This one is really long and, um, very sad. No violence or anything like that. Sorta. Well, okay, triggers for depression, alcohol, and depictions of wartime violencey stuff. I'll include a summary at the end.
(-)
Hey Asami! You're coming tonight, right?
Asami glanced at her phone with a mixed expression.
_ _ _ I don't know, Bolin.
Oh come on, pleeeeease Asami? Opal has been looking forward to seeing you. She hasn't seen you in so long and she's been so worried about her family in Zaofu. I think spending some time with her would really help.
Asami frowned. She was no stranger to the emotional pain that came with losing a loved one – especially a parent – and with Kuvira occupying Zaofu and the United Forces heading there for battle, from what she's heard from the sergeant, it was no wonder Opal was so worried. Her entire family was there while she was finishing her degree in Republic City. And in the sparse times that she did share company with Bolin, Opal, and Mako after the six months between the attacks on the Huashi District in the beginning of fall until now, it was almost all Opal had thought about. She had gotten a message from her mother, though, before Kuvira cut them off, telling her to stay in Republic City and stay safe.
And so she did, because she knew she wasn't a soldier and there was no way she would be able to take on the Earth Empire on her own.
So her hope, too, was now on the dwindling United Forces coming through in the end of the war, whenever the hell that may be.
Reports were limited, of course, due to lack of information flow and outright secrecy; the United Forces wanted as much of an upper hand as possible. So in return for the information, Asami pledged to the sergeant to keep it a secret, though this didn't stop her from assuring Opal in private about the situation – that the United Forces would win the battle and free her family.
But in her heart, she had her doubts. She was a numbers person, being the engineer that she was, and the odds were not in the United Forces' favor.
Though they never seemed to be, she added.
Yet, they still managed to get this far.
Asami sighed, her heart turning in her chest.
_ _ _Do you really think a costume party is going to help, Bolin?
Maybe. Maybe it won't. I don't know. But I've got to try something. I love her, Asami. It hurts to see her this upset every day.
She flinched to what she read. She understood the feeling too well. Memories flowed back to her of the last party she went to. It had been with Korra and it ended with her unconscious and Korra bloodied from a fight that she wasn't even aware of. She remembered waking up and seeing Korra at the foot of the bed, bruised and crusty and distant. Korra was in pain, but it wasn't just physical. Asami knew in that moment that she wanted to comfort the love of her life with all of her heart. She, too, didn't want to see Korra so upset.
Then Korra had broken the news to her and she understood; Asami had been drugged and Korra had fucked the guy up who dared to do it.
_ _ _ I don't know, Bolin. I don't really do parties anymore. Not after last time.
I can understand that. But this one is different, Asami. It's all people I know and I know that they would never, ever do that to someone. Plus, we'll be keeping an eye on things, I promise.
Asami hesitated. There was an odd feeling in her gut that she wanted with all of her heart to trust.
But of all people, Opal had been there for her the most in her time of need to comfort her, when she was heartbroken and wrecked over Korra being away, over Korra being silent, over Korra potentially being dead.
Not that anything had changed. She hadn't heard a single word from Korra since the fall after her breakdown in the tea shop. And as much as she didn't want to admit it, she… she was losing hope. She didn't want to, by all means, but the dark side of her was taking over, the voice that kept whispering to her as she tossed in her bed. It told stories about Korra's corpse decaying in a puddle of mud somewhere in the Earth Kingdom.
Lost.
Forgotten.
Dead.
_ _ _ Fine, I'll come. But only to support Opal.
It was the least she could do. She didn't want to see Opal slip the way she was, to fall into her sadness, into a depression and loneliness that she couldn't seem to control.
The fact of the matter was that things were getting worse for Asami, and she had reverted back to burying and ignoring the situation to protect herself. As bad as the habit was, and as often as she tried to go against it, she was losing willpower and strength. She was losing this fight with her demons, her doubts, with the emptiness she felt during the cold nights of winter when even Naga would ignore her for such thoughts.
Her dreams were becoming darker, but not in the sense of content. Instead, she would simply dream of blackness, of emptiness, and awake feeling like she hadn't slept a single minute. She would fall asleep in an empty bed and wake up in just as empty of one, if not moreso.
What concerned her the most, though, was not the darkening circles under her eyes or her weakening appetite.
It was the roses, the roses she had struggled to care for. They seemed to be wilting, despite how much she watered them, fertilized them, kept them warm, and tended to them with all of the tricks and tips that her mother had taught her when they gardened together in her youth.
None but one remained in good health, and this one, for reasons that absolutely baffled her, was alive and strong – twice the size of the others.
Awesome! Thank-you so much, Asami. I really hope this puts a smile on her face. I know seeing you there will. And don't forget, you have to wear a costume!
Asami frowned. Where the hell was she supposed to find a costume in March?
_ _ _ Am I allowed to come as an engineer?
No.
Asami frowned again.
_ _ _ Fine, fine, I'll find something else.
Great, I'll see you in a few hours! Bring your appetite.
Easier said than done, Asami thought as she tossed her phone on her couch.
She moseyed over to her bedroom and searched her closet for something that could be passed as a costume. The box in the back corner caught her eye. Asami kneeled down and caressed the cardboard. She knew exactly what was inside; it was Korra's clothes that she was forced to leave behind when she was shipped away. Asami had gathered all of her belongings and stored them in the closed crevices of her apartment, considering Korra was effectively kicked out of hers by the landlord after going to war.
Asami almost considered opening it. She wondered if the clothes still smelled like Korra. But she decided against it; she knew if she opened that box now, she would be opening everything she had been holding inside these past few months and she would never make it to Opal's party.
She pushed herself to her feet and ran her hands over the hangers in her closet. She stumbled upon the red dress she wore when she first hosted Korra for dinner after she returned from her semester abroad in the Fire Nation. Asami held it up and examined it in the light. It was pretty, but it wasn't quite a costume.
She tossed it on her bed anyway and continued rifling. She stumbled across her helmet and goggles and a thought came to her mind.
She could be a racecar driver.
But even this made her think of Korra, for the only reason she had this in her apartment in the first place and not at her father's estate was from her trip to the racetrack with Korra during one of their first dates.
And of course, that box popped up in the corner of her eye again, for she knew Korra's helmet was inside, too.
Asami sighed and let her helmet and goggles fall to the floor. Soon, she joined them, and buried her head in her knees.
Why does it hurt so much?
Because you miss Korra. Because you love her.
Sometimes I wish I didn't.
The thought sent chills down her spine. How could she possibly think such a thing? Korra was the first friend she had made in college after years of quiet loneliness hidden by overbooked semesters to hide the pain she felt from the loss of her mother.
But now, Korra was taken away from her, and it had been a year and a half since she heard anything from her. Not a single word or report about her whereabouts and whether she was alive or dead or safe or in danger.
As much as she tried to rid herself of the horrid thoughts, she couldn't help but believe that Korra was, indeed, dead.
"What is the probability that a low-level trained soldier would survive on the front lines with this kind of war and battling happening?"
The notion continued to pop up in her head ever since Mako had spoken the words in that tea shop.
Unfortunately for her, Asami was a numbers person, and she knew that this probability was decreasing with each report she heard on the news or from the sergeant, when he actually had information.
This and the silence, the lack of response from her letters, made it harder and harder for her to hold on.
She wrapped her arms around herself and held her elbows, wishing someone was there to hold her instead.
To help her stay together.
To give her strength.
She thought of her breakdown in the rain outside of the tea shop, of Mako's arms keeping her close.
And it felt good, as much as she didn't want to say it. She felt less alone then. Less distant. Less cold.
She felt loved and comforted.
She felt safe.
Asami leaned against the back wall of her closet, letting herself get enveloped by the surrounding clothes. It was a poor replicate for the comfort she felt with Mako or with Korra or with Bolin or Opal.
It was then that she knew she had to go to the party. She couldn't keep cutting herself off from everyone. It wasn't helping. It was only making things worse.
She needed her friends. She needed their support. She needed to risk being vulnerable, just a bit, just as she had with Korra when they first met and went to the Gardens.
And her friends needed her.
Or, at least, Opal did.
Asami rubbed her arms and got herself together. She could do this. She could be strong. She had been strong for so long, even when she felt desolate and weak.
Her and Opal could lean on each other, with hugs from Mako and Bolin to keep them together.
She smiled to this. It would be nice to be with them, to see them laughing and grinning at what was likely to be a bad joke from Bolin.
Maybe she would laugh, too.
Asami clung to this little ray of hope for a piece of happiness in the dullness that she felt for her situation. Even if this didn't improve things overall, it would at least be a distraction for her to feel temporarily at ease.
And at this point, temporary was more than enough for her.
She pushed herself up with a new wave of energy that washed over her. She glanced at the red dress once more and decided to wear it. While it wasn't quite a costume, it was the best thing she had, and dammit, it had been too long since she wore a dress to something that wasn't work related. By the Spirits, she was going to wear one tonight.
Asami stripped her clothes and caught herself in the mirror. She played with her hair, unsure of just when or how it had started to get so long and wavy. She adjusted her bra and pulled on her cheeks, noting the circles under her eyes. Perhaps this party would tire herself out enough for her to get a good night's sleep.
But how could she possibly dance when Korra could be dead?
The thought forced her to halt and stare at herself in the mirror. She inched closer, noting the brokenness that even she could see in her peridots.
Maybe you should move on.
Asami almost punched the mirror to the dark thought that crossed her head.
Who the fuck do you think you are? Her internal voice was screaming. I love Korra. And until I know for sure what happened to her, I will never give up on her.
You haven't heard from her in over a year.
That doesn't mean she's dead.
That's true. But it could mean that she's moved on. What if she met someone else?
Korra – Korra would never do that. I just know she wouldn't.
Just as much as you know that she's alive?
"Fuck you," she snarled. "Fuck you!" She shoved her mirror off of her wall. It shattered into pieces beside her. "Fuck. You."
Naga came barreling in with curiosity and concern in her eyes. She walked over to Asami, sniffing.
Asami knelt down and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Hey, girl. I'm – I'm sorry if I scared you." She sat on the floor and rubbed her eyes. "I just… things have been hard."
Naga joined her side and whimpered.
Asami glanced at her. Her expression softened. "I guess you would understand too, huh, girl?"
Naga mewled and lowered herself to the ground.
"You miss Korra, too."
She barked, as if that weren't an obvious thing to know about her.
Asami lifted her eyes back to the box in her closet.
Of course.
"Come here, Naga. I've got something for you."
Asami pushed herself to her feet and walked over to the closet.
Naga followed, her tail wagging in excitement. Once she caught a sniff of the box, she started barking excitedly.
Asami smiled and kneeled down. "I can't believe I never thought to give you something of Korra's to snuggle with. I guess keeping my door shut all the time made me –"
She almost said 'forget about Korra' but she stopped herself. She had forgotten about the box, she concluded, not the person.
Or perhaps convinced was the word she was looking for.
Asami shook her head and pried the cardboard open.
There sat most of Korra's wardrobe, folded neatly just as Asami had left it. She felt her heart tug and her stomach turn.
Would this be the last she would ever have of Korra?
Asami didn't want to think about it. She fought the tears that welled into her eyes and grabbed the article of clothing on the top. She handed the shirt to Naga. "Does this smell like her?"
Naga barked and ripped it from Asami's grip. She pranced around with it in excitement, covering the ache in her heart of having just the cloth and not the person.
Asami was in much of the same state, though she couldn't help the smile on her face as she watched Naga run around. It had been the first time she had seen Naga so energetic in months.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, she giggled.
"It's all yours, Naga. Don't tear this one up, though, like you did with Mako's jacket."
Naga halted at the name and growled. When she realized she had Korra's shirt in her mouth, she forgot her anger and frolicked around once more.
Asami smiled and pulled one of the articles from the box as well. It was a small pelt that Korra would sometimes wear around her waist when it was cold out and lend to Asami as they walked, knowing that her girlfriend was always colder than she was. Asami smirked and held it to her nose. It really did smell like Korra. She glanced up at the roses at that moment and she could have sworn the last rose to remain looked greener than before, and the ones that were wilted almost perked up beside it.
I must really be getting delusional from all this lack of sleep.
She yawned and held the fur to her chest. She sealed the box up as Naga plopped in the corner near the nightstand that held the picture of Korra and Asami. Asami crawled to her feet and laid the pelt on her bed. She glanced down at Naga, who was nose deep in the shirt, and scratched her ear.
"The shirt is for you, the pelt is for me. Deal?"
Naga barked and continued sniffing the fabric.
Asami's expression softened. The broken mirror on her floor caught her attention. She sighed and picked the glass pieces up, careful not to cut herself.
You're getting Korra's temper, aren't you?
Her heartstring pulled. She took a breath to gather her strength.
Get it together, Asami.
She nodded and grabbed the dress from her bed. She slipped into it and zipped it up, the piece fitting around her with ease.
"How do I look, Naga?"
Naga looked up at her with an ear raised.
Asami rotated once or twice. Something didn't feel right about her wearing this dress, despite Naga's barking affirmation.
What is missing?
You know what's missing.
She sighed and smoothed her palms over the fabric. It was true. She knew exactly what was missing: Korra, in a blue suit, bringing her flowers and drinking wine with her, sharing a meal with her and fucking her in this very dress.
Maybe I shouldn't wear it, she thought to herself, the memory of Korra's touch on her skin and her neck and between her legs making her flush. It had been too long since she'd felt such pleasure, by Korra's hand or her own. She ran her fingers through her hair and took another breath.
It's going to be okay. Besides, this is for Opal. You're doing this for Opal.
Asami nodded in determination. She grabbed her phone and keys and shooed Naga out of her bedroom.
"I'll be back in a little while, Naga. You be good, okay?"
Naga barked and continued sniffing Korra's shirt after settling on her bed in the living room.
She slipped on a pair of heels, tidied her makeup and hair, and dashed out the door, her nose in her cell phone to tell Bolin that she was on her way.
(-)
"Asami! I'm so glad you came!" Bolin wrapped his almost-bare arms around Asami. "Wait, what are you supposed to be?"
"I should ask you the same thing," Asami poked at him. She had no clue who Bolin was trying to impersonate with his open fur vest, short blue trousers, and blue boots and forearm covers that, for some reason, reminded her of Korra.
She hid the pang in her heart at the thought.
"I'm Nuktuk, of course!" He exclaimed, his arms wide open as if to show himself off.
Asami raised a brow. "Nuktuk?"
"Yeah! You know, from that new movie that came out. 'The Adventures of Nuktuk: Hero of the South'." He flexed as he broadcasted the name of the movie.
Asami chuckled. "I haven't seen that movie yet."
"Then you won't understand my costume, either."
Opal attracted their attention as she joined the pair by the door. She also wore blue forearm bands and a fur lined blue top and bottom, though her top was tied closed instead of open like Bolin's. Her hair is what stood out the most, as it was red instead of her normal black color.
"I'm Ginger, Nuktuk's girlfriend."
Asami smiled behind her hand. "How did you get your hair that color?"
"Spray paint!" Bolin cheered.
"Sorry I'm late," a voice behind her interrupted.
Though it was more the hand on her bare shoulder that got her attention.
Asami turned around to find a smiling Mako.
"Hey, Asami. It's good to see you. You, uh – look nice."
Asami looked away with a smile on her face. "Oh, thank-you. It's just something I picked up when I studied abroad in the Fire Nation." She paused a moment, realizing that Mako was simply in his blue-gray police uniform. "Wait a minute," she pouted, narrowing her eyes at Mako, "how come you got to be a cop but I couldn't be an engineer?"
"It was the only way we could get him to come," Bolin replied. "Besides, you never told me what you are, Asami." Bolin grabbed her attention once more, giving his brother a look before Asami turned to him.
She shrugged. "I don't know, a princess? It was the most costume-y thing I had in my closet."
"Works for me!" Bolin grabbed her hand. "Come on, let's go join the party."
Before she could protest, she was being pulled to the dance floor. Opal joined them while Mako watched from the sidelines, as dancing just wasn't really his thing.
Asami could feel the thrum of the music in her chest, but something just wasn't right. Part of her wanted to dance, but she found that the part that couldn't prevented her from doing so. The happiness faded from her face. She caught up to Bolin and Opal, who were dancing around each other, and called to them.
"I think I'm going to use the restroom."
Bolin nodded and went back to his routine with Opal.
Asami meandered out of the small crowd and slipped into the bathroom. She shut the door and leaned against it, unsure of what was ailing her.
But she knew. She knew exactly what was wrong.
She folded her arms across her chest and sighed.
Korra would love something like this.
Asami drew a breath. She wasn't about to break down. Not here. Not now. She pushed herself off of the door and glanced at herself in the mirror.
Come on, you can do this.
She put on her best face and returned to the party, though this time, she went to the sidelines instead of on the dance floor. Asami couldn't help but smile as she watched Opal laugh with Bolin. The party had been working just as Bolin planned, even if it was just temporary.
If only it would work for her.
"Hey, I brought you a drink." Mako approached her and held out a cup. "You looked thirsty."
Asami hesitated as she stared at the silver cup. It wasn't that she thought Mako would ever drug her; she knew he was a better person than that. He was a law abiding cop through and through and too noble to ever play such a dirty game. If anything, it was the memory of the last time something like this had happened that forced her to halt.
Mako frowned. "Is everything okay?"
Asami nodded. She took it cautiously. "What's in it?"
He shrugged. "'A bunch of juice' is what Bolin told me."
Asami sniffed it, not caring how weird she looked while doing so. She swirled it around to see if there was anything on the bottom.
"Do you not like juice?"
"No, no, I do. I just…" Asami really didn't want to get into what happened the last time she went to a party. She pushed the memory away and swallowed her carefulness. "Cheers?" She held her cup up, hoping her ploy would work.
Mako smiled and held his cup up to hers. "Cheers."
Asami took a sip and found the 'bunch of juice' to be quite delicious.
It wasn't until she finished her third that she realized there was alcohol in it. Strong alcohol.
"Are you okay, Asami?" Mako wobbled closer and bent over, trying to look into Asami's eyes.
"I need to sit down."
Mako nodded and guided her to the couch nearby. He helped her sit the best he could, his own head a bit swirly from the concoction. He, too, had no idea that Bolin had put alcohol in the punch.
Neither did Opal from the looks of it as she plopped right down next to Asami.
"I'm getting too tired to dance, and it seems like the party is dying down." She glanced around and realized it was only the three of them in the room. The music was cut off, and Bolin was singing some mashed mangle of words in the kitchen down the hall. Opal turned back to Asami. "Even though you didn't really dance, I'm glad you're here, Asami." She grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "It means a lot to me that you showed up. I've missed seeing you and talking to you. How have you been lately?"
Asami blinked several times and dropped her sight to the floor, the alcohol in her head breaking down her inhibition and amplifying her emotions. It had been two years since she had consumed any sort of alcoholic drink, ever since the last party she had been to with Korra. Even at the galas her father hosted or the holiday gatherings for her work, she had refused the wines and settled on water. Her tolerance was shot, and she could feel it.
Thoughts of Korra crawled into her mind. The emptiness returned, and it gripped her like never before.
"I miss Korra," she murmured, fighting the sensation to cry. She had to be strong, for Opal.
"I miss her, too. I know I don't know her as well, but she seemed pretty cool."
Asami smiled and nodded, the statement ringing true.
They all jumped when they heard a crash from the kitchen.
Opal shot up with a worried face. "Bolin?" She called to him and sprinted away when she heard him groan.
Asami almost wanted to follow her, but just the flinch on the couch made her head swirl. She had no idea what Bolin put in that juice but it was hitting her hard. She rubbed her eyes and took a breath, knowing firsthand that standing in this instance probably wasn't the best idea.
"Are you okay, Asami?"
She nodded. "I'm fine. Just tired." She murmured back her usual excuse in an instant.
"Are you sure? Because you're crying."
"What?" She pulled her hands away to find them wet and stained with her makeup.
"Why are you – why are you crying, Asami?"
A finger wiped her tears away.
"I – I – I miss Korra. I miss her so much." She began, letting everything out as she seemed to be doing time and time again after holding it in for too long. "I still haven't heard anything from her. It's been a year and a half and I still don't know if she's dead or alive or where she is or what's happening to her. And it's driving me insane. I can't eat. I can't sleep. And sometimes I just wish she didn't have such a hold on me. I haven't seen her in almost two years and she's still the center of my life. Why am I this broken? Why am I so – so weak? Why won't she just write back to me?"
Asami covered her face and sobbed, all control lost.
A pair of arms wrapped around her and rubbed her back. A gentle voice whispered to her, but it wasn't the voice she was expecting.
In fact, it was enough to make her eyes jolt open.
There she was, right in front of her swaying eyes.
Korra.
Asami blinked again but the image didn't change.
It was simply Korra. In the flesh. A soft expression on her face. Concern and love in her eyes. Her torso covered in the grayish uniform that she remembered when Korra was shipped away.
Asami was in awe. Her heart jumped in her chest. A smile sprawled across her face. She was absolutely speechless as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She closed her eyes as Korra moved in closer knowing exactly what was about to happen.
She moaned the moment their lips touched. The sensation was to die for.
She wrapped her fingers into Korra's hair. It was just as she remembered.
She moaned again when Korra's hand trailed down her back while the other squeezed her shoulder.
She had missed this. Missed Korra's touch. Missed her intoxicating scent. Missed her.
Asami was on her back before she knew it, the couch soft and comfortable. She wrapped her legs around Korra's waist and moaned once more as their lips touched.
Again.
And again.
And again.
She felt loved. She felt safe. She felt warm all over. She felt whole again.
It wasn't until a louder, much closer smash rang in her ears did she snap out of the wonderful feelings of Korra touching her body.
Her heart dropped when it was followed with a mighty yell from Bolin.
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
When Asami opened her eyes – in actuality this time – her heart and stomach plummeted into the earth. She saw the red smear of her lipstick on the pair of lips across from her, but it wasn't Korra's lips, as she was expecting.
No. It was Mako's.
Bolin ripped Mako off of Asami and held him against the wall. "Mako, I fucking told you time and time again, Asami is offlimits!" He spun around from his disoriented brother to face Asami. "And Asami! You have a girlfriend, a girlfriend who has spent the last two years at war against her will. Or did you forget about her out there, risking her life, doing everything she can to come back home to you? What the hell were you thinking?"
It was then that Asami had realized what she had done.
She had kissed Mako.
Not only that, but she had made out with him, let him crawl over her body, enjoyed the sensations he had given her.
All because she had thought he was Korra in her drunken haze.
Her chest constricted. She couldn't find breath.
All she could do was cry.
"What – what have I done?" She hyperventilated. "What have I done?!"
Opal wrapped her arms around her in an attempt to soothe her.
"Asami, Asami look at me. It's going to be alright. Asami?"
That was when Opal smelled the alcohol on Asami's breath.
"Bolin, she had the punch."
His face was in shock. "What? I told Li not to give her any drink that wasn't water. Who gave her the punch?"
"I did," Mako mentioned, still a bit weary over everything that was happening. "Was – was I not – supposed to?"
Bolin turned to him, anger in his face. "No. No you weren't. Asami isn't supposed to have any alcohol!"
"Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?!" He barked back.
"Because I fucking told you to stay the fuck away from her, that's how." Bolin rubbed his face and gritted his teeth. "Fucking hell, this is a mess. We were supposed to be keeping an eye on everything. I just had to fall off that stool with all of the plates, didn't I?"
Asami's sobbing interrupted them. "I – I – I want – want to – to go – home." Asami choked out in her hysterics.
"Shh, shh, okay, Asami. We'll get you home."
Asami pulled away. "No." She growled. "No, I'm going – going home on my – own." She tried to stand but ended up falling over.
Opal caught her and lowered her to the ground.
Bolin rushed to her side.
"Did you drive, Asami?"
She nodded as she fished for her keys from her purse. Once they were in her hand, Opal ripped them away.
"There's no way in hell I'm letting you drive home like this. You're too drunk."
Asami reached for them, but Bolin held her back.
Then he snatched the keys from Opal.
"If you think I'm letting you drive, Opal, you're crazy."
She glared at him. "Fine. I'll walk Asami home. You – you keep him," she growled and pointed at Mako, "contained before he does any more damage."
Bolin nodded and turned to Mako, who was motioning to come over and help Asami. He stood up and put himself between Asami and his brother. "Oh no, you better back up Mako. Just because you're a cop and my brother, don't think I won't knock you the fuck out right now." He shoved Mako back against the wall. "I fucking told you, Asami is off limits. But do you fucking listen? No. You don't. I can't believe –"
Opal leaned down and tried to look into Asami's weeping eyes. "Come on," she whispered, "I'm taking you home. You – you don't need to see this."
Asami buried her face into Opal's shoulder and cried.
"What have I done?"
(-)
She stumbled up the steps to her apartment, leaning heavily on Opal for support. Asami hadn't realized just how drunk she was. Nor did she stop crying.
"Do you have a spare key to your apartment, Asami?"
She nodded and staggered over to one of the bricks on the edge of her porch. She tugged at it until it hurled out to the ground. It smashed into pieces on the cement. Asami grabbed the key in the crevice and handed it to Opal.
Opal took it and unlocked the door to a barking Naga.
It was then that she noticed something sticking out of Asami's mailbox.
She grabbed it on her way and helped Asami to the couch.
Naga bounced around them in excitement until she caught Mako's scent on Asami's dress.
Her barks turned to deep growls. She bared her teeth at Asami and snarled, crouched down to the ground as if she were ready to pounce.
This didn't go unnoticed by Asami.
"I'm sorry, Naga. I'm so sorry. I – I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."
Naga barked loudly at her and continued grumbling. She wanted Asami gone and out of her sight. She snarled at her again and even tried to lunge at her.
"Naga, no!" Opal pushed her away before she could sink her teeth into Asami's dress. She grabbed Naga's collar and dragged her to the bathroom, all the while Naga bayed viciously and struggled against Opal so she could get Asami. Opal slammed the door shut and winced to Naga's mixture of painful cries and angry barks.
"Even Naga knows. I fucked up, Opal. I fucked up so bad." Asami curled into herself and clutched one of her couch pillows to her face. "How – how could I do that? How could I do that – to Korra?"
"You made a mistake, Asami. It's going to be okay."
Asami sniveled and fought for breath. "I – I thought it was her. I thought Mako was – I thought I saw Korra. I should have known. I should have fucking known. I – I hate myself. I fucking hate myself for what I've done. Why didn't I realize – why am I so stupid? She wasn't at the party, she never was. She never will be because she's probably fucking – fucking – fucking –" Asami couldn't get the word out. More tears poured from her cheeks. "Gone," she whispered, her heart breaking to the thought.
"I wouldn't go that far, Asami."
"Then how do you explain the silence? She hasn't written me in over a year. I – I can't – it's almost like I can't even feel her anymore."
"Then you need to feel harder."
A tap on her shoulder got her attention. But it wasn't that of a finger.
It was an envelope.
Asami sat up slowly, her mouth agape at the parcel before her. "Wh – what's this?" She reached a shaky hand out and grabbed it. She tried to read the script, but her eyes were swirling too much. "I – I can't read it, Opal. Can you – can you read it to me?"
"Sure." She smiled and took the envelope from Asami. "You do know what this is, don't you?"
Asami shook her head.
"It's a letter from Korra."
"What? A – a letter? From – from Korra?" There was a mixture of emotions in her voice. "Open it, open it! What does it say?"
Opal pried the envelope open as gentle as possible. She read the contents aloud to Asami:
'Dear Asami,
I am so sorry. I am sorry for everything. All this time – I was under the impression that you hadn't written to me in months and months. I never got your letters until now. And after reading them, it seems you never got mine. I've been writing to you every chance I could get and I've sent you at least ten letters in the last few months.
But you never got them. And I never got yours.
I can't believe that I ever doubted you, that I ever thought that you would – that you wouldn't write to me anymore. That you stopped caring. That you moved on to someone else, someone who was there for you to be with you and comfort you and make you smile. Someone who wasn't stuck in a war. Or that you were de – I don't know how deep the Earth Empire has gotten into the United Republic of Nations. I started losing hope. The war – it's been wrecking me, Asami. It's so fucked up. Everything is so fucked up.
I'm so fu –
I'm sorry that I ever felt that way. I know that you love me and would never stop caring. And I'll never stop caring about you, too.
I miss you so much. You're all that I think about in my spare time. I always keep my eye out for pens and paper and envelopes to send you letters while we're marching to the next village or city. I'm glad you included some paper and a pen in one of your letters; all I had were a few envelopes that I traded my compass for.
I miss you. So so much. I know I already said that, but I can't say it enough. And I love you, Asami. I love you with all of my heart, every last piece of it. It's all yours, whether I make it out of this fucking war or not.
I'm so sorry that my letters never got to you and that I caused you so much hurt and pain because of it. One of the soldiers in my squadron was holding my letters back and hording yours as they came in the mail. She was – she wanted us to think that we forgot about each other. She wanted to tear us apart. She kept saying things to me like 'perhaps Asami is just too busy to write to you' or 'maybe she just forgot'. She even went so far as to tell me – to plant these lies in my head that you had moved on to someone new. That the time apart from each other had made you forget about me. Made you move on. And I denied it at first, but in the late nights on guard when I hadn't slept in days, it was all I could think about.
I started believing her. I believed every fucking word she said.
But she was lying. She was fucking lying the entire fucking time. You had written me. And I found the letters when I rescued her from an explosion and her bag was torn open. They were all there, all in her fucking bag. She lied to me, and she hurt you in the process.
All this time, I thought you were getting my letters and just not writing back, when you thought just the opposite.
She wanted me to fall in love with her. She wanted to replace you in my heart.
But what she failed to realize is that no one can replace you, Asami. Ever. You're my everything. You're the love of my life. You're the person I think about and dream about. I am so deeply in love with you, and when I realized what was happening… the only reason I spared her life was because she saved my ass in Ba Sing Se when I got really hurt after fighting another soldier who had – let's not talk about Gankona. He's an asshole and he got what he deserved. But we are no longer on speaking terms. I love you, Asami. That will never, ever change.
I'm so sorry that this all got so fucked up. People are fucked up. I don't understand why some people are so cruel.
I wish more people were like you. You're so gentle and kind and loving. I miss you. I miss seeing your face and hearing your voice. I miss your jasmine scent and the feel of your skin against mine. I miss going to the Gardens with you and lounging on the couch while you read and play with my hair. When I got your letters, I was reminded of all of these things again, and I cried, Asami. I cried so much. I just miss you. I love you. And it hurts me so much knowing I cause you so much pain by being away.
I hope you're doing alright, but my heart tells me that you aren't. And it's all my fault. I'm so sorry, Asami. I wish this war was over. Hopefully, in a few months, it will be.
It's winter now, and we are marching on Zaofu. I hope Opal's family is okay. I know I don't know her that well, but I remember her mentioning her family is from there. From what I've heard the lieutenant colonel say, we'll be on the front lines in that battle. Kuvira is supposed to be there, actually this time, not like the false intel we got for Ba Sing Se.
I just – I wish I was with you in Republic City, to make you happy again and to keep you safe. I don't know how deep the Earth Empire has gotten, but please please be safe. If they get anywhere near Republic City, please flee. Go somewhere safe. The Fire Nation or hell, even go to my parents' house in the Southern Water Tribe. They know all about you. They'll keep you safe and sheltered. Don't stay in the City if it's dangerous.
I'll find you, Asami. If you have to flee, I'll find you. I'll search the ends of the earth for you if I have to.
Fuck, I miss you so much. I'm sorry for the splotches on this. I can't stop crying while I write it. Everything – the world is so fucked up, Asami. And I'm so sorry for all of the pain that I caused you. I'm so sorry.
I hope you get this letter. We are marching to Zaofu as I write this. Well, not technically as I write it, I'm just sitting against the wall of the outpost we're recovering in. It's cold out here. Anyway, we'll be heading to Zaofu soon. We should be there by March. I just want this war to end. I want to come home. I want to be with you and make you happy again and show you how much I love you in whatever way that I can.
But I don't know if I'll make it out of this battle.
I'll try to write to you again if I can, but we'll be making haste after this, and the marching has really been taking a toll on me. My lieutenant colonel has been riding me hard ever since I beat the shit out of Gankona.
But I'm going to do everything I can to survive, because of you, Asami. Because of Naga. Because of my parents. Because of all the people who care about me.
I love you. I love you so much. If this is my last letter to you, I want you to know that I love you, with every fiber of my being, I fucking love you Asami Sato. I couldn't imagine my life without you and I'm so glad that I found the courage to talk to you three years ago. I'm so grateful and happy that you became my friend.
I'm so happy I fell in love with you.
I know I haven't been the best person in the world, and I know that I've hurt you. I am so sorry that I have. But I love you, Asami. If I don't get to see you again or write to you again, I want you to know that.
I love you.
I love you, Asami fucking Sato.
Please take care of yourself and be safe. If the City is in danger, run. I'll find you.
Love always and forever,
Korra.'
Asami… Asami was at a loss for words. There were so many emotions running around her head and in her heart right now. Her stomach was turning; she felt like she was going to throw up. Her whole body was agape.
Korra had written to her. She had written to her all this time. Korra loved her. She never stopped loving her.
Tears fell down her cheeks. It was the only thing she could do.
"Asami? Are you okay?" Opal set the letter down and joined her on the couch.
A buzz in her pocket interrupted her attempt to respond. Asami pulled her phone out and saw it was a text, though she was still too drunk to see who it was from. She held her phone out to Opal with a silent plea for her to read it.
Opal took her phone and narrowed her eyes. "It's from Bolin."
Asami watched as Opal grabbed her TV remote and flicked it on.
"What – what did it say, Opal?"
Opal flipped through the channels, ignoring Asami.
Asami pulled the phone from her grasp and squinted to try and read the text.
Don't let Opal see the news.
She glanced up but it was too late.
Opal had found a broadcast, a live one, near a base outpost in Zaofu.
Asami stared at the screen, her heart sinking into the earth once more.
They both gazed in shock at the scene. In the center of Zaofu was a huge cloud of smoke and bright light. They could see United Forces soldiers and Earth Empire soldiers alike, either running from the blast, cowering to it behind nearby debris, or being blown away from it.
The words of the broadcaster were faint in their ears, covered up by the intense ringing in their drums. They picked up phrases here and there.
War.
Chemical explosives.
Half of Zaofu.
"It's winter now, and we are marching on Zaofu."
Destroyed.
Kuvira.
"Kuvira is supposed to be there"
United Forces.
"From what I've heard the lieutenant colonel say, we'll be on the front lines in that battle."
Dead.
"But I don't know if I'll make it out of this battle."
Over.
"I just want this war to end."
Hundreds of bodies.
Civilians.
"I hope Opal's family is okay."
Soldiers.
Possibly Kuvira's.
More information to come later.
On March 31st at midnight, a deadly explosion –
"–we'll be heading to Zaofu soon. We should be there by March."
Too dangerous to investigate the scene.
Unknown survivors.
"But I'm going to do everything I can to survive, because of you, Asami."
Blast radius.
Crews were waiting for the surge to die down before making rescue efforts –
Destruction.
Death.
"But I don't know if I'll make it out of this battle."
War.
Death.
"If this is my last letter to you, I want you to know that I love you, with every fiber of my being, I fucking love you Asami Sato."
All the pair could do was stare at the screen and cry silent tears as their worlds fell apart.
Opal cried for her family
Asami cried for Korra.
(-)
Summary: Bolin invites Asami to a costume party to cheer Opal up; Opal's family is compromised due to Kuvira's occupation of Zaofu. Asami is hesitant because it would be the first non-work associated party she's been to since the one she went to with Korra when she was drugged. Bolin begs her to go, and after some reflection about her current feelings of despair and the way she felt when she saw Korra in such pain, she agrees, because she doesn't want Opal to be in the same state as she was; sad and losing hope. Opal had been there for her the most to comfort her, so she decided she had to return the favor. Asami rummages in her closet to find a costume and comes across the dress she wore when her and Korra first had dinner after her semester abroad. She puts it on her bed and finds her racer helmet. She reflects both times about how these items make her think of Korra. She eyes the box in her closet that has Korra's belongings in it that she had to collect when Korra was shipped to war, considering her landlord kicked her out due to this. She was tempted to open it, but she knew it would only bring up the sad feelings she had been holding inside for the past few months. Asami was slipping and reverting back to her old habits of burying everything and ignoring it, as much as she didn't want to. She had been sleeping less and eating less. Three of the four roses she had were wilting, even though she had been tending to them as much as possible. One of them was strong and double size of the others, which baffled her. Asami shook it off and got undressed. She glanced at herself in the mirror and noticed the brokenness in her eyes. She wishes that she didn't feel so broken and a voice in her head tells her she should move on from Korra because Korra is either dead or has moved on from her after not writing her for year and a half. Asami tells the voice to 'fuck off' and smashes her mirror. Naga bolts in to see what is wrong and Asami talks to her about missing Korra. She sees how sad Naga is and gives her a piece of Korra's clothing from the box to cheer her up. She pulls out a small pelt of Korra's and puts it on her bed to remind her of the woman she missed; it still smelled like her. Asami gets dressed in the mirror but still feels like something is missing. That something, of course, is Korra. She reminisces their night together when she was in that dress, eating food with Korra and getting fucked by her. She missed her touch and the sensations she gave her. She shoos Naga out of her room and makes her way to Bolin's party with her nose in her phone. When she gets they, Bolin and Opal greet her dressed as Nuktuk and Ginger. Mako arrives as a police officer and remarks on how Asami looks. She thanks him, but not without an unnoticed look from Bolin to Mako. Bolin takes Asami to the dance floor, but she doesn't feel much like dancing. She excuses herself and takes a moment to gather herself in the bathroom. Once she's calm, she returns to the party but stays on the sidelines. Mako joins her and gives her a drink. She's hesitant to take it, considering her last was drugged, but she eventually trusts Mako. Neither of them realize there was alcohol in the 'bunch of juices' that Bolin describes to Mako that's in the punch. Asami doesn't realize how strong it is or that it's even there until she finishes her third. She hadn't had an ounce of alcohol in almost two years. Her tolerance is shot. She has Mako help her to the couch because her head feels so dizzy. The aprt is dead, Asami having spent her whole time talking to Mako. It's just Asami, Mako, Opal, and Bolin now. Opal joins them and thanks Asami for coming. She asks how Asami's been and Asami starts to break down due to the alcohol worsening her emotions. She starts to talk about Korra when there's a crash in the kitchen where Bolin is. Opal rushes away to check on him, leaving Asami and Mako on the couch. Asami starts to cry, though she claims she's fine, and when asked why, she spills her guts about Korra and the hold she has on her. She feels weak that she's been hurting so much and for so long. A finger dries her tears and holds her close. When she opens her eyes, Korra is before her. Asami is in shock and she automatically closes her eyes and leans closer when Korra motions to do the same. They kiss and she lets out a moan. Before she knows it, she's on her back on the couch, moaning and making out with Korra. Another, much closer crash, snaps her out of it, which is followed by Bolin screaming "What are you doing?". It's then that Asami realizes the horrible mistake she made; she wasn't kissing Korra, as she was made to believe in her drunken stupor. In actuality, she was kissing Mako. She freaks out and falls to the ground while Bolin holds Mako against the wall and yells at him, telling him that "Asami was always off limits". Opal tends to Asami and tells her she'll walk her home, taking her keys away because Asami is too drunk to drive. Opal walks Asami home while Bolin continues to reprimand Mako. Opal grabs a letter that is sticking out of Asami's mailbox before helping her into her apartment. When Asami gets home, Naga smells Mako on her and starts growling. Asami apologizes to Naga and Naga lunges at her, looking to strike. Opal pushes her away and locks Naga in the bathroom. She returns to the sobbing Asami and tries to comfort her. Asami hates herself for kissing Mako and talks about how she thinks Korra might be dead. She says she can't even feel Korra anymore but Opal tells her to feel harder. She pokes Asami with the envelope to get her attention. Asami, being too drunk to read the script, asks Opal to read the letter to her. Opal says its from Korra, and Asami gets excited. In Korra's letter, she talks about how sorry she is for being gone for so log, and for her letters not reaching Asami and for causing Asami so much pain. She apologizes profusely and explains the situation that has been happening with her and Kitsune, Gankona, and the lieutenant colonel briefly. She tells Asami about how Kitsune was keeping the letters from Asami and from Korra in hopes of ruining their relationship and getting Korra to fall in love with her instead. She apologizes for ever believing her lie and for doubting that Asami would ever forget to write her or move on. She remarks about how fucked up the world is and wishes more people were as kind and caring as Asami. She goes on to explain how much she misses Asami and how much she loves her, with every fiber of her being. Their unit is marching to Zafou and should be there by March, hoping to stop Kuvira based on accurate intel they received about her location there and end the war. Korra isn't sure if she'll make it out of this battle, and wants to let Asami know that, if this is the last letter she writes to her, that she loves her with all of her heart and that she was going to do everything she could to survive the war for her. She signs her letter 'Love always and forever, Korra'. Asami isn't sure how to react. All she can do is cry. She gets a text but is too drunk to read it. She hands her phone to Opal, who says it's from Bolin. She immediately flips on the TV, ignoring Asami's questions. Asami takes her phone and squints at the message, seeing that it says 'Don't let Opal see the news'. By the time she looks up, it's too late; Opal found a broadcast, a broadcast from Zaofu. There's a large cloud and bright light in the center, signaling the chemical explosion that the news reporters were talking about. They say it took out half of the city and possibly Kuvira, along with United Forces and Earth Empire soldiers alike. Rescue teams were waiting for the blast to clear as it was too dangerous to investigate at the moment. Asami realizes that Korra could be there, given that they were leading the charge at Zaofu and were arriving there by March. It was the end of March during the report and the costume party. All the pair can do is watch the broadcast with tears streaming down their cheeks, Opal crying for her family and Asami crying for Korra.