Summary: Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Rachel Berry, Nick Duvall, Jeff Sterling, and Elliott Gilbert make up Pamela Lansbury, a rock/pop band that hit it big after their first single was featured on popular tv-show Sing. A little over two years later the band is still dealing with the pressures of fame, their differing dreams, their fans, "shippers", and finding love.
Author's note: This one has a lot of flashbacks and I really enjoyed finally getting to write this stuff so I hope you guys enjoy it too.
Also to that guest that left a review to the last chapter, you flatter me. Thank you.
Chapter Fifteen
Back at Dalton
The party had become exactly the kind of mess that Nick had not expected it to turn into considering that it was taking place at a Dalton dorm and that it was being thrown by a bunch of prep boys who had at least managed to invite the girls from the sister school over. He blamed it on the alcohol that Hunter and Sebastian had managed to sneak in.
"Are you having fun?"
Nick glanced over at Jeff who looked a little unkempt. His blond hair was sticking up in places and his cheeks were flushed from everything he'd drunk and in his tipsy mind Nick could admit to himself that his best friend was alluring.
"Nick?" Jeff asked.
"Yeah," Nick said, "it's been a lot of fun."
Jeff nodded. He sipped at his drink before sitting down. "Don't know why we never thought of doing this before, actually."
"Because we used to have Wes and David around to stop stupid stuff like this," Nick said.
Jeff laughed. He moved closer when Thad stumbled over his feet and fell into the seat next to him.
"Guys," he said in a slur, "this is – it's the best drink ever…"
Jeff laughed. "Careful there, lightweight."
Thad rolled his eyes and flipped him off before he slowly got up and stumbled away. Somewhere across the room someone had started singing and Thad went to join them.
"Niff, there you two are," Sebastian said, appearing in front of them with a tray of shots.
"Oh, no, none for me," Nick was quick to say.
Sebastian smirked at them. "A game, then…you know, because I haven't found a good lay for tonight so we may as well."
"What kind of game?" Jeff asked.
"A classic," Sebastian said, "truth or dare."
"I don't know—" Nick began.
Sebastian nudged him and then dropped into the couch next to him, making him move closer to Jeff. "Don't be boring, Nick," he said.
The game was a bit of a blur of silly questions and drinks taken instead of dares or answering questions until Sebastian whispered his dare into Jeff's ear.
"No, I can't," Jeff said.
"What?" Nick asked.
Sebastian was suddenly on his feet. "Drink two, then," he said staring at Jeff and Jeff looked between Nick and Sebastian and then he nodded a little.
Nick was surprised when Jeff was suddenly turning to him, getting closer until he had pressed his lips against Nick's.
Present
"His mom's keeping him busy," Kurt said and let out a long sigh.
Elliott laughed. "I'm sorry," he said after Kurt had fixed him with a look.
They were sitting at Kurt's house with something playing on the tv in the living room that they weren't paying attention to.
"She has party planners for that stuff," Kurt said, "unless he's avoiding me. You don't think he's avoiding me, right?"
Elliott laughed again, but this time wrapped an arm around Kurt's shoulders. "There's no chance of that," he said, "unless he's embarrassed about the throwing up. But, he won't be able to avoid you tonight anyway."
"Right," Kurt said, "and then I'll tell him how I feel and hopefully things will go well."
Elliott pat his shoulder. "Everything will definitely be okay," he said.
Kurt nodded. He wasn't fully convinced but it helped that he knew how Blaine felt already even if that had come from a drunken confession. It was making everything just a little bit easier to face and Kurt was trying to stamp down on all the other doubts that he'd had before.
"What if we head over early?" Elliott asked, "maybe you can get a chance to talk to him before everyone else gets there."
Kurt nodded. "Good idea," he said, "we can just change there and Pam probably won't mind us showing up there."
They grabbed anything they mind need and packed into the rental car. Kurt left a note for his dad to let him know where they'd gone, and with an edge of excitement, joined Elliott in the car, glad to see that the street was clear of any of the fans that had been present earlier in the morning when he and Elliott arrived at his house. It was still a little weird for Kurt to know that people knew where his parents lived. At least they seemed to be respectful enough to not constantly harass his dad or Carole but they always showed up when Kurt was known to be in Ohio.
Kurt drove them by The Lima Bean first to pick up a cup of coffee for himself and a green tea for Elliott and then they were on their way to Blaine's house.
The front door was open and a few people were bringing things inside.
"How big is this party?" Elliott asked.
"I thought it was just going to be our families and a few friends from high school nothing huge."
Slowly they got out of the car, leaving their things behind, and headed towards the house. Inside it was a bit chaotic. Things were being moved around and other things were being set up and amidst the chaos was Pam Anderson instructing everyone.
"Oh my," she said, "boys, what are you doing here? Party isn't for a few hours."
She hugged each of them tightly.
"We came to see if we could help," Kurt offered.
"No you are not," she said, "I won't hear about this. This party is for the five of you, alright. So don't come back until party time."
That said, she steered them back out of the house before Kurt could even ask about where he could find Blaine.
"So, I take it he's not busy helping, then," Elliott said, "do you want me to call him?"
Kurt nodded slightly. "Sure."
Blaine didn't pick up.
Back at Dalton
Jeff had laughed off the kiss.
"Well, that was different," he said as if it was the most casual thing in the world.
Nick felt a little bit like everything had changed. He had never considered the possibility of liking other guys and yet kissing Jeff had felt better than kissing anyone else.
"Jeff!"
Thad and another Warbler were calling him over and Jeff, just a little bit wobbly got up and wandered off towards them.
"What," Sebastian said, "did he take your tongue with him?"
Nick gaped at him and then suddenly an idea popped into his head and in his drunk state he thought it was genius.
"How do I know if I'm gay?" he asked.
Sebastian guffawed. "Hook up with a guy," he said after his laughter had died down, "it's what I did. Best decision ever."
Nick considered it. If kissing Jeff had been enough to make him question things, then going a little further with another guy might actually help him really answer the question. For a moment he considered asking Jeff. As his best friend, it was entirely possible that Jeff might help him out and yet something was stopping him from asking him.
Sebastian disappeared, pulled away by Hunter and another guy and Nick was left to wallow and question.
He considered pulling his phone out and calling Blaine, but quickly pushed that thought aside.
Later, he was wandering around, joining in on some singing with Thad and Jeff until he lost track of Jeff and instead he decided to head back to his room and sleep off everything he'd drunk.
"If anyone sees Jeff, let him know I went back to our room," he announced to anyone that might listen. A few people nodded.
It didn't take him long to get up to the dorm room he shared with Jeff. On the door someone had put a wooden sign that read "Niff" as a joke but they had never taken it off. He had to fish out his keys from his pocket and then it took him a few tries to actually get the door open. But when he did, it was to find Jeff in the middle of making out with a girl with long black hair. They were both on Jeff's bed and far too involved in each other to notice Nick. She was pulling at Jeff's shirt and the fabric dropping to the floor snapped Nick out of it. He stumbled back out of the room, letting the door close behind him and then he dropped against the wall outside.
Nick didn't understand the feeling churning within him. It felt a little bit like disappointment but there was anger mixed in as well and just something that felt like he'd lost.
This was how Sebastian found him minutes later.
"What, forget your key?" Sebastian asked.
Nick shook his head. He couldn't explain it. He'd never even considered the possibility of liking Jeff or any boy in a romantic way and yet this night had made him question everything.
"So, did you find one," Nick said, "someone to sleep with tonight?"
Sebastian shrugged his shoulders. "Add girls to the mix and suddenly no one's into guys anymore. It's a shame how closeted some of them are."
"Or they're bi," Nick said.
Sebastian nodded. "Yes, that," he said, "I considered the possibility of being bi, but then I realized that I really don't like boobs. And you, figured it out yet?"
"Figured what out?"
Sebastian laughed and he stared at him. "I could help you out if you want, get those questions of yours answered once and for all. Might be fun."
Sebastian moved closer and suddenly he was bracketing Nick against the wall. Nick could smell his cologne and the alcohol in his breath. Nick had never before noticed how tall Sebastian was, or how his green eyes had a certain alluring quality to them.
A part of him said no. The other thought about Jeff in their room with that girl and Nick's own confusion. Maybe there was nothing there with Jeff, maybe it was projecting because of the kiss, but Nick needed to know if he could be into men as well as women.
Slowly he nodded his head. Sebastian kissed him.
It was different.
Jeff had kissed with hesitance, a quick brush of lips with very little pressure. Sebastian was all in and Nick gasped against him. He knew how to kiss.
"My room's empty," Sebastian whispered into his ear when he'd pulled back, "come on."
Nick followed him without much thought. Back at his room Sebastian threw off his own shirt and Nick gasped. Nick had been around shirtless guys for as long as he could remember. It was unavoidable at Dalton, but he'd never taken the chance to look or appreciate. Sebastian was lean and trim and freckly.
"Come on," Sebastian said and he was tugged forward until they were pressed together and then they were kissing again and Nick fell into the rhythm.
The last person Nick kissed aside from Jeff had been a girl named Glenne. She'd smelled like vanilla and Nick had enjoyed how she pressed herself into him and how his entire body had been affected by holding her close. A part of him hadn't expected for the same to happen with Sebastian. He'd been hoping it wouldn't.
Sebastian moved quickly, moving him towards the bed and somehow managing to get Nick out of his own t-shirt and at some point even unbuckling his belt.
"You're hard," Sebastian whispered against his lips and Nick knew but knowing Sebastian knew was a different kind of exhilaration.
Sebastian was palming him through his jeans.
"I can help with that," Sebastian said, "want me to?"
Nick must have nodded. He didn't know.
His jeans and his underwear was thrown to the floor and Sebastian, not to be outdone, had taken off his own and then Sebastian was kissing down his torso and smirking at him.
Present Day
The party was in full swing and Blaine found himself in the kitchen with Nick, and a few of their friends from Dalton.
"You guys were great last night," Thad said, "it's crazy to think that we knew you guys back in school and now you're like rockstars."
Blaine laughed. "Yeah, it's been insane," he agreed, "never would have thought this would be our lives, you know, but it's amazing."
"I bet," Thad said with a grin.
Luke, another Warbler, pat Blaine on the back. "No, but you deserve it. You were always our best singer. We heard Sebastian was helping out with the tour. How is that going?"
"As bad as you imagine," Nick said.
"Still hitting on Blaine, then?" Thad asked.
"Not as much recently, but he was for a while there," Nick said, "we're hopefully getting rid of him soon enough."
They made a bit of small talk until Elliott entered the room and some of the attention was turned to him.
"Oh, Kurt wanted to talk to you," Elliott told Blaine, "he was looking for you earlier. I think he's in the living room with Jeff."
Blaine nodded but he didn't immediately make a move to leave. He was being a coward, he knew, but the thing was that Blaine didn't remember what he'd done the night before exactly. He just knew that he'd thrown up on Kurt's shoes and that he slept in Kurt's bed, and a weird feeling that something else had happened.
He found Kurt with Jeff. They were with a few of Kurt's friends from McKinley as Santana and Dani who seemed to be sitting even closer together than Blaine had ever seen them. He suspected it was something to do with the blond girl that kept shooting Santana sad looks. He'd have to ask Kurt about them eventually.
"Kurt," he said.
Blaine looked up and smiled at him before he frowned a little and then got up.
"I'll be back," he said to his friends and then when he'd gotten to where Blaine was standing Blaine was sure that Kurt had made to reach out for his hand before deciding against that.
Instead, Kurt leaned his head towards the door and led the way outside.
"Have you been ignoring me?" Kurt asked, "I mean, we tried calling you earlier but you didn't answer, and you told me your mom was keeping you busy with the party stuff but when Elliott and I came to offer our help she sent us away. What's going on, Blaine?"
"Nothing," Blaine said, "I really was busy today and I forgot my phone here."
It was easier to try to ignore it, whatever had happened.
"Oh," Kurt said, "so then, we're okay?"
Blaine nodded. "I'm sorry about your shoes," he said, "I sort of remember throwing up on them and also taking over your bed. You could have gone to sleep in my room."
Kurt stared at him for a while. "Do you remember nothing from last night?"
"After singing with you and watching Santana dance with Dani, not much. Did something else happen?"
He could tell that Kurt was floundering. He'd never seen Kurt look so conflicted. He reached over to grab Kurt's hand and Kurt followed his movements with his eyes but let his hand be captured. Blaine had always thought that Kurt had nice hands. Manicured nails and soft smooth skin.
"If you don't want to tell me you don't have to," he said, "whatever I did or didn't do or said."
Kurt gulped. "I, um, it's not a huge deal but you told me you write about me a lot – your songs."
"Oh," Blaine said and he could feel his cheeks get warm. He wanted to pull his hand away from Kurt. He'd never intended for Kurt to know about that.
"Yeah," Kurt said, "it just made me realize how, um, how important you are to me, you know. I couldn't do this – the band – without you."
Blaine stared at him, and more than anything he wanted to just kiss him.
"You mean a lot to me too," Blaine said instead, "more than anyone else probably.
Kurt smiled wide and Blaine watched him step closer. Their hands fell away from each other and instead Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine into a tight hug. It felt different from all the other hugs they'd shared before but Blaine couldn't place why.
They stayed there in each other's arms until the door opened behind them and they jumped out of the hug, both turning to see Jeff followed quickly by Nick and Elliott. Blaine kept one of his arms around Kurt's waist, leaning into him and Kurt didn't move away. It was easy to stay connected to Kurt.
"Middle of the party band meeting," Elliott said, "Wes and David are coming."
It was a little bit unexpected, but something must have happened to make them want to have a meeting.
When David and Wes finally appeared, they looked just a little bit tired.
"So," Wes said, "we'll try to do this quick. The fans that met you guys last night at the Hotel bar took a video of Kurt and Blaine singing the new song. It's all over the internet."
Blaine hadn't expected that. "Wow," he said, "how has reception for it been, then?"
"Good," David said, "they love the song. They love the performance of it. There's a group of them trying to have you guys play the song at the next show. It's been really good press except for one thing."
Blaine braced himself. He knew it was coming. With the good there was always something, even a tiny detail, that could make it all turn bad.
"What?" Elliott asked.
"Well, there's been a bit of a fan discussion since the video went up about Kurt and Blaine and Klaine," Wes said.
"Isn't that the usual?" Nick asked, "I mean it's to be expected, isn't it?"
"Yes," David said, "and we haven't directly addressed that for a reason. Having fans that ship two people in a band is normal. It's encouraged even. It's great press and the best part about it is that nothing ever has to be confirmed or denied."
Kurt nodded along. "So we do nothing, then," he said, "we don't mention it at all."
David shook his head and Blaine could tell that he didn't want to say what would come out next.
"Here's the thing," David said, "it's a very precarious time for the band. We haven't announced the world tour yet but at this point it's expected. To be able to really sell the seats and make it successful, it means that we need the fans to be a united front. Right now they're fighting too much with each other."
"What does that matter, though," Kurt said, "I mean, it's been the same thing for the past three years."
Wes was the one that spoke next. "Paul wants to make sure the album and the world tour does well. We've never tried to lie to the fans or made any of you out to be something you're not. Anytime that the question of Klaine or Niff comes up, we put it down gently, but for most people those are not real negations. Not when they see your friendships and the way you act around each other as proof that there is more going on."
"So what does that mean," Blaine said, "do you want us to stop acting the way we do on stage? To, I don't know, give an interview in which we say it's really not true?"
David nodded slowly. "Sort of," he added, "we spoke with Santana and there's two ways this could go and we know which one would please the fans more, but it's ultimately up to the two of you."
"What is it?" Blaine asked, bracing himself.
"Well," David said, "we lie and say the two of you are together and you act exactly the same way you've been acting and you may need to pretend you're together during interviews."
"Or?" Kurt asked.
"Or the two of you ease back a little on how close you present yourselves to the fans. Not a lot. We're not saying not to interact or anything, just easing it back a bit. We then try to really make it clear that there is nothing going on at all."
It felt a little bit like being hit by something hard. Both choices seemed impossible. To act like he was even closer to Kurt when all he wanted was for it to be real would be like blurring the lines between what he could and couldn't have and yet to make their friendship look like much less than what it was felt worse somehow.
"I – can we think about it?" Kurt asked.
Wes nodded. "Of course," he said.
Author's Note: So originally I wanted to write Kurt and Blaine hanging out with their friends and family more than I ended up doing but the thing is that things happened and I didn't want to drag it out more than I have already. And I know they sorta took a step back in this yet again but it's due to the circumstances and because they're both idiots but good things are coming. :)
I'm on tumblr at inawickedlittletown if you'd like to follow me there. I usually post writing progress updates there.
Hope you all enjoyed this and thank you for reading.