Whatever You Do

Author's Note: I really shouldn't have bought the Avengers any Christmas presents. They don't deserve them, certainly. Well, maybe they do deserve the ones I'm getting them... hehehehe...

"Don't we have any arrow wrapping paper?" asked Clint, rifling through the stash Pepper had brought over. "These are all solid colours."

"Because that's what looks the nicest," said Pepper. "Just slap a bow on it and it looks gorgeous. Can you hand me the silver?"

"Scissors," said Nat.

"I'm saving them," I said, sitting on them. "In case of emergencies."

Natasha laughed. "You'd better hand them here- or do you not remember the last time you got tazed?"

It had been Darcy that time, but I remembered all too clearly. The only thing that kept me from murdering her was her claim that she had also tazed Thor. Now we're actually good friends.

"This is what I'm getting Tony," said Pepper in a very loud whisper. She held up some sort of a new computer game console. "They don't make games for it yet, but I'm sure he'll find a way to use it."

"He'll turn it into a robot," said Clint. "I'm getting him goldbirds."

"As in goldfish? Those actually exist?" said Nat, disbelieving.

"Don't tell, but I'm getting him a fondue pot," said Steve.

"A... fondue pot?" said Pepper.

"Yeah. Apparently that's what you're supposed to get for someone who has everything," said Steve, shrugging. "He'll probably let you borrow it."

"Did you ever tell him that story?" asked Sam.

"About Howard and Peggy?" said Steve. "No. I don't think he'd be that interested. Doesn't he have some sort of grudge against his dad?"

"Nat, cover your eyes," said Clint, dropping the arrow cuff earing he had bought at Claire's into a gift bag. "She's gonna love it," he said in an aside to me.

"What on earth do you give a robot?" asked Steve.

"The Vision? I have no idea," said Pepper, shrugging. "If he's a robot, he won't have hurt feelings if he doesn't get anything, right?"

"Um, I wouldn't count on it," said Clint. "Remember when Jarvis got mad at us for going out for ice cream without him?"

Pepper smirked.

"I'm giving Bucky this special magnet to imbed in his hand," said Steve excitedly. "That way he can grab the shield really easily and he'll be able to throw it almost as well as me!"

"Um, Steve," said Nat, "remember that he's still rogue, and if you give him that you're giving him access to your best weapon. Not to mention you don't even know where he is at the moment."

"Lalala," said Steve, and covered his ears. "Not listening."

"He's in denial," I explained.

"So what are you getting for the twins?" asked Pepper. "They're convenient because since they're twins you can get them both the same present."

"I didn't think of that," said Clint. "Man! Could've saved some money."

"I'm getting them shirts with my shield on them," said Cap.

"Oooh!" said Clint. "I hope you're getting me one too!"

"Well, I already know what we're getting from Coulson," said Pepper. "He always gives us the same thing every year."

"S.H.I.E.L.D. mugs," Steve nodded. "I've got a whole collection of them now."

"Maybe he'll branch out and give us mini Lola toy cars this year," said Clint, holding the tape dispenser between his teeth.

"I'm getting Fury some sunglasses, since he ditched the eyepatch," said Nat.

"Oh, I already replaced his eyepatch," said Pepper. They laughed.

"What are you getting for everyone?" said Steve, turning to me.

"What?" I said, startled. "Nothing. That is, it's a secret. Surprise. Of course!"

"Oh," said Steve suspiciously. "Of course."

"LOKI!" shouted Nat. "YOU'RE SMASHING THAT BOX!"

I looked down to see that I was indeed smashing the box I had been seated on. It happened to be a massive box of poptarts. For Thor, innevitably.

"Now I'll have to buy him something else," moaned Clint. "Loki, nothing for you for Christmas this year!"

Author's Note:

RussianAssassin- Oh no! Did I miss one of your reviews? D: Sorry! It was a mistake, I promise! Hehehehe, the funniest sight was when Bucky came stumbling in with a fridge dragging behind him. XD
Maniac at Midnight- *sniffs* Apology accepted. It's okay... apparently more people dislike me than I thought. :( P/N: He needs some dislikers in his life. He has too many fans for a homicidal maniac.
Guest- HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT OH MY GOODNESS HOW POSSIBLY WHAT OH NO YOU DIDNT- A/N: Sorry, Lily loves Obi-Wan to a ridiculous extent. He is definitely her favourite character, and almost mine. I think I like Darth Maul a little better now. Mace Windu would be lame, except that he's Samuel L. Jackson. Samuel L. Jackson is awesomely hilariously bad in those movies. "A Sith... lord?" XD I don't know- can't replicate the lame way he said that line in type.

Thanks again, guys. I'm sorry the chapters have been rather short recently. I think the next one will be longer...?