CHAPTER 18 – FREE BUT CAGED

"When I was due to leave the CIA, to be with Jessica, I didn't know at the time that Mark and my partner were making it difficult for me to go. They knew if they ever hurt Jessica I'd hunt them all down. So for the latest mission, after I told her I would be away for a while, she didn't say much. I stayed away for five years being thrown in to mission after mission; I only called twice in five years. The second time was when she told me that she had found someone else, they were getting married and I grew to resent it, resent who I had become, I never once put her before my job and I knew I probably never would." John said, breathing out a shaky breath he didn't know he had been holding onto, he didn't look at her, but at the floor, the words not coming easily and they wouldn't, but he'd try to explain it best to her.

"In our line of work, we're bound to feel like that, but I know that you still liked being an agent after all its pretty much what you're left with after everything else." She turned to face him fully waiting for him to look at her but he was very lost in his memories. Memories that she wished didn't haunt him so.

"After she told me that I don't know when or why happened. I just woke up one morning and realized I didn't want to do it anymore. I had lost her, and I didn't feel like I was helping anyone although I knew I was in the grand contrivance of things, I was killing people just because they told me to and I later found out that a lot of those people were innocent, never committed a crime, but… " He covered his face, and then stood removing his jacket.

"So you left… Just like that… and mark didn't take the news to well?" she was surprised to say the least, she remembered the confusion she felt at reading his file, she should have known that there was a reason someone like John Camry left the CIA, pretended to be dead, so he wouldn't be found.

"Yes, just like that, despite all the perks they were offering me not to mention an increase in pay I said it wasn't what I wanted and nothing they offered me would get me to reconsider and I never looked back. Then a month later I faked my death," He moved over to her window.

"Honestly I don't regret leaving the CIA and John Camry it was a good move on my part, except for the part where I didn't kill Snow when I had the chance."

Jocelyn shuddered at the coldness in his words she moved to sit on the sofa; and he followed to, he was so close to her now that their shoulders touched.

"Why New York…?" she asked

"She was here and it seemed like a good idea, I figured that maybe her marriage wasn't so ideal after all," he shrugged, and that was the whole reason he decided to move here.

"Then one day I run into her at the airport. A couple weeks later we met at a hotel, I don't need to give details of what happened. We talked, she was going to end her marriage to be with me, 'ask me to wait for you… and I will' she said before we parted I did, then I bought a house near the beach for us… she always wanted a house near the beach and a dog a big dog she said. Six weeks later I got a voice mail from her, she needed my help-"

"Oh my god John… that's when you found out she had been killed?" her hand went to his shoulder.

John took her hand off his shoulder and rubbed it in his hand, rubbing a thumb over the smooth, soft skin reassuringly… "Found out she was killed the next day after calling me… she was killed because of me, he didn't want her to leave, he use to beat her a lot, had she told me something earlier I would have taken her away sooner, I would have killed him a lot sooner than when I did later.

"Why didn't you say- tell-?"

He looked down before he met her questioning gaze, "I didn't want you or anyone good that I met to ever know that man then even now I didn't want to sully you with my past, make you feel disgusted with me as you should be."

"No, that's nonsense," she replied, her hand touching his hair.

John kept his face emotionless at how easy telling her everything was. It's been a long time since he thought to open up to anyone, even more that it would be her and not Finch."

But with her it was so easy to just be when he was with her. Jocelyn Carter never expected anything from him; other than himself and the truth.

He allowed her to wrap her arms around his neck and wondered how he ever survived this long without this kind of physical contact, without someone like her. It was as if all those years of loneliness, that dark emptiness had poof away and he had been living after all along for her.

He forgot what he was going to say when he pulled back to look her in the face- eyes, his lips brushing the corner of her mouth lightly. Her eyes widening before she licked her lips nervously.

They both felt John arms tightening around her as they pulled each other into a sensual web. In john's pov, he knew she probably didn't know what she was doing to him but the more she licked her lips the more he wanted to get into her. He cradled her face in his strong hands.

Her eyes flash with the same need; they both hadn't felt in so long. He keened in, his breath fanning her lips, he was giving her the chance to pull away instead he felt her body shudder with sensual undulation that made her breast swell and harden. He knew she could definitely feel his arousal beneath her hands resting on his chest and shoulder he could stop it, but instead of dousing the fire because he knew they shouldn't be doing this it only aroused them further, still he moved into her, first inhaling, then licking her neck right on her throbbing pulse.

Her hand on his chest stopped him from covering her as she squeaked out …"What do you think your doing?" she asked him, noting one of his hand rested under the swell of her breast and that was just to close for comfort. She pulled her head back, further needing to breath in fresh air that wasn't polluted with his scent alone. She once more licked her lips and watch as his eyes, dark slits followed the movement of her tongue.

Finally he found words to say… "What does it look like I'm doing?" he asked answering her question with a question of his own. His smirk only served to darken his features. Closing the gap between them he kissed the left corner of her lips and then the right purposely avoiding them once she parted them. Feeling her surrender, he cupped her breast covering the painfully hard nipple causing her to hiss between her teeth.

"Tell me to leave," he said staring at her until she leaned up, her eyes closing. It was then he didn't stop himself any longer, he took her offered lips passionately. His eyes closing and with a low groan; he moved his other hand to tangle them in her hair.

She moaned just as low and deep in her throat as he parted her lips with his tongue before dueling with hers conquering her to claim the sweetness inside. He swirled his tongue around her own sharing in the victory, leaving her panting and breathless as she arched further into him and his touch her nipple digging into his palm and against his chest.

"Jo_" he husked before the shrilling noise of her phone stopped them.

"Leave it," he said still holding onto her

"I have to get it, I told Taylor to call me if he needed me."

He let her go then.

She leaned against the counter top, her heart yet to slow down, as she answered her phone on the fourth ring. Her back to him she touched her flush cheeks and couldn't believe what they almost did. She'd lost control so quickly and John was no better for pouring more fuel on her.

If it wasn't for the ringing of her phone, she would still be in his arms right now… naked and riding him… Of that she was sure. She pursed her lips and tried to focus her sole attention on what Taylor was saying.

~~ week l8r

John sat away from the crowd to the back where he had a good view of everyone entering and leaving the little hole in the wall for a bar. He nodded as the waitress placed his beer in front of him; he looked up when she hadn't moved away.

"I've paid at the bar, just keep them coming, I'll let you know when I've had enough," he said tipping the bottle to his mouth.

"I know, I'm just wondering when you're going to take me up on my offer?"

He cringed inward, but thankfully he knew how to school his emotions in check that they didn't show on his face… "Marcy, I'm flattered but you're just too young for me and besides I warned you about brooding guys like me, we're no good for you, I'm no good for anyone, just wait for the right guy… he'll come along soon enough." John said finishing the rest of his beer in two mouthfuls motioning for her to get him another.

~~9:20pm~~

Lionel walked the block to the bar where he met john sometimes to discuss a case or just for the hell of it. Tonight it was a bit of both. He was however running late, he had misplaced his phone somewhere at work. He pushed open the heavy metal door and scanned the room, moving towards the back where he spotted john.

He sat down and told Marcy to bring him two shots of JD and a beer of the tap.

He noted the sigh of relief john breathed after the girl had disappeared.

"Man when are you going to stop discriminating against age, the girl has it bad for you, who knows she might have what you want."

"Never, I know what I want unfortunately I can't have it. Did you make sure you weren't followed?" john asked changing the topic.

"Of course what do you think, we've been meeting here a while now I know damn well I have to cover my tracks."

"Can't be too careful Fusco,"

"Whatever, okay so that thing you asked me to look into, I did and it came back as a positive match."

"Great, I'll handle it from there; you can pick them up when I'm done."

"John, it won't be so easy, his father is the AG, and he'll have everyone's job, if any of us dear go near his kid, he'll make the evidence disappear."

"This is why I said I would deal with it, I know this and remember you are to keep Carter clear of this, she's still on probation and it would be a shame for you to lose her as a partner."

"I wouldn't admit it to the guys, but Carter's the best damn partner I've ever had, I'd trust her with my life, because I know she'd do the right thing,"

"Do you have a crush on her Fusco?"

"What…? No way, I mean she's a beautiful woman and all, but I like to wear the pants in my relationships thank you very much."

"You're right you wouldn't be able to handle a woman like Carter anyways."

"And I can say the same about you, to bad we'll never know."

~~ Earlier 2pm~~

Carter was angry a bit. Since john had walked out her place some eight days ago, he hasn't even called her once, though, she'd asked Fusco thrice to tell him call her. Finally she decided to take matters into her own hands, Fusco had gone to the toilet when his phone vibrated, she really intended to see if she could get a number for john, instead she saw a text with no number saying, "Meet… Usual… 9pm"

She was also willing to bet that it was john he was meeting tonight, so she'd have to follow him, since she was sure he'd refuse to take her willingly with him.

She turned the phone on silent and put it in her purse and left, returning just as he did to his desk.

"Carter you see my phone?"

"Didn't you have it with you?"

"No I left it on my desk. That's my damn personal phone; I'm expecting an important call."

"Doesn't Lee have all your work numbers to reach you at?"

"Not Lee, one of my CI's… help- me look for it."

"Hey guys which one of ya'll has Detective Fusco's phone, his girlfriend is suppose to call him, don't want him missing that call guys come on have a heart," the room of officers erupted into a loud boisterous noise.

"Real good Carter thanks so much for your help, see if I'll run to help you in a hurry."

"What … I had to ask,"

~~9:30pm~~

She had stood on the opposite side of the road watching the spot where Fusco had disappeared into ten minutes ago. She didn't want to be found out yet, she didn't want Lionel to see her if he wasn't meeting john, she still hadn't formulated a plan as to how to get in without being noticed.

She stayed in the shadows, watching as people went in and out; there was a fair amount of traffic going into the bar.

~ J&F~

"I'll be back," john said excusing himself to go to the men's.

~Carter~

She walked in behind a group of six, four women and two men, she quickly scanned the room, spotting Lionel; she took up a seat in a semi lit table facing his left side. It was then she saw him, he wasn't even wearing a suit, he had on a biker's jacket, jeans, and a fancy shirt, he didn't look out of place in a joint like this where there wasn't really a sense of dress code to adhere by. She watched him sit and pick up his beer, popping the cap before tipping it to his beautiful lips.

"Excuse me, but who are you?"

"I'm sorry, I'm waiting on a friend, do you mind?"

"So wait at the bar, this is my usual table, I'm also meeting a friend or two here." The man said taking his seat.

"I promise I'll leave if they come before my friend, it's just there are two guys who keep harassing me and I don't want to make a scene, so I was just trying to stay out of trouble."

"Oh well, then its fine, I know that most of the guys in here can be jerks when they start drinking and they see a beautiful lady, its fine darlin' can I get you a drink?"

"A beer would be nice thanks, not tap."

She looked at her watch, it was some minutes well after ten and Lionel seemed to be getting up to push off. She watched and waited for john to do the same, but he didn't instead he ordered another drink, that was his third beer since she sat watching. She watched a red head slide into the seat opposite him, she didn't know what she was saying, but john seemed amused he wasn't laughing but he had a smirk on his face.

They shook hands; it was she realized the woman slipping him a card or a piece of paper with her number. He put it in his top pocket and only then did she walk away. It was now or never for her were her thoughts as she moved towards him hoping to surprise him.

It took john a full couple of seconds to realize that another person was sitting in the seat opposite him, another woman, throwing her-self at him; clearly they didn't get the hint that he wasn't interested.

"I'm sure you saw me blow the last woman off, not interested." He said still not looking up at his latest table guest.

She reached a hand out placing it under his chin lifting it, slowly his eyes open in shock, and she smiled and said… "What about now, are you interested?"

"Joce_ why are you here, how did you find me?"

"I'm a detective John," she said as though that says it all.

"I know, but you wouldn't have found this on your own, so I am going to guess that you took Fusco's phone and you followed him here."

"Very good Watson," she chuckled and he smirked.

"Did you need something; I've been very busy why I haven't called?" He hoped his one tiny lie would sell her.

"I do but it can wait a few… so you come here often?"

John shrugged, "I'm certainly not a stranger." He said leaning back stretching out his legs, causing their legs to touch under the table and he had to suppress the urge to kiss her so very lightly painted kissable lips. He needed to diffuse things fast... "So what can I do for you or what is it that brings you to my neck of the woods might I add these woods isn't safe for a lady like you to be in at this hour?" he was far from drunk and far from tipsy, he was on high alert and he knew she wasn't here accidentally.

He shifted again and again their legs touched under the small table, dammit he cursed at his body's response to her, he was trying very hard to get his body under control from days ago and he had almost succeeded until he saw her and her perfect cleavage greeting him from the opening of her form fitting silk shirt, there was way to much cleavage showing for his piece of mind, he didn't want to think if she was wearing skirt or pants.

She'd let his words hang in the air and settle slowly, she tipped her unfinished beer to her lips finished she put it down, before she slowly ran her tongue over her lips, catching any drop that may have escaped unlike one of the guys and girls in here who used the back of their hands to wipe their mouths.

John gulped and dug his toes into his boots harder. If she was trying to seduce him, he thought then she was doing one hell of a job. His jeans were too tight now and he knew he would not be able to leave the table anytime soon not without giving a bar room full of people classified information on how exactly or more precisely the answer they needed on how to get John Reese to blow his cool. He only heard the end of what she said and asked her to repeat what she said.

"You asked what can you do for me or what brings me here to your neck of the woods and my answer is… you! You are what- brings me to this place at this probably dangerous time..."

John straightened, hitting his knee on the table and nearly choking on his drink, he cleared his throat… "You came all this way for me… engaged in the subterfuge of Fusco's phone gone missing… Why?"

She didn't think this far ahead, but she wouldn't lie, but should she divulge the whole truth and risk him running away or keeping away which she is sure is what he has been doing or should she tell him a little bit of the truth and blame it on her horniness? Jocelyn decided she would tell him enough to wet his appetite.

"Is that so hard to believe? I miss you, I thought we were friends, I just like having someone get into trouble just so they could get my attention," she told him, leaning forward, her eyes sparkling.

John tried to act like her words weren't affecting him but the more time she spoke of something that couldn't be; the more he started to wish for the unbelievable.

Jocelyn noticed the way his face showed no emotion and cursed silently. Did she go too far? She knew how quiet and dangerously aloof John could be when it came to matters of the heart, he didn't like to be seen as vulnerable. And she didn't realize until this moment how much she had change, in that respect because of him.

"Excuse me I need to go to the ladies," she quickly stood up, trying to tune out the loud thumping of her heart, she had just made a fool of herself. Once she was out of his sight she all but collapsed in an empty stall, she locked the door behind her just in case.

"What are you doing?" she hissed aloud to herself.

"Hello, are you alright in there?" someone asked.

"Yes- sorry on the phone," she replied hoping the person would take a hint. She waited a few, she heard the flush of the toilet, and then the tap and then the pull of the hand towel and finally the resound click of the toilet door shutting.

Real smooth Jocelyn, and it serves you right, sending the man a lot of mixed signals no you can't and it can't be, yet here you are putting your feelings out there on the line for him to step on just like you did him. And in the back of her mind a part of her knew John wouldn't do that not to her, he'd rather walk away with his tails between his legs, a gunshot to his leg. It was true the last thing John would ever do is hurt her intentionally but that didn't stop him from doing that.

She remembered his smile, every time he tempted her to make good on her promise of shooting him if he ever came around her again, when she tried to arrest him and when he covered her with his body to protect her that other time, how good he felt all those times against her and as a heat surge through her body she closed her eyes at the sweet aching pull in her loins.

This wasn't her, she had to be going insane, and she knew that wasn't true either. She hadn't even made an attempt to give any of the guys that had asked her out a chance, they wouldn't be worth it, they didn't have that air of danger and mystery about them, that ying to her yang, one man did and all of a sudden she couldn't get the thought of him making love to her out of her mind, speaking to her in a foreign tongue. All she wanted to do was pick up where they left off, in kef and in her apartment days ago.

She let out a long sigh then set her feet back on the floor, rubbing her hands nervously on her skirt clad legs. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture her husband, tried to remember how it felt being with him, she was young then but things changed. Now she was a woman with needs and wants, something she'd never quite understood in the beginning when she married. She would forever love James, but she needed and wanted something else and John Reese would give her both.

Her body started to hum with a new leash of energy at the memory of their last encounter; her pulse was racing a mile a minute just thinking about him and how his lips felt against her. Was she over thinking it, could it be that she only wanted him for sex? Beating away her sexual thoughts she scrubbed her face and blew into her palms covering her face, if it was sex she could get that anytime, it was something more and that is what she wanted most.

She exited the stall, washed her hands and splashed some cold water on her face, she dabbed at her face, looking at her reflection she smiled wistfully at her-self, so the saying was true, that it was too easy to get lost in what once was. She wasn't a widow anymore she was a grown woman, and john…? Well how well did she know the man that he is or has shown her? Her heart said very well and her head seemed to be in agreement.

Was their unquestionable chemistry enough to continue, to take a chance what about their kin-ship, moral compasses and their shared losses?

She shrugged again… she was doing that a lot of late, but she decided she would just go with the flow and if they ended up in bed together, it would be a win-win situation. She was not going to over think the three L factors. Detective Carter was going to sit this one out, squaring her shoulders she walked out, as Jocelyn, the woman, who knew what she wanted and it was John Reese.

John had never really met Jocelyn in a public private setting like this, but he knew from other experiences etiquette was required that he stand when a lady was about to sit, however he couldn't because of the fact that he was still very much aroused and even more so, watching her hips and legs move like she was on a runway, he couldn't tear his eyes away his eyes were absolutely glued to the way she moved, and how the skinny black fit skirt with a slit at the back hugged her, enhancing the beauty of her curvaceous form and long strong, fine legs that he's had the pleasure of feeling wrapped around him,

She ignored his open mouth look and sat down her eyes avoiding him as she got her pieces together. Deciding that she was going to seduce John left her feeling thrilled and frightened at the same time. She had never to before seduce anyone, and john had been the one to seduce her in Kef and even now, so she wasn't sure how to go about any of it.

"So how was the talk with your-self?" John asked bringing the bottle to his lips.

Jocelyn looked him in the eyes surprised, not disturbed or startled, that he knew exactly what she was doing. She reminded herself to go with the flow…

"You weren't supposed to know that," she offered him a smile because somehow he knew that little quirk about her. Suddenly it hit her, the both of them and everything seemed right it was exactly how it was supposed to be. She could be herself with him.

"I'll confess I may have over heard you once or twice." He replied with a smirk of his own, remember that one time in kef no it was twice, you were giving yourself a pep talk in the bathroom. That's how I know you and what you were doing.

Oh god she was mortified that he had heard her, and he hadn't said anything till now… "I forgot that," she answered honestly, her eyes shining brightly with something new. John shifted focusing his attention on the label of his beer, a little uncomfortable by what he saw in her eyes and yet touched. It was the liquor he knew making him see what he wanted, no; she didn't love him though he wished fervently she could in return.

Both sat caught up in their own memories of a time past, desire raking their bodies.

He thought about her soft kissable lips, and wonderful cleavage among other things. A sliver of heat made him bite his tongue at the painful throbbing in his loins

While she thought about his hands, and fingers curving around the bottle. Lord those beautiful hands of his that she craved to touch her above all others. A sliver of heat slid down her body to gather in the pit of her loins.

She wanted this man with a compulsion that was all too indubitable and she knew he felt the same way even if he was trying to hide it. Her feelings of earlier were gone, there was no need for her to be embarrassed or shy about it and she was sure that if she took him to the bathroom she'd get what she wanted.

Slowly taking his hands of his bottle, Jocelyn picked up his bottle and brought it to her lips, while under the table, her 4 inch heel clad foot moved up his jeans clad legs, to touch him there and a memory flashed into her head of their lower bodies and legs entwined together after each passion was depleted.

She didn't miss John's knee jerk reaction as he jumped to sit up straighter, hitting the table in sudden aloofness or, did something just run up his legs.

Suddenly his minds eyes was playing a movie of his lustful thoughts for her and all of them had her naked in various positions. John not one to back down from a challenge, reached under and grabbed the same leg, perched on the edge of his chair, he started to caress her leg, squeezing and then running nimble light fingers up and down going higher with each passing second, watching her try not to squirm as she tried to reclaim her foot back, he didn't know that she needed it to squeeze herself together.

Feeling his fingers push her skirt up, she bit her lips to keep from moaning. Not wanting to clue anyone into what was happenings under the table; she released her lips slowly, before licking them and then slowly lifts his beer bottle to her lips again.

John watched entranced as her lips closed over the opening, her eloquent tongue he was sure was lapping at the opening as she swallowed the cool liquid… he wasn't able to stifle his deep unexpected groan. When did his by the book Joce become such a minx? She leaned over the table and he leaned in to, obviously she was going to tell him off or some smart remark.

Carter the cop wasn't there, there was no pretense, and no game playing, this was role playing, seduction; this was the beginning of a burning inferno the likes of which neither had ever known.

"So John, are you interested now?" she husked her eyes burning with desire she was no longer trying to hold back, she had thrown the rule book out.

"Ask me in the morning… after I've worn us both out and you're drinking coffee sitting on the table with me having my own special brand of coffee."