Somebody Snitched on Me
Author's Note: These mortals party all the time, I swear. How do they stand it? I get a headache just being around too many people for too long. But they have to have constant parties and such. Drives me mad.
There was to be a party at the Avengers complex, and far too many people had been invited.
"I had to invite Fury and Coulson, of course," said Pepper, writing names on a piece of paper. "And Hill, too. Then there's Jane, and Clint's family-"
"The kids can't stay up late, so only my wife will be coming," said Clint.
"Are you inviting Bruce?" asked Nat eagerly.
"Are you inviting Bucky?" asked Steve eagerly.
"I don't know either of their addresses at the moment, so no," said Pepper. "But out of courtesy I've invited your parents, Thor."
"Oh no," I said. I buried my head in my hands.
"But my mother is dead," said Thor.
"Well, technically, so was I," I said. Thor was silent.
"Odin won't come," I added thoughtfully. "Not after all the effort he put into getting me out of the way for the month."
"I suppose Selvig ought to come. And Darcy," said Pepper.
"Don't forget Peter Parker," said Tony.
"Tony! Last time he came, he left fingerprints on all my windows!"
"Are you sure you have to invite Fury? He's such a party pooper," said Rhodie. "Wasn't that exactly the reason you didn't invite him last time?"
"Well," said Pepper, shrugging, "Maria Hill is in Tony's employ now, and if we invite her, we sorta have to invite her hus-" She slapped her hand over her mouth. "Oh!"
"WHAT?" There were startled gasps around the room.
"Never mind," said Pepper quickly.
"Pepper," said the Vision , "that was a level 20 secret! How did you know?"
"For that matter, how did you?" said Pepper accusingly.
"I... um... hacked some stuff," said the Vision uncomfortably.
"Oooh," said Tony. "Let me download it!"
"FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS," said Pepper. "No one repeat this, or I will kill you."
Even I felt threatened.
"So that's who kicked him out..." muttered Steve.*
That evening was a rough one for me. Not a moment's peace, that was for sure.
"Come in, Jane," said Pepper, smiling brightly and ushering in that individual. "You're not going to participate in the ugly sweater contest?"
"Oh, I am," said Jane, "but I am certainly not going to put on this horrendously ugly sweater until I absolutely have to."
Selvig had no such concerns.
"Thor!" he said happily, running in and slapping him on the back. "Oh, gosh, I thought he was dead!" He added, seeing me, and looking horrified.
"Sorry to disappoint," I said, trying to sound sarcastic but ending up just sounding hurt.
"SHIELD protocols demand that hostiles be seated at least seven feet from each other," said Coulson to me. "You'll have to move."
"That's a rule?" I asked disbelievingly.
"Since this morning," said Coulson, sipping coffee from a mug with a Captain America shield on it. "I made it myself."
"What is all this?" asked Tony, gesturing to the pile of presents Darcy carried.
"Presents," she said. "Duh."
"Were we supposed to bring presents, Pepper?" asked Tony, panicking.
"Um, no," said Pepper.
"Oh, I thought there was going to be a White Elephant, like you had last year,**" said Darcy. "Oh, and I brought my intern."
"Hi," said Ian, waving- and dropping his pile of presents.
"We decided not to do a white elephant because of the less than satisfactory results of the last one," said Tony, glancing unhappily at Pepper***.
"Okay, well, what do I do with all these presents then?" asked Darcy.
"Hi," said Sharon Carter, walking in and pocketing her automatic.
"What were you doing with that?" asked Tony.
"Your guard wouldn't let us in," she said nonchalantly. Tony gulped. "Oh, I brought a friend," she added. "This is Lillian."
"So that's the girl with the lip piercing," said Sam to me. "Nat keeps matching Steve up with her."
Of course, I was not interested in such idle gossip.
I was too busy looking at one of the presents Darcy had brought. It looked suspiciously like a box of poptarts.
There was no doubt in my mind who it would be for. It's so annoying that Thor is so loud about his likes and dislikes. Whenever anyone thinks of Thor, they think of poptarts. Whenever anyone thinks about poptarts, they think of Thor. They never stop to think that perhaps I like poptarts, too.
"Loki is totally going to win the ugly sweater contest," said Darcy. "Where did you even get that sweater, Loki?"
I looked up from the box of poptarts. "Huh? What?"
"I asked where you got that ugly sweater."
"Ugly?" I frowned down at my sweater. It wasn't ugly! It just happened to be Grinch-green with a bilchsteim on the front.
I looked up again to retort that her face was ugly, but she was already talking to someone else, so I sulked. My gaze returned to the box of what must be poptarts. All I wanted was a little taste...
I created a quick illusion of me just sitting there serenely, and darted over to the present. Slowly I began to peel back the wrapping paper. It was poptarts! I knew it. Poptart boxes are a very distinctive size and shape.
Eagerly I ripped open the box-
POW!
There was a miniature explosion, and I was so surprised that I forgot to cast an illusion.
Everyone turned to look at me and the open poptart box on my lap.
Suddenly Darcy started laughing. "Ehehehe! That was a trick poptart box meant for Thor, Loki! Hahaha!"
I almost smiled. I think I like her.
"Loki, you unwrapped my present!" said Thor, who, although relieved that it hadn't actually happened to him, was really upset that there were no poptarts. "You little thief! I'm not getting you anything for Christmas!"
*This is all headcanon. SorryForPuttingAReallyCreepyHeadcanonInMyStory :3
**Go read White Elephant by rogue planet 13.
***I'm serious. Go read it. Part of the 2014 Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown. Which, by the way, you should be reading, along with the 2015 one! It's really good- For the first story, go to Pip the Dark Lord of All's profile page and it's a Star Trek story. :) You'll enjoy it even if you're not really familiar with Star Trek, though. If you want to know more about the FFCC (this is the second year we're doing it), I have a description on my profile page. It's definitely worth reading!
Author's Note: Lily, could you stop shamelessly advertising? P/N: NEVER
the avengette- Unfortunately I have not seen any of those films- but I HAVE seen all the Elf memes on Pinterest! ^-^ There are a lot of good gifs useful when you blog. Or so Lily tells me. P/N: THAT IS AWESOME. XD LOL A Christmas Bazaar sounds like fun! Last year we went to the Christmas Parade that is in our small town. It's really fun to watch, but I've never been to a bazaar. A/N: Spell Check is evil. I think he is like the evil second cousin of Jarvis. WHAT IT'S FREE LILY DOWNLOAD IT NOW RIGHT NOW I WANT IT
Maniac at Midnight- Ehehehe... *nervous laughter* I try. Have you noticed that most of this isn't actually pranking, it's just misunderstandings! Like, I wasn't TRYING to get Thor mad at me today...
aschi49- Oh no! Good luck with finals. Ed Sheeran is awesome, isn't he? Not quite my favourite singer, but I like him a lot. P/N: His favourite is Imagine Dragons, I think, because he really likes the song Demons. A/N: YOU'RE SPILLING ALL MY SECRETS
RussianAssassin- That is a wonderful name for a kitty. Have you seen the Lokitty memes running around?
Thanks rbavenger for following and favourite-ing! I'll be back! :)