CHAPTER 15 – I GUESS IT'S….

John purposely made sure he crossed paths with Carter every time. And for every one of those five times she couldn't pull the trigger. After the latest fiasco where he literally had to save her life, she relented and decided to hear all what he had to say since he was risking his life at her expense to get her to hear him out. And it's not like he was going to make her change her opinion about him. She was over him.

"Hey Finch, I'm taking the night off."

"Does that mean not to disturb you at all if anything comes up?"

"Only if its life and death that can't be avoided, if you don't get me right away just leave a message, I'm going for a long drive."

"Will do; have a good night Mr. Reese."

"See you tomorrow Finch."

Jocelyn was glad that Taylor was spending the night at a friend's. Then again maybe she should have accepted his offer to meet in the park, but she wanted to be on her turf and near her gun, somehow she would try and muster the courage to pull the trigger, she was having too many doubts about herself and her ability to follow through on her threats towards him especially.

She hated him, she loathed him, and he was trouble, a no good, lying, manipulating man,

The knock at her door startled her, another thing she hated, he didn't even have the decency to ring her doorbell or page her via the intercom after she had them repaired. She took several deep breaths to calm her already fraying nerves before opening the door.

He gave her the smallest of smiles before saying anything.

She stepped aside and invited him in; avoiding touching him even by accident. He stood near the door waiting for her to offer him a seat…

"Please sit,"

"Thank you,"

"I'd offer you a drink, but…"

"Its fine, I don't know I would accept that drink, you may try to poison me."

"Look no more talk, of me trying to kill you; you wanted to talk, to explain well the floor is yours."

After an hour of presumably picking information out of him, she grew tired. John Reese was more complicated than a freaking riddle. And also for the last twenty minutes she was valiantly fighting of her attraction to him, the man looked delicious in his black suit and very dark blue shirt opened at the neck, his cologne, after shave whatever he wore was driving her crazy, she could feel herself growing warm in the one area she shouldn't under his pertinent gaze.

"Would you like something to drink, I'm feeling rather thirsty."

"What are you offering?"

"I got vodka or cognac?"

"Cognac is fine thanks." He replied leaning back fully relaxed.

She got little on the way he received his information for the work he did. Should she tell him what she really knew? Should she tell him that she received a call from the CIA wanting to know why she was asking questions about a dead man?

"Joce I know I did a lot of horrible things, that was then, I was a different man, I was trained to do a job and they exploited me. Now I am working doing a lot more good, I finally feel like I am serving a purpose. I've always been about the job, I still am, but I- I had a taste of happiness and I want that back with you."

"I told you it wasn't real what we had then."

"It was to me and I know it was to you to."

"John- had you been honest with me from the start maybe."

"But I was for the most part of it; I just couldn't reveal my identity then."

"You have no idea what you and my sister have put me through."

"But what if I knew exactly what you went through."

"You can't know that." She sighed finishing her drink.

"Then look me in the eyes right now and tell me you don't feel anything for me, if you're honest about that- then I- I'll leave you for good, I'll stick to doing my job, and yes where probably going to cross paths but you'll be able to do your job without second guessing you decisions."

"If I'm honest, then I'll have to admit that I can't stop thinking about you, since the pier you have been on my mind and I can't find enough reasons to forget your eyes or that I feel something for you that I want you, to be next to you…" where the fuck did those words come from, why the fuck was she being honest, he wasn't to ever know, she had been refusing to acknowledge those feelings, they weren't real, he wasn't real, of course he was real, but her feelings were false and misplaced for an imposter.

"Then what's stopping us from getting what we both want?"

"I guess its Kefalonia."

"Then let me take you away some place different, and we'll make new memories."

"It's not that easy. Nor can I ever trust you again,"

"Okay. Thank you for sparing me some moments of your time, I'll try and not get in the way of your job, but I won't stop doing my job." John said with a smile that didn't even reach his eyes. "And hey if you're ever in trouble ask Lionel to get in touch with me."

"Lionel… as in detective Fusco…?"

"That's the one." He replied

"How do you know Lionel besides the airport incident?"

"I've known Lionel far longer than the airport incident… who do you think has been helping him with his work all this time, we're more or less after the same people good and bad, so I help him and he helps me."

"Exactly how long have you known Lionel?"

"Before he was transferred to NYPD,"

"That son of a bitch, he knew all this time?"

"What Lionel knows about what I do he can't talk about it, that's the way it works."

"So why throw him under the bus now?"

"I'm not… I was just trying to leave the door open for a working relationship if you ever want help and who knows maybe you can help me out to."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes, any time you need help just ask. I'll always be there for you… I just can't give you a way to contact me, like you said you don't trust me and because I'm always on the move, but Lionel will reach me.

Maybe it was her that kissed him first or maybe it was he that kissed her first either way, they were both locked in a heated battle of tongues and lips. Then he pulled away, Jocelyn felt a shiver cover her body as he kissed her softly on the cheek.

"I want you." He said in a soft low tone, as he gripped her waist and pulled her to him, hard. She could feel his erection that was practically burning through his soft black pants and she smiled knowing that she did that to him…"I've really missed you joce." He held her close to him and kissed the top of her head. "I've really missed us." At those words she looked up into his now soft blue eyes, it was the truth.

"I've missed us too John." She said with as much calmness even though she was practically going insane standing and waiting for him to take her, it could have been seconds but she decided to help him along. One hand slid down his chest and to the tent in his pants. His eyes fluttered shut as she massaged him through his pants, dammit he should have worn jeans.

"John, I want you now." she said breathlessly. Her body was still burning from his touch. The feeling of her body pressed into his brought back a tidal wave of memories that she fought hard to forget.

He gave her a familiar smile as he pushed her backwards into the wall. Before she could speak, his lips covered hers once more. This kiss was more intense than the last and she was almost dying from anticipation. She'd have him again. He was going to be hers for one more night.

He finally broke the kiss and still she was straining to regain her self-possession. His hands and tongue were all over her body as he stroked, kissed, licked and teased his favorite parts of her body. Wheezing-ly just as she caught her breath, he was on his knees throwing her right leg over his shoulder.

"Wait, stop…." Instead he smirked winking at her before he buried himself between her thighs. He teased her blowing softly on her moist center. Her body shuddered and she couldn't help it as she slammed her head back into the wall as he unexpectedly closed his mouth around her sensitive little nub. He'd only just begun and she felt like she was on the verge of an earth-shattering orgasm. She squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed a fist full of his not to short hair, as if that would have helped her regain control, it actually did the opposite.

Biting back on the tiny screams that wanted to be free of her, she let go of his head and grabbed onto the wall, as he took his time and sucked softly on her, the eagerness, yet gentleness with which he fed of her brought back memories of their first and second time, him still so gentle and methodical, knowingly memorizing each part of her body as if that would be his only taste. For a moment she worried that he was indulging in this dark pleasure as a last crowning, but she pushed that thought to the back of her mind.

If they had tonight, this final goodbye then it would be enough, maybe not for him, but for her, it had to be.

John licked, quaff, and lapped at her clit with a different Modus operand that had her shaking her head side to side finally getting her to cry out loudly as she moved against his tongue and fought the orgasm that was building up, so close now her body started to jounce and give in. She felt him smile against her satisfied with his conquest of her so quickly. She looked down through hooded eyes to meet his stare as he looked up from between her legs licking his lips.

She felt completely spent stuck to the wall and thankfully held up by his hold on her waist, but John wasn't done as he spread her legs farther apart and started to lick her slowly again, sweeping from the bottom to upwards on her pulsing center. She cursed some, and then tried to get him to stop by closing her legs, but he wouldn't have it as he firmly pushed and held them apart. He pressed his tongue flat against her, as he, licked up the length of her folds before curling his tongue around her clit as he sucked her in teasing the head softly, before gently sliding two fingers inside of her.

Her muscles clutched greedily at the intrusion, in reply he bit down on her head, and it was so pleasurable and torturous at the same time that she couldn't hold back her cries. Like a puppet she moved back and forth against John's fingers matching the rhythm of his tongue. When he bit down again he had to hold her hips down as she started to pull away from his wicked mouth. He had her now, now he was in control, and that's how he liked it.

He continued to beleaguer her sensitive head and she felt him smile broadly as she repeated his name over and over. Slipping a third finger inside her was enough as she cried out one last time… "John, wait…" before he gave her, her most powerful release yet. Her body shook from the orgasm that he elicited from her.

She wheezed out of breath, the feeling that her heart was going to discharge out of her chest because it was racing so hard and fast. Her hands and body continued to convulse as he lifted her at last and took her over to the sofa.

"That was_" she said opening her eyes to manage a smile down at him he had to know now. How could she have ever thought that letting him go was a good idea?

He kissed her softly on the lips before he started to nuzzle her neck, licking and biting the skin wherever he touched. She didn't want him to break the contact of his body over her so she wrapped her hands around his shoulder as he slowly grinded himself into her. Once more flashback of him hovering over her and making love to her like only he knew how. Frantic for that memory to be a reality she started to work at the buckle on his belt when he grabbed her hands and pinned them over my head.

"John, I need to feel you." she said desperately.

Unaware that he was still caught up in the moment as he continued to grind himself against her. She shuddered as his muffled words and deep voice reverberated through her skin, for a second she thought he wasn't going to give in to their shared desire and that thought became real as he reluctantly pulled away, breathing hard to look her up and down, head to hips.

"Joce…joooce, do you know how good you feel? How ambrosial you are?" He released her breast and cupped her face as he thrusted his tongue into her open, panting mouth forcing their tongues into a battle which saw her give in first with a long moan. Again, he pulled away and rested his forehead on hers this time. He was waiting for her to say something, but what? Finally she breathed out a shaky breath saying,

"Don't you want this John…? Don't you want me…?" her vulnerability and weakness written all over her face, he would be right to refuse her though, because she… but she didn't really care about the past anymore. She wanted John, right this moment and she'd do whatever it took.

"Joce," he whispered as he kissed her forehead then the tip of my nose before pulling away to smile at her. "Please don't cry… I- I just wanted us to have a new beginning, and as much as I'd love to give you what you desire right now, it isn't going to be enough for me, right now it's gotten so hard to hear that voice in here speaking to me," he pointed to his heart, "but I know what I'm feeling."

A week after their meeting, two CIA operatives showed up in New York, to speak with her. Agent Mark Snow gave her the creeps and his female partner Theresa Lisbane was to nice. Still their case file of John Camry, who she knew as john Reese was extensive and revealing.

Reading his file, she knew that he had barely scratched the surface on what or who he really was. Still a part of her had doubts; the man she saw parts of couldn't be this man in these pictures. She doubted that john would kill his partner. Two days later they left, but she wouldn't know that mark snow had eyes on her, watching her every move, listening to her phone conversations, everything.

John Reese had been keeping his distance from her, or he would have seen the guy following Carter and keeping watch on her,

~~ 1 month l8r

Exactly one month later and for the past couple weeks Detective Carter walked into the precinct like she did every day at 8am, coffee in hand and donuts for Fusco.

"Hey Carter seems like you in trouble?"

"What did I do now?"

"That agent who's been sniffing around your panties is back and nastier than ever."

"Who the infamous Snow creep…?'

"Yeah… talking to the captain, I tried to listen all I heard was that his partner Theresa was killed yesterday."

"You're not shitting me?"

"No and he knows who did it to,"

"Who…?"

"You're about to find out," he said as her captain called her into the office.

"Detective Carter you already know agent Snow."

"We've been acquainted, what are you doing back here agent?"

"My partner was killed yesterday, by a guy in a suit fitting the description you gave of a guy name John."

"How are you so sure it was that guy in a suit?"

"I know john's work, this was a professional, and he did it."

"And like I told you I don't know where this guy john is, I am going with the description that people have given, and a lot of guys fit that description."

"Would a lot of guys leave a message specifically for me to find?" he said handing her letter.

"Snow I warned you what would happen if you ever came after me. Too bad it had to be your partner. Next time I'll make sure it's you."

"My partner was killed in the same manner he killed his partner Stanton. Detective Carter, if you know where this dangerous man is hiding then you have to tell me, john's a very dangerous man, and unstable when he feels someone is a threat. We - I just want to bring john in, I want to help him, I know john and honestly I believe he has been innocent in the death of his partner, but we never got a chance to prove it, because he had a psychotic breakdown and disappeared up until now, when we really thought he was dead all this time."

"I'm sorry I really can't help you, I don't know where the guy is, and besides if I caught up to him first I wouldn't turn him over to you, I got my own cases against him."

"Detective, john Camry isn't an ordinary man, he's been trained at the highest level of defense, and he'd take out this entire department before anyone of you laid a finger on him."

"So in other words you're saying only a rat knows how to smell a rat?"

"I am john's friend, not his enemy, I want to help and I know you can help me help him."

"Look agent Snow, I'm sorry about your partner, but I don't know where your guy is." She said walking away and back to her desk.

John and Finch were in the middle of an intense game of chess, when his phone rang.

"Mr. Reese -aren't you going to get that?"

"It's probably just Fusco, he'll leave a message."

"However long you delay it, I'm still going to rook you knight."

"Good thing it's still my move, so I guess you're right, I'll go take this in the next room. Excuse me." He said before hitting the piece in his ear.

"Why look so troubled Mr. Reese?"

"Fusco just told me that Detective Carter wants to talk to me and it could have something to do with those CIA guys bothering her."

"Do you mean you old friend Snow is bothering her."

"He'd be the only one after me, what I don't get is how he knows that I may know Detective Carter?"

"Her nosing around in your past and asking questions is obvious.'

"Why didn't she mention that she had spoken to them before now?"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to meet her, see what she wants."

"Mr. Reese I don't like this one bit. You should just call her; I can't help but feel that something about this meeting isn't right."

"Finch, Detective Carter wouldn't sell me out to Snow, she has no reason to."

"You know how they think John, it's a setup, they are using her to get to you, they know she will try to speak to you, but it's a little too late for her to warn you now don't you think."

"Finch, I understand what you're saying, but I'm still going to meet her, it could be important or nothing at all."

"John, call me if something happens."

"Don't I- always Finch."

~~ MEETING

Reese got to the meeting spot well before Carter to scope out the place and to get a good view of where most likely Carter would appear. He remained invisible till she appeared alone and yet he didn't make himself known yet to her.

She looked at her watch; 7:02pm he was already late by a couple minutes and the temp was starting to drop even more. She rubbed her gloved hands together and stuffed them in her coat pockets then sat down.

Sure that she was alone, john stepped out from the shadows. "Were you followed Detective?"

"How long have you been here?"

"Long enough, did you want something?"

"No small talk huh?"

"I assume you wouldn't want to engage."

"Who's John Camry?"

"He's a former CIA operative, where'd you get that name from?"

"Agent Snow had a huge file on him."

"Everything isn't what it seems, Agent Snow will stop at nothing to get what he wants, what you think you know isn't real, it's all made up and you need to keep your distance from him."

"Then explain it to me,"

"Detective, you're threading on dangerous ground here, you have no idea what you've put yourself in."

"Then tell me, did you kill your partner?"

"I thought I did, it was a direct order, I was made to believe that she was a rogue agent, but last I checked she was alive and in hiding from Snow."

"Did you kill Theresa?"

"Agent Lisbane knew the kind of man Snow is, and snow obviously made it look like I did it, which has you convinced that I'm what he says I am."

Neither saw nor heard a thing as the first bullet hit him somewhere in the stomach.

"Well- well- well, if it isn't the rouge agent John?" Snow shouted as he moved in on them. "Spinning more stories john?"

"Snow, I should have known you'd set her up."

"Detective Carter, thank you for your cooperation, I'll see to it that you are properly rewarded." Snow said with a smirk.

John looked between Carter and Snow, she was working with him… she planned this.

Carter looked at John, she could see the pain and the betrayal etched in his eyes, staring coldly at her, and how could she convince him that she had nothing to do with Snow finding him.

John turned, but not before a few bullets missed him before one hit him in the leg. John continued to run as he bled out from each wound. He called Finch and said one word… 'HELP!" as he fled the scene. He entered a parking lot and hid behind one of the cars, but it couldn't be for long. He tied his belt over the wound on his leg and pressed his jacket to the wound on his side.

"John give, it up I'm taking you back," Snow shouted as he took off after john, with Carter now in tow. "Detective I can take it from here," he said

"Not happening, if anyone's going to catch him, it's going to be me."

"Detective you do not know John Camry, now that he knows that you sold him out, he will not hesitate to kill you."

"I didn't sell anyone out agent; you followed me without my knowing,"

John heard them and he knew that perhaps Carter was telling the truth. He had a full clip of twenty, he needed to be going Finch was coming and he had to be somewhere safe for him to pick him up. He spotted Carter first and then Snow, pelting of two quick shots behind him, that had him taking cover.

He moved quickly, painfully but quietly into the building not too far away, pelting two more wild shot in snow's direction to make his disappearance.

"Finch how long again…"

"I'm going as fast as I can Mr. Reese."

"Finch 80 is not fast enough; I only got 16 bullets left do I have to make them count?"

"I'll be there in fifteen; can you stay alive till then?"

"I'm losing blood but I think I can manage, I'm in the old salvation building, is there an exit that I can meet you at?"

Finch knew the building. "Yes, get to the east stairwell exit and down to the old electric room, there is a fire door, follow the stairs, they lead out to another exit, I'll meet you there."

"See you then Finch." John said moving as fast as he could. He stopped when he heard footsteps coming closer.

"John are, you down here?" Carter called "I'm alone john, I'm sorry I just want to help you."

"Where's Snow?"

"Searching the other rooms, top floor he didn't trust me to do a thorough search,"

"How'd you know I was in here?"

"I grew up here so I know this building and this is the best way to escape if you're caught in a trap."

"I need to get to the other exit door; Finch is coming to get me."

"Come on,' she said throwing one of his arms around her shoulder as she moved them to the first exit and down the winding stairs. When they got to the last door, they found it lock.

"Fucking hell, its lock?"

"Not to worry I can pick the lock, I just need two minutes, a belt and my pocket knife."

She took of her belt and gave it to him, he cut the leather of and kept the buckle, he straightens it best he could and forced both that and his knife into the lock."

"We could have shot the lock out?'

"And we'd alert Snow," he replied

She noted he was perspiring and looking paler and paler by the seconds.

"John you don't look to good."

"Got it,' he said as the lock gave way.

"Okay we just have three flights and you're outside, can you make it."

"It's just a graze Carter, sorry if I'm slowing you down but I'm fine."

No more was said between them, until they got out side in the nick of time as Finch pulled up, Finch threw open the door,

"Hurry Mr. Reese, get in," he said looking between her and john.

"Come with me Carter, Snow will kill you."

"I can't… and I'm sorry john, I truly am."

"I know you didn't mean to, that's why Snow is the best at what he does. He knows how to manipulate people into believing any lie just to get what he wants."

"I'm sorry john, go- just go," she said shoving him in the car they had a full minute head start to disappear from sight just as Snow and his shooter burst through the door.

"Where'd he go detective?"

"I don't know, I didn't get a look at the car."

"You let him get away?" Snow snarled in her face.

"I didn't let anybody get away; he was gone by the time I got out here, what did you want me to do run the car down?"

"That's what your over weight fat ass should have done."

She didn't think about it as she just knees him in the groin and decks him in the face, connecting with his right eye. "That's for verbally abusing and assaulting an officer, you're on my turf mother fucker." She said walking away, cradling her right hand.