chinese," said Clint.
"Pretzels," said Sam.
"Is this like rock paper scissors?" I asked boredly.
"There's a new Avengers rule," said Steve.
"Who gets to make Avengers rules?" asked Sam.
"I do," said Steve. "Whenever we can't agree on what to eat, we go with pizza."
This was finally (though reluctantly) agreed on, and we ordered two large (Midgardians are so fat).
"OOOOW!" howled Sam, leaping from the chair he had just sat upon. "There's a tack- what kind of evil person would have-"
Slowly the three turned and looked at me. I whistled innocently.
"LOKI!"
"NOT AGAIN!"
"I'M THROWING AWAY THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT I GOT YOU!"
Author's Note: Why DID he get me a Christmas present in the first place?
the avengette- Okay, Lily says she's going to go stalk you on Pinterest now. XD And that game sounds fun! What exactly is it? An online game? And yes, Lily loooooves Captain America. *eyeroll* P/N: *pushes Loki aside* I LOVE CAP! TEAM CAP! HE'S MY HERO! HIGH FIVE FOR CAP FANS! A/N: See what I mean?
DeVilDahling- What is this "polyvore" that you speak of? P/N: It's complicated, Loki. Maybe I'll show you sometime. A/N: I think I like this idea, though...
Maniac at Midnight- O.o I hope the stress lessens... Tell your sister she is awesome. Anyone who likes me is awesome. And tell her I AM VERY REAL TOO.
aschi49- I am finally able to type your name without looking back at it fifty times to make sure I'm spelling it right. ^-^ And thanks for the blankets. The cell was cold as Jotunheim. D: But I'm out now, so it's all good. Nat actually brought me some soup, to my surprise, but SHE can't cook worth anything, either. I threw it at the guard. EHEHEHEHE That trick is nasty! But I heard of a worse one with Vaseline: put it on the toilet seat. IT'S SO EVIL. EHEHEHE
RussianAssassin- We'll see. Lily already has the story going, but she may add it just for you. :) AND BUCKY IS AWESOME. The more people tell me of this Russian villain, the more I like him. *Cap from the other room* HE'S NOT RUSSIAN *Me* WHAT? *Cap* HE'S AMERICAN. HE JUST WORKED FOR THE RUSSIANS *me* Same difference!
Elessar's Daughter- YES. Hear that, Lily? Yeah, she's really timid and hates even looking at people because she's afraid they'll see her. -_-
Guest- HEY! Jane Foster is really cute. I like her. And she slaps reaaaaally well. P/N: SHUT UP LOKI I SHIP YOU WITH DARCY! A/N: What is a "ship"? I mean, you don't really ship us, do you? I don't understand...
lotrfangirl16- Now I am REALLY confused... o.o
LadyOfAnfalas- I would if I could, but I am not able. It was Fury's cage. And my powers are lessened here. Ugh. But I am out now! Yay!
And thank you, Slythgurl12 for following the story! :)
See you tomorrow! Hope you're liking my adventures!