Sorry for being late, but here is the chapter :)

SuperPsychoLove : Well, I was about to cry too writing the previous chapter. You might feel upset quite often for this fanfic, tho! :P And pleased you finally noticed the Loki X OC! XD

Cjxoxo : I'm so glad to know you like this fanfic that much! I hope creating an account was worth it and you'll love the rest of the story! :D

Thanks to all who followed and favorited as well! :D

FANFICTION

THE RISE OF LOKI, GOD OF MISCHIEF

CHAPTER XII : Nightmares

[Loki is sent spying on Jotunheim to find out the truth about the threat of war against the Mountain Giants. Teaming up with a seiðr user, Eisa, she tells him something is following him since his arrival in Jotunheim. They use the Crossway and a magical item that can guide them in the Crossway to reach Utgard but they land into a labyrinth of fears and illusions, the two separated. Unprotected, Loki goes through his worst fears and deepest wounds and memories, tempted to fall into a raging revenge before being brought back by Eisa.]

"Loki…"

The young boy lifted up his eyes towards his mother who kneeled in front of him. He turned around, trying to hide the tears welling up in his big green eyes. She smiled tenderly and sat next to the trunk of the tree behind which he had hidden.

"Loki, sweetie…" She repeated.

He kept his back turned to her, angrily wiping away his tears while she watched him with a soft gaze.

"Loki, look at me…" She said gently.

She could have touched him, or taken him in her arms, but they both knew the little boy had to be the one to turn around and cuddle against her.

"N-no…" He hiccupped, cursing the tears streaming down his face once again. "Y-you'll see me cry, and you'll say I'm weak… Like Thor, and Sif…!" He said, his little voice broken by his tears.

And like Father… He thought to himself without voicing it out loud.

"I won't say you're weak. Crying doesn't make you weak, Loki," she said.

"I-it doesn't…?" He asked hesitantly, throwing her a glance over his shoulder.

"No, it doesn't. It shows that you care, that you feel, that you are alive. Tears are good, Loki – but only if, once you feel better, you decide to wipe them away and stand up again."

He blinked, his last tears falling down his cheeks before he wiped them away. She leaned down, putting a hand next to her mouth as if she had something to tell him no one else should hear:

"And, do you want to know a secret?" She asked in a whisper, her blue eyes gleaming.

He nodded fervently, turning completely towards her as she leaned towards his ear.

"Your brother is crying right now…" She murmured.

"He is?!" Loki exclaimed, mouth hanging open in shock at the thought of his brother so strong and tall crying.

"Yes, he's worried about you. He thinks he said something he shouldn't have," she answered with a little smile.

The child got up after a moment, worry and guilt on his face and put his hands on his hips.

"Thor can't cry! He is the future King! I'll go tell him that crying is good, but only if he stands up again! And only if it's away from everyone's gazes – the people can't see their future King crying! Am I right, Mother?" He asked, looking up at her to make sure he had understood the lesson right.

"You're right, Loki. Go see your brother," she said with a little nod.

His smile was so big it made his green eyes sparkle as he ran off to find his brother.

"He is nothing like his father and brother."

The unfamiliar voice broke the warm memory, destroying the peaceful feeling within the prince's heart.

Loki stopped breathing, knowing that those memories were nightmares that had decided to haunt him now that his wounds had been opened and were bleeding gushing blood.

"When you are feeling afraid or sad, remember that you have your brother beside you. Brothers protect each other," Frigga's soothing voice said.

"He is such a failure."

Images, memories, and voices kept resonating in his head and flashing behind his eyes, too fast to be seen clearly but fast enough to remind him of all those times Thor beat him during training and Loki ate sand, all those people who whispered behind his back, thinking he wouldn't hear them, all those times Odin stared at him with his one blue eye so vivid and so full of disappointment.

"I shall make you proud Father!"

Odin's blue eye seemed to see right into his soul, to know his deepest secrets, fears and thoughts. It felt like a dagger ripping Loki's heart into tiny pieces.

"You will never be enough for your father! After all, how could you? You are nothing but deceptions and illusions!"

He felt his heartbeat increase at the very thought of this fiery version of Eisa created by the labyrinth that opened his wounds so deeply.

His father's eye flickered until he saw the pale face of the All Father in the Odinsleep.

Loki wanted to step away, to run away from those images but he was rooted to the ground, unable to do anything but see these images that kept haunting him.

Then his father turned into a red haired, green eyed diabolic vision with a bad grin, lips as red as her hair. The Eisa that had invaded his mind smirked, circling him like a predator focused on its prey.

"You will never be enough, Loki…" She said, voice full of pity but with eyes that showed she was enjoying it all.

He wanted to scream, to deny it, but he couldn't. The sobs he was containing and the heavy tears that were rolling down his cheeks strangled his voice in his throat.

"—ki! Loki!"

His heart missed a beat, recognizing the voice. He stared at the fiery witch, her lips smiling while her voice resonated around him, calling for him.

"It's more interesting to know the real you rather than the mask you show us all…"

For a moment, even in his haunted panicked state, he wondered why she would want to know the real him. But her voice continued to talk gently.

"You are so much more than that…" She had whispered.

"Yes, the real you."

Had anyone ever tried to know him at all? Had anyone ever showed any interest to who he really was? Had anyone ever told him he was worth something…?

"The real you."

"Loki!"

"You are so much more than that…"

"Loki, wake up!"

The voice sounded too sweet, too soft, too worried to be the illusion. As expected, the fiery woman flickered before disappearing in flames that blinded his vision.

Loki took a deep breath, trying to let air into his lungs. He was completely blinded and his heart hammered painfully in his chest.

"Loki!"

He looked around, but he was still too blinded. He was panting heavily and holding desperately onto something.

"Loki! Calm down!"

He forced himself to take deep breath, but he was too panicked and it took him long minutes of soothing words whispered to him to finally calm down enough to breathe calmly and lessen the terrorized beating of his heart.

"Shh, I'm here, calm down…" Eisa said gently, tenderly patting his forehead with a fresh, wet tissue.

Loki took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He was covered in sweat and dust and he felt feverish. He couldn't say if it was from exhaustion, panic or his nightmares, but the fresh touch was calming and the words soothing. He wanted to sleep again but he was scared of having more visions and haunting memories, so he opened his eyes and looked up at Eisa. His heart skipped a beat but he ignored it.

She had his head resting on her lap, using the wet tissue softly. She kept talking softly, her green eyes so warm compared to the red witch's. When she saw he was looking at her, she smiled, her rosy lips as delicate as a rosebud.

"Loki… How are you?" She asked softly.

Loki swallowed, realizing he had been staring at her. His eyes widened, a strange and warm feeling bubbling inside him; he tried to ignore it but it was almost impossible. His memories from what had happened after getting lost in the labyrinth came back and the last thing he remembered was Eisa's voice – the real Eisa, not the witchy illusion – calling for him and saving him.

She had saved him, not just from the labyrinth's magic but from his nightmares too. Her voice had reached him – twice – and both times it had saved him from his fears and his demons. He still felt terrible and heavy – mostly because of the dark thoughts that had been incrusted into his mind. But she had been like a beacon in the night, warmth in the cold.

"I…" He started, but his hoarse voice broke.

"Here, have some water," she said, handling him the gourd.

He drank, the fresh water sliding down his throat helping him enough to sit up. His eyes lowered to his hand, entwined with Eisa's and he finally realized what it was he had been holding onto.

Suddenly embarrassed he had held onto her so badly, Loki let her go, glancing away hesitantly and cursing himself for being so flushed. Since when did a mere woman disturb him?

"What happened?" He asked.

Even if he knew, he wanted to be sure. Eisa's tender expression faded, replaced by a grimmer one as she started to explain:

"We… we fell from the sliding passageway. When I came back to myself, I was still holding the Golden Sphere but you were gone… I-I looked for you for hours before hearing screams. I came rushing and I don't know why, you looked… you looked…"

Her voice trailed off and she glanced up at him hesitantly. He looked back at her, urging her to finish her sentence. She swallowed before continuing at last:

"You looked dark, wild and… and you were crying and screaming… I came to you but you used your magic then you collapsed from exhaustion…" She explained quietly.

Loki looked back at his scratched dusty hands, repeating her words in his mind.

"Wait— I used my magic?" He hesitated, frowning.

"Yes, as if you were attacking something…"

He barely remembered what had happened but he knew he had fallen on his knees, shouting and feeling torn apart. Perhaps this feeling wasn't caused only by his emotions – he must have used his seiðr instinctively against the illusions around him. He should have done that from the beginning instead of listening to her poisonous words.

"But, if I used my seiðr you—"

His voice broke and he froze when he finally looked at her face, scratched and bruised – just like her hands and arms.

Without realising it, he leaned forward, his left hand cupping her cheek and his thumb brushing a scratch on her cheek. There was no way she could have escaped his magic if it had exploded out of him. She had been touched as much as the illusion, but she hadn't disappeared; she'd gotten injured instead…

Realising his concern, Eisa smiled waving her hands.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. Just a few bruises! I'll be better soon!" She exclaimed.

Loki kept watching her worriedly before taking both of her hands in his. He noticed a heavy blush appearing on her cheeks as she looked down, suddenly focused on the ground. He kissed her hands, his eyes not leaving her face, bruised and scratched because she came rushing to him while he was uncontrollable…

"Thank you…" He murmured, his lips brushing her fingers.

Eisa blushed even more, her eyes widening and her pulse frantic. Loki smiled at the effect he had on her, pleased with himself and feeling much better since his waking.

"Y-you're welcome…" She whispered, her voice barely high enough to be heard.

If he didn't feel so weak and distressed, he would have chuckled at her expression; he let go of her hands and moved away instead.

"Where is the Golden Sphere? How long have I been unconscious?" He asked.

Eisa showed him the Golden Thread, the magic from the little orb obviously protecting them. They were still in the labyrinth, where he had collapsed.

"You were out for several hours, but I can't tell how long exactly. And the Sphere has been protecting us, just like it did while guiding me towards you," she explained.

"We should keep moving, and get out of this place as soon as possible," Loki said, his voice and body tense at the very idea of going through the same kind of hardships another time.

He got up, grunting from the painful muscles in his entire body. He shook his clothes before picking up the Golden Sphere and observing it. It was more powerful than he had initially thought if it led Eisa to him and she didn't have any nightmarish visions like he did.

He looked down at the still kneeling girl. Her eyes were fixated on him silently, lips slightly parted.

"What?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

She seemed to hesitate before asking what she had been wondering for hours:

"Will you… not talk?" She asked in a little voice.

"Talk? About what?" Loki snickered, but his heart clenched, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

"About what happened to you. It must have been terrible considering how you…"

Eisa hesitated when he threw her a sharp look, warning her into silence.

"Considering how you… lost control…" She murmured.

Loki looked straight ahead, trying to ignore the cold, hard feeling in his heart.

"Let's get out of here first," he said, his voice harsher than he intended to.

Eisa flinched at his tone and nodded quickly. She got up and followed him, guided in the dark labyrinth by the golden warm light of the Sphere.

As they slowly made their way out in intense silence, Loki thought about everything that happened since he left Asgard. Mostly, about his time in the labyrinth.

He had seen his worst fears come to life: being lost in this place; the feeling of dying, his family dead; his own reflection as a monster; his worst and most beautiful memories blending in a dreadful mix; a fiery witch taking the features of his desire: revenge and giving him dark, cold thoughts and feelings. The worst wasn't anything of what that illusionary Eisa had said; it was knowing that she has been right. For a moment, Loki had felt like he could kill his parents and brother, just for making him feel so rejected his whole life…

He had snapped out of it, but even after getting out of this labyrinth, this Crossway and ending his mission, he would still remember it all. Those haunting terrible visions, this cold feeling of revenge and hatred warping his heart, turning it dark and hard… He hated that, he hated feeling like that, especially towards his family and guilt only added to all of this. But he could never forget any of it. It would haunt him forever…

Not forever. Only until I get rid of this feeling by finally letting go of that hatred against everyone who ever hurt me.

No. Loki would not fall into this. He would never betray his family or hurt them in any way. It was the labyrinth's magic still haunting him. He wouldn't give in to the wrong desire…

But not all desire is wrong… He thought, glancing at Eisa by his side.

He observed her a moment, remembering how she had saved him. Normally, he would feel ashamed knowing she had seen him at his lowest, weakest, unable to do anything but cry and scream in his rage and sadness, but the only thing he could think was that she had saved him and brought him warmth and light when his heart was turning into ice and ashes…

Sensing eyes on her, Eisa looked back at him and blushing, looked away while Loki kept his gaze on her, devouring her soul.

Loki had never felt this way with anyone and he suddenly realized that everything in the labyrinth hadn't been only darkness and bad things. He had met, perhaps the one person who ever showed interest in him, caring deeply enough to look out for him and stay by his side when he had injured her…

Loki frowned at his thoughts, his fingers instinctively trying to grasp hers. He wanted to hold her hand, just like he had in his sleep and after waking up. He wanted to feel this warmth again. He wanted to—

He stopped walking, seeing some sort of faraway light in a cave next to him. Intrigued by this dark blue colour and the light it gave away despite the darkness of the Crossway, he frowned and walked closer. He walked slowly, his daggers in hand ready to be thrown if a monster were to attack him. He was trembling in fear but advanced anyway.

Loki stepped under the low entrance. His daggers fell from his fingers, clicking on the ground as the sound resonated all around him, echoing with the hollow beatings of his heart. His eyes widened and he took in a deep breath out of panic and fear, the feelings clenching around his heart painfully. He gasped and wanted to take a step backwards, to escape from this place, but his feet couldn't move. He was in the most frightening and most magnificent place he had been given the chance to see.

All around him, when walls should have surrounded him, there was nothing but infinite universe. The blue of the night sky was even darker than all the times Loki had seen it, he recognized several stars and constellations but if the beauty of the universe surrounding him was obvious, it made him feel cold, little and scared. He felt sadness and despair invading him, making his gut and stomach clench icily. His heart was beating and the sound of his pulsing blood resonated in his entire body as he stared into infinity and emptiness.

It didn't make any sense; there was no way he could be standing in the middle of the universe. When he had stepped into this cave, he was walking on solid ground; his daggers had fallen on it.

He looked down at the rocky ground for reassurance, but he saw nothing but more infinite universe and dangerous looking stars under his feet.

"No, Loki."

He stopped breathing at the sound of his father's voice; suddenly, he felt like he was falling. His entire body felt strangely light as it fell towards the stars, towards death. He saw the swirling light of destruction. There was a deep black hole in the middle, and he was falling right towards it; he was falling towards his death and there was nothing he could he wanted to do.

Suddenly, while his whole body was falling and twirling towards death, he fell and for a short moment, he gasped and screamed, unable to do anything. The stars were shining behind his eyelids when he stumbled and fell on his knees, the rocky ground hitting his skin sharply even through his clothes.

"—ki! Loki! Wake up!"

The voice resonated in Loki's head until he looked up and saw darkness. He wasn't falling into the universe anymore; the dark walls of the Crossway seemed so heavy it was as if they were falling onto him and crushing him. Feeling lost and panicked, he looked around until he felt warm hands grabbing his cheeks and turning his head sharply.

"Loki!"

He stared at Eisa for a long moment; she had kneeled in front of him, taking his face in her hands and staring into his eyes. Her face was twisted with worry and her emerald eyes were bright with concern and panic. Loki's breath came in short pants and he trembled while she stared at him, not knowing what to say or what to do. She opened her mouth to talk but he suddenly grabbed her hands. She froze, staring at him in shock while he struggled to breathe, tears welling in his green eyes.

"Loki…?" Eisa hesitated, calling to him in a low voice.

Loki looked down, his black hair falling messily around his face, hiding his expression of pain. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to forget the tears burning his eyelids. He kept opening his mouth desperately to keep some air in his lungs, but it was useless. He couldn't breathe anymore; air itself was strangling him.

He grabbed Eisa's shoulders; she kept calling him but he couldn't hear her words. The only voice he could was father's voice during this strange vision.

"No, Loki."

"You will never be enough, Loki…"

His eyes opened once again, staring at the dusty ground under his knees. His limbs felt weak and heavy, as if he were being crushed under Mjollnir; his fingers let go of Eisa's shoulders and he fell forward, moaning in pain. It felt as if his heart had been ripped open and was now bleeding out.

"Loki! Please! Answer me!" Eisa screamed, putting hands on his shoulders with the hope it would comfort him in some way, "What happened?!"

But her voice was still far away, never reaching his ears.

He was on his hands and knees, eyes wide open in fear and panic, struggling to breathe, fighting to live. He saw his own teardrops falling on the ground under him, darkening it lightly, making it wet.

Eisa stared at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to do. Slowly, his breathing calmed down a little, just enough for him to relax despite his madly beating heart, constantly reminding him of his fear. His arms buckled and he remained on the ground, trying to breathe and think while Eisa stared at the Prince of Asgard. He was too damaged, too broken and destroyed to be able to keep a regal face.

"Loki…" She murmured, leaning down to hold him as reassuringly as she could.

He closed his eyes, her soft voice finally reaching him again despite the cold thoughts that kept haunting him.

"I'm here, Loki…" She whispered.

He didn't react, only stayed still, remembering his vision of falling. Falling towards a black hole in infinite space, irrelevant and weak. Falling like a god no one believed in anymore, or an angel who had betrayed his family and gotten his wings cut. For a moment, he had known what falling really was…

After what could have been long minutes or infinite hours, Loki finally moved slightly, making the young woman start and straighten up. She observed him worriedly as he rose, sitting on the ground and looking a little lost. His eyes looked right in front of him, but it was as if he were seeing nothing. His body was stiff and distant.

Eisa reached her hand to touch his arm, but her fingers trembled and she brought her hand back; the Prince didn't even notice her hesitation and attempt at comfort.

"Are you all right Loki?" She asked with a shaky voice.

He heard her but didn't answer, closing his eyes just a moment before sighing.

"Do you not want to talk about—"

"No." He cut her off sharply.

She swallowed and he must have realized how harsh he had sounded because he turned back towards her, another sigh leaving his lips.

"Excuse me. I just don't understand what is happening to me…" He murmured in a hard voice.

She seemed to hesitate before opening her mouth:

"I'm pretty sure you just had a panic attack?" She hesitated.

Loki stared at her for a long time, lips parted in shock and incomprehension. If he hadn't held back his words, he would have probably snickered and cried "What?" or would have given an entire speech about the irrelevance and ridiculousness of the very idea of him, Loki, Prince of Asgard, God of Lies and Mischief, having a panic attack.

Instead, he rolled his eyes and snorted, shaking his head slightly.

"This is ridiculous," he said, putting a hand through his hair, trying to hide his still trembling fingers.

He slicked back his hair once again before standing up on shaking legs. He hesitated and struggled just enough for Eisa to notice it; her lips tightened in worry but he stood tall above her.

"Come on, we need to move," he ordered, leaning down to take the Golden Sphere in his hands.

"Are you sure you'll be all right?" She asked, standing up as well.

"Yes, let's move forward," Loki said, already advancing.

His steps were uneasy and unfocused at first, the young woman observing him closely, but he finally took a deep breath and found his pace.

A part of him was feeling dreadful and ashamed for breaking down, having a "panic attack" as Eisa had said, in front of a lowly subject like her. But every time he was starting to think he should be ashamed, the blooming warmth in his chest reminded him that she had been here for him: she saved him, in many ways and many times already. He was grateful to her, but mostly, he was grateful to her for being there for him, for not leaving him alone and for seeing him, the real him.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, breaking the heavy silence between them.

Eisa stared at him, not understanding what he meant until he turned around to face her again.

"It won't happen again," he said, trying to keep his princely composure.

She observed him for a long moment before smiling, her eyes as amused as they were sad.

"Loki, I'll be there for you if you need me. I promise…"

She smiled a little more at him and took his hand, squeezing it lightly. He felt the warmth of her fingers slipping through his and then taking over his entire body, a strange feeling of peace settling in his heart.

"Why would you do that for me?" He asked, furrowing his brows in confusion.

She seemed to hesitate, confused by his question. She flushed before answering, glancing around in embarrassment.

"Because… because I care for you?" She murmured, biting her lower lip, "I guess?" She added in a whisper.

Their eyes met, watery green against emerald, both shining with tears, emotions and the golden light of the Sphere around them.

Loki suddenly moved smoothly; he cupped her cheek and leaned forward, his gaze not leaving hers for a second. Neither had time to take in a breath before his lips met hers. His heart exploded in his chest, a hot blood running through his veins. He stayed a moment to take in her fragrance and her taste, enjoying the excited palpitations of their hearts, his heart hammering against his chest and hers, pulsing through his light touch. The kiss was soft but burning; it was quick but intense, so intense they had to pull away to breath and stared into each other's eyes.

They both looked confused, both shaken by what just happened but they couldn't regret any of it.

Loki's lips opened slightly, either to talk or to kiss her again – even he couldn't tell – but suddenly, her eyes looked over his shoulder and she gasped.

"Look!"

He was so surprised by her sudden cry that it took him a moment to react after she had escaped. He turned around, fearing for another monster, but his eyes widened slightly and he started to run after Eisa as they advanced towards the light.

Loki was still shaken from the nightmarish visions and dreams he had had in the labyrinth, this terrible feeling of falling towards his end. The way Eisa had saved him, took care of him before reassuring him as he had felt more broken and lost than ever… Everything that happened in the labyrinth, the good and the bad, it would haunt him forever. His heart would never beat in the same way; he would never be able to forget all those feelings and emotions that were lit up in this Crossway.

The legends say that the Crossway holds the darkest parts of the Universe and that your only way out is to get lost and die. Loki did see the darkest parts of the Universe; he did get lost and died a little because he would never the same, but he would have never imagined that the darkness he would get lost in would be his own heart.

They ran towards the light as fast as they could to escape this nightmarish place as soon as possible. A vivid gust of wind almost made them fall off their feet as they were blinded by the blue sky and bright sun in it. They blinked, taking in the fresh air and breathing deeply while their vision adjusted. Once they were able to see clearly, they looked around and stopped breathing.

They were surrounded by mountains, partly covered in a deep green forest. A river was flowing down in the valley but mostly, they saw a huge city carved directly from the rock of the mountain, just like the huge massive fortress above the far away city.

"Utgard…" Loki breathed, his heart beating excitedly as they watched their destination from afar.

He had no idea how long they had stayed in the Crossway, but there wasn't any Asgardian army or any trace of a battle, which was a good sign. It probably meant that his deadline hadn't arrived yet. He would have to find out what day it was as soon as possible to know how long he still had.

Utgard was in view; his mission and his nightmares were almost over. He could do it, he had promised to do it.

"I shall make you proud father!"

His own voice resonated in his mind, but unlike the first days in Jotunheim, it wasn't pride and excitation that filled him: it was dread and coldness.

They're finally almost at Utgard - but the story is far from being over, believe me! :P

I intended to put some references to the canon with the falling into nothingness and "No, Loki"; plus the last chapter with many, many references as well! :3

The chapters might take some time to be posted because my beta reader has a lot of work with me (but she's doing a marvellous job!) but it should be one chapter per week or so.

NEXT CHAPTER : UTGARD

Yours Truly,

May