Hello everyone! I just wanted to drop a quick trigger warning here for depictions of depression, suicidal thoughts, and wartime violence. I'll include a summary at the end if you would like.
(-)
Korra tightened her grip on her rifle. Despite her conditioning to the cold from living in the Southern Water Tribe most of her life, her hands still felt frozen in the howling winds of winter. She made her way through the camp, her feet crunching in the light layer of snow on the ground. She paused at the edge to look over the side of the mountaintop on which they were stationed. The view was impeccable, and she wished she had been seeing this on better terms.
When she wasn't in a war. Rather, when she was with Asami.
She would love it up here.
Korra hesitated, her heart turning in her chest. It had been almost a year since she had heard from Asami. No letters. No messages. Nothing. And with the attacks that had happened on the border of the United Republic of Nations several months ago in the fall, she was more than worried; she was terrified.
Maybe she's just been busy. She's got a job and she's getting her advanced degree, you know.
Korra sighed and adjusted the hold on her rifle. She dropped her sight to the ground.
Yeah, maybe.
She wasn't convinced. In fact, she was the opposite; she was doubtful. She was afraid. Afraid that Asami had forgotten about her. Afraid that Asami had moved on.
Afraid that something happened that took her away.
Korra tightened her jaw and blinked her sight back up to the horizon. She couldn't see much other than landscape in the Fennu Mountains, but she knew where she was heading: Zaofu. They had received intel that Kuvira was stationed there, and this time, it was accurate. Kuvira wasn't spotted during the attacks on the Huashi District, based on the information passed to them by Squadron 656.
But they were struggling to keep the Earth Empire at bay. And this is what worried Korra.
They hadn't heard of the attack until several weeks after it had begun. For all that they knew, Republic City could have fallen to Kuvira by now.
And Korra wished she was there to protect Asami with every ounce of her being.
Her breath floated into her sight. She lowered her eyes once more.
That wouldn't explain the months she hadn't written beforehand, though.
That, too, was true. And Korra had spent many nights thinking about this as they made their way from Ba Sing Se to the mountains. And in those nights, she would go back and forth between her thoughts and speculations, eventually convincing herself that the letters were just taking a while to get to her. She was in the middle of nowhere, after all.
But this was merely a ploy, a trick her mind was trying to play on her to get her body the rest that it so desperately needed.
Her subconscious, though… her subconscious knew.
Korra was losing hope.
She put her hand to her chest, still unable to break the habit of reaching for the picture that was no longer there. It had been gone for months, and the hole that it left in her tore her apart just as Gankona had ripped the picture down the center to split them.
Korra lowered her rifle until her wrist was at her waist. She glanced over the mountain range once more. The ledge was right there. Just a hundred feet or so away. Maybe more. But it was close. It called to her, just as the howls of the elevated winds whispered songs and phrases of all sorts.
The little voice in her head kicked in. It murmured to her.
It would be easy, it hushed. It would be quick. You wouldn't have to be in this war anymore. And Asami wouldn't have to worry about you coming back. She could move on, if she hasn't already. She could – no would – find someone better, someone who was there with her, someone who wasn't so far away. And all of your pain would disappear.
The sensation grew stronger. It felt as though a cold hand was on her shoulder, squeezing it. A heaviness fell upon her chest. The shadow wrapped itself around her insides.
Just a few steps. A few steps away and 'poof'. This all ends, right here, right now.
It wouldn't be the first time that she felt the cold of this side of her. And she was convinced it wouldn't be the last. Ever since her incident with Gankona, things had gotten worse. She wasn't even sure how she survived that night, with her broken ribs and bruised body.
But this was a lie. She knew exactly how she survived.
"Asami," she whispered, tears threatening to breach her lids.
Kitsune and Tuzi had broken into the infirmary the night that Korra had nearly killed Gankona. They stole as many supplies as they could to take care of her. She awoke in a daze with gauze on her wounds and pain meds coursing through her veins via an IV. It was blurry, those first few hours.
Then she remembered the screaming. The Lieutenant Colonel had found out.
He had worked them hard ever since, forcing Korra to march with her wounds as they traveled through Ba Sing Se. She could hardly even stand, but she refused to surrender.
All because of one person.
But the days passed. The silence grew more painful. So did her injuries. She was put in the front lines again and again, forced to watch her comrades get gunned down by the Earth Empire in the pits. A man named Wenhe who had a wife and child at home. A woman, Sakana, who had taken her mother's place in the war due to her cancer. A kid who was probably no older than her shot in the head for standing just an inch too high.
And she was covered in their blood, all of which continued to stain her jacket as hers did from the fight with Gankona.
Korra glanced down at her uniform. It was dirty and riddled with rips. Mud was caked on some parts. Blood on the others. She used to care, used to try and scrub it out.
But she was running out of strength. Running out of will. Running out of herself.
She stared at the edge of the mountain once more. The voice filled her head.
It's not far. Just a little walk away. No one would notice. No one would care.
Part of her disputed this. Kitsune would care. So would Tuzi. They still did what they could to stay by her side, despite their hard riding from the Lieutenant Colonel as well.
But would Asami?
Listen to yourself, Korra, her own voice finally broke through. What are you saying? Of course Asami would care. She loves you.
She lowered her eyes.
Then why hasn't she written?
Korra's stomach growled for the umpteenth time that day. She ignored it. She knew she wouldn't be getting food any time soon. And even if she did, she doubted she would want to eat it.
She hadn't eaten in three days, after all.
You have to get yourself together. You can't die out here. Not like this.
Why? It wouldn't matter.
Of course it would. There are plenty of people who would miss you, Korra, Asami included.
One of her tears breached her lids and rolled down her dirty cheek. It fell onto her worn boot.
I've written her at least once a month, as often as I could. Maybe the letters never got to her.
Or maybe it wasn't enough.
Korra closed her eyes to this and clenched her fist. What if the dark voice was right? What if it wasn't enough?
They had been apart longer than they had been together. One semester when Asami was away in the Fire Nation studying abroad, and over a year and a half since Korra had been sent off to war, all out of the three-ish years since Korra first found the courage to talk to Asami Sato outside of the library on their college campus. Two and a quarter years. They had been apart for two and a quarter years.
Maybe it was too much. Maybe Asami couldn't handle it.
Maybe she didn't want to.
Korra had no time to think over the conversation that she had been having with herself for weeks. Before she knew it, she was moving.
But not towards the edge of the mountain. No. She was sprinting towards the camp, towards the explosion that had just penetrated her ears.
Korra ran as fast as she could. Echoing gunfire meandered to her. She ran even faster. It ached to do so. She rounded the corner and halted upon the sight of the burning convoys and tents before her.
Several United Forces members were along the frays, gunning down the Earth Empire soldiers that had ambushed them. Others were screaming in pain from the fresh burns and shrapnel injuries they suffered.
Some remained completely still, no longer with this world.
Korra sprang into action. She moved to the giant tents first. Most were empty – much to her relief – until she reached one of the women's tents in particular.
Kitsune's.
Korra cut the fabric open with her knife. Kitsune lay in a disoriented mess, bag blown open and head bleeding.
"Kitsune," Korra called to her, her forearm protecting her from the flames. She motioned to grab her when she was tackled to the ground.
Before she could register what was happening, her hands were up to stop a knife from stabbing her in the throat. She struggled against the Earth Empire soldier, both of their eyes spewing fire at the other. They wrestled, the blade inching closer and closer to Korra's skin.
The man leaned towards her, his teeth gritted in determination.
Korra used this to her advantage and headbutted the soldier as hard as she could. She took no time to recover from the recoil. Instead, she pushed the man off of her and crawled onto him, grabbing her rifle while he was stunned. She swung it once at his head and hit him square in the skull.
The force was enough to knock him out but not kill him.
Korra took this as a victory and moved on, realizing her time was running out. The giant tent was burning around her and the oxygen was getting thin. She slid her rifle to her back, thankful in that moment for the makeshift strap she had tied to it, and rushed over to Kitsune, shielding her face as she did so.
"Kitsune? Kitsune, can you hear me?"
There was no response.
Korra felt her neck for a pulse.
That's when she noticed Kitsune's jacket was open.
She must have been changing when the explosives went off.
Normally, Korra wouldn't think anything of this. But one thing in particular made her halt in her tracks, despite the fire and toxic fumes and screams and gunfire raging behind her.
An envelope stuck out of the pocket of Kitsune's jacket. And not just any envelope.
An envelope in familiar handwriting, addressed not to Kitsune, but to Korra.
Her head spun. Her ears rang. Her hand trembled to the parcel. Her fingers caressed the edges.
It wasn't until an explosion several feet from her went off that she snapped out of it, partially due to her being blown a few yards away.
Korra sat up and groaned, her core aching and her shoulder strained. She was sure she would have new bruises and cuts on her, but she didn't waste time thinking of them. She crawled over to Kitsune but stopped. She hesitated for another moment.
Then, she grabbed her.
Korra flung Kitsune over her shoulder. She staggered to her feet and snatched Kitsune's bag as well. She forced herself out of the torn tent fabric, ash and dust and smoke floating around her.
"Korra!"
She heard Tuzi call and ran in his direction.
A bullet whizzed by her ear.
Another grazed her thigh, forcing her into a minor limp.
She kept running until she reached the sheltered convoy. She struggled up into the armored truck and scrambled inside while the last of the Earth Empire soldiers closed in on them. Korra crawled to the back of the vehicle and leaned Kitsune against the wall. She plopped her bag beside her and rushed over to Tuzi, who was flat against the side of the truck as bullets riddled where he once stood.
"How the hell did they find us?"
"I don't know, Korra. But this is bad. We have to get out of here."
She nodded to Tuzi and lifted her rifle. She crept to a window nearby. Just as she was about to peek out, the gunfire stopped.
An eerie silence fell among them.
Neither of them knew what to do. No one really did. They all waited in anticipation of another attack. The seconds seemed like minutes.
When they heard the voice of the Lieutenant Colonel, they all moved at once. The trucks started. Soldiers soon filled them. They had no time to collect the dead; they had to get out of there before more of the living joined them.
Korra helped an injured soldier climb into the truck before slamming the tall door shut. She fastened the latch and leaned against the wall. The back of her head slammed against it and she sighed. She had no idea when her hands started shaking.
The jolt of movement made her unsteady, the jerk enough to slam her into the door. She bounced onto the floor of the truck with a painful groan.
"Korra, are you alright?" Tuzi crawled to her in a similar state.
"I'm fine," she brushed it off and pushed herself to her hands and knees. "You check on Ringu and make sure he's okay. I'll check on Kitsune." There was a bit of darkness in her tone at the last sentence.
It went undetected by Tuzi. He simply nodded and scuttled over to the injured soldier.
Korra approached Kitsune with a set jaw. She knelt down and steadied herself against the walls to the bumps of the moving truck. She felt for another pulse in Kitsune's neck.
Her fingers registered the beat of her heart.
She inspected her head wound. The bleeding had stopped.
Finally, she checked her breathing.
The puff of air against her fingers was evidence enough for her; Kitsune would live.
Korra almost sighed in relief.
Almost.
The sight of the letter in Kitsune's jacket stopped her. She pulled the envelope from Kitsune's pocket and inspected it in the low light.
'United Forces Outpost
1500 Ember Ave
Sea Coast County, Fire Nation
Squadron 727
Lieutenant Colonel Xinku
Attn: Korra'
Her fingers trembled around the edges. She flipped it over to the back
'Asami Sato
151 10th Street
University District, Republic City'
Korra was pretty sure she wasn't breathing. It was a letter. A letter to her. A letter to her from Asami.
From Asami.
She turned the envelope back over and glanced at the top right corner. The post mark was from several months ago.
But why does Kitsune have this?
Korra glanced to Kitsune's bag beside her with suspicion. She set the letter down and ripped the hole in Kitsune's bag open even more. Several envelopes spilled out, amongst other things like medical supplies, weapons, food, and a blanket. She tossed the half-full bag to the side and shoved the goods away until the parcels were uncovered. She scooped them up and flipped through them.
They all had the same address, the same Squadron, the same Lieutenant Colonel and the same attention: her.
But the dates were different. Some of them dated back just a few months. The oldest ones were all the way back to the spring, before their assault on Ba Sing Se.
Korra had no idea what to do. All she could do was shake. Asami had written her. She had written her many times. Over and over. And Korra never got them.
She had been losing hope. She had been slipping into darkness and insanity. She almost… she almost…
She couldn't even bring herself to think of it. She was giving up on Asami and thinking all these things that weren't even close to true.
Because of her.
She glared down at Kitsune, fire in her eyes. She almost saw red, almost wanted to kill Kitsune where she lay. She became very aware of the gun on her back, of the knife in its sheath in her boot, of the power of her own two hands that gripped the letters so tightly.
Her letters. Hers.
Why the hell does she have these? Why – why did she keep them from me?
Korra glanced over her shoulder at Tuzi. He was oblivious to her, too focused on tending to the injured soldier to notice her in the dark corner. Korra stared at Kitsune once more. Her eyes narrowed.
But she stopped herself.
Instead, she put the letters in her jacket pocket, the hole that had been sucking and tugging away at her where the picture of her and Asami once was somewhat full now. Balanced. She tossed everything back into Kitsune's bag and placed it beside her.
Then, Korra sat in the corner a few feet away from Kitsune. She rested her forearms on her knees and stared straight ahead, ignoring the blood coming out of her bullet wound. The shaking and bouncing of the truck wasn't going to faze her, either. Nothing was.
She sat. She gazed at the wall. She let her thoughts narrow down to an empty, anger-filled buzz.
And she waited.
(-)
Kitsune opened her eyes to a bright white light. She shielded them and groaned from the slight pain at the sight of it. She turned her head to one side until her pupils adjusted. When she turned her head to the other, she was met by a pair of oceans.
A smile crossed her face. "Korra? You're here." The grin grew for a moment as relief washed over her.
But it faded when she saw the severity in Korra's expression.
"Is – is everything okay?"
"No."
Kitsune forced herself into a sitting position and leaned against the back of the medical bed. She put a hand to her head and winced, her lids shut in the process.
"Did someone get hurt? Did something bad happen? All I – all I remember is getting ready for a nap when the explosion went off. I think I hit my head on the ground or something."
When she opened her eyes back up, she stared at the scenery around her.
"Where are we, Korra?"
"A United Forces outpost about half a day west of where we were. Squadron 412 liberated it. Their medics patched you up."
"Wow, I was out for that long?"
"Yeah."
The darkness in Korra's voice made her heart drop. She met Korra's fire-filled blues with concern.
"Korra, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong? You have the nerve to ask me what's wrong?"
She recoiled a bit. "I – I don't think I understand."
"Do you understand this?" Korra reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the most recent letter from Asami. It remained unopened. She tossed it onto the bed.
It fell at Kitsune's feet.
"Wha – what's this?"
"Don't fucking play dumb with me." Korra growled. "You know exactly what that fucking is."
Kitsune wouldn't touch it, because she knew Korra was right.
"Korra, I can explain. I've been meaning to give that to you, but with the Lieutenant Colonel riding our asses and keeping us apart and constantly having eyes on us, and all of the battling – I guess I just forgot."
"Oh, you forgot? You forgot? You just happened to have a letter from Asami knowing how much I missed her, and you just forgot to give it to me?"
"I'm sorry, Korra. I know I should have given it to you sooner, but I just got it a few days ago."
"A few days ago," Korra mocked. She rose to her feet and dug into her jacket pocket. She cleared the gap between them in a single stride and waved the envelopes. "Then what about these, huh? Did you get these a few days ago, too?" She slammed them down onto the first letter at Kitsune's feet. Then, her hands were lifting Kitsune by the collar. "Answer me."
Tears poured from her eyes. She withered under Korra's might and the fear in her heart. "I – I'm sorry, Korra. I'm so sorry."
"Why did you do this? Why did you keep this from me? You saw me crumble and falter, and you still kept this from me. Why, Kitsune, why?"
"Because I love you!"
Korra was taken aback, though her tone continued to hold its snarl. "You love me?"
She nodded and closed her eyes. "I love you, Korra." She lowered her head, hoping to find comfort from the woman in front of her.
Instead, Korra shoved her away.
Kitsune watched as Korra paced from one end of the bed and back. "Why would you think keeping letters from me would be a good thing?" She stopped and glared at her after her question. "Why would you horde them? What the fuck did you think would happen when I found out?"
"I – I didn't think you would find out. I didn't want to leave them behind in case someone found them or saw me with them because people were always watching, so I kept them in my bag –"
"But why?" Korra snapped at her. "Why keep them at all? Why keep them from me?"
"Because I wanted you to love me, not Asami!" Her sobbing worsened. "I love you, Korra. And I wanted you to love me, too. With Asami out of the picture, I thought that – that maybe you would fall in love with me instead. I don't know why I didn't just get rid of the letters. I didn't have a means to burn them, but I could have buried them or ripped them up or something. But I was always afraid that someone would see. And I just – I just wanted you to love me the way that I loved you."
Korra couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her ears started to ring. She sat in the chair across from Kitsune and held her head in her hands. Memories played before her, from the day she met Kitsune until now.
The signs were all there. Had she been so blind to see them?
That's when she remembered the bag in the truck, remembered that it was still half-full when she tossed it aside.
"Did you fucking keep my letters from Asami, too?"
All Kitsune could do was whisper "I'm sorry" amongst her sobs.
Korra closed her eyes, tears welling into them. Her heart was erratic in her chest as it dropped into the earth.
"Ever since you defended me from Gankona," Kitsune continued, hoping her words would ease the situation, "I – I thought that maybe you felt the same for me, too. So I started taking the letters from the post. I'm sorry, Korra. I'm so sorry."
"I – I trusted you," she growled, her fists full of her own hands. "I trusted you," she repeated with more darkness, her leaking eyes now burning holes into Kitsune's wet ones. "I trusted you and you did this to me?" She rose to her feet, anger taking over. Her fingers were now balled at her waist. "I defended you, protected you time and time again, and this is how you repay me?" She took a step forward. "You saw me crumble and I – I came to you for – for comfort…"
Korra paused, the blood draining from her face at the realization.
"That's what you wanted. That's what you wanted all along!" Korra snarled and shoved a glass off the side table near Kitsune.
It smashed onto the floor, spilling its contents on the concrete.
"That's what you fucking wanted all along," she yelled, ferocity in her being as she recalled all the words, all the tones that Kitsune had used. "You wanted me to think that Asami had forgotten about me." She paced to the wall, burying her fingers in her hair in frustration. "You wanted me to cry, you wanted me to fucking starve, you wanted me to lose my mind and lose my hope. You fucking wanted me to come crawling to you support and I fucking did, I believed every fucking word that came out of your fucking mouth."
Korra rested her forehead on the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I fucking believed you. I trusted you."
"I – I'm sorry, Korra. I – you can't control who you fall in love with."
"No, you can't." Korra turned to her, darkness in her being. "And I will never ever be in love with you. Ever."
Kitsune shattered even more. "Korra –"
"No. No, you don't get to fucking talk right now. Not after what you've done."
"If I had told you from the start, it wouldn't have mattered. You would always love Asami and you'd never return my love for you. What other choice did I have?"
"You could have acted like a fucking adult instead of a child. You could have just gotten over it instead of – instead of fucking –" Korra couldn't conjure words. Instead, she turned to the chair she had been sitting in for several hours, motionlessly glaring at Kitsune while she rested, and grabbed it. She threw it against the wall so hard that it smashed into pieces.
"Korra, I –"
"What did I fucking say!?" She turned back to Kitsune, flames and tears in her eyes. She pointed a furious finger at Kitsune. "You don't get to fucking talk." She took a step towards her. "And you know what, you're right. You can't control who you fall in love with. And I'm in love with Asami, not you. I will always be in love with Asami. And you – you can go fuck yourself for thinking otherwise."
Kitsune watched in fear and pain as Korra gathered the letters at her feet.
Once they were in Korra's jacket, she seized Kitsune by the collar and put her knife to Kitsune's throat in one swift motion.
They stared into each other's eyes, pain radiating from each pair.
"Fuck you, Kitsune."
Korra shoved her back into the wall and stepped away from the bed. She kept her back to her, her knife still in hand.
"The only reason I'm not fucking killing you where you sit is because you saved my ass back in Ba Sing Se. But just know this," she faced her again, the same amount of rage and hurt and darkness pouring from her oceans, "if I ever save your ass again on the battlefield, it will be because you're a fellow soldier, not because you're my friend."
Korra turned from her, feeling no remorse in her words or her tone. She made her way to the door to find Tuzi rushing in.
"Korra, I heard a crash are you al –"
She didn't wait for him to finish his sentence; she simply shoved him out of the way and continued down the corridor to her bunk.
He watched her until she was out of sight. When he heard the door slam shut, he winced. Then he turned to the sobbing behind him.
Tuzi had never seen Korra like that. It wasn't the same rage that he witnessed when Korra and Gankona fought. No, there was more pain in her, almost like brokenness stemmed from…
Betrayal.
He approached Kitsune's bed with a furrowed brow. "What the hell did you do?"
Kitsune simply sat with her head buried in her knees and sobbed.
(-)
Korra sat in the corner of her bed, curled up with her knees to her chest. Her head was against the wall. She didn't mind the cold against her cheek. Asami's letters were surrounding her, torn from their envelopes and stretched to their lengths. They grew shorter and shorter as time had gone on, shifting from topics of her day-to-day to how worried she was.
How sad.
How lonely.
A tear rolled down her cheek as she read the most recent one, her free hand buried in her hair.
'Dear Korra,
I hope everything is going well out in the Earth Empire. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I've missed you. I've missed you so much. I've been worried about it. It keeps me up at night. I wish I had heard from you.
I've called the sergeant a few times since my last letter to you. He's heard nothing either.
I'm not sure what could be going on. Are the letter carriers just not making it to you? Do you not have the supplies to write? Are you hurt? Are you –
I don't even want to think about it.
Republic City has been on high alert since the Earth Empire attacked the Huashi District. I've heard on the news that they've been getting closer to Republic City. It worries me. I've been thinking of leaving the City, but something always keeps me here. I just hope my instinct doesn't get me –
Anyway, I've been trying to spend some time with Bolin and Opal lately. I've noticed it's been good for me. Well, at least until the night we met up at the tea shop. That's when the first attack hit. They were showing clips of it that they had gotten from the military base. I saw the soldiers get shot and blown up and I couldn't help but think –
I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so daunting and needy. It's just been so long since I've heard from you. It's been over a year. I've written you so much, I –
I hope you're okay. I hope you're alive. Please, please be okay. Please write to me if you can. I've slipped some paper and a pen in this one, hopefully it gets through the post and they don't take it away. I know you said it's not always easy to find supplies.
I hope this letter gets to you and that you're alive and okay. I hope I get to see you again someday and not in a body – I hope you're alive, Korra.
Please be okay.
Love,
Asami'
Korra couldn't help the heaves that came from her chest. She brought the letter closer to her and buried her face in her knees.
"I'm so sorry, Asami," she whispered between breaths. "I never should have lost hope. I never should have given up. I'm sorry."
Determination set into her after the sobbing ceased. She straightened and wiped her tears away with the backs of her hands. When her lids separated, there was fire in her eyes.
She was going to survive, dammit, and nothing was going to stop her now.
Not Kitsune.
Not Gankona.
Not the Lieutenant Colonel.
Not even Kuvira.
Korra pushed herself to her feet. She gathered her letters and put them in her jacket pocket for safe keeping – in the same pocket where the picture of her and Asami once was. She took the pen and blank paper Asami had sent her in the other, not daring to chance someone taking it from her. She swung her door open with gusto and made her way to the women's latrine.
She glanced at herself in the mirror, dirt covering the faint scars on her face. Korra twisted the tap on and washed all the dirt and blood away. She scrubbed her uniform the best she could. Some of the stains came out. Others would remain for life.
She ran a comb through her hair and tied it back into her wolf tail for the first time in what felt like months. She thought of her parents then and faltered a bit; she hadn't written them at all. In fact, she didn't even tell them that she was going to the frontlines, just that communication was going to be limited while she was on tour. For all she knew, they thought she was patrolling around the Fire Nation, safe and sound.
Korra contemplated writing them. She had an extra sheet from Asami and she managed to find some envelopes lying around the outpost before joining Kitsune in the infirmary.
But she decided against it.
It's better if they don't know, she concluded. They would just worry about me and feel shitty that they couldn't help me, that I was in this mess.
She glanced in the mirror once more.
But what am I going to tell them when I go home?
If you go home. You have a ways to go before you can start thinking about that.
Korra lowered her sight to the sink and stared at the water that flowed from the spout. It was then that she knew what she had to do.
She straightened her uniform and adjusted her rifle. From there, she barreled out of the bathroom to get some fucking food and write some fucking letters.
(-)
Korra was lacing her worn boots when there was a knock on her door.
"Come in," she murmured, bringing her attention to the other leg.
The door creaked open just enough for someone to slide inside. The latch clicked shut, gathering Korra's attention.
She glanced up at her guest and wished it had been someone else, almost anyone else. She returned to lacing her boot. "What do you want," she grumbled.
"I – I know it's been a few months since we've talked," she started, timid in her voice and stature, "and we're about to enter a big battle. We're taking on Zaofu, and I don't know if we'll live or die."
Korra pulled her knife from its sheath and started sharpening it with her hand stone. "And?"
"And, well, I wanted to give you something."
She stopped sharpening and glanced up at Kitsune.
There was a wrinkled piece of paper outstretched in her fingers.
Korra took it. "What is –"
She couldn't get the question out from the lump that formed in her throat. Her expression morphed from anger to absolute shock.
There, in her fingers, was the picture she thought she had lost almost a year ago when Gankona had ripped it down the center.
But it was no longer torn apart. Her and Asami were no longer separated. They were together again, albeit by a very thin amount of tape. But there they were, there she was, and Korra couldn't help but gawk at Asami's beauty. It had been too long since she'd seen her face, and it wasn't that she had forgotten about the red of her ruby lips or the purple shade that made her peridots pop. No, she could never forget about that.
To see the picture, the beauty of Asami Sato, the memories that this image invoked before her again… it overwhelmed her.
"Why – why are you giving me this? I thought you hated me." She met Kitsune's eyes.
"I don't hate you, Korra." She joined her on the edge of Korra's bed and glanced down at her hands. "I don't think I ever could."
Korra looked away and stared at the picture in her grip.
"I know it's not the best tape job, but it took me months to find tape to fix it."
"But why fix it at all?"
"Because you were right. About everything. We can't help who we fall in love with. You love Asami. You always will. And I was an immature asshole about it. I threw away the letters you wanted to send Asami in a fit of rage after I healed in the infirmary, but I held onto this picture. I don't know why. Maybe it fueled my motives, of splitting you two up. But – but then I realized… that's fucked up. It's so fucked up. I fucked up. And I knew I had to make it right."
She paused to take a breath, struggling to control her tears for the umpteenth time since this incident occurred several months ago.
"I'm sorry, Korra. I'm sorry about everything. I hope someday you can forgive me, but if you don't, then I understand. I just – I just wanted to give this to you while I still had a chance. I don't know how this battle is going to end and I know you're – you're going to be in the thick of it all more than most. I thought it was really brave of you to volunteer to lead the assault and I wish I had your courage." She paused a moment to gather herself. "We've chased Kuvira down to this point, but we're outnumbered, outgunned, out everything. And I don't know if we'll live or not. I thought that, maybe – maybe this would help."
Kitsune rose to her feet and made her way to the door, wiping her eyes as she did so.
"Kitsune," Korra called.
She halted and faced her.
"Thank-you."
Kitsune smiled. "Good luck out there."
She nodded. "You, too."
Kitsune turned to leave but stopped at the doorframe. "Korra?"
Korra looked up from the picture.
"You two are cute together." Kitsune blushed just a bit. "Make sure you live. For her."
She bobbed her head with determination and fire in her eyes. "I plan on it."
"Good." Kitsune grinned and left, a heavy weight off of her chest. She knew Korra would never forgive her for what she had done. What she had done was shitty and selfish and terrible. And Korra didn't deserve that. She deserved someone better.
Someone like Asami.
She glanced back over her shoulder. She could see Korra staring at the picture through the crack of the door.
Korra traced over Asami's face.
"Just one more battle, Asami, and this could all be over," she whispered. "If we capture Kuvira, it's all over. I just have to live through this. Then I can come back to you. Come back home. We can be safe again. We can be together. We can be happy."
Kitsune's expression softened.
Be good to her, Asami. She deserves it.
Kitsune left Korra to ruminate so that she could prepare for the battle to come; it would be their biggest yet, and it would determine the fate of the entire war.
(-)
Korra is staring out over the landscape of the Fennu Mountains on the edge of their camp. Their unit is on their way to Zaofu with accurate intel that Kuvria is stationed there. Korra thinks about the past few months and how Kitsune and Tuzi saved her back in Ba Sing Se after her fight with Gankona. She thinks about Asami and worries about her; she knows that the Earth Empire is advancing on the United Republic of Nations and she doesn't know how far they've gotten to Republic City. Plus, she hasn't heard from Asami in months. No letters, no messages, nothing. She's worried that this is taking too much of a toll on Asami; they've been apart longer than they've been together since they became friends. Korra's sadness starts to overwhelm her. She's been declining for weeks, especially after the hard riding she's been getting from her Lieutenant Colonel. Worse, she's been losing hope. Her darker thoughts kick in and try to convince her to leave, but an explosion nearby in the camp steals her attention away. She rushes to the area to find many of the tents on fire and United Forces soldiers repelling the Earth Empire ambush. Korra starts rushing into the tents to find survivors. She finds Kitsune blacked out from a head injury in her tent, her jacket open as Kitsune was in the middle of changing. She goes to rescue her when an Earth Empire soldier tackles her to the ground. They struggle in a rolling skirmish but Korra fends him off. She knocks him out and rushes over to Kitsune. That's when she notices a letter in Kitsune's jacket, a letter that was /not/ addressed to Kitsune at all. It was a letter for /Korra/. Korra is caught off guard. Another explosion goes off and blows her to the ground. She recovers and crawls over to Kitsune. After come contemplation, she grabs Kitsune and Kitsune's bag and heads to safety. Tuzi calls her over to an armored truck and she finds shelter there. The United Forces fend off the Earth Empire attack and the convoy leaves as soon as possible. Korra checks on Kitsune's wounds while Tuzi is on the opposite side of the truck, tending to another injured soldier. Korra removes the letter from Kitsune's jacket and finds that it was, indeed, a letter to her from Asami. She rips the hole in Kitsune's bag open and several other letters spill out, all to her from Asami. She sits in the corner next to Kitsune and simply waits for her to wake up in her anger. Kitsune awakens in an infirmary about half a day's way west of where they were when she was last awake. Korra is sitting beside her in a bout of silent rage. When she asks what's wrong, Korra reveals that she knows about Kitsune taking the letters from her and slams them onto the bed. She wants answers. Kitsune breaks down and tells her that she's been hording the letters since Korra defended her from Gankona. She reveals that she's in love with Korra and hoped that, if she made it look like Asami didn't care about her, that Korra would fall in love with her instead. Korra explodes. She wants to know if Kitsune was keeping her letters from Asami, too, and why she kept them in the first place. Kitsune just says that she's sorry and explains that she didn't destroy them because she didn't want anyone to see her with them. She blames her actions on 'you can't control who you fall in love with' and Korra makes it very well known that she will /never/ be in love with Kitsune. She almost threatens to kill her, but stops herself, claiming that the only reason she isn't doing so is because Kitsune saved her in Ba Sing Se. She ends the friendship and storms off, leaving Tuzi, who had just joined them after hearing a smash (from Korra's rage), to wonder what it was that Kitsune did. Korra reads over the letters from Asami and cries as they shift from day-to-day talk to short letters about how worried Asami was about her after not hearing from her for so long. After her crying calms, Korra is more determined than ever to make it out of the war. She cleans herself up and, in the process, thinks of her parents and how they don't even know she's there. She considers writing to them and storms off to get food for the first time in days. Time fast-forwards several months. They are about to storm Zaofu with Korra volunteering to lead the assault (after no one else wanted to). Kitsune asks to see her after not speaking with her for months. She gives Korra the picture of her and Asami, which she managed to tape back together. She admits that she threw Korra's letters out in a fit of rage but kept the picture to fuel her motives until she realized how horrible she had been in the first place. She gives the picture to Korra and remarks on her bravery, hoping to better the situation between them. She apologizes to Korra and states that she isn't sure if they'll make it out of the battle, so she wanted to give this to Korra while she had the chance. Korra thanks her and glances at the picture, determined to survive.